Tis the season for blogging!!

The weekend was truly met with a few challenges.  Let’s start with Friday night.  I get myself ready to go out get to the club to see one of my favorite DJ’s who ‘allegedly’ got stuck in Canada **side eye to him** He misses events often so I wasn’t shocked or surprised just a lil pissed.  But the house DJ played great and it was good to see some folks I hadn’t in years INCLUDING 2 exes… Well it actually wasn’t all that great to see them.  In fact I avoided them like the plague.  Thinking back one I really did like and tried 2 times (yes I gave this fool 2 times to show me he was NOT the 1 LOL) and the other I don’t know what I was thinking but after the infamous knee massage (did I blog about that years ago?!?  Hmmm)  I KNEW he was not the one!!  So that was Friday.  Saturday wasn’t so bad.  I picked up Girl Scout (of America) cookies, took stuff to my sister and then took my mom to get her hair cut.  The little girl that did it did a good job.  As I sat in the salon and smelled all the salon smell, I really did crave it.  Over the years mainly because of money I only went to get a relaxer and now that I’m TEAM NATURAL I miss going to the salon regularly.  Something I that I need to start back up because I am dreading doing my hair lately.  Sunday,  I get up, cook myself breakfast and plop down on the couch to catch up on my sci fi.  So the roommate doesn’t really ‘get’ sci fi and has a plethora of questions that I just don’t feel like answering WHILE the show is on, and of course she forgets the questions when the commercial comes on.  I use early Saturday and Sunday (you know when I’m being a heathen a wretch undone by not going to church) to catch up on Grimm, Dracula, The Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D. and whatever else.   I’m not good into S.H.E.I.L.D. and she comes and sits down **loud sigh** so now I can’t watch my show because even though she has a big ass TV in her room she likes the living room one.  I just turned it off and turned on something she would like.  The goal for the day was to do not much of anything so it threw me off when my nephew called to remind me that he needed to go shopping.  He’s a little boy who tries, I mean you know not THAT hard, but whatever, he’s a boy and auntie must do what auntie must.  On my way my freaking tire blew.  And that just about pushed my right over the edge I was already teetering on.  There were a few other things that didn’t help my already fragile state so when I got home and yelled at my mother (the roommate) for a really dumb reason I just lost it.  She didn’t deserve that and I immediately felt bad but yet she comforted me!  In that moment I  was a kid again with not a worry in the world just appreciating the hug my mom gave me (with her good arm LOL)!  And her solution was for me to get her credit card and buy myself something to make me happy again.  I really am not unhappy, but the stress of caring for an aging parent can be a bit much some days.  I told her I would go on QVC and she agreed that was a good idea! And then I ‘found’ the Firefly Sweet tea vodka and that made me happy too!  We watched the Sound of Music which maybe wasn’t a great idea because that movie is a tear jerker for me.  As Maria sang ‘Favorite things’ Mary J. Blige version came to mind.  ONLY Julie Andrew and Luther  Vandross versions (and maybe some jazz instrumental versions) do it for me.  Which brings me to the morning… Pandora is great today! I’ve only had to skip a few songs.  I really do not like the Temptations Christmas songs.  It’s like nails on a chalkboard!!  I like the Jackson 5, Peanuts (the cartoon… well the dudes that played the jazz in the background Vince Guaraldi and band), Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey (who I actually need to get,) Kirk Franklin, Rahsaan Patterson, Stevie Wonder and… as I’m listening to Pandora, Glee did a Christmas cd and all the songs I’ve heard are good.  And actually Kelly Clarkson did some good renditions.  I’m just sick of the rehashed version of classic songs.  How could I forget Donny Hathaway!?!? But I only think he did a few songs; CLASSIC, but not a whole album. 

I was going to do a year in review, but maybe not right now.  Here is the quick and dirty… This year has been no different from prior years.  I’ve had ups and downs although this year I must say more ups than downs which is good.  My mother has consumed much of my year and if anyone said to me that this time last year I would have a 71 year old roommate I would have laughed at them and now she actually IS with me, I continue the laughter! I’ve said it before I need a blog just for the shit she says.  Work has been interesting to say the least.  I have kept a job for a WHOLE year!!  Didn’t get fired didn’t even piss anyone off that much.  I flew under the radar just enough.  I reactivated in my illustrious sorority and have done not a whole lot.  Next year is the year for pink and green.  This year I had to just ease myself back into it.  I have attended some great concerts!  I finally made it to Essence in New Orleans which felt like work but I blogged about that earlier.  I went to Capital Jazz Fest also.  What I don’t like about festivals is that the people I like do not sing or play enough for me.   Some highlights are Jose James, Eric Robeson and Gregory Porter at the Howard Theatre; Lalah and Mint Condition at Baltimore Soundstage; and everyone else I had seen LOL Lastly, I will speak on my hair.  I have finally come up with a good regime which includes mostly WEN products.  QVC just did a TSV (that’s Today’s special value for the uninitiated) and you know I bought it.  YOU KNOW!!  Other than that and coconut oil and whatever I already have, I am not buying no more products.  It just gets to be toooo freaking much AND expensive.  So that’s it…

OH WAIT NO IT’S NOT… this is about hair, but not mine.

So on Sunday after taking the nephew shopping I decided to go the Shop Rite next to the Kohl’s and did my little shopping so I wouldn’t have to stop anywhere else.  I was so tired and get to the register and put my eggs on the belt.  It felt like one was broke so I opened it and sure enough eggs didn’t make it from the back of the store to the front.  I don’t know if I broke them, but I do know I wasn’t purchasing them.  I say to the little girl, the eggs are broken and I don’t feel like going back to get another carton, so can you just take them.  She only ½ hears me and says OH you can just go get another one in the back.  I said NO I’m NOT going back there so can you just take them.  She then says well I can scan them and get Elijah to go get you another one.  I’m like ok that’s fine.  There were 2 little random boys,  1 has EJ on his name tag and the Elijah came into view.  I don’t know about you, but sometimes things move in slow motion for me.  This little boy (cause he surely was just a teenager) walks up to me in slow motion with this head full of curly LONG shoulder length hair that looked absolutely effortless AND like a fan was blowing beneath him!!  Like a little black Fabio LMBAO!!!  I’m looking at him like WTF!?!?  This is so unfair!!  He is a boy and his hair looked freaking B E A U T I F U L!!!  He looks like he probably gets up in the morning shakes his head and leaves for the day.  So I’m standing there he takes the eggs out of my hand and then I’m like OH I HAVE TO LOOK AT HIM AGAIN!! I stare.  He comes back with my eggs… same slow motion with the fan and I get a really good look.   He was a little cutie and if I was a 16 year old girl, I would be in love!! But I’m an almost 40 year old chick but I really did enjoy the view!!

bad hair day... random rant

I am having a bad hair day!  My hair is in HAIR FAILURE!!  Of all the things I need to be thinking about, and trust me there are many, the thing that is plaguing my mind is MY HAIR LOOKS BAD!!! This natural hair journey has been an absolute interesting ride and actually it’s been a little over a year that I decided to do this.  Even though it wasn’t as well thought out as some because if you will recall it was really born out of not knowing what to do next, I have taken it in stride, went to the hair care expo’s, watched the YouTube videos, bought the products, and practiced my flat and 2 strand twist.  But alas I am having a bad hair day!  One of the problems is probably that I watch the videos and think that my hair will turn out look the same if not very close to the ladies that are doing them.  In my head I think, well all she did was this and that, and I CAN do this and that so it will be good for me.  Not so my friend NOT SO!!  The video I watched the young lady had flat twists parted on the side so that they would turn out to be out but in some sort of style.  Well what I didn’t consider is that my hair takes FOR-freaking-EVER to dry.  If I do something even if my hair is not fully wet when I started, it still is going to take EXTRA for it to fully dry.  So I did the flat twists at 1 o’clock on not completely wet hair thinking it would be ready by 5:30.  It was not.  My bright idea was to sit under the dryer.  Something I have learned in the past few months is that my natural hair does NOT like the dryer a point that was even further made yesterday.  SO I sat thinking OH THIS IS GONNA BE CUTE… only for my hair to still be damp on the inside part of the twist and I had a mess when fully taken out.  So I decided to just put it up in a puff, only the puff never fully materialized and it was crooked all night, and every time I looked in the mirror it was had a gansta lean.  I picked it, I gelled it more and it was a hot greasy and gelly mess.  Let me point out it is winter so even though I want to do a wash and go, leaving the house with wet hair is just not what I’m about to do.  SO this morning it was still a mess it was a big poof of un-cuteness.  I mean I’m really not trying to impress anyone but myself, but COME ON PUFF look right, PLEASE!!?

quick and dirty random...

I wouldn’t call the mood or state I’m in Grinch-like but I’m really close to it.  I honestly don’t know why.  Christmas has morphed into this season of buy buy and buy MORE.  It hasn’t been just a good old Christmas in more years than I care to really admit.  It’s not really fun for me.  I used to enjoy buying stuff for the kids but it just isn’t fun.  So I turned to the R&B and pop station on Pandora to get me in a more Christmassy mood.  Original Christmas music is few and far between.  I have heard 3 version of O Holy night… well 2 gets a pass because it was the Whitney and Mariah version (separately not together… so I had to get myself together because that song is emotional to me).  But Cee Lo Green did a version of This Christmas which WE ALL know Donny Hathaway is the undisputed OWNER of that song.  But honestly Elliot Yamin did a good job of the song.  He is a Donny clone so how could he NOT do a good job.  Michael Buble just did a rendition of Mariah’s All I want for Christmas is you.  I’m not a huge fan of his so I skipped his version.  ALL this is to say I have resigned to just enjoy whatever they play next.  And I have  spoken too soon because Michael Buble is doing the Christmas Song and it is very Nat King Cole-esque… so he gets a pass too.

Have you ever gotten meal that is so bad but you kept eating it because you were too hungry and too not in the mood to go get something else?  Well that is my story yesterday AND today.  So there is a cafeteria in another building on the campus I work.  And for the most part I don’t fool with the food they cook.  One time what I was supposed to get was a carne asada breakfast burrito but what I got was sausage and bacon, but I ate it anyway.  Yesterday it was snowing and I just was not getting in my car to get food.  So the line for the sandwiches was long so I decided to get the ‘grill’ item.  What it was supposed to be was a chicken sandwich with cheese and bacon.  I’m not convinced that was what it was.  The chicken was so dry and I had to use a lot of honey mustard and mayo.  I kept eating it and I guess I was just hungry because it was horrible. And how do you mess up chicken anyway?!?  All it needs is a little salt and pepper.  But it was BAD!!  Today I got nuggets from Wendy’s and a coke.  So the coke is just colored seltzer water, the fries and chicken are cold and yet I ate them all.  So my belly is full, but that’s it.

Monday random 5452

I am right back to something being taken completely not in the vein it was said or given.  So the same thing in the equation is ME, so maybe I’m just not communicating as well as I think I am.  Maybe I just need to keep my mouth and/or thoughts via email to myself.  It doesn’t do any good if what is said is perceived incorrectly and then you have to go back and forth saying WELL WHAT I MEANT WAS… it just doesn’t make sense or help matters at all. It can be very frustrating.  So I’ma take Madonna’s (yea THAT Madonna) song Bedtime Story to heart.  Wanna hear it? hear it go:

Today is the last day that I'm using words
They've gone out, lost their meaning
Don't function anymore
…
Words are useless, especially sentences
They don't stand for anything
How could they explain how I feel…
…

And all the you’ve ever learned

Try to forget

I'll never explain again 

And that is that…

What the hell else is going on?!  Well it snowed yesterday. It’s always so pretty until you have to shovel it and drive in it with folks who should have kept their booties home.  I was behind a Toyota pick-up truck this morning and he refused to go over 25 miles.  The funny thing was NO ONE else was on the road and the roads were clear.  I mean I know we should always try to be as safe as possible and there is ice but come on men!!  I refrained from honking and acting ugly and just sipped on my coffee. 

I’m still rocking boots from like 2001.  I attempted to buy boots this year off the good QVC, but when I got them they were too tight across the width of my foot.  SO I sent those puppies back.  The ones I have actually are still good just a little scruffy, well yeah cause they are from 2001 (at least!!).  One of my co-workers at the time said these were my snow stomping boots.  They are not cute, but warmth and protection from the water does not equal cute.  If I recall correctly I even got a little discount from the Naturalizer store. And these boots have served me well.

So in true random form, I am reading an article about Black Coffe the dj from South Africa. Ok so Nelson Mandela recently passed away and for whatever reason I just kept thinking about Black Coffe.  I have only seen him live once in Miami and you know how sometimes you don’t realize what you are seeing or have seen until after the fact? Well he certainly fits into that category.  It was a very forgettable party, but I took a bus by myself to get to the location. I’ve done some pretty ridiculous things in the name of house at WMC, but you know what happens in Miami… Anyway even though this party was in the middle of nowhere it still was a Miami hotspot.  I have this thing where I have to look at the dj while he (or she… damn that was pretty sexist) playing.  Just like at a live show I have to see the drummer, weird I know.  So anyway he comes on and I was like hole up, WHO IS PLAYING!!  I had to get up to go look at him.  So before I go into more of a tangent than I already am on, he does not have use of his left arm!!  I didn’t even realize this.  He plays solely with his right hand/arm which is pretty amazing I think!  Incidentally he lost the use of it at a celebration of Nelson Mandela’s release.  See how this is full circle? Anyway one of my favorite songs of his is Superman featuring Bucie.  It is a song that is not telling the man what to do but more asking can you be my superman?  And this is what I need…

Wendy shoes MAC... random

I have not focused on one good thing today.  And this day could not be any longer.  Every time I look up it’s only 3 minutes from when I last looked at the clock which makes for a really long day.  My YouTube on my iPod refuses to accept my username and password so getting caught up on my Wendy Williams has proven to be difficult.  But I did get some aftershows from a few years ago that I had not seen.  Don’t judge me I freaking LOVE Wendy Williams and I need a weekly dose of the actual show and then the aftershow.  I have an insane crush on her Wigologist (yes people it’s a thing he does all of her wigs) Antwon who is sooooooooooo gay but he is such a cutie.  And they show him putting on eyeliner, yeah no straight man that I know does that. Again DON’T JUDGE ME!! I even am about to go buy a Wendy wig why, because it’s just hair!  Wendy is absolutely doing something right.  It may not be what or how you would do it, but she is #WINNING!!

So I just bought some sparkly party shoes from Nordstrom. See what had happened is I needed to meet my old co-worker to pick up my girl scout cookies.  So I left my sister’s house and was going to go to the Wal-Mart and then get them.  But then I said OH I can stop at the Nordstrom’s and go to the MAC counter and get some Ruby Woo because I NEED a red lip!!  So I am looking a straight bum.  I looked like I was going to Wal-Mart not a high end department store.  But you know I don’t care!  So I get in the store and the shoes were lined up and ‘marked down’.  SO I see these little sparkly shoes and it’s my size.  I whip off my sneaker and put my un-lotioned ashy foot in the shoe with no footie.  AND IT FIT!!  AND it’s a peek toes and my toes didn’t peek out.   So then I put the shoe back, the sales guy comes up and asks if I need help and I say in FULL Wal-Mart mode SO is it discounted MORE?!?!  He being the appropriate sales dude says, well ma’am they are already marked down as much as they will be.  At this point I see an older lady and her daughter who is about my age try on the same show in a smaller size.  In my mind I thought the shoe would not work for her, but she proceeds to do a little dance and the daughter does everything to NOT be embarrassed.  I sit there completely amused and thank the lady for her dance and for confirming that my mother is not the only mom who still embarrasses!!  And then I start to walk away.  And then I go back to get the shoe like REALLY CHICK it was only 60 bucks.  So all of the sales people are like these stunning dark skinned African people, like from the continent of Africa, and the guy (tall and just gorgeous) with the microphone asks if I needed help.  He got my original guy who gets the shoes for me and some footies this time, and they fit.  So then I PROCEED to do a little dance and announce to no one in particular THESE ARE MY PARTY SHOES!!!  Then I take my tail to the MAC counter which is where I was headed in the first place.  It’s Sunday so thankfully there were not a ton of people trying to get some product.  So I still have to wait for the little girl to get finished.  SO I wait, because that’s what you do.  Well when she gets to me a little Hispanic family complete with 2 kids the mother and the grandmother who decides to stand right beside me picks up a lipstick and says to MY sales lady‘I want this!!’ Ummm little lady it is my turn go somewhere and have a seat!!  MY sales lady sees my reaction and stifles a laugh because I am not about to TURN UP at the MAC counter but I will if I have to… just saying.  So another lady helps her.  I have important Ruby Woo business to attend to.  For some reason I got it in my head that I needed RED lipstick and Ruby Woo or Rhi Rhi Woo was it.  She puts it on me and I was like OH NO MA’AM!!!  I look crazy!!  It is supposed to look good on everybody but it just didn’t look good on me.  Rhi Rhi Woo was the limited Rhianna lipstick so they didn’t have it anymore.  I also tried MAC red which again… I looked a mess. The little girl told me to go look at myself in the shoe mirror but I still didn’t like it.  It is yellow red and I need blue red.  I know what color works for me and they didn’t have anything except for the really deep hues that would work for my skin.  Long story short I end up with a deep plum lipstick (Hang-up) with the currant lip pencil and a few other things that I didn’t intend on getting but hey it is what it is!!

monday post turkey day random...

The HR at my office just sent out a notice that the smoking areas have been moved even further away from where they used to be.  It’s funny because when I watch old movies or TV shows, the folks just light up right at their desk.  This whole no smoking thing has really been within my lifetime.  I can remember being in line at McDonald’s as a kid and not wanting to stand behind people who were smoking.  And even on airplanes, I hated sitting near the smoking section.  It always smelled BAD to me.  When I see these old shows the people don’t seem to be phased.  But no really doesn’t it smell BAD to you too?!? I grew up in a smoking household.  Both of my parents smoked and I freaking HATED IT!!  My mom would smoke while she ironed clothes, so you guessed it my clothes smelled like smoke.  I asked her one time to maybe NOT smoke while she ironed my clothes.  I think she got a little offended, but as an 8 or 9 year old who wants to smell like you been sitting inside an ashtray??  My father never quit, but my mom did 25 years ago.  Now in her dementiaed state, she says she quit when she was pregnant with me.  I quickly remind her that she quit when my first nephew was born.  As I’m writing I realize how much it pisses me off that she can’t even remember doing it for me, she did it for my nephew.  There are commercials about different prescriptions to help people quit and this is when she incorrectly reflects.  For the most part I try to be a little gentler about correcting her memory but every time she says she quit when she was pregnant with me I want to yell at her and say NO YOU DIDN’T!!!  AND WHEN I ASKED YOU TOO QUIT AS A KID YOU NEVER DID!!! And then I want to add that I wanted to smell like Bounty fabric softner like the other kids, not a fucking ashtray!  But, that is the past, and thankfully she did quit.  I’m sure I asked my father to quit also.  Driving in the car with him was a nightmare.  The windows were yellow because in addition to him NOT rolling down the windows when he smoked, he never cleaned them.  It was pretty gross.  Now you can’t smoke pretty much anywhere and this is so good for me!  I waited for the clean air bill to pass in Maryland before I went to Bartending School.   I couldn’t imagine serving drinks while people blew smoke in my face.  In fact, when I was a waitress I hated the smoking section.  One time I had the section and four big old corn fed men sat and smoked cigars until the restaurant closed.  Thankfully the tip was good, but I smelled horrible that night.  I have only dated 2 guys that smoked and they both lived at home… hmm didn’t even make that connection.  LOL not that anything is wrong with that.  I mean sneaking into the basement is fun in your 30’s (NOT!!). 

My body is very appreciative that I have decided to give it water today.  Over the holiday weekend I was so bad about drinking all of my water.  I usually don’t do so bad, but the wine was calling my name more than the H2O which is maybe why I had a lingering headache on Friday.  Having to go to the bathroom every 10minutes is a small price to pay to get my body back in whack.

Red lipstick is not for everyone.  I think seeing people wear it always makes me want to go out and buy some but the MAC Ruby Woo and MAC red did not do a thing for me.  Now it may have been the light. But it looked like an orange mess on me.  I want to be that chick that give a great red lip, but alas the versions MAC have are not for me!!  I settled on a deep plum that everyone said went nicely with my hair. I actually spent way more than I intended at the good MAC counter, and I sincerely hope the sales girls (well on occasion guys… oh wait just one guy whose brows were better than mine that one time) get commission because they will get an extra product or 2 outta me EVERY time which is why I try to buy stuff online to replenish.  But I just KNEW the Ruby Woo was gonna be it for me!!

UUuuhhhh... I must not have shared my rule about not speaking in the bathroom with my manager.  Just as I popped a squat she wants to discuss work related items O_o NOOOO NOOO NOOOO LADY!!! Not the time or place.  Let me finish and wash my hands and leave the rest room AND THEN we can talk about the reports marketing sent!!! **pained look on my face** See this is why I try to time my visits so that I am NOT on anyone else’s schedule. 

I have decided to reinstate my ‘If you like it I love it’ mantra.  It seems that people aren’t taking what I say in the vein it’s meant and on the flip side I really don’t want your input so see it’s a win win.  I mind my biz you mind yours!! 

hodgepodge...

Today will be a hodgepodge of random stuff that I wrote at some point this week and maybe even some point this year…

It takes me a full 45 minutes to an hour to get my day started.  I have to read email (personal of course not work related), look at the facebook, Twitter if I’m feeling fancy, go to the bathroom, get water, finish my coffee, find the appropriate music for the day and then I’m good.  One of my favorite movies is Office Space.  The main character, Peter, says that he just zones out for about an hour after lunch and I think I zone out for about an hour before I actually start work.  Some days I just can’t get started.  And forget if it’s Friday (let today) I have to read everyone’s comment on Scandal and add my own. 

It has taken me all day to realize that the woman who I followed into work who had WAY too much perfume on, well the perfume did not mix well with her body chemistry.  It was a nice enough scent but I love it when people can put something on and it just blends in with whatever natural thing that got going on.  I used to sit behind a guy (Josh... name not changed to protect the innocent but I won’t put his last name) in high school and he wore whatever the popular cologne from Calvin Klein in like the late 80’s.  But OMG when I would get a whiff it was like I had died and gone straight to heaven.  It was a popular scent but on him it just somehow smelled BETTER!  And then there is this lady of a certain age here where I work who smells very maternal.  And not in a bad way, like I pass her in the hall and I want to give her a hug because she reminds me of my grandmothers.  And then there are those who just don’t blend the perfumes well with their scent.  It is a gift to know what works well with you.  I tend to like the old lady scents.  Give me anything by Estee Lauder.    I don’t like anything too fruity or pungent.  The last time I bought myself perfume was for my birthday more than 5 years ago.  That was Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker and it does indeed smell lovely. 

 

Last night I busted my boo-TAY as I tried to walk down my basement stairs.  I am still in a little pain but just popped a few pills to get a little relief.  Then just know I read my Our Daily Bread passage which was titled Genuine Concern.  As I got up last night I really wondered who is concerned about me?  Who is going to take care of me?  As a caretaker now for over 6 months for my mom, unless you are right there in it, you have no idea.  And when people ask about her I say the expected ‘Oh she’s fine’.  Most times she is but sometimes just really want to go in and say exactly what’s going on but people just want to hear that she is fine so that’s what I say.  I don’t get a lot of concerned questions for me and that stings a little sometimes but then alls I’m probably going to say is I’M FINE!

 

I am a church kid! I grew up in the church.  My family were on boards, and choirs, and committees to help everything run smoothly (hear them tell it).  And now I feel so guilty when I don’t go to church.  And actually when I do go I get my good word, pay my tithes and offering and I’m OUT!! I barely know anyone there and whoever I do know I don’t really know from church.  I have a few sorors, some friends and friends of friends and a few family members.  I know I should want to be more involved but sometimes I just don’t.  I know where my faith lies.  I know what I believe and who I am who I belong to, which brings me to ‘Preachers of LA’ the reality show on Oxygen station.  So many people are up in arms about the show. Other preachers, church folks (**side eye** to them), bloggers and random people who have something to say; and here’s what I have to say, wait what do I have to say? So let me start by saying I have only seen 2 episodes.  It is not something I set my DVR for or stay up to watch but it’s TV!  It’s supposed to be entertaining and drama filled.   I know one of the goals is to reach people and save some souls and some souls will be saved and some people will be turned off.  The lavish lifestyles that these mega church preachers live is a turn off to me.  I just don’t believe that’s what Jesus would do.  He was there for the people, He met them where they were.  And some of the rates these preachers charge is outrageous.  I remember when Katrina hit New Orleans and the people who couldn’t get out were just stuck.  One of the first things my pastor said was that Bishop Paul Morton (was it him or someone else hmm)  who at the time was (maybe still is... shows how much I pay attention) the head of the Full Gospel Fellowship made it out.  And I sat there and thought well what about his parishioners?  What about the least of them?  I was a little turned off by my own pastor that day.  But I get it.  I know these ministries take money to run.  Church is a business.  My only gripe is when we or they forget Christ.  And these men and women on this reality shows, even though it is about church and should be about Jesus, they are just regular men and women who  may have a anointing on their lives who decided to be on TV.  I think the show will reach those who need it.  There have been numerous times that I’ve flip the channel and see a televangelist and he or she just says the right thing for what I needed at that moment.  Every outlet, be it church, TV, sidewalks or whatever has there worth.  Everyone has a testimony that reaches different people for different reasons.  I love Joyce Meyers because she always says how mean she used to be and how she came so far, but she still has a rough edge that I’m sure some folks don’t like.  Some people like Pastor Jamal Bryant, but he is and probably will always be a slimy jerk to me.  Now I know he reaches people just not me, in the same way the Preachers of LA… and you know I done lost my train of thought and when it gets back on track I’ll revisit the subject

 

Sidebar – WHY did I just click on a youtube video of these little Korean kids playing the guitar?!?!  They are getting it in!!! LOL WHEW!! They can’t be more than 6 and the guitars are almost bigger than them.

b-day random and random shame...

This time of year I really go through a self-imposed depression.  In about 2 months is my birthday.  And normally I don’t want to think about it or really acknowledge it.  Honestly I don’t know why.  I am very thankful that I get to see one more year.  It is probably more seasonal that anything.  It’s getting darker earlier and the trees although beautiful it’s a fleeting beauty because the trees will be bare soon.  I haven’t really been able to pinpoint it.  But for some reason this year is different, which is definitely a good thing.   I am turning 40!  I am invigorated!!  Many of my friends have already joined the 40 and over club.  Some of the ones well over 40 have not been sympathetic to my angst for this upcoming birthday, and it took me a minute to get over it mainly because who cares what other people think!? The best advice/idea I got was from my soror aunt-in-law (yeah I just made that up) who said when she turned 40 she did something for herself for 40 days.  She went to a hotel for the weekend and just splurged and did various thing for 40 days.  When she told me that I though OH HELL YES!!  That’s what I’m gonna do!   SO I started a list of what I might want to do for 40 days which I am going to start January 1, 2014.  A few things are restaurants I haven’t been to in the Baltimore and DC area, places I haven’t yet explored (like the zoo and Aquarium… I KNOW right?!), and a few pampering events!  And then I have been thinking what am I going to give myself?  I have a friend who gave herself a big Louis Vuitton bag for her birthday.  I’m not really a purse kinda chick although her purse was nice; I can’t really wrap my head around paying that much for a handbag.  Although I am on the LV site and there are no prices so I guess if you gotta ask… I digress.  And I treat myself pretty well throughout the year so I don’t really know if there has to be 1 thing.  I am planning on doing a party but I’m still not sure where.  Another of my friends just had a reception/party at a restaurant inside of a hotel this past weekend.  It was really nice!  So that helped to reinforce that I do want to do something to signify this auspicious occasion (LOL).  In fact I might do several!  The only problem is the few places I’m thinking of I want there to be entertainment, like a dj or something.  It just feels like nothing in going on in January.  I mean I know winter will be in full swing and folks like to stay inside, but I really just want to add myself in, I don’t really want to think about having to plan something.

There are a few things I am feeling a lil ashamed about:

·         I bought a 10 pack of Twinkies!  I’m not sure if I was hungry that day at the Wal-Mart or if I was feeling nostalgic. Either way I ate all of them but 1.  I gave my mom one who inhaled it in 2 bites and then was like Yeah I don’t even like Twinkies!  That’s how the geriatrics do, they eat so fast because I think they think there food is gonna go away… well not food but snacks and junk

·         The shear amount of wine I have purchased could stock a medium sized restaurant bar.  I am in the wine of the month club and then I went on QVC (y’all know I got issues) and bought more wine mainly because there was not shipping and handling

·         And then there is QVC… **loud shameful sigh** I need to go on a spending diet just from that site alone.  It has gotten BEYOND ridiculous because I can justify everything I get.  Yes I DO need a supersize face cleanser in fact; you selling 2, then let me get them shits right now!!  Orange scarf!?!? HELL yes I need an orange scarf to go with my… uhhh  it matches nothing but that don’t matter!!  I need it.  Pray to all the Jesuses for me!!  (LBJ, teenage Jesus, AND adult Jesus!!)

music review WED... cause it don't hafta be monday!!

I am sitting here listing to the ArchAndroid by Janelle Monae and I have a ton (quite literally a ton) of work because some shit just fell through the cracks so OF COURSE this is a good time to write a blog, right?  RIGHT!!  So it just occurred to me that not everyone gets it.  She is doing some really creative and different stuff here.  And I think folks really liked Tightrope but then that was it.  Just like Beyonce who passive listeners just like Single Ladies or whatever they are playing on the radio might not … oh wait that wasn’t a good example because she really releases everything!!!  Ok so that was my deep thought for the moment because this cd is just as different good and crazy as The Electric Lady. 

I attempted to get my music fix last week which Best Buy could not fill.  SO what I ended up doing was going on the good Amazon.  So what I didn’t realize with this little handy dandy tool called the Kindle Fire HD is that for the most part the music you purchase can also be downloaded on the kindle immediately after purchase SO I DID in fact have some instant gratification. I got Black Radio 2 by The Robert Glasper Experiment.  Now I thought this was just going to be remixes of the songs he did on the first Black Radio but NAH… it’s all new stuff and new arrangements to a few songs.  He worked with just so many people.  I still contend that Bilal sounds better when he duets with others and his song is with Jazmine Sullivan who I contend has not had great material to work with because she can SANG!!  Then you have a song with Brandy which I like.  I wasn’t really feeling her new CD.  Dwele’s song always takes me by surprise.  Then you have the goose pimply songs by Marsha Ambrosius, Jill Scott, Emeli Sande, and Lalah Hathaway not necessarily in that order.  Even the damn song by Macy Gray and Jean Grae is just GREAT.  Not mind you a few of these songs are on the deluxe edition because you can’t just buy the regular old CD you gots to get the DEE-LUXE!!  And bold me direct tweets Robert Glasper and I ask why the Japanese (which I spelled out because saying the Japs looked real REAL bad) got an extra song and he replied back  **SWOON** cause he saw MY tweet and twittering is not something I do well so that took me a back a bit!! LOL I got a mention which in the twitterverse is a GOOD THING!!

retail random...

I guess I don’t have much to say this week, which is odd because I always have something to say about a whole lot of nothing. Someone just lit UP the bathroom so there’s that. Oh here’s something…

So I went to the Wal-Mart the other day because I needed some Wal-Mart crap. Having done a short stint in retail I know that there are some items are under lock and key because they are either easily stolen or have a high dollar amount. To my surprise the earbuds and earphone were under lock and key which just put a crimp in my get in-get out mode. So there was an older lady in a hover round who was trying to buy the same thing I needed. So to me that was win win for the little cashier, but it caused him great grief. She didn’t appreciate me asking questions so I stepped back because you know I am didn’t want her to think I was taking over. At one point she said can I just pay because I need to get outta here, which is probably when I stepped back. Another employee saw that there was still me and another couple who needed help so what did he do? NOT A DAMN THING!!! This is where I get my love/hate relationship for the good Wally World. The couple was ahead of me and English was not their first language so again, me trying not to take over said they are before me. So then old lady in the hover round after she purchases her lil earbuds decides she has questions about some other product. Um NO MA’AM you hafta go so GO!! The couple found what they needed and went on their way. I on the other hand still needed someone with a key to get me to the $12 earbuds. Some other employee comes up and get the key from good for nothing employee and helps me. And I use ‘help’ loosely. My idea of shopping is touching things and reading what’s on the label. When I asked her to hand me the items she only wanted to give me things one by one, because I was clearly going to bash her upside the head for some earbuds!! Maybe I should step back and explain why this purchase was needed right then and there because you know I’m good for walking away and even paying more somewhere else for good customer service. Summer before last I bought these Sony earbuds from the outlet in Rehobeth Beach and I freaking love them!! Had I known, I would have bought more. I am very particular about the earbuds I use. I have literally 3 back-up pairs in my drawer and countless more at home. The fit is important and the sound quality. I need to hear all the bass, all the ad-libs, EVERYTHING. So often I buy them and then toss them aside because something just wasn’t right. Well last week the right ear decided to break and it broke in a way that I cold tape it up. Then the left ear decided to break in the same exact way. I have clear tape on both of them and it was a hot ghetto mess. I can still hear out of them but I can feel the tape on my ear. That aint gon work!! I schlepted my way to Wal-mart the good big new one in Randallstown. So then after I get to look at the ear buds in a piece meal another fashion woman comes up with her son standing in the basket. The woman who was helping me even though English was her first language she still didn’t speak it well. What she should have said was let me check this lady out and I will be right back to you. What she mumbled was do you need help and then walked away to finish up with me. WELL why did she do that?? The lil ghetto mama went clean off Shenene style. She was like EEEWWWW yous a rude son of a bitch dats why I hate coming to this damn place!! I looked like a deer in the headlights. She wasn’t talking to me but it was so very unnecessary. I started to say something to the ghetto mama but I took my little bag and hauled ass. I always cringe when people speak so carelessly in front of their young children. So then I went to the food section and bought a 10 pack of twinkies…

 

btw… I don’t like the earbuds I bought. The fit is not as precise as I like. I am scrounging the Internet to get the Sony ones because I will NOT be going back to the Wal-mart

 

And I have another story.. wanna hear it? here it go...

 

So today I wrote as my status 'I miss record stores' And I do, I SO DO!!I am still not a full fledged member of the I *heart* apple club so yeah I know I can get it on iTunes, but I don't want to.  I am the last of a dying breed who like to feel the cd, look at the pictures the artist put on there, and read the lyrics, producer info, who played the piccolo and all the thank yous!! And I do like Amazon, but having to order and then wait... then wait some more, some days just don't work for me.  Like today I had the bright idea to just go to Best Buy and buy a few cd's.  So I get there, look in earnest for what I was trying to buy then saw the kiosk and got on that.  It for whatever reason decided not to work.  I see people in blue shirts and go for the 2 older guys black and white tag team.  Surely they will help me right!?!  SO I say Excuse me can you help me in the cd section.  The white guy says well maybe you can ask someone in computers to help you **blank stare** EXSQUEEZEME!?!? Why did that fool say that to me.  SO I say OH is that what I can do? Then the black guy who I think oh yeah the brotha will help me out goes well yeah the people in computers can help you.  Then the white guy says the cd's are in alphabetical order so it shouldn't be that difficult.  And this is when I called on the Lord literally.  I said out loud OH LORD JESUS HELP ME!! They both looked so annoyed with me like how dare she interrupt us? So then the white guy tells some person I didn't see that he was going to go help this customer but then proceeded to have a conversation with this unseen person.  Well you know I was about to go smooth off.  Another guy (white guy as well... although as I type I sound increasing racist and it really isn't that at all) comes over and says I'll help you.  Well I am hella frustrated at this point and I was really ready to walk out.  SO I say to him, you know I KNOW the cd's are alphabetical and I tried the kiosk but it's not working right and the guy over there made me feel like I was a bother and I DON'T LIKE THAT!!  So he pulls up the info on some handheld devise he had.  I get a glimpse of his name tag... this is the store manager!!  Well thank you LBJ!! He said he would definitely have a talk with him.  So nothing I wanted was at Best Buy.  This new dude really helped me out, what was intersting is he really didn't know the layout of that section so he had to really walk each section with me.  I told him I really appreciated his help and now I wish looked at his name so I could send a kudos to Best Buy.  I also feel like I need to let Robert Glasper and Amel Larrieux (both my best friends in my head and on twitter) that I tried to buy their cd's I really did. So my instant gratification music needs were not met.  Which led me to really to consider opening my own little wrecka sto!  It would be called 'The Random Chick Music Emporium and Java Joint' I might need to work on the name.  LOL I really wonder if i build it , will people come?  This is where my good marketing degree kicks in becasue I do need to do a SWOT analysis on this.  I know I can't be the only person who like music and coffee. 

Music Monday!! 10.28.13

Gregory Porter
There will be no love that’s dying here!  Those are the lyrics to the 1^st line of the 1^st song on Gregory Porter’s new CD which is AMAZING!!!  I think this is my favorite so far.  I always listen to a cd several times from beginning to end and when that song comes on it just puts a smile on my face.   It helps that when I met him this summer at the Capital Jazz festival he is a nice person.   I have watched several interviews with him and he is genuine.  I even watch one the other day where the interviewer was speaking in French.  He answered in English so I’m assuming they edited out the interpreter.   And I also know my dad would have absolutely loved him!  ‘Musical Genocide’, ’Brown Grass’, ‘Free’, and ‘Moving’ are the other ones I really like.  Now he just did a video for ‘Hey Laura’.  I’ve only seen it once and maybe I need to see it again. He never plays the love interest.  It’s almost like in all of his videos he is the singer who is telling the story of the people in love, or out of love, or trying to get there.   ‘When love was king’ he said he wrote for his newborn son.  This one has some heavy bass playing in it.  Not really good for work because it puts me in the mood of sipping cabernet! Well the whole thing I want to be somewhere sipping! ‘Liquid Spirit’ is the cd title and probably the most upbeat song on the CD.   Now my only gripe about Mr. Porter is that he does not do enough touring in the states!!  And I get it.  Europe does seem to embrace jazz and jazz artists more than we do.  And if they are not mainstream meaning they are not in constant rotations on the radio station people don’t really know what’s out there unless they are really seeking that type of music.   Even at the Capital Jazz Fest he was featured as a Rising Star which means he was on first.  After I heard him I could have gone home feeling like my money was well spent.  At least he was on the main stage which is good!! So yeah this is jazz!  I like jazz and this is a must have!  I have all of his cd’s (he has 3) and will continue to purchase them when he puts more music out. 

Janelle Monae

I am not an early adopter.  This is a term that I didn’t even know existed until, well late.  It basically means someone who jumps right on technology right when it comes out.  Like if the iPhone 7 came out today, that person would have already been in line for it to get it and be the first.  Well this true for music as well.  Some artists have a following that may be underground and then when they finally get a major label deal then everyone know about them and start loving them.  This can be said of Ledisi and  U2 (yes that band from Ireland…err Bono’s (friend of Oprah) band). Since I am a late adopter, I usually have to go back and purchase everything from the artist all at once to get caught up. I had to ddo this for Eric Roberson, Frank McComb, and Esperanza Spaulding.  All this build-up is for my review of Janelle Monae’s ‘Electric Lady’.   Say of think what you want, if you are not onboard, then you just don’t know any better!  So the concept behind her music is based on a futuristic android named Cindi Mayweather who falls in love with a human.  Now in the video ‘Tightrope’ I got a glimpse into the storyline and for a little bit that cd was on my wish list in the good Amazon store, but I never got it because I didn’t get it.  There was a limited (like maybe 500) release cd that wasn’t really officially released called ‘The Audition’. This one dealt with Cindi falling in love.  This chick was 18 when she did this.  You have to do some real good searches to find any information on this one and you won’t really find too much.  Then there was the EP ‘Metropolis’ and then ‘ArchAndroid’ was the full length CD.  All of these projects follow a path so Electric Lady is labeled suites 4 and 5 of 6.  Initially she intended to do 4 suites.  So Metropolis was 2 of 4, but then it got expanded.  I’m giving a whole lot of background info, but what you need to know is that this most recent CD gives me everything I need!  It gives r&b, pop, a lil go-go, big band, some retro and futuristic and it is all just fused together seamlessly.  She has a vision and writes ALL her own stuff.  So you have to wonder what the heck some of these other singers are doing out there?  I am a firm believer that if you sing it, you should have had a hand in writing it.  How else to you fully embody your music?  When I hear some of these artists speak about the writers they had for their project I’m always like HUH?!? To me that is a very detached way of being in this crazy industry.  On this CD there are some heavy hitters that she did collaborations with, Prince,  yeah THAT PRINCE, Erykah Badu, Miguel and even Solange.  There are a few videos out but of course I like the stuff that probably won’t be played on the radio, like ‘Look into my eyes’, ‘It’s code’ and ‘Can’t live without your love’.  And then there are these interludes with DJ Crash Crash which are just hilarious.  Go get this and everything else she has done! 
 

I had 2 more cd’s but these 2 were the best!

needs -vs- wants

So today I decided to go to the cafeteria because I was craving French fries.  Not something I usually indulge in but they actually don’t mess up the fries so I went for it.  Added a little old bay which is 1 of a very few things that makes me a Baltimorean, because as we all know I am a Pittsburgher at heart for always and forever!  So on this day they are doing a health fair.  As a lowly contractor none of these services are for me, but I saw the green and red Aetna bags and I had to do a lot of inner self talk to try and talk myself out of it.  After I inhaled my fries and wings I did a quick once over of the room.  Well immediately I saw a table with the little mini candies.  I can’t even tell you what they were pushing at that table because all I wanted was the candy.  And then I spotted mints, but this time the overly hyped fitness center guy also gave me a coupon for free work outs for 2 weeks.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him I was a contractor so I took the coupon and some mints.  I then decided to see what other goodies the tables had.  I have been on all points  of this ‘giveaway’ spectrum.  I have been the person who orders all of the stuff for potential clients and members.  I have organized closets of said stuff ordered by others because they forgot what they ordered and really how many golf towels does one ever really need.  I have been on the receiving end and I still contend that technical job fairs give the best stuff!  And now I am on the compliance end where I track what was ordered, who it was given to and why.  So I know the game people… I know it!  And no matter how many festivals, fairs, or whatevers I go to, if they have a bag, I want it!!  I don’t need it and, it is usually flimsy but I still want it.  I can talk myself out of pens and pencils, but I have not yet been able to talk myself out a free bag.  At the Essence festival this past July I stood in countless lines to get a free bag.  I am a self-proclaimed free bag whore!!  I’m also not shy about asking for a free bag.  I signed up for my IRA and they had these insulated slightly bigger and a lunch bag, bag and I asked the lady at the front What do I have to do to get one of these bags?  And she said well how many do you want?!? She gave me 3.  I worked at an association that was about to throw away their conference bags because the mostly men doctors thought they were too feminine.  I tapped up those boxes and took them for a family reunion I had that year.  Talk about a perk!! I closed an office because they were moving to Florida (I have quite literally worked EVERYWHERE)  and there were random bags around the office and I think I took just about all of them!  At a wine festival as I chatted with a group that had VIP entrance I said well all I want is that wine bag and one of the ladies took her stuff out of the bag and gave it to me.  So yeah writing all of this down I should be ashamed, but I’m so not!!  Sorority bags?!?  Forget about it! Sometimes I sign up for conferences just to get the bag! I still want the shiny bag they had at last year’s National Founders day, but I haven’t found the right soror who I know has more stuff than she knows what to do with AND is willing to give it to me.  I have a soror cousin who happened upon some bags (LOL) and I was the recipient AND I didn’t even have to go to that conference!!  I am still trying to find the person here where I work who has the key to the computer bags that I see a few people have.  Today I am the proud owner of a bright yellow/green Aetna backpack!  I almost made it out of the cafeteria but I looked at and it’s not because I needed it, I just wanted it! 

blog goals and other pertinent random...

I have some new goals for my blogging.  The main goal is to do at least 3 a week.  Last week I got out one on Monday, Wednesday and Friday which is actually pretty good.  I just need to be going in a direction that is vaguely close to at least one of my dreams that I had once upon a time.  I don’t know what happened or rather is happening, but I am just not happy nor content with the direction my life is taking.  And I know it has mostly to do with me getting ready to turn the big 4-0.  Sure everyone says life starts after 40, but I wanted to make one of those 40 under 40 lists.  You know like the ones they have in local magazines.  Like the 40 entrepreneurs or restaurateurs to watch.  Or just the general 40 people who are just doing the damn thing!  I went to school with a guy that ended up on one of those lists in the Baltimore Magazine.  No wait actually he was on a top singles list I think and I FOR SURE can be on one of those since I am perpetually single.  But then he got married like the next year. So there’s that. Maybe a new goal is to make the top 50 under 50!?

My BFF posted an article that listed the 25 things every woman should know.  This list was a little different from the average list.  My favorites were #3) You should resolve to be awesome for the rest of your life. Right now. Do it. and #4) Leggings, no matter how much we wish, will never one day magically transform into pants. Wearing them with tops that don’t cover your bum is not cute. Please, please, please stock up on pants. I think a lot of people make a subconscious decision to be mediocre, but why not choose awesome? Like how Olivia Pope’s father told her on the season premiere of Scandal.  First Lady? Do you have to be so mediocre? This is by no means a knock at the First Lady, because we all know how awesome Michelle is and quietly so was Laura Bush.  But going from mistress and aspiring to be first lady is in fact mediocre. And before I go off on a Scandal tangent… I am not leggings kinda chick but really just wear a long enough top and you’ll be good.  Although if you think it’s awesome to wear a short shirt, do you boo boo!! The other one I like #14) Here’s the truth: you are going to waste a lot of hours focusing on who you are not, or who you want to secretly be. But you won’t ever wake up and actually be that person. You’ve got to embrace what you bring to the table. If you don’t like what that is, have the courage to change it. So that is what I’m trying to do, have the courage to change a few things.

I have a special place of dislike in my heart for customer service people who are in the form of dis-compassionate medical people, customer service phone lines for the bazillion things I seem to acquire or restaurant people.  The phone line people have an extra special place especially when English is not their first language.  But when English IS your first language, what you still are not on do is try to talk loud and make me think I’m crazy.  I do that very well by myself so either help me with my issue or connect me with someone who has a clue!  On the flip side when I get that nurse who goes out of her way to make sure the needle isn’t hurting me, or the customer service rep who actually helps me OR the cashier who doesn’t make me think I’m a  bother, then I’m good! 

I’m just now remembering that Monday was supposed to be Music Monday! I just bought 4 CD’s and I wanted to review them. Maybe I’ll do it Wed or Fri.  I think I’m the last person who still buys CD’s.  Everyone just download them or just buys the one song that they like.  Sometimes you miss some good stuff that they play on the radio when you just do the 1 song that is played in constant rotation on the radio.  In fact I am completely convinced people don’t know what good music is anymore.  Now I’m not about to get on a soapbox and say that only stuff from a certain era is good music like some people do for the 60’s and 70’s because people are always making good music, it’s just the powers that be keeping the good stuff out.  There was a really interesting discussion with my book club ladies.  We are all varied in age but the question of what is truly ‘old school’ came up.  For some it was music from the 70’s and 80’s.  For me it’s anything from age 10 – college which includes, DeBarge, New Edition, Guy, Heavy D, well ALL happy rap LOL.

I's FREE except I might get bullied...

So you are a convicted felon for MURDER and you and some other dude just walk out of prison because you got some documents forged?!  That is both funny and sad to me all at the same time.  When they reported on this on the morning news I chuckled a bit.  We see this in movies and TV shows all the time, but when it actually happens in real life it’s just funny.  And who is the mastermind behind all of this?  It had to be someone on the outside.  Those two look scary.  Well the one does the other looks like a big bear.  And I’m not saying thug or thuggish people aren’t smart but these two don’t strike me as idiot savants.

And then we have the matter of these kids killing themselves over cyber bullying.  Someone is going to have to splain this to me like I’m 4.  I get a regular playground bully.  Someone is either bigger than you or teams up with other kids to gang up on you and you are either to shy or to whatever to not take up for yourself.  I get that.  What I don’t get is if you have a phone or computer can’t you just not look at it or not accept these people as friends on Facebook,  Instagram, twitter, tumblr or whatever?  First off all these kids have too much access to technology.  I know this is the sign of the times but does it have to be?  Can’t parents just say no if an 8 year old asks for a smart phone? I just don’t get it!  And then the cyber bully, what the heck are your parents doing to make you be so mean.  And the whole ramifications of things happening online that never go away.  SO you say and do some really dumb things at 14 that affect you for the rest of your life.  I don’t think kids today care about what may happen in the future.  I just read the article about the most recent case where the little girl just committed suicide but I still don’t understand.  I truly feel for the families, but I just don’t understand.  I’m watching Cyberbully The movie now…  maybe that will provide some insight.

blog confessional... (that is a good ass title!! I like using the word ass..)

I start a lot of blog that never see the light of day.  Sometimes I get so off topic and digress so much I just stop writing and just save it and forget about it.  And then there are the times it gets really dark.  Sometimes too dark for me to keep rereading, so those ones get deleted, or saved just for me.  And then sometimes I am just plan mean, and even though I never really use anyone’s name, except in the speed dating blog, I know that who I’m writing about are some faithful readers and why be mean just for means sake.  Which is why I miss my co-worker who just abandoned me for the bright lights and more money (but hella worse commute) for DC.  I said one day that we were the mean girls and she took a little offense.  But we were!!  We could find something about anybody to talk about.  She started calling this one lady who just got an office the old lady with the slacks! And don’t let a man walk by, well 2 in particular, 1 who lost a lot of weight and 1 who needed to start dieting because he was getting really wide and the way his suit jacket hung showed off his big booty (which I like because who doesn’t like a nice booty!?!).  And as I digress yet again because what I wanted to say is that I wanted to start doing a blog a day for like a month.  But every time I think to do it I just don’t.  I can be real lazy like that.  And then some days I have nothing to write about.  I mean how much can I write about my cat before someone thinks I’m a cat lady.  And since my mom… err I mean roommate moved in with me, how sad is it to go on and on about our escapades even though she really does say some funny shit! Like when she asked me if WE had Facebook.  Now understand that one of the top reasons this woman retired was because she didn’t want to use the computer.  The school system gave a test or something to the teachers (she was a teacher) and they said it wasn’t mandatory, so this fool walked out.  Who does that?!?  And people wonder why I act like I do, it’s because of her!! I’m just saying.  So yeah WE have Facebook, but you don’t use the computer so how exactly is that supposed to work lady?  And then the other day she asked about twitter and I almost fell off my chair.  HOW do you know about twitter, I asked.  IT was on some random commercial she just saw.  So then she follows up with Well I’m not gonna be doing any twittering! Yeah I was never worried about that! And then last night she says to my 8 year old niece, your aunt is doing something on the typewriter.  SO I grab the phone and ask this little girl if she even knew what a typewriter was.  She giggled and said she kinda did but not really.  Typewriter!!?? WOW which made me think when my grandmother was alive her asking what exactly was e-mail.  She was funny too and now that I think about it the meanness comes from her side and I gotta balance it with the niceness of my other dearly departed grandmother.  And see this is how the digression goes because now I am sitting here missing both of them and there cooking cause I’m kinda hungry and I know I need to get to the little lunch room before noon today because I am NOT waiting in no damn line today even though the greasy pizza was pretty good yesterday and I forgot to leave a little tip for the cashier because she was very helpful as I stood there bewildered for a minute and LORD thank you to the people you put in my life because being bewildered is often a continuous state for me like the day I left my coffee in the car and who can start a day without coffee? NOT Me that’s for sure so when she said go to your desk and get it later I DID because I needed a minute to regroup which again a constant state for me bewilderment and then regrouping and WHY did this fool wear a side ponytail her ass is way too old to rock that, but then I guess it detracts from the tacky ass outfit she has on, but not really, how does one dress so tacky every single freaking day?? But she has donuts so I guess I can be nice for a minute…

randomization 10.14

To the little girl (she was about 2) who was getting ready to stare me down in church and then I started coughing, not to dissuade her but because I really had to cough, thank you to her older sister who turned her around to not get germs from the strange lady!

How big of a rush are you to get out of the bathroom that you leave the toilet seat liner right there in place on the seat?  I mean I have tried to get up quickly and dash out, but I always do a quick turn to make sure everything is GONE.  You are one trifling bleeped bleep bleep bleep!!!

I get it, you have an office, but if I have to listen to your iPad, then you have to listen to my random singing.  That’s just the deal!!

So after chuckling to the sign that read ‘Free At Last Bail Bonds’ because REALLY what  better name to have for that type of service? A minivan pulls up next to me as I’m eating my little Delight Jimmy Dean sandwich and the Asian woman sitting in the passenger seat  lifts her hand as if to say where is mine sent me right over the laughter edge!!

What you WON’T do man who I KNOW English is not your first language is try to out talk me on the customer service line.  What you WILL do is repeat what you just said so I can say NO again!!

I don’t normally like scary stuff but Sleepy Hollow is kinda good! I hope it makes it.  And speaking of new show I am really liking The Goldbergs, the comedy based in the 80’s, and Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D. actually I was really nerding out last week when they had Nick Fury on.   I only saw 1 episode of Ironside, but Blair Underwood is really giving me what I need right now.  And I KNOW the new show with Michael Ealy will give me more!!

Pandora is giving me a nice mixed bag.  I forget my iPod so I’m listening on the Kindle.  I finally like this thing, which is good because I just finished my little flex pays on HSN LOL

Speaking of QVC (well ok not really but work with me) I bought the wrong Kind bars.  I meant to get the ones with nuts, but I got the Healthy Grains ones which are just OK, but of course I’m gonna eat them because they are already paid for and they actually do well to tide me over until the next meal.

So reading the status on the facebook, do you live with your dad?  Or does your dad live with you?  And really what is the difference?  OH yeah ummm… anyway

I was hitting the YouTube real hard last week.  This one group that I am now subscribed to, Dormtainment, did this hilarious series of those white board drawing called Porn Stories!  I am convinced guys and girls do porn so differently.  These stories consisted of them being early teens and trying to get it in before their parents caught them.  The 2^nd one was so funny I was literally in tears!!  My co-worker thought I was crying because something had happened and she was offering comfort.  When she realized I was laughing, I couldn’t even tell her why I was laughing LITERALLY out loud so hard that brought me to tears!! I don’t think I have such a story.  Oh no wait I do... LMBAO!!  Mine was a slightly more innocent.  I mean we had HBO when I was a kid.  So yeah maybe I could do one of those drawings!!