no they won't be naming no buildings after me...

I just looked in my frig and I have eggs and Pellegrino... HOW AM I LIVING MY LIFE!!!  I am judging myself LOL I mean I also have juice and wine, but that really is about it.  I thought about the supermarket for about 2 seconds, but I always convince myself that I really do have food. And I do, in the freezer. I probably should pull something out.

It really is time to do a year in review.  Christmas is Monday and 2017 will be done soon after. Let's review.... So I moved my mom into an assisted living and my sister told me I was less mean, so that's a good thing!!  I was an extremely hard decision and i go look at her several times a week.  I say look because some days are good ones where she is feisty and has a lot of questions and conversations to the days where she just stares at me and I know she is locked in her brain ans whatever she wants to say just won't come to the surface.  Most days are in between where she tells me she needs to fart and she goes off to sleep!  On the job front they were all temp jobs, some bartending and some driving.  I was in straight hustle mode!!  And I got tired. And so I stopped driving as much but I never found a work home or work people that I wanted to call my own.  I sell jewelry Let me find my link real quick...  And I really enjoy that.  I have 6 partners for a business that is still trying to get its wings (like red bull) and it's a  little frustrating because I feel like I should be a millionaire (or at least a thousandaire LOL) by now.  Everything comes in due time so I also feel like something is really holding us/me back because we/I may not be completely ready.  WELL clearly I'm not ready because as much of an entrepreneurial spirit that I do have, I still think about having a J O B.  But it really boils down to, bills have to get paid and as much as I want to be like Oprah and do what I love, BGE wants their cut every month. On the dating front... wait I'm not sure what that is... so moving on.  OH here's something big... I bought a new car at the end on March.  Specifically March 31.  It was end of month and end of quarter so those men were not letting me leave the dealership without making a deal with me.  What's funny is the ownership changed, but I still rolled up in there like SO I STILL GET MY FREE OIL CHANGE, RIGHT?!?!?!?  I did get in a car accident so I almost feel like silver cars are cursed, because the silver Honda I had back in 90-something i got in an accident as well.  Neither one was my fault even though this go round I think I might be out a thousand because I haven't yet called state farm and geico to fight.  Claims have been submitted and denied, but I still need to fight!!  Thankfully I was not hurt, but I almost think I might have needed to get hurt in order for me to get any money.  And I don't even want to get rich off this, I just want to money back that I put in.  

Yall know I got distracted...

Some of my biggest pet peeves are ones that you should have learned to not do in kindergarten.  Like chew with your mouth CLOSED!!!  This is so simple but so many don't know how to do this. And then since your mouth is closed, there is really no reason for conversation... SO no talking with your full ass mouth.  Just EWW!!!  And you demand that I ask you specific (or pacific LOL) questions then I'm going to demand the same.  Don't start no sentence mid stream and think I know what the hell you are talking about even though I do, I'm gonna play dumb like I don't.  Everyone does not get your stank ass humor so stop being hurt when no one laughs.  People who over use sanitizer I always give a lil side eye like, just go wash your hands if you are that germaphobic.  Like I get it you want to be clean but it just grosses me out cause you need a few germs in you so you don't get sick. I was in the bathroom the other day and a mom says to her little girl 'do you want to just use the wipes we have in the car?'  I a was like SO you gonna walk ALL THE WAY to the car when the sink and soap is right here?!?  That is beyond nasty.  Thankfully because there was one of those dyson air dryers where you have to pull your hands up the little girl was like NO I wanna use that.  So the mom washed her hands.  And then yet another day I'm in there and the woman comes out having just flushed, checked her hair, and rolled out.  I looked around like WAIT HOLD UP!!! You really NOT gonna wash your hands??  I think I used extra soap and then used the towel to touch all surfaces knobs for the rest of the day.  YOU. CAN. NOT. FINISH. MY. SENTENCES.  You just can't so please stop trying!!!  This is not a peeve more of a LIKE; a good smelling man can get further with me even if he is not so easy on the eye!!  ok that's it for now

musical hodgepodge

Getting into the Christmas spirit is hard for me for a lot of reasons and we all know I love the Little Baby Jesus.  But I know if I hear Mariah "all I want for Christmas" one more time I might kill someone.  ALSO, "Last Christmas" by anyone other than George Michael and even HE is a little iffy.  ALSO, if it's not Donny Hathaway don't play any other version of "This Christmas".  Both his slow and fast version.  My sister asked me if I liked Chris Browns version.  She almost got slapped!!  I can tolerate Luther's version, cause it's LUTHER, but for real for real ALL I like is Donny's version.  I do have some Christmas music.  Luther Vandross (of course right?), the Peanuts (yes the cartoon Peanuts) Christmas album, Rahsaan Patterson (yes this one is very random, but I like it), a mix one of my co-workers made back in the late 90's, Kirk Franklin and the family and that's about it.

I am currently listening to Kenny Lattimore who is doing great justice to Phil Collins "One more night"  even though I had to pause the cd to listen to Phil for a minute.  Actually Kenny did a version of an Elton John song that brought tears to my eyes.  But we all know I'm a big cry baby.  Let me find it... Come Down in Time!!  WHEW that song.  Sometimes lyrics need to be a little more elaborate that shake ya ass and I wanna screw (that's a Barb word LOL).  I don't usually like covers, but sometimes people can make the song their own.  Like LUTHER... I must need to put him on next!!  Even Lalah Hathaway can make you forget there was someone else before her that did the song.

I guess I'm in a music mood.  I was awed for a second when I asked my oldest nephew who said he listened to a lot of music but he didn't know who Ledisi was.  I think I repeated her name about 5 times and then he pulled he up on the youtube "Alright" came on and he was like OH OK.  Then I was like WELL WHAT DO YOU LISTEN TO?  He said Frank Ocean, The Weeknd... I just kinda gave him a blank stare.  I wanted to say THAT AINT MUSIC but I chilled LOL  I know I can be old school or hell just OLD sometimes, but I really don't like the new stuff now.  He mentioned a few people I have heard of like Future and Joey Badass, but if couldn't tell you what they sang or rapped. 
i said I heard of the Lil's like Lil Uzi Vert and the ASAP's like ASAP Rocky... But still have no clue what they rap.

Now I got my boy Eric Roberson on.  He recently did a trilogy of cd's.  When they came out I just did not have the funds.  But I just got the first installment EARTH.  I still need to get WIND and FIRE.  The elements!!  I know he explained it in one of his IG posts,  I know it is paying homage. 

Also, just bought Stokley who was the lead singer in Mint Condition.  I'm not sure why he felt the need to go solo.  The band is still together as far as I know.  He has done a few things on his own, but I guess not splitting the check 5 ways might be a benefit.  There is something about his first released single "Levels" that I just rubs me the wrong way but I knew I was gonna get his cd.

I got so much drama on my mind I REFUSE TO LOSE!

I'm on a conference call right now... Really trying to figure out my life and tired SO TIRED of waiting for someone else to make a decision so that I can have a job.  I have got to live my life differently.  I might want to start with turning off all the damn lights and turning UP the damn heat because I am cold yet I am pantsless and braless (yes I know this is an overshare but it is the truth right now!).  So this is my life.  It is also too dark to early and once the sun goes down I am ready to get my brown booty right in the bed.  But I got shit to do so I can't just be getting in the bed at 6:30!!  I CAINT!!!  And every single leaf on all my trees have huddle right up to the bottom of my steps.  They can't scatter like regular leaves!  And I need for it NOT to rain AND for my lawn dude to come clean this up!!  Cause I aint doing it and I will pay for him to do it.  What I also need is for my drunk neighbor to stop knocking on my damn door thinking I am his personal ATM.  I gave the guy some money once and know he thinks it's ok to just knock on my door.  SO last night I was 2 seconds from calling the cops.  His story was he needed to get his pregnant daughter to the hospital.  And I have questions marks... Where is the baby daddy?  Why she aint got no money?!?!  Where is her mother? Why does drunk neighbor have to come up with the money to get her there?  Why can't they call the ambulance?!?  And most importantly WHY DOES HE THINK I HAVE MONEY!?!?!?  Now I do... but this is a terrible precedent to start up.  What I say now is I don't have any cash in the whole entire house!!  FOR YOU is what I need to add.  Just like BLACK LIVES MATTER... TOO!!!!  It should be an agreed upon assumption.  I am struggling my damn self.  I had to check the account balance a few times to make sure there is enough in the account for mortgage and the cell phone because they both come out the 1st day every month.!!  I have been talking to a few girl friends because I really want to jump on this $19.99 for 2 year internet and just do internet and cancel the cable.  And as behind as I am on most shows, I really could binge watch them.  Plus I got PRIME and I just looked at the line up, and there is ALOT of content that I need to get too.  So yeah.  This is a hellified rant of complete randomness!!

Ummm... what else. 

I am currently dealing with a person who I am clear I need to watch my back and constantly cover my ass!!  I hate that feeling but like Olivia Pope, my gut is never wrong.  And speaking of Olivia... What the hell is going on this last season?  I have barely been watching it, alls I know is Quinn is kidnapped and Papa Pope has her oh and MAMA Pope is back on the scene and so there that!

Thanksgiving was good... small in numbers but good.  We had a bazillion sides but what else do you expect from Ethel's grandkids!?!?  And it is good to know that ALL black folks are hella extra with all of the sides!!  I don't know why I thought it was just us but when I saw all of the memes I was like OOOH OK!!!

a few days later...

I am currently sitting right but the lil space heater in the cold ass waiting room tryin to get my niece's car washed.  Across from me is a dude in skinny sweat pants.  WHY LORD do they make these?  I am so ready for the whole skinny jean phenomenon to be over.  Now what I need to be doing is working on my resume but I'm out here finishing my blog and looking at skinny sweatpants LOL

Ok resume updated and sent.  Now we wait.  Which is the part I hate.  I know I'm qualified but having to always prove my skills to others gets a bit nerve racking.  I'm not sure if I wrote about this but a few months ago I had a phone interview that I thought went well.  They told me they were going to pass which I was like oh mmkay... their loss. BUT THEN these mofos brought me in for an in person interview where I had to PAY for parking said the same thing I did on the phone.  I think it boiled down to money.  If you ask me how much I want and I tell you which is way outside of your budget then why don't you start with  how much you are willing to pay?  I have no problem saying no or trying to decide if I can work with the amount stated.  But what I don't accept is that I'm not qualified.   Hey I clearly gotta toot my own horn!!  LOL

I hope they have my car back there... I now have to go to the bathroom.  Oh we started with a hellified overshare so why not end with one?!?