cupcakes, circles, signs, and excel...

I've been on a bit of a cupcake quest for a few weeks now!  I'm not sure if I'm looking for the perfect one OR if it is my goal to eat every cupcake available to make sure they are good for the masses.  It started when I went to Charlotte.  I had one that had like a molten something or another inside but it was way to dense and didn't really hit the spot.  Next was St. Patrick's Day weekend, when at 5:30 at night after having done NOTHING all day I decided I needed a cupcake.  I went online and saw a cupcakery on Charles.  Now if you know Baltimore the streets like Charles, Pratt, Northern Parkway go from AAALLL the way East to AAALLL the way west.  This was on EAST Charles although I went to West Charles and had to go back th other way which ended up being in Federal Hill.  I'm not a fan of going places where parking is like a hunt.  I actually don't mind paying for parking but I wasn't paying when I knew I was just gonna be in and out.  This is about 6:30 in the evening and the 20 year olds are already drunk and loud at the various spots in Federal Hill.  I finally find a parking spot, which was TIGHT, but me and the hooptie can fit in just about anywhere.  I walk to the place, try and avoid the drunkards and the men at the homeless shelter O_o and get to the place.  I had already decided I was going to get 2, but then after I placed my order the little girl said oh you're gonna be sorry you didn't get the salted caramel.  I am such an easy target and easy sale so of course I say WELL then I NEED the salted caramel!!  I had that, the Irish creme and the Black Velvet, both of these were supposed to be infused with alcohol.  I didn't taste much of anything.  The name of this place is Midnight Cupcakery and I will definitely be back on that random day that I can't live the rest of my life without a cupcake.  Then there was the Food Truck event on a pretty chilly Friday.  This was in Hampden which is hipster city and parking sucks donkey nuts so I drive past the Keswick Castle, ask the little cutie patootie security guard if there was parking and he said there is one spot I said WELL CAN I HAVE IT?!?!  You have to ask because you just never know.  So I had prime parking to indulge my inner piggie.  I went to The Jolly Pig and had 2 pulled pork tacos and then if that weren't enough I went to the Kommie Pig and had a hot dog with spicy pulled chicken AND THEN  I went the the Flavor Cupcake truck to get CUPCAKES!!!  Now their claim to fame is that they won the 4th season of Cupcake wars on the Food Network.  I got the salted caramel (which I guess I might be slightly addicted to) and some other chocolate one...LAWD I can't remember.  Ummmm... I don't know, but I'm pretty sure they didn't win with those cupcakes!!  They weren't bad, but they were all that great either.  If I put anything down like 'fuck it I am not wasting those calories' then that is not a good sign.  Just as a side bar Iced Gems, which is another cupcakery that has a food truck had a BANGING salted caramel!!

 I remember as a kid when we would come down here from Pittsburgh my parents and other older family members fussing about 495 and the damn circles in DC.  Well Baltimore has finally caught up to it's DMV sister DC metro area and has embraced the use of those freaking traffic circles!  I honestly think there are government officials in the county and state sitting around like OH we have nothing better to do, let's slap a traffic circle on every possible corner in and around Baltimore.  There is one in Woodlawn near the Merritt Athletic club that is just there FOR NO GOOD REASON!!  Nothing a stop or yield sign could not have worked.  You see skid marks all on it because no one slows down they just keep right on driving.  The most recent one is the one at Greens Lane and Old Court ***LOUD SIGH*** this is a hindrance to me now EVERYDAY as I try to get to and from work.  Now for the most part I get this one.  People coming down Greens Lane trying to make a left have an awful time.  So now just go in the circle and you're good.  Now here is where the dilemma begins.  Traffic circles are meant for cars to yield, NOT STOP and wait 5 minutes before NO ONE else is in the damn circle, just yield and keep it moving!!  But there is always that one car out of every 5-8 cars that just stops and waits like DO I GO?!?!  NOW?!?  CAN I GO NOW??!  HOW ABOUT NOW?!?!?  As you sit and wait your turn to YIELD, that fool has slowed the whole process down and I fuss but he can't hear me saying JUST DRIVE DAMMIT!!! Just drive! 

How does one get the job of sign holder?  You know the guys that stand on the corner and promote whatever restaurant, store or apartment building!  And then when you get the job I'm pretty sure eating chicken wings is not part of the job description which is EXACTLY what the little boy was doing when I went to go get some chicken wings at the Buffalo Wild Wings WHICH by the way are freaking delicious! So the 2 dudes that have this job today near my job were so uninspiring.  It was for the apartment complex nearby and they both looked like Hey you wanna live here?  NO ok well neither do I!!

I have been nerding out this week!  Ok so you know there are like a 50elevenmillion features and formulas in Excel YES EXCEL!?!? The spreadsheets.  So I've been tasked to... well to put it bluntly... figure shit out!! So now I have a stack of pages from various site and forums to help me as I trudge along.  So initially my manager was like oh yeah just do a v-lookup and pull the information from the other spreadsheet.  So as any good contractor employee I give her a nice blank stare and nod like OH YEAH SURE a v-lookup no problem!! Cause I am getting paid to know stuff and I do know STUFF but some stuff I just don't know.  Figuring out how to actually do that took help from several co-workers.  I mean this thing sought after so much so that in some job descriptions it say MUST KNOW HOW TO USE V-LOOKUP!!  The even hired a chick who was a v-lookup 'expert'.  NOW if you need a v-lookup I am the chick to come see cause I figured that shit out and I am the expert!!  The next thing is the Concatenate feature.  What I needed was easy.  At leaset I thought it would be easy, but nothing,  NO THING is easy when microsoft is involved. What I needed to do was put 2 cells together and then once those cells were together I needed to put that column of information together into one cell.  EASY right!?!?  Yeah not so much.  I figured out the 1st part but then I had to go to the actual excel expert who is this older white guy who I'm not entirely sure he can see... well ok he is that guy who even though he has on glasses he takes them off and holds the paper an inch from his eye, which is slightly funny but not really cause you look at him like is he ok?!?  But he knows what the hell he's doing and I for one am going to use him when I need excel help!!  So he comes to my desk after a meeting we had where he sits and clicks his pen the ENTIRE meeting and I look around like does anyone hear this but me!!?  But no one will look at him to say hey buddy cut that shit out!! And I always seem to sit across from him or else I would grab his hands. I forgot he was also the guy who after I got all my relaxer cut out and came to the meeting with my coiled up hair  he sat between me and another co-worker with natural hair and we were talking.  He then goes Oh yeah what is the difference between a perm and a relaxer because I heard there was difference!!  I said well a relaxer is for African Americans (I try to be PC in the work place LOL) whose hair is more tightly curled, whereas white people who's hair is usually straighter use a perm to curl their hair.... he was like OOOOHHH... I think I woulda died if he asked to touch my hair!!  LAWD I just I digressed.  So... HE comes to my desk, I explain what I need he was still a little confused until I showed him the direction I needed to go and some random website and forum.  He figured it out in like 2 minutes, I put my little spin on what I needed and did a little happy dance!! He wasn't expecting that I have been happy dancing myself silly this week hopefully not scaring the folks around me because it involves either a finger snap or clap followed by a HEY!! LOL Yes I am a nut!!

my senses, CIAA, and working out; Random as usual!

let me start off by saying I have on the world's worst trouser socks today. The left one has 2 BIG holes and runs at the top and the right one keeps creeping down. I put canola oil in my hair this morning, not sure why but it sounds good at the time, until I got a whiff and I smelled like COOKING OIL!! So then I went and put oil sheen on it to counteract the cooking oil smell! I know olive oil is good for your hair I don't know WHY I though canola would be too.

OK now that's out of the way!

Sensory Overload
I've been dragging my feet about blogging about my CIAA weekend in Charlotte. Not sure why. It was alot of stuff and outfit and things going on and it started at the airport. SO I find a seat in one of those leather(ette) chairs that has the plugs and stuff for your computer or whatever. I'm sitting next to a white couple who were maybe in their 50's. A woman... a rather large woman walks by in camo stretch pants or leggings and I instantly think Where do you go to find leggings in size way-the-fuck-too-big?!?! So the couple says something and then say 'well she's pretty confident!' And I bust out laughing and they're like OMG did you hear what we said and I said YES and I was thinking the same thing, in fact where do one even find pants in her size?!? I put my headphones on at this point only to see my next WTF... So I know you might be travelling to somewhere warm, but its February in Baltimore. What made you think pulling out your thin linen pants was a good idea? Finally get on the plane and I see a dude with gold teeth on his 'vampire' teeth AND a Louis Vuitton man bag!! This is too much for one day and one sitting LOL I haven't even gotten to Charlotte yet!

My girlfriend picked me up and I had to change real quick cause we were going to da club!! Now I am really not in club mode anymore. I go so rarely nowadays that when my cousin who came to town when I was in Charlotte asked me where to go in Baltimore I was at a complete loss. We had a blast POPPING BOOTLES (well twist off moscato bottles LOL)in VIP!! It sounds good right?!? LOL That's my story and I'm sticking to it!! Now I will blame it on the aaa-aaa-aaaaKIHOL cause I attempted to drop it like it was hot, but it was kinda just luke warm!! I still got a standing ovation from some random dudes to which they were told NOT to encourage me (which was right) I can't even remember the name of the club.

Friday was the VSU (Virginia State University... which is where I matriculated LOL) day party! VIP again cause dats how we rolls! LOL So we walk into a cigar filled outdoor party... and then inside. WOW so many people and did they all go to VSU or was I such a nerd I just don't know none of these folks?!? Most likely the latter. I didn't really come out of my shell until I got to Baltimore where I acted a pure an utter fool for several years WHEW good times!! SO anyways I did see a few people I remembered. The host was Lorenzo 'Ice T' Thomas who went to State and who I had an unexplainable crush on when he dj'd in Baltimore. The party was really nice!!

That night (or was it Saturday I'm getting my days confused) we did the 'hang out at the hotel thing' and this is when my senses were overloaded again. I'll try to keep it short.... if you can't bend down in what you have on OR if you look at any hip hop video and you have the same outfit on OR if you feel the need to not wear a coat and it's 30 degrees cause you want to show off the outfit then you have NO sense and your friends really aren't your friends cause if they look the same way you do and YOU ALL thought it was a good idea then you are all idiots!! I get wanting to look cute but I really don't know the type of attention you are seeking or think you might get when you wear something so short, tight and otherwise ill fitting. 2 young chicks in particular came in with swimsuits, well at least that's what they looked like, and fancy pantyhose (LOL). I had had enough at that point.

I think Saturday we ended up at the Ritz Carlton and then a cute little wine bar... Needless to say I had a great weekend with my girls!!

Randomness
so I think I am the only person who watches the toilet flush completely at my job hence all the liners that are in place and other crap (literally!!) in the toilets when I enter. Sad but true!!

I'm not sure why I am having this issue lately, you don't have to tell me what to think or say! I'm real grown and I can do that ALL BY MYSELF!! And if you don't like what I have to say, then stop talking to me!!

Speaking of asking me something... so yesterday I'm at Forman Mills which is next to Planet Fitness which I just joined last week (more on that later). They really didn't have what I was looking for which is a terry cloth headband for yoga cause the sweat be getting all up in my eyes and it's bad enough when I take off my glasses I can't see a thing. So I'm at the cash register and the woman in front of me holds up this white suit, well pants and vest with this powder blue shirt, this hideous print on the tie and the back of the vest AND a pocket square. She asks the cashier, you think this is ugly?!?! The cashier is looking like Welll... uuuhhh..... ummm... And I'm standing there like PLEASE don't ask me!!! So, what does she do?!? She then she turns to me and says well my husband said he didn't like it, DO YOU?!? And I said NO!!! And then I ask how old is the little boy she said 7, THEN the cashier chimes in now!! She said you gonna dress him in ALL WHITE?!?! To which I said yeah don't do that to the baby!! She looked real miffed like these bitches right here! And I saw the look and I said WELL YOU ASKED!! It wasn't even a little bit cute and the blue was kinda tourquoisey powdery blue... not even a pretty shade of blue AND THE PRINT was several shades of blue and pink! It was just bad, and I can pat myself on the back for saving the child at least from THAT outfit.

Man I hate when I eat and then feel like I didn't and am ready to eat a cow...

Planet Fitness!
So I am diligently trying to get my workout on. I attempted the women's only gym, I'm doing yoga, and Zumba every so often, but I knew I needed to amp my routine up. And just for the record I am down 20 pounds which is freaking great!! SO I have a few friends that belong to Planet Fitness or something similar and the commercials said it was only 10 bucks with no contract. So I can see paying that as opposed to 40 bucks AND being locked into a 1 or 2 year contract. So I did everything online and went in hopping all I had to do was show my license and get moving. 45 minutes later I'm still standing at the front desk getting checked in. So although that wasn't the smoothest thing I still had hopes for the place. My goal is purely cardio. I need to get on the treadmill or elliptical or bike work it out for about 30-45 minutes and go! I am not interested in weight training in fact, I am pretty solid under the many layers. I've only been there 3 times so far. Day 1 - I get on the treadmill and really just try not to look at anyone. The energy is already different. Men have such a primal energy especially when working out. Now I must admit there were a few cuties and then there were those that were NOT! I watched Family Feud and tried not to sing to loud. Day 2 - I sign in and immediately dude from WAAAAAAAAYY in the back stops take a swig of water and just flat out checks me out! Now this should be flattering but it's not. I'm just thinking STOP LOOKING AT ME!! It was right then and there I knew I couldn't do spandex here. So I need to head to Wal-Mart and get more sweat pants. It just makes me so self-aware. Like are you looking at my cellulite?!? Day 3 was pretty uneventful except for the cramp in my foot when I was on the elliptical and the cutie doing 60 pound weight in front of me well he was cute til I looked down at his legs and they were hella ashy! I had to suppress an out loud laugh!! In general Under Amour is making a killing at these places. I was only a fan of muscle shirts for about 10 minutes, but at least they are wearing them at the right place.

no really what happend to SPELL CHECK on this thing?!?!?  OOOOhhh you gotta chnage to compose hmmm...

random self effacing...

I am really in a do not ‘F’ with me mode. Why? It’s just one of dem days! I am blasting my iPod so I don’t have to hear the cackling loud ass woman who sits diagonally from me on the other side of the cube. For such a little person she sure can make SO much freaking noise. And I’m just not for all that today, or actually any day! And I asked my co-worker a YES or NO question and she said something dumb so I was really like either you can do it or not, don’t be ad-libbing an answer! Basically I’m on edge for no good reason. OH YEAH and I was moving at an absolute snails pace this morning and my cat is lingering around me like something was wrong. She doesn’t meow much so when she does SOMETHING IS WRONG. I got the auto feeder a while ago, but sometimes it misses a meal and she looks at me like Bitch you KNOW I’m hungry! SO I thought she was hungry. This morning it’s like she’s Lassie. I finally get downstairs to see the massive hairball she done threw up out of the bottom of her little cat tummy. Thanks Paisley!! Just what I needed on a morning when I didn’t even get out of the bed until 7:20 and we both know I need to be walking out the door at 7:30. SO I have to clean that up and sanitize the area for the next time she spews O_o The coffee I made was just aiight. I almost side swiped a little Honda something or another that I completely did not see at an intersection close to the job. So yeah this is how my day is going! So I go into the bathroom to well USE the bathroom and I catch a glimpse of myself. Now I have been rocking the short BC look for literally 7 days. It’s cute, but it has taken some getting used to. The first few days I look at myself like OH SHIT my hair is really short! Now it really isn’t that short but it is way shorter than I’m used to. Today I look at myself and start laughing, glad that I am the onliest one in the bathroom because I look like My Buddy!! You know the doll from the late 80’s? The Black version cause they give the white one the blond flowy hair. To be even more specific, the black boy doll which has this little short curly fro. And that’s what the hell I look like right now!! And it’s funny and if someone said that to me now I would drop kick them, but it would be true. My oldest nephew had the doll and when learning anatomy he pulled off the pants of the doll and said Buddy doesn’t have a penis!! All 3 year olds need to know the correct term for their parts, but we about died laughing when his mom told us what he said! Just in case you need the song stuck in your head like I have right now here are the lyrics (sung by the very young Joey Lawrence): MY Buddy, MY BUDDY, wherever he goes IIIIIIIIIIIIII GOOO!! My Buddy MY BUDDY teach him everything IIIIIII KNOOOOOOWWW!! Something something something… My Buddy My Buddy MY BUDDY AND ME!! You’re welcome!!

Ok so now I’m on the youtube looking at commercials from the 80’s:
Transformers MORE Than meets the eyes!
JEM is truly amazing!!
Any sugary cereal ad.
My Little Pony… hole up how is a horse in a baby buggy?