a buncha girls did and the shit looked fuuuuuuuuuunnnnn...

Random AF

So they said they didn’t like Jill Scott.  That right there is enough to drop everything and leave.  HOW do you not like Jill Scott?!?!? There are some things that are negotiable… Jill and Seinfeld are not 2 of those things.  If you don’t agree that Seinfeld was one of the best sitcoms (if not the best… well ok at least top 5) then we are not compatible. But then when they said oh you like Jill Scott?!?!  That one is a keeper!!

I really do feel sorry for my cubemates when I get in my singing.  I try not to do so loud but sometimes it just IS!

In addition I feel sorry for them after I had a milkshake… like today #bad

My mom/roommate has been getting quite cranky and kinda a bully when she wants a cookie. 

I have never liked the term daddy for a man who is not my daddy.  My daddy dead so I’ll just call you by your name.  How about that?!?

You should never ask a question that you really don’t want to know the answer to.  I have asked a few questions and gotten the answer and I’m like huh… yep I didn’t need to know that!  So now I have to make room in the vault to hold onto this info I shoulda just not even asked about.  What’s the vault?  Oh that’s where shit goes that only I need to know.  This is unshareable shit!!  This is take to the grave even if I’m water boarded kinda shit!

So here is something I can share… or rather ask.  Am I the onliest person who when I see pics of celebrities on the news feed on the facebook instantly think they are dead?  Usually it’s their birthday or they have done something noteworthy but morbid me thing… They DEAD!!

The black security guard was feeling some kinda way when I was talking a little too friendly to the white security guard.  I don’t even know how we became on a 1^st name basis.  Probably because he was like how the heck do you say your name?  And he is nice enough, but it is really just small talk.  So relax buddy and don’t be saying hello to me all loud! 

I finally watcher The Wiz LIVE!, which was a revamped live version of The Wiz play.  I thought it was really good. Although I am in need of hearing the original… not the movie the original play music.  My sister has the album but I’m not too confident in my ability to get her to let me hold it.  I even have a record player.  But of course the YouTube has everything.  I just wanted to hear Stephanie Mills.  Her voice is just ridiculous!!  I mean she can just sang.  And I’m not taking anything away from that little girl who revamped the role, but Stephanie… just no comparison.  And then more on the YouTube is Jazmin Sullivan who’s voice at 11 was just like it is now… RIDICULOUS!!  She sang home for a school play or something. 

Speaking of music I randomly bought Kenny Lattimore’s new cd ‘Anatomy of a Love Song’.  It’s random because I just haven’t been swayed to purchase any of his music.  Listening to Will Downing’s music podcast I heard his song…actually was that the same time I heard Lalah?  Or wait was it Jill Scott?!?  I gotta go back and see.  There is one song that I think they are playing on the radio, but the one on this show was ‘You have my heart’.  You know sometimes you hear a song at the exact moment that you just need to hear it.  So then I bought the cd based on that one song but I have not been disappointed by the entire cd.  He has a little Lalah Hathaway in there for good measure, but the hilarious feature is Kelly Price.  When she was on that show RnB Divas it was clear that Chante Moore had problem with her ex Kenny Lattimore.  But you know sometimes I wonder if some of that was done more for show.   One of the main reason I stopped watching the show because it was just TMI.  I don’t need to know all this petty stuff about my singers.  Anyways, I really like the CD.

I am not a gadget kinda chick, I never have been but I just made 2 purchases that might turn me to the dark side LOL.  About 2 weeks before thanksgiving, my sister was talking about the food processor she used.  I was like HOLE UP you have a food processor?  I mean I watch the cooking shows and I know how much they make life easier, but the size of my kitchen has made me rethink buying extra stuff to put in there.  AND they always have the really high end ones on the show and the kid is not shelling out $500 for one little piece of equipment. I started doing a little research, you know at work, and found them on the good Amazon for under $50 so I got one.  I like onions and I cry a total river whenever I need to cut them.  For thanksgiving I made the stuffing which called for both onions and celery.  I used my new processor and it took literally seconds what usually felt like it took all evening!  On Cyber Monday I was again on the Amazon and saw a knife sharpener which I probably should have gotten before trying to carve a turkey but I digress. I read the reviews and this lil sharpener seemed to be like a good buy.  I don’t have high end cutlery in fact I bought knives at Sam’s club maybe 8 years ago so the knives have been in dire need of a good sharpen.  I used the fine setting and my knife was sharp as… well a KNIFE!!  I don’t even remember what I cut into but I was VERY satisfied!!

This is about the time of year I do a year in review.  This has truly been a year!  One of the main bench marks for me usually is a job.  I started with one and I’m ending with one. OH JOY!  I know the parameters should be a little higher than that, like did I change my life or the life of others around me?  Did I make a difference?  Did I lose 300 pounds and become the next Iron Woman?  Did I invent the next great gadget?  I don’t know something more than just a damn job.  A job aint nothing but work (LOL).  There’s that!  And of course as the main caregiver for my mother just making sure she is ok which… well ok her general ailments really were the cause of her fall in April, but for a while I felt like I failed her.  Like why did I allow this to happen? She had a stay in a nursing/rehab facility and while it was nice enough she left a little worse than she went in… WHEW this is getting dark as hell.  Hmmm…  Many lessons were learned.  There is always a mix of good and bad staff at facilities.  You always want the best but when you get the bad you roll with it.  You make sure they know you are present and know what is going on at any given time and when something goes wrong, tell someone!  The place was going through a bit of a transition but I never allowed anything to fall through the cracks.  I brought my mom home and the search for the caregiving staff was on.  Is has been a challenge since August and I don’t want to say out loud that I think I finally have a good mix, because something is always bound to change, but am less stressed about it.  I have gotten more active in my sorority probably more as a release from stuff at home.  And then I also found some other releases J well you know not just THAT but that is always a GREAT release!  But more of just giving myself permission to live my life.  This honestly took a long time for me to do.  Asking people/family for help or not!  And then also planning better.  I usually plan things out but actually scheduling time for myself sounds easy, but doing it can be a challenge because a myriad of excuses that can come up. 

There is more to my year but I just drew a blank… DAMN WORK!! so this is my blog from your favorite random chick!

no coincidence exist that we don't manifest...

It’s a gloomy day today.  I’m not sure why that makes any difference but it does.  It’s always a good day to blog, right?!?! RIGHT!!  And I had a lot in me from thanksgiving but then I guess I talked a lot that day so I was able to get it out of me.  But I can still stat there.  Thanksgiving was pretty great!  I usually pace myself a little better likes starting Sunday or Monday but I got all my shopping done and started Wed.  I made chitlins… chitterlings (okay no red wiggly line under that spelling!), greens, bean dip, spinach dip, corn pudding, relish tray, turkey and ham.  That’s what I did.  My sister came with the rest of the sides because black folk do the most!  And we are no different.  She came in with boxes of food.  Actually most of her stuff were sweets, but she also did the macaroni and cheese, sweet potatoes, green beans, potato salad, deviled eggs… it sounds so ridiculous written down but if something is missing it always feels like the end of the world.  Several things are done in the name of tradition.  OMG I forgot the stuffing that I made!  So this is the recipe written by my sister but is from what my grandmother did cause you know that generation of cooks just knew what to do, they didn’t follow to many recipes.  It is (or rather was) cornbread stuffing.  I attempted it last year and was not nearly as close as I was this year.  I was almost in tears this year because it wasn’t coming out right and then I ran out of freaking poultry seasoning, I called my cousin who walked me through the last few steps.  It turned out really good.  Now as the cook sampling food all day and waiting for folks to get house I did have food but then I don’t think I enjoyed it all that much.  BUT THE NEXT DAY…  I was a tired chick and I slept most of the day.  I got up maybe about 10 fix a full plate of leftovers ate it and mmmm’d and ahh’d through the meal and got back in the bed.  Later in the day I fixed another full plate… and it was just as good!!  SO that was the food.  I was able to get the roommate up and out of the bed which is always good.  She doesn’t do so well with so many people in the house and then there were two little people and she got fixated on the safety of the baby who is 2 and who was into everything.  He bumped his head (he was fine) but then she was concerned every time he walked by and told him to be careful.  But in general it was just a good day and weekend.  I got some much needed sleep.

I have scored BIG today!  It is Wednesday and I’m over thanksgiving food, plus not much is left.  Yesterday I got a grilled cheese and clam chowder at the cafeteria at my job.  Why was the clam chowder so good!?!?!  Today I went downstairs to toast my pumpkin pop tart found in a random Trader Joes bag I had and totally forgot I bought last month.  I actually offered it to a co-worker and then said wait.. nah you can’t have my pop tart!! As with most companies, when there is a meeting the admins usually have food I used to be the one ordering back in the day at a few of my 50eleven jobs.  So the admin who ordered was trying to avoid having to move all of the food back to her building so she was giving all the stuff away.  There were muffins, pastries, parfaits, mini quiches.  I grabbed the mini quiche and the parfait which turned out to be plain greek unsweetened yogurt so not so good! But the quiche AND the pop tart was good.  SO then this afternoon as I look at the clock knowing it’s too late to run to the cafeteria, another admin from the group I sit beside was bringing cookies and sandwiches!  SCORE another one for me!! So I had a cookie, this good pesto chicken sandwich, chips, AND more clam chowder.  A sista is going down.  I am getting the sleepy eye!!  Itis is real!!

 

Soulful Symphony… almost forgot about this.  I have known about the Soulful Symphony for years but have never gotten myself together to get tickets.  This year after I missed the purchase of the block of tickets one of my Sorors had I just went ahead and bought some tickets and went.  All I can say is I have missed out in ALL of the years I didn’t go.  It was AMAZING!! First of all, even though I know my singing voice is not up to par, I do be thinking in the back of my head that I can just audition to be somebodies back ground singer.  I don’t know why I have this thought.  Not nobody told me I could sing and I haven’t been in a choir since my days at Rodman St. Missionary Baptist, so this is a confidence I have that is rooted in misplaced arrogance.   Usually the background singers are BETTER than the main person.  So anyway there were several featured artists, the main one being Ledisi.  I knew Ledisi was going to sing but I really thought she was going to sing the whole time.  How it works is there are people from the choir who come up and sing the solo.  They ALL could sing.  I mean REALLY SING!! Darin Atwater is the conductor/composer and has curated such a great show.  It gave me orchestra, choir, church, jazz, standards, and new!!  It was just amazing.  SO yeah I won’t be auditioning any time soon only to get my feelings good and hurt LOL  My only gripe and it wasn’t even with the performance but the place, Meyerhoff, please stop selling Fritos!!  That was all I heard for a few minutes as it began.  The people behind me had what sounded like several bags of Fritos!!  And I gave the ½ way head turn like REALLY Y’ALL!!?!?  Then it got quiet and someone else decided they needed a corn chip.

 

I need for Arnold Schwarzenegger and Mariah Carey to not be on my Kindle peddling games! 

It’s still gloomy and foggy and I am ready to crack open some wine and get myself under the covers!! I was listening to something on handzonradio.fm and the singer just said ' no coincidence exist that we don't manifest YES!!'  Aint that deep!?!?!?

So I published but didn't share the blog... I had more to say.  I am having sucha  slight caregiver issue only on Wed.  So the company I use has been sending me a bunch of different folks that some weeks I'm like EWWW I wish they would send her back or like today I was like yeah... they don't need to send her again!! Sometimes I know in my heart it is just a matter of fit and other times I'm like that woman was an idiot!!  So today the first sign was she wasn't on time.  That throws my day off.  Well actually what threw my day off was I went to iron and the fuse blew so I had to run to the basement.  It was so close to 7 that I chatted with my night person and decided to wait for the person that was going to be here during the day.  So she is late and she parks on the side of the street that has NO PARKING signs.  I mean giving her the benefit of the doubt, I know they are there, but when you are unsure don't you look for signs? So she rushed in and I'm like NO you need to move your car now!  I can't have someone's car getting towed on my conscious and I DAMN SURE don't have any funds to give because you didn't pay attention.  So she comes in and is nice enough but then she is OVERLY excited about everything... calm down lady!!  I'm showing her around and she is like well I can just lift you mom up and bring her to the living room.  UMM AGAIN I think simma down now!! what I always say to all of the people coming in my home to care for my mother is, call me!  Her are all my numbers I always have my phone on me so call the cell.. and call she did.  I was at the light just up the street and she called to see if she should give her breakfast.  YES give her breakfast and help her eat.  Then she called because she asked for fruit (which is better than cookies LOL)... well yes give her some fruit, no wait it's close to lunch give her lunch and then the fruit in a few hours.  And then she called me for something else I can't remember.  I get home thinking everything went well and it did but she is sitting in the living room.  She said, your mother said I talk to much and to leave her alone!! And I look at her like well YEAH that is how she is sometimes.  Then she says oh I didn't do the laundry because I didn't know about the machine.  **BLANK STARE** Now what now?!?!  Part of the tour is... the washing machine is in the basement and it is very regular.  Nothing fancy or high tech.  So then she is like well I can just wash now.  And I'm like NO I need to wash MY clothes so don't worry about it.  What does she do?  She goes to get the basket and proceed to go to the basement.  **BLANK STARE AGAIN!!!** Ummm... I said don't worry about it my person tomorrow will do the laundry and I just said I need to do my laundry so take the basket back to the room.  She is apologizing and I'm like it's fine!!  and it gets to the point where it's just TOO MUCH like ALRIGHT ALREADY!!! I'm like well did you go to the basement at all?  She was like no I didn't even go.  OK Fine just stop apologizing.  So yeah and then it is time for her to go and then she decided after she clocks out that she wants to have a conversation... OK bu-bye now.... I SAID BU-BYE!!!

everything has got to get better!!!

I am going to be 42 in just over 2 months.  I found myself in saying out loud to myself recently in true Danny Glover ‘Lethal Weapon’ form “I’m too old for this shit!” or wait did he say I’m GETTING to old for this shit?  Either way it is clear that at a certain age it is too much to be doing the same shit I been doing prior to the age that I am now.  And with this new found adulthood or not even new found but it’s like HOLE UP I’m over 40… too old for this shit! I have to evaluate how I live my life and the things I allow to be part of my life and the things I’m just like nah… I’m not doing that.  So because I am constantly in self-evaluation mode I think other people also are evaluating how they live and the things they do and the things they say. BUT NO!!!  Just like in the song Tennessee (Arrested Development)…. I ask you Lord why enlighten, me without the enlightenment of ALL my folks. He said cause I set myself on a quest for truth and He was there to quench my thirst… BUT I am still thirsty.  Even at the time when that song came out it was an instant connection.  You have to ASK for enlightenment.  You have to know that you can do better or strive to want to do better in order to do better!! So yeah all of that is to say people live their lives different from me and I strive to not be judgmental of how they do it.  But it is an ongoing challenge for me. Sometimes I listen to people and just have to nod my head like ‘yeah girl’ cause that is all I have to give.  Cause what I really want to say is, IS ya crazy or is ya stupid?  That was my Forrest Gump reference.  I am going off on so many tangents right now, I’m sure I lost at very least my sister. In summation… I am about to turn 42 and this is the time of year I start doing my deep thinking!!

I have been in a lot of meeting lately both work related and sorority; and one thing that never fails to grate every nerve in my body is when people make a point to say how quickly their report is going to be.  JUST GIVE THE DAMN REPORT!!!  You don’t have to preface it any kinda way.  If it takes 2 minutes or 20, it is still the report you need to give so just give it.  Last night someone said I’m gonna be really really really quick and my head almost exploded!! Just give the report for the love of LBJ, just GIVE THE REPORT!!

I’m sitting here trying to decide if I’m gonna go home, because it is gonna be dark in about 5 minutes, or sit here and write more blog stuff.  The roommate is safe.  I had a little drama last week, ok so here is what had happened (so I guess stay at work for a little longer won).  I have been having an ongoing battle with the agency I use to get a consistent caregiver person during the week and on the weekend.  For a couple reasons; 1. I don’t feel like constantly ‘training’ someone on the likes and dislikes of my mom; where all the stuff is for her care and just someone new in my house all the time.  2. She has dementia so some days when she doesn’t feel like being bothered she can be pretty mean to the women who come in.  I have been working with this company for about a year.  Last summer when she fell, I basically fired the other company I was using.  Not because it was the little girls fault even though it kinda was, but it wasn’t in me to sue or act crazy because honestly it could have happened to me. They kept giving me incompetent people and that was not good.  I hired a new company and I went through a few people and then they sent me a woman who truly is an angel.  Fast forward to this spring when on my watch my mom falls again.  This time it really was what it was, she has MS and tended to be wobbly so her legs buckled and she twisted and fractured her knee.  Fast forward some more to this past August when medicare was done paying at the rehab facility and I needed to figure out what to do with my mom.  Hospital bed and other equipment and she is back home with me.  I figured out a schedule that would work best for me and my life and the company I worked with sent me a team of caregivers which actually worked out great.  3 weeks later… all the people they sent went back to school!! Back to the drawing board with a good team of people.  I finally got a MWF (days of the week) and TTh person and an alternating weekend people.  I wasn’t terribly happy but they insisted that this was the best they could do for me.  The MWF person needed to get fingerprinted in the middle of the day and they sent my original Angel!! Keep in mind I had been asking about her since I had planned on bringing my mom home but NO she wasn’t available even though she was promised to me, but now I knew she WAS available so I called pretty much every other day to get my schedule changed.  The MWF person (hmmm it woulda been easier if I gave this women names so we’ll call her Mary) Mary went to London for about a month and a half and Angel (we’ll stick with Angel) still kept the TTh schedule.  They kept sending me random people until finally I could not take no more!  My sister called and spoke to one of the owners and Angel talked to the office and then I talked to the office again and they finally gave me (or rather my mom) Angel.  Things are going wonderful!!  I am happy (well for the most part… I was still trying to sort out the night people but that’s a WHOLE nuther story)!! My mom likes Angel and responds to her like no other.  Mary comes back from London but I’ve expressed that I didn’t want to change my schedule and everyone was like ok fine.  THEN the chick I had on W cause now my schedule is Angel comes on MTTHF and the Janet (not her real name either LOL) on W, well Janet just had a baby and had car issues so who do they send MARY!! I knew it was going to be awkward but the office insisted it shouldn’t be.  Mary comes on W and all goes well.  BUT THEN FRIDAY rolls around and Mary comes back to my house even though she is not scheduled.  Drama ensues.  Thank LBJ I was in the shower because I heard all of it after the fact.  So what had happened is Angel came in clocked in,  The night person... let's call he Shonquita was giving her a report and Mary came in the house, put her things in the kitchen proceeded to go into my moms room and told Angel YOU HAVE TO GO, THIS IS MY SHIFT!!!  Angel was like uuuhhh... no, but let me look at me email.  Mary proceeds to say YOU HAVE TO GO NOW!!! at this point Shonquita and Angel are telling her to calm down AND be quiet because my mom is sleep and this just isn't how things are done.  They call the office and the person tells Mary she is not supposed to be there but Mary yells at her and says BUT THIS IS MY SHIFT!!!  They finally get her out!  At some point I get out of the shower and juust sit on my bed and my phone rings.  I had no idea any of this was going on and Mary is saying SHE HAS MY SHIFT!!!  And it's only 7:30 so I'm like WHO IS THIS?!?!? She says Mary... THE OTHER WOMAN IS IN THERE! I say hold up, you were here Wed and i think you are here tomorrow.  Then she was like but I am in front of your house NOW!!  I was said, but your're not supposed to be.  I see her drive off, get myself further together and go downstairs.  Angel is sitting on the couch kind of waiting for me but really waiting for my mom to wake up.  SO I say don't you get an email with your schedule? Because Mary just called me.   And she says OMG what did she say?!?!  Long story short (made even longer) Mary took it upon herself to just show up which is NOT COOL!!  I was stressed out Angel was stressed out and my mom had no idea what was going on.  **sigh** the moral of this story is lock your door or rather MY door when you come in my house, get over the fact that after a month in a 1/2 my original caregiver finally has the schedule I want her to have, so she didn't steal your shift YOU stole hers!!  AND aside from flipping through coupons you did nothing above and beyond AND you fussed at all of my night people!!  SO yeah Mary i'm glad you went to London because now my mom is doing much much better with Angel.  This whole caregiving thing has been quite the adjustment for me.  I appreciate all the help but someone is always in the house and now that the season is getting colder they feel it's ok to touch my thermometer.  One night I was sweating bullets because the chick had turned it up a few degrees. 

Today I walk in and my house felt like a sauna.  I got look and it's 6 degrees higher than it should be.  First off, my mom doesn't get that cold and the little blanket is enough for her.  I really thought I was being petty, it is my house, but it is also their place of business.  I can't change the thermostat at my job.  in fact I have a sweater, a scarf and a little heater under my desk.  I have to deal with the temp that they provide to me.  So no DO NOT TOUCH IT!!  I might have to put a little sticky over it.  

It has been a day and I need a glass of wine STAT!! - that's all

...whew I almost deleted this one!!

When you are in the ladies room with other people, even if your nasty ass never washes and/or uses soap go ahead and do just that… WASH AND USE SOAP!!  I gave this older woman the side eye like did she just NOT use soap?  She was too interested in making sure her hair was in her ponytail.  Like that episode of Seinfeld where Poppie came out the toilet area fixed his hair and rolled out the bathroom, then proceeded to use both hands to make Jerry and his date a ‘special’ meal.  Jerry was like nah I’m good!!  It makes me sick to think people are just that gross. 

Another show I like to reference is Ally McBeal.  On that show… I totally just got caught up in the Wikipedia of John Cage aka ‘the biscuit’ who was on that show.  It doesn’t mention what I was about the write about but it does have some other funny points I forgot about.  Mainly that he had a remote control that he used for the toilet, because he always needed a fresh bowl!  I need a remote like that.  So what I was going to say about him is that he was socially awkward, and I can’t remember if he went to therapy and they gave him this tool or if he came up with it himself.  Basically he started smile therapy.  What that is, is when all else fails, smile! You would see him randomly doing this crazy smile.  Got distracted again… I didn’t remember Taye Diggs being on that show.  I’m on the YouTube. So now I’m watching the 1^st episode.  This is how my day is going.  Man I miss this show!! I forgot the main premise was that she was in love with a guy who went off and married someone else and then worked for a firm that they all worked for (well eventually). I am 2 episodes in… all because I wanted to talk about smile therapy.  And what was my point about that?!?  OH YEAH so I work at a place where the people for the most part look miserable most of time so I find myself smiling almost laughing at these people like, is it that bad?  And it may very well be. I know how my life is and what it entails and I also know everyone does not handle things in the same way.  Some folks are good at covering up everything while others wear their emotions on their sleeves.  I think I fit nicely somewhere in the middle… maybe not.  Maybe I sway closer to a particular side more often than I care to admit (that would be the batshit crazy crying for every damn thing side LOL) Anyway smiling is free, someone might need it more than you realize and even if they don’t smile back it still makes you feel better than always growling.

Where does one buy blue patent leather pumps?  I have a co-worker from another country and her sense of style is not bad, just interesting.  Many of the things she wears, I just look at her like where the hell did you get that?!? It’s heavy on patterns and texture and sometimes they mix and match and sometimes it’s a cluster fuck of a whole bunch of everything.  These are the thoughts going through my brain.

I just used a pen that has the ergonomic cushion on it.  Back in the day my mom would call it her handicapped pen and it used to make me so mad.  I don’t even know why.

We just did secret santa on my team here at my job.  This should be fun!  I mean it never has been in the past, but I have faith. I remember even doing one with my family doing a good specific list and then whoever got me got a gift card.  That always used to piss me off, now, just do whatever.  I didn’t put too much thought into my list.  I do like a good gift set from Bath and Body works.  Every time I go into that store, which isn’t often these days, I say now THIS would be a good gift for me! Usually out loud to myself so no one who could actually buy me the gift can hear me LOL.

I am listening to the new Janet song.  It’s just dumb and I don’t like it.  Her whisper voice just gets on my nerves.

Ugh my coworker is eating tuna with onions at his desk.  THANKS buddy!!  So I have an instant headache.  They did some desk shuffling in cube nation, but remember I reside in cube village but I have to pass through the nation, and I swear someone has a smell that is not quite unpleasant but I can smell it and I need for them to take extra care.

I keep listening to slow ass music and I am about to need to take a nap up under my desk in a minute!

recognized thresholds of negative stress...

I just kept myself amused at the meeting I just left.  The one woman has this filler phrase that she uses which I’m positive she doesn’t realize she is doing.  It’s an old Toastmaster thing… oh yeah in addition to the 50eleven jobs I’ve had, I am also a Certified Toastmaster!! When people say things like uh, um, and, so or something to that affect to fill space when you are giving a speech, it’s a filler word/phrase.  Hers is ‘…things like at’.  I will be a full sentence where everything has been expressed and then she says …and things like at (which is her hick way of saying that… did I go there?!?! No not really LOL).  It’s funny to me and I kept track at this meeting so as not to go to sleep.  In an hour plus meeting she said it 15 times.  I started to drift when she wasn’t speaking.  The only other thing was I was tracking the consultant in Colorado who takes everything out of proportion which she only did once.  It’s usually at least 3 times for her. 

**update** after meeting #2 with the same woman it was 5 times.  I also tracked who interrupted people and that happened 7 times.  After meeting #3 she said ‘stuff like at’ and said it 11 times!  Only 2ce for the out of control person!

I drink a lot of water at least 64oz a day if not more.  When the meeting is over, get the hell out my way!!!  I always gotta go…always Always ALWAYS!!! And if it’s a conference call I might hang up on you.  Yeah!

I saw some dumb little random video on facebook where the guy had a burrito bowl. So what did I want today? A freaking burrito bowl!!! I went to Q’Doba because I’m not a Chipotle kinda chick.  That thing was good as heck!!! I sat there and literally stuffed my face and then wanted to get back in line and get more!!  But that would have been not a great idea.  I just took a little tummy pill (meaning the pill so that I am not gassy in the assy LOL) and I hope it jumps ahead of the food in my belly so that it can do the trick.  I so enjoy people watching.  If I could just post up somewhere and just look at the people and judge them, (hey don’t judge me for my judegerization LOL) that is my idea of a nice afternoon.  The one woman had on an outfit I’d describe as ‘color blocking gone wrong’.  So she had on a blue lace dress… or not lace, maybe eyelet?!?  Anyway it was navy, she had on maroon tights, olive shoes and a tan sweater.  And my first thought was what the hell were you thinking?  Nothing matched, nothing went together, it was just a mess!! Because you know I am such a bastion of fashion LOL and then right after she walked out this old wrinkly lady walked in with these little shorts.  I mean it is a nice day, but yeah no!  There was an hmmm… I was gonna say he was an Indian guy but maybe he was from somewhere else, but he looked like Orlando Jones! I shoulda got a pic.  But I am horrible at getting the secret pic.  I have to think about where the camera app is, if my volume is on mute because if I take the pic will I hear CLICK AND will the flash go off and it’s too much pressure because it should be quick and effortless but it never is.  Last week I was watching a guy taking a pic of an unsuspecting woman who had had on leggings… which I hate, both leggings and that he took the pic.  This weekend I saw a guy on with meggins… they exist!!! I had to stop staring because he caught me looking a few times LOL. #random Damn where was I?!? OH people watching today… There was this one woman who was so busy being on the phone that she didn’t even thank the service guy (it was all blue… is that the navy?) who held the door for her.  I thought they were together, but they weren’t.  OH I need to register my card… gotta get the free chips and salsa! And I’m listening to The Soul Glo Project podcast (http://www.thesoulgloproject.com/ ) AND trying to get some work done.  The person I need the bulk of the info sits right behind me so that is good.  But then she talks to me when I have the headphones in oh cause my ears are covered by my Dominican blown-out hair that has been bouncing and behaving most of the week, but it got wet this morning so the back like a bird’s nest while the rest is straight and of course I have no comb or brush cause it is usually curly and kinky and I really did ignore when the one white coworker said oh your hair is good this week.  I just did a quick blank stare like did this bitch just say?!?!? And then I just said well my hair is different ALL the time so who knows what it will look like next week.  And that is true, I never know what it’s gonna look like and I’m ok with that.  I am a plethora of randomness today!!

waste all your time writing love songs, but you don't love me!!

When people start a sentence ‘black people don’t…’ I’m always like YES WE DO!! And it’s usually black people that say it and I’m like well maybe you don’t BUT I do and I know tons of people who do.  I’m not sure why that was on my heart right now but it was. 

I haven’t been blogging that much here lately. I just feel like every thought is a complaint or when I speak it’s just negative.  This is not how I want to live my life.  The positives do outweigh the bad, but I just get stuck in the mud sometimes.   Things were just happening back to back to freaking back!!!  Like my leak in the basement.  It was like a little fountain.  But I went to the good Home Depot and patched it up, speaking of which I need to do some more patching while it’s dry.  Then it was the water heater, just went out.  I had to get a new one.  THEN the damn furnace!!  It was getting chilly and my mama can’t be cold and that sucker decided to not work.  But thankfully I could afford both because there was a time not too far in the past that I would have had to just boil water and use space heaters until the money was right.   So thank you LBJ for providing all my wants and needs.  AND THEN… and this one almost took me out… so one day I’m outside and I hear scratching on my roof.  I look up and see a squirrel poking his head out of my house!! So there was a hole and that mofo moved right on in.  Then one night I hear scratching in my crawl space next to my bed and I’m like OH SHIT he is living in my house literally!!  So I do my internet due diligence and research some companies.  There are many mnay companies that doe roaches and mice, but it gets a little more specific and limited when you are talking WILD animals!  So I call the company and he tells me how much it is and I’m like (and I know this is so rude) but I asked well is there any other companies that does what you do.  He said ma’am I don’t want to bullshit you but yes there are companies that do the same thing but in a week or 2 when the squirrel is still in your house you will be calling me back.  The next day the son comes to my house and says again there are other companies do, it BUT some don’t have insurance to get on the roof and just other dumb stuff other companies do to get your money and then have to call this company.  SO I was like OK.  He comes in my house and we get the crawl space door open.  I’m standing back cause if a squirrel jumped out I would be sitting here dead writing this (LOL).  He’s like oh yeah I smell him.  And then he goes on to say well thank God you don’t have bats.  And I’m looking at him with a blank stare like WHY would that even be a possibility!?!? So anyway he comes back outside patched up the roof all over the house and set a few traps and an opening for the squirrel to leave the house but not be able to get back in.  He said that the squirrel did a real good job of making a door for himself.  He has been back 3 more times to make sure everything is fine so that was money well spent!  So I’m good right, yeah WRONG!! This Sunday I’m in bed watching whatever and Paisley the wonder cat is running like crazy toward the bags I have on the floor near my door.  I hear a squeak but my brain told me that was NOT what I heard and that I didn’t just see what I thought I saw.  I turn the mute on the tv but I keep not hearing nothing so I keep watching TV.  So Paisley posts up next to the bags and then I see it, a fucking mouse standing on top of the coach bag.  So I’m like OH SHIT OH SHIT!!!  They are looking at each other and I’m on the bed screaming at my cat to DO SOMETHING!!!  I bang on the wall, the mouse doesn’t take his eyes off the cat, Paisley is looking at me like stop banging on the damn wall!!  At this point I have faith my cat will kill the mouse but right now they are having this aggressive stare down.  After what seems like hours, it was probably 5 or ten minutes Paisley makes her move only for the damn mouse to jump in the bag.  She looks pleased with herself and then proceeds to go lay down, I’m like uuuuuhhhhh, the mouse is still in the bag (yes I am talking to my cat).  I run past the cat and the bag, manage to get a robe on and run downstairs. I have a night caregiver for my mom  My nerves are FRIED!!! I say Are you ok with a mouse Tiffany (her name)?  She’s like ooooh yeah mice don’t bother me.  So I’m like GOOD I need for you to come upstairs and get this mouse in my room.  She was so matter-of-factly about it and calm.  SO she goes in the bag lifts up the other bags in there and said nothings in here and I’m like YES THERE IS!!! She is trying to calm me down by saying it probably ran somewhere else and probably left the house.  I’m like NO IT DIDN’T!!!! and then I know I’m am not about to get no sleep cause I’m leaving all the lights on.  She goes back downstairs and I calm myself down only slightly.  I go and take some ibuprofen and the chamomile tablet I bought to help me sleep.  I get back in bed and the mouse reappears!! This time it’s at the front of the bag and Paisley is not right there.  It jumps on another bag (I have a lot of bags in my room don’t judge me LOL) runs down the hallway, make a quick pit stop in the cat food, and this is when Paisley finally jumps into action and tries to get it.  It is now behind the filing cabinet I have in the hallway.  Oh wait when it was on the bag I was in bed yelling TIFFANY!!! I NEED YOU!!! TIIIIFFFFFANNNY… and she didn’t even hear me.  So when the mouse was behind the cabinet I ran to the steps and called her again.  She is calm yet again and moves the cabinet and is like I don’t see it.  I’m like IT’S RIGHT THERE!!! So then she was like aaaawwww it’s so cute **blank stare** CAN YOU GET IT?!?!?  So she says do you have a bucket.  I said I have a trash can so I threw all the contents out and gave it to her.  She hit the wall and the mouse ran into the trash can.  Again... my nerves are FRIED!!  And I’m like WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH IT!?!?!  I want her to kill it but then… you know God’s creature.  So she takes it outside and throws it in the yard.  Now of course I’m like well what if it comes back in?!?!? I try to calm myself down I need some wine no wait something stronger vodka!! No wait let me just sit for a minute.  I go back upstairs and attempt to go to sleep but E V E R Y sound I hear I jump.  I get a call from a very unlikely person (another story for another day) who calms me down and I finally drift off to sleep AND at one point I even turn all the lights out.  I am a praying woman and I believe in praying for specific things.  So me and adult Jesus (cause LBJ don’t always be listening all the time) had a conversation and I explained that the only animals I want in my home are of the people and cat variety AND THAT’S IT!! I understand that the mouse was more afraid of me but I just can’t handle it being in my house at all ever.  I remember one night years ago, even before I got my cat that one just stared at me from the fireplace.  I had a conversation with it and told it I really needed for him to leave my house.  I was dressed to go to a partay in fact I was going to see my DJ Oji.  By the time I got back I just went on to sleep knowing he had listened to me LOL.

I think the 2^nd day of fall I bought 2 lawn chairs.  I went most of the summer without doing much in my backyard, but now I wanna sit and have sangria on these chilly ass days.  Now I need to go get a fire pit and mull some cider and put rum in it.

I’m sitting here sleepy as heck and yesterday I actually went to sleep in my meeting.  It was hella embarrassing but sometimes those voices get so monotone and the information so unneeded.   It was important to someone just not me at that moment LOL I tried to participate and I kept looking at everybody else who seemed so bright eyed and bushy tailed and my eyes just kept closing.

The above was last week… I totally thought I posted it but nah… I am trying to last until 5 but if I make it til 4:30then that will be a plus.  It’s not even that I’m particularly tired I just don’t want to be here.  I did have a bit of the sleepy eye in my meeting but I held tight and stayed awake today! Yay me : )

LOL

i couldn't think of a title that what had happened to the last blog...

I totally wrote a blog last Friday and then totally deleted it!  I do remember something about me being excited about getting a massage WHICH I did get and it was wonderful.  I really do like groupon and living social because even though I missed the deal it still pointed me in the direction of a nice little spot in Catonsville. I was knocked OUT!  I had an add on foot scrub and he, oh yeah I have this cute little guy as my masseuse, asked my how it was.  I was like I'm sure it was great but I was totally sleep!

And then I think I talked about orange and pumpkin, because this time of year is all about color and flavor.  I bought the 2 glass containers from the Dollar store which are orange and I limited myself to 2 because we all know I could have bought ALL of the orange glass bottles because... I have hoarding tendencies. And then there is the pumpkin which is every freaking where!  So people have gone to the extreme with the pumpkin spice latte, but I really do like the pumpkin and I used to really look forward to going to the IHOP to get the pumpkin pancakes.  I mean I still do but since it is everywhere it's not as special as it used to be.  There was a whole pumpkin display at the Giant and I only bought (ONLY LOL) the pumpkin crackers and pumpkin sauce. The cracker has cranberries and sunflower seeds similar to the crackers I got at Trader Joes and I really need to go BACK to Trader Joes to get that bomb ass soft goat cheese.  The sauce I made the other day and for some reason I put WAY to many red pepper flakes in the sauce.  It just needed  something and that wasn't it but I'm still going to eat it because... PUMPKIN!!

Today's Bing pic is a high level picture of the Hoover Dam. I remember as a kid going on a tour was it a church group?!? Yeah it had to be because we were in Las Vegas for the Progressive National Convention for my grandmother who was in office as either the VP or the president of the Women.  That was a big deal and she took conventioning so seriously LOL but so this is about the other grandmother who didn't take the convention as seriously and needed a lil shopping and a lil tour to break up the meetings and sermons.  So she was always giving me her camera to take pictures.  And that was back in the day when there were actual cameras and actual film. We were only a few steps away from polaroids.  So anyway she handed me the camera and I opened the back thinking it needed film but it already had film and I messed up ALL of the pictures because it was all exposed.  And I felt so bad because she didn't have another roll of film.  And then we went to a buffet place for lunch and I almost got left cause I was taking to much time in the bathroom.  And that is my memory!!

Everyone has black or something dark on today including me and I probably should have worn yellow or pink because it is such a gloomy day.

I have worn these braids I currently have since 8/27/15 and it literally just occurred to me as I looked in the mirror and said to myself Chick, you need to take these shits OUT this weekend.  I now have a plan for my weekend, although I would like to do something during the Free Fall Baltimore.  I always miss out.  Tomorrow is the free Baltimore Zoo from 10-4.  I have 1/2 a mind to play hooky, but I do enjoy eating and buying stuff from the QVC and my hours are already crazy for this week so maybe I'll take off a few hours.  I have been living in Baltimore for 20 years and have not been to the Zoo or Aquarium and that is kinda sad.  SO the Zoo is about the only thing I want to do... and the only other thing "August Wilson's 'Fences' is sold out.  so we'll see how tomorrow goes.

staring monsters in their face... with grace!

I have managed to not lotion my calves for pretty much the whole summer.  I get my thighs and my feet but for some reason the calf is just too much.  Today on this chilly almost fall day I decided to wear capris.  I just looked down and wouldn’t ya know it ASH!!  I must do better, ash is never acceptable.

There is just so much on my mind at any given moment I really have to remind myself to just breathe and stop thinking. 

One of my co-workers who I actually like (imagine that!?!?) just told me his ear drums were blown by how loud my music was in my car in the parking lot.  I am only slightly embarrassed.  I gotta get my mind right before I get in this place and granted I listen to music most of the time, I can’t really sing at the top of my lungs like I can in the hooptie.  Today’s selection was Jill Scott’s WOMAN.  When I tell you don’t get stuck on that song they play on the radio I mean it!  Fool’s Gold is good, but the majority of the cd is GREAT!! Do I go through each song or give you the highlights?!?!? I only don’t like about 2 ½ song.  That ½ is cause I gotta listen real good before I can say yay or nay.  ‘Wild cookie’ is spoken word over a beat.  We all know what the cookie is?!?  It’s not really a sex song but more of an intro to the CD.  my favorite line… ‘you could get a coupla things, but THINGS are THINGS!!’ Next is ‘Prepared’.  This one you could kinda tell she was writing and then just said THIS GON BE A SONG!! ‘Run, run, run’ is one of the songs I’m not really feeling.  I think it’s supposed to be a throwback to like a 60’s doo wop kinda song.  But next… OH the next song, this needs a little build up.  NeoSoul Café is one of the internet stations I listen to and found back when I was trying to find a non-blocked stream of music at one of the 50eleven contract site, and this is pre-iPod.  So anyway this station has a soundcloud of mixes.  Actually they used to have a bunch of mixes from a lot of different dj’s. This mix I listened to was from Will Downing.  He does The Wind Down soul session.  Not really my typical work day music because will he winding down and I need to be amped up to work up in here!!  First time I listen to the mix, first song a voice comes on ‘I got something on my back that I need to get off baby….’ Wait I know this voice. Who is this?!?!  At this point we all know I have stopped working and I am trying to find the track listing.  No list written anywhere; so I continue listing and then he FINALLY gets back on the mic to say that was Jill Scott ‘Can’t Wait’. I’m already not working and I immediately go to Amazon and buy the cd.  This song is FIYAH!!! There are so many layers to it that it seems each time I hear something new. I think it is my favorite on the cd.  She is in love and she got so much shit to do be she can't wait to be loved by you!!  ‘Lighthouse’ is next it has a trap beat (am I using that right?!? I am going to you tube it… yep I’m using it right!!), so it’s up-tempo. Lay your burdens down lay them down.  It’s funny how that is a thing, trap music. ‘Fool’s Gold’ is what you will hear on the radio and it’s ok… but it is the typical he-did-me-wrong-but-ima-be-alright kinda song.  Just like really girl?!?!  ‘Willing’ is an interlude.  It’s saying you want me to be all these things, loyal, flawless etc… but you are NOT willing to do the same.  Cause that is the norm (most) men always want what they won’t do themselves. ‘Closure’ is the comedy but oh so true song. When you break up sometimes you need a last romp to make sure you made the right decision and/or it was good but there needs to be more to the relationship.  Miss Jill is very clear in this song we DID break up and I aint cooking you no breakfast neither.  At the end the guy says ‘the closure starts today!?’ and I laugh every time I hear the song. ‘You don’t know’ is a song she sang on one of them award shows earlier in the year to get us ready for this cd.  This is so full of life!  So like if you never ____________(fill in the blank) then you don’t know nothing about LOVE!! She is pouring her heart out.  This is ALL she got left to give! ‘Pause’ follows in the vein of ‘Hear my call’ this is a plea ‘It’s me… I’m calling to schedule a nervous NO make that NECCESARY breakdown!’ Maybe why I like this cd so much is because it speaks to my soul right now.  ‘Cruisin’ on the evening breeze to clear my mind… take my time so I can breathe!! YES!!  ‘Say thank you’ is that ½ song.  I gotta listen again cause I’m just not sure about it. Yeah nah… not my thing. This is where I get stuck cause after ‘Cruisin’ I generally done… ‘Back together’ (is nice i forgot about this one), ‘Coming to you’ (the other one I don’t like), ‘Jayrah…’ (a song for her son).  Finally ‘Beautiful love’ is a duet by someone I don’t know but you know… google.  His name is BJ the Chicago kid.  He has a really nice voice and the song is really nice.  So yes run don’t walk to your nearest wrecka sto and get you WOMAN by Jilly from Philly!! 

One of my other co-workers brought in some old bay cheese puffs.  I am so trying not to be that chick but I want to eat them ALL!!! They are sooooo good and they have a slight hint of staleness which makes them even better I don’t know why, it just IS better.  What I really want to do is stuff as many cheese balls into my mouth and crunch down like I did when I was a kid, but I am trying to keep it cute.  I asked her where she got them and then said NO WAIT don’t tell me because I will be a glutton if they reside in my house.  I don’t handle snacks well in my house.  I didn’t grow up with them and I don’t ration them out well.  So when I buy chips I eat a few the first day, but then I eat the rest of the bag.  It’s a wonder the wasabi ginger Lay's have made it longer than a few days; maybe becasue they are kettle chips and that takes more effort to chew?!!

i'm the BOSS lady, busy handling and managing...

I do try to be an unpetty as possible.  Some days are good and some weeks I can go on and on without coming up for air with the amount of pettiness I can spew.  Here lately because I am so aware of it, it has lessened a bit OH BUT it’s still there right in the middle of my thoughts, not the back nor the forefront, but the middle.  Kinda like middle earth (LOL for my Hobbit/Lord of the ring people… I said the other day that one of my co-workers looked like Viktor Krum and I got a good old blank stare.  Yes I’m  a nerd I own it… and I’m digressing).  I was reading some old blogs and I remember how I worked at a small office and I had a name for everybody the Tweedles, RedNECK, and what was the other one?!?!  Anyway no one here has really inspired a name well at least not anyone on my immediate team but I do have a few.  Wanna hear em?  Here they go… 2 are butt related because well something about a butt just makes me either laugh or stop and stare.  In this case I stop and stare at Sturdy Booty.  Sturdy Booty is a white woman who I have no idea what her name is but she used to sit not too far from me.  It’s sturdy not just because the size of it, but don’t get me wrong, IT’S BIG!  But then she clomps by like a freaking horse.  You know I have a thing about women not being dainty.  Not that I’m the daintiest chick in the world but I am stealth!  You don’t hear me coming unless I want you to, I could be a spy!!  Today she is in the kitchen and clomps by and I had to stop and see what monstrosity was on her feet.  She had these beige patent leather (yo I’m not even going there… but really PATENT LEATHER?!?!? In beige??? Which I guess could be called nude but ANYWHO.... **update** i saw 3 other women today with beige patent leather so maybe I am not the fashion forward one here LOL) with some patterned pants and nothing looked like it went together and I’m getting lost in my story. Alls I’m tryna say is Sturdy Booty is now and forever shall be her name.  And then there is a black guy, now his booty is not big, but (ha ha BUT) he still has a booty name.  His name is prissy booty.  He has a little switch and he may be straight as an arrow (I don’t judge!) but he is just a prissy man.  Not that anything is wrong with that, some men just are.  Just like some women are NOT.  Then we have the troll series. LAWD I’m so mean.  So we have Blond Troll, Black Blond Troll, Big Troll. They are short and mean looking chicks, cause you know I’m such a tall chick so I can talk about short chicks. AND THEN ok last one... Bollywood.  Now this particular man just looks like the lead in any given Bollywood production, he’s pretty with thick long black hair. So this one is less mean (I think).  These are my thoughts today!

The whole republican party is a joke to me.  I really have not been paying that much attention but I do know that Donald Trump is not real life.  He is going to be NO ONE's president and this is a distraction from something else.  And then that idiot Sarah Pallin ( I saw on someones page) goes on to say she would be a good energy secretary but that she would let the states decide what they do with the natural resources.  AND THEN Huckabee and Ted Cruz are just as big idiots supports that woman in Kentucky who decided to not give marriage licenses to gay couple because it is not God's will.  I don't know what God she serves but clearly it aint he one I do. Not to mention it's the freaking law and that is your job so if you really feel that way, get another job!!  It really would be interesting if she would have gotten the same 'support' if she was black or another religion.

I've said it before and I'll probably KEEP saying it.  Teeth are important.  If you smoke or do drugs or just don't do whatever it is that you need to do to keep your teeth and that leads to you losing your teeth, go buy you some!!  It is 2015.  My grandfather back in the 80's lost every single tooth in his 
head but he went out and bought him some!!  Same with my Aunt Lilly... she bought her some!  Sometimes alls you need is a few teeth... so go out and get you a partial plate. Alls I'm saying is there is no good reason unless you are like allergic to the plastic or something drastic like that, that you should smile and not have no damn teeth.  AND THEN even though you aint got no teeth, how is that you pull men/women?!?!  **SMH** i just don't get it and I need for someone to splain it to me like I'm a 4 year old. 

A few people have really disappointed me lately but then I have to take a step back and refer to my old standby, The Four Agreements.  This little bit of literary genius is in my bathroom so I've been doing a little reading when I... uhhh... GO!! The main one i go to is 'Don't take anything personal' and i do try but that doesn't always alleviate the hurt feelings that as a human being I feel when someone let's me down or when I expect more from you.  But that's MY expectation and you a grown ass adult just like me you should do you boo boo... just like I am so hard trying to do me.   

Moscato is a real wine and it's okay for everyone to like it but me.  I just got a bottle in my $99 box-o-wine and I am already making plans to give it away.  It might actually be good but I will probably never know.  

I need for the people to finish all the lines at the McDonough and Painters Mills intersection because mofos can barely drive as it is so WHY should I expect them to see the little lines drawn in?  I find myself doing a whole lot of extra cursing at this stupid intersection like WHY THE FUCK DID YOU JUST MAKE A NEW LANE?!?!? Can't you see the fucking lines like I just saw them?  WHY are you getting from behind me to make a new lane?!?!  Oncoming traffic I know be saying the same thing.  

About a week ago I went into my downtown Woodlawn braiding shop, ask the owner's sister if I could come back the next day at 4:30, she says no come at 4 cause a 1/2 hour makes a difference so that's what I do.  I rush home, pick out my hair, blow dry it to make it a little straighter and go into the the shop.  There are 3 braiders, 1 of whom is the owners sister who says to me, can I help you like she never ever ever saw me in her whole entire life.  I was like YEAH I came in yesterday, remember?  **blank stare** You told me to come in at 4. **more blank staring** UUuuuhhh so can you braid my hair or what?!?! At this point I'm thinking is she kidding, serious, or am I on punk'd?!?!?  Cause I can carry myself and my freshly washed hair to the place up at Security and they won't give me no grief... WELL yes they will because ALL African braiding shops give EVERY black woman and child grief about something or another.  SO I sit down and let her calculate time, money and effort cause I can see it on her face.  She calls another braider but somehow I missed that step.  So after about 20 minutes, it's now close to 4:30 to original time I said I could come in but SHE insisted I come in at 4 which I did so she gets hair and asks me what color I want.  ALTHOUGH in retrospect if I had come at 4:30 she would said something stupid like come back tomorrow so yeah... 4PM  

I almost cringe when folks ask how my mom is.  I know I probably scared my co-worker today.  I had the good fortune to call at the exact moment the doctor was in the front office and she answered a few of my questions and is going to refill my mom's prescription.  She then says I'm putting her on hold to her assistant and then like lays the phone down and I can hear everything.  Thank LBJ nothing real personal was said because that would have been several HIPAA (or HIPPA?) violations.  I say hello HELLO CAN YOU HEAR ME?!?!? My co-worker comes over and says OH not to put any pressure on you BUT I NEED THIS TODAY!!  I'm like ok let me look AND then she says Oh I'm sorry are you on the phone? I said yes but they have me on hold **air quotes** and I need to ask something about my mom.  And then she says well is your mom ok?  I say oh not at all!!  People expect you to say everything is fine, and most of the time I indulge them because who wants to go into and even hear the gory details?   Her face was like OH LAWD I'M SORRY I ASKED but then also, Well what is the problem?  People want to know but not really.  I don't take for granted the time I have with my mother.  Both of my grandmothers lost their mothers at a very young age and I know it has to be hard to not have your mother around.  But this woman is not the same woman I grew up with.  The fearless do everything woman is now the afraid of the slightest touch and just leave me alone woman and it's hard some days.  

Here's something funny/ridiculous... my evil neighbor (well her daughter and the band of thugs she runs with... thug is an accurate term here) has set up a used car lot in her yard.  I am so tempted to call the county and be like Can someone please come out and look at this shit?!?!?  My lawn dude and my handyman (oh yeah I had to replace my hot water tank... thank LBJ I could afford to do so) were both like, you KNOW that is illegal and you should call the county?!?!?  I just want to see how long before it is closed down.  My thought is that is really isn't a used car 'lot' but a holding place which I guess is still just as illegal.  One day I saw one of them fixing one of the cars in front of my house.  I stood there and looked at him until he saw me (bra-less with a scarf on... a sight I'm sure).  I am that neighbor who will stand in her front door to see what's going on; that is the Ethel in me ( my dad's mom with her nebby self. GOD I miss her :) He got himself together real quick and the car was moved.  I was also the neighbor who was hoping they lost their house when the whole housing crash was happening. I'm neither proud nor ashamed, but it would have been GREAT to have new and better neighbors.  I know it could be much worse.  But so that's that.  Oh yes this is the 'tree' neighbor, which that fallen tree is still lying right where God made it fall.  

You ever wear something and then remember WHY you don't wear it often?  I have this cute little green and white print dress, which on the hanger it is the perfect summer dress.  BUT ON, oh it's a disaster.  I have boobs, big ones I should say.  This dress has this little elastic... not elastic maybe gathered material that should hit the normal sized boobed woman right at her waist.  Well it hit me not even below the boobs.  SO I had to constantly pull down and check for correct dress distribution.  And then I put a slip on even though Oprah said back in the 90's we don't need to wear slips, but with this dress I totally did need to.  I was walking into work and the slip was hanging down almost to my ankles (ok not really LOL).  It was just a mess and it has a lower than what I normally wear back so my braids kept hitting my back so now they are all up in a ponytail.  The official end to summer was this past weekend so it can get tucked away only to be pulled out next year with, unless I lose like 500 lbs, will have the same results.  

I'm convinced my sickly cubemate co-worker got me sick!  She was coughing up both lungs last week and now I have a stopped up nose and a cough.  It took a lot for me to not call out today because I need my paycheck to not look as minimal as it had been. speaking of which I need to put some kleenex in my bag.  

I worked a 70+ year old birthday party this past weekend and insisted on taking the ice for the cookout that was supposed to happen on Monday that never did.  Now I have a cooler full of 4 bags with water LOL

i was looking for a good title... random shit it is!!

When you go into the bathroom and you know instantly that she didn’t bothered to practice courtesy flushing.  And then the woman looks all guilty cause SHE KNOW she the one who made it smell all bad. It’s just not that hard ladies.  We all have to do what we have to do but COME ON!!

When you do Facebook stalking be sure to NOT like any pics and if you do cause you know fat fingers or whatever, unlike real fast and pray they don’t get a notification for everything that happens on their page.  I remember one time I was getting a notification for everything which can get real annoying and I mentioned that I saw what I know he had said on my page but then deleted it.  And then he tried to act like I was crazy.  NO FOOL I saw what you said and it’s not a big deal (cause it really wasn’t) but what you won’t do is act like it didn’t happen when it really did.

So of course I was doing a little Facebook stalking and got a little caught up in my feelings of nostalgia.   It used to be so much easier and I long for those days. Now it’s just hard!! Getting on the same page is near impossible and there are too many games that I just don’t have time for and too many babies and mamas to think about and schedules that don’t sync up and everything else in between.

WHY is there hair on my shit that aint mine!! AND WHY does that little girl have on DOUBLE platform shoes at work?!?!? Why does the mail dude always look a lil… off?  and lastly WHY is the first thing I see as I leave is the security guard's big butt?  Cause I like big butts and I cannot lie!! 

I don’t like busy bodies and to me that means folks (usually women) who are just always in everything when it does not concern them and/or they are always trying to be the center of whatever which is usually MESS!

I put the cat food upstairs because my finicky ass cat decided she couldn’t eat while someone else was in the room and here lately there is always someone in the room.  SO now this fool rushes downstairs and then is like OH SHIT my food is upstairs!!

For the life of me I do not understand why it is so hard for people to do their job.  I have had 50eleven jobs and I have always done not only what was required of my but sometimes I went above and beyond because that’s just what was called for. Now because of the environment I am in, folks are SOOOOOOOOOOO fucking busy all the time.  And y’all know I hate that as an excuse.  SO I ask you a direct question for information that should be at your fingertips but you want to send me to 2 other locations that I have to do the research!??!  NAH son... I'm good. I don't even need the info, this was for the director.  SO in the back and forth emails of you telling me what YOU not gon do, you coulda just gave me the damn information.  Let's see how accommodating I am when you need something from me... 

The reason for the blog today.  I have moved from my 'who gon check me' mode because really WHO IS gon check me? to 'How is that my problem?'  Lately it just seems like people have so many excuses that do not affect me in the way in which it affects them.  Your emergency is not MY emergency nor my priority!  And while I don't lack empathy, I'ma need for you to do what I need. For instance, my mom (aka the roommate) was just recently at a rehab facility that in retrospect didn't do much rehab at all, but anyway she was getting pain meds round the clock.  On a particular day i went to check with the nurse to see if he had given her the meds.  His response was well I am really busy and all these family members keeps asking me questions.  So you know I did a quick jerk reaction and I stopped just short of saying what the fuck do you mean?!?!  Instead I said EXCUSE ME? I AM a family member and my mother is in pain and you being busy  is not really my concern. His poor planning and not reading his notes led to her getting her meds 2 hours later than she should have.  so wait maybe that wasn't a good example... But ok (LOL) here is a better one, again dealing with the roommate, I have several caregivers because even though I have multiple skill sets, getting the gown over my mom's tight right arm has proven to be near impossible FOR ME!  These women come in here and have her dressed in 5 minutes.  So anyway the other night one of them said she needed to get here at 8.  I said well the hours are 7-7 so if you can't make it then.... So she proceeds to say OH BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER HOURS!!! if it were on another day then I could do it.  The whole entire time she is talking I'm like How is that my problem?  I am all for people going back to school (which was her reason/excuse) so that they can do what they need to do in their lives.  But MY need is for someone to be at this here house in downtown Woodlawn from 7pm to 7am.  So no... not my problem.