the most wonderful wonderful wonderful WONDERFUL day (not time) of the year!!

I’ve been watching the show House of DVF which is the search for the brand ambassador for Diane von Furstenberg brand.  Let me say Miss Diane fires people the best!! She hands you a little parting bag and then you are gone! The bags have gotten bigger as the episodes go on and she is soooo nice about it.  What’s funny is all of the women feel so entitled like OF COURSE I should be the ambassador! But out of the last 3 left, I really don’t know who should be the ambassador.  I went online to see some of her dresses, she is known for a good wrap dress and it stops at size 14 AND they are like $250 for the cheapest dress.  SO maybe that won’t be my thing.

I bought a Christmas tree the other day! It’s not that I have been anti-Christmas when it comes to a tree, it’s just that the day after Thanksgiving comes and goes so fast and then it’s December 25 and then it’s way too late.  I bought a little table top tree a while ago and that has been what I used for that past several years. But then my mom (aka the roommate) said, I think we should get a tree!!  We means me.  So Monday at lunch in a dress I go to the Home Dept.  I went there because my seester said it was less of a hassle than going to a lot.  Thankfully there was a dad (who was actually kinda cute) buying a tree and he was helping me and I guess I was helping him.  The cashier was actually pretty helpful and then they had 2 extra workers who were also helpful.  I NEVER get that much help from the Home Depot crew so clearly this was my day!  The one dude cut the bottom and trimmed some branches and the kicker was that it needed to go in my backseat.  The trunk had stuff from the Sam’s Club AND the wheelchair and there was just no way it would fit there.  I don’t know if it was the smell or what but I had a smile on face!!  He put it in the backseat and I had to roll the window down, it really is a little tree.  I get it home, leaned it against my ottoman and didn’t put it up until after my sorority meeting.  It worried the roommate and even though she was in the bed when I got home, she wanted to get up to hold it in place so that I could screw in the screws at the bottom.  I told her I was fine and that I didn’t want the tree or her to topple over.  The next night I started decorating and it again worried the roommate.  She insisted on helping even though she couldn’t see the green hook to put on the green tree.  So she pointed and said just follow my point!!  So the lights and some balls are on the tree.  I need a few more hooks and balls and it’ll be complete.  Paisley hasn’t ventured to mess with it which I guess is a good thing, but we’ll see.  Christmas is next week! 

SO this whole Sony thing is both sad and hilarious!!  Basically there is a movie about to come out called ‘The Interview’ with James Franco and Seth Rogen.  The quick and dirty is that they are plotting to kill the North Korean dictator.  And then Sony files and emails got hacked and Koreans are being blamed. I have several layers to my thoughts.  1^st off getting a script green lit in Hollywood takes a lot of effort.  You go through many levels of people who read the script and decide who is going to do what and at every level people said Yep that’s a good idea!!  Sounds good to me!!  Strained relations with North Korea?!?!  OH no problem, it’s just a movie and it’s funny so yeah let’s go ahead and spend millions on this bullshit even though we just turned down a really good script because no one looked like the one presenting it and we just can’t see it but James Franco and Seth Rogen, people like them so yeah GREEN LIGHT!!  That right there gets major side eye. After all of this the movie gets made and the North Koreans are not happy.  I mean would you be?? It just smells bad to me.  2^nd Sony executives have had their files and emails hacked and all kindsa stuff is coming out about all the celebrities like someone said something about Angelina Jolie, they made fun of The Smith kids being home schooled, we find out the points for ‘American Hustle’ the men got 9% but the women got 7%.  AND THEN they are making a plea to the social media outlets and CNN to stop reporting on it.  REALLY GIRL???  I just don’t feel sorry for them.  Nothing is private and you have to be careful what you say and do.  Big brother is always watching.  I read this article on the whole Elf on the shelf phenomenon and that’s a whole nuther thing…. Basically it’s saying you are setting your kids up to not question authority and to be cautious and always do good because that thing is watching you.  Whew I digress…So yeah I forgot what I was gonna say next (imagine that LOL)!!
***UPDATE***
Sony has pulled the movie all together!  WOW  is all I can say.  I had no intention of seeing the movie because you seen one Seth Rogen James Farnco movie... you seen em all.  But this right here is interesting!!

what are you gonna do?

I need to start a tag #shitthatonlyIdo because there have been some doosies!  I went to get my toes done the other day.  I threw my coach wristlet on the chair and then had to straddle the chair so that I could get my shoes and knee highs off.  The second I sat in the chair my wristlet plopped right into the water.  It was only there for a second but my technician sprang into action.  She grabbed the wristlet, I pulled out my phone and thankfully it was only a little wet, and she proceeded to pulled everything out.  I had money, and receipts, and earrings and lip gloss a pen and it was a LOT of crap, but she was trying to dry it all out for me.  **smh** ONLY ME!

I am sparing some feelings and for the life of me I don’t know why.  My feeling matter too!! I really try to not let things bother me and even though I just talked about being passive aggressive, this is really not directed at one person.  Some days I’ll be talking to whomever and just wait to see when they are going to ask about me? Sometimes nope they don’t and I have to hear about a plethora of things that I maybe didn’t want to know right then and there.  It is the worst a few days before my time of the month I mean forget about it, you might get hung up on if I think about it too hard! Ehhh… we all get in our feelings I’m no different.  

The roommate has been giving me the absolute blues!!  And even when I tell her about herself it doesn’t matter because she has dementia.  Her ass is gonna forget!!  OH but she doesn’t forget that there are 2 kinds of cookie in the kitchen. But she forgets to eat her vegetables.  So what do you do?!

Christmas time is such an odd time of year for me.  Some years I try to get into the spirit but just fall short.  This year I am in try mode (LOL).  So I bought silver balls and white lights for the tree I plan on buying this weekend, but I kept the receipt so we’ll see if that actually happens. It is getting close to my birthday and every year I go into self-reflection.  Here recently I have been saying to myself this can’t be real life!!  I am going to wake up and things are going to be different.  And don’t get me wrong things are not bad, but they aint all that great either.  It’s a balance that I have still not mastered.  As for the Christmas part, I really want to not buy anything for anybody even though I already have and I intend to buy more stuff.  I have to ship stuff to the god babies because I actually bought stuff for them.  I have to wonder when I will see the little baby cousins or I might just have to ship that too.  I have to think about the other nieces and nephews who are just no fun to shop for because they are all getting old and ashy and gift cards or money it will be!!  I get real bah humbug!!  My sister has been listening to Christmas music (all year LOL) since about Halloween and I have just stopped cringing when I hear it in the stores I need for all of you to stop making new versions of the Donny Hathaway classic.  I was in the supermarket and heard this bird stuck in her throat woman singing ‘Hang all the mistletoe…’ and I got mad!!  Just do a new song something!!  I haven’t seen any this year but some of the best packages of products put together are at Christmas and Mother’s Day and I want them ALL FOR ME!!  I never feel like I’m a good gift giver and especially for the kids I feel like I am adding to the crap they already have. I did enjoy watching Rudolph the other night and that helped my mood.  I am going to see what else is playing this weekend.  I like the Baby New Year one and… really thinking now but I’m drawing a blank.  OH ‘The Preacher’s Wife’, saw that one last weekend.  So I’ll be flipping around to see what I can see. 

Top 5

Everybody has been doing Top 5 list of their favorite rappers because of the new Chris Rock movie and I have some favorites too.  Even though I am more of a happy rap kinda chick my list probably will shock some but here it is:

1.  Nas
2.  Wu-Tang (the group as a whole)
3.  DMX
4.  Tupac

5.  AND… maybe it’s just a top 4 because I am racking my brain and I can’t think of anyone else.  A lot of people said Jay Z and Biggie.  I like Jay Z enough but ehh… And Biggie I’ve never been a fan. 

I guess maybe this is a list of people who I actually own music OOOOHHHH WAIT I remember my #5

5. Ludacris!!  Because what song don’t sound better with Luda?!?!  I can even stomach corny ass Jamie Foxx with a Luda verse.  I really like his flow.

I watched the 1^st episode of ‘Girlfriends Guide to Divorce’.  The scene where she is about to get it on with the younger dude, which he says something corny like ‘are you ready for the younger man experience?’ played by the guy from Alphas (which is cancelled) and also he was in Rush this summer (as a bad guy and his ass got killed) but he is a cutie patootie who in real life is 39 but can play a 28 year old (must be nice) ANYWAYS… so they are about to get it on and this song comes on and I’m like wayment… WHO IS THAT SIGNING?!?!? What song is this?  That was a few nights ago.  So today I am stalking reviews and the IMDB and BING to see if anyone wrote about that song because it needed to be written about and how do you find out that information?!?  So one review on Entertainment weekly spoke of Lianne La Havas and her remake of Crazy by Knarls Barkley (or Cee Lo Green you know whatever you remember) and I do remember that song playing but is wasn’t noteworthy and it kinda pisses me off when folk redo some songs, I mean she has this bluesy husky voice so it did actually sound good but that wasn’t the song I needed.  So I am finding nothing on the good internet so I go back to the show on my trusty Kindle and try to relisten to the song.  I initially thought it was Joss Stone which is funny because she is on the remake with Lianne on the Crazy song.  SO THEN I get the bright idea to turn on closed caption (I am a genius in my own mind!!!) IT IS LIANNE LA HAVAS!!!! The artist and title pop it. The name of the song is ‘Is your Love big enough?’  and that’s the song hole up lemme add it:

 

I should know this chick and I kinda do but not really which is making me need to go back to my old haunts where I ‘discovered’ all the good stuff I know about.  I wanna say she was a VH1 artist ‘you outta know’ but nooooo… so now I’m gonna rack my brain trying to remember how I knew her.  Maybe she was at the Jazz fest last year!?!? Noooo that’s not it either I just can’t remember but what I DO KNOW is I need that CD just based off that song.  The song was so timely in the show because here we have a woman who is struggling through getting her mind right for getting ready to get a divorce and who's husband is already seeing someone and now is her turn to about to have sex with a young dude so it’s not even love but the song asks Is your love big enough for what’s to come?!?!  The answer is probably no!! She just wants the secks not love.

there's always tomorrow...

I attempted to live tweet while I watched Rudolph the Red nosed Reindeer last night.  But alas, I am no good at doing that.  I always end up retweeting what other folks said because it’s usually funnier.  And then I miss stuff and have to go back and say OH YEAH.  Then my spellcheck on my phone insist on making my life a living hell LOL.  So these were the events that took place last night.  I clicked on Rudolph and said nah… I aint watching that!!!  Then I tried to find something else on but there was nothing so I clicked it back on because the Christmas season does really begin until after I see this show.  Here were some of my tweets:

#RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer why is dolly a misfit??
— RandomChick (@Chickiness) December 10, 2014

The kang gave them a lil ass house and 1 bed #RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer
— RandomChick (@Chickiness) December 10, 2014

When Christmas day is here the mist wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful Day of the year!! #RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer
— RandomChick (@Chickiness) December 10, 2014

 

It’s funny watching something year after year and seeing something new or not really realizing what I’ve been watching.  Hermie was a lil fabulous WITH red lips!!  I don’t judge I’m just saying.  ‘You can’t fire me I QUIT!!’ is in fact the best way to quit any job.  Clarice was the onliest doe that showed up to watch all the boys.  Why she didn’t have a crew of friends? She a fast tailed doe!!  And then I went and got some svedka clementine vodka and the rest is a bit of a blur!!  Yukon Cornelius devised a scheme with Hermie to get the Abominable’s teeth and then alla sudden Rudolph had antlers and he saved the day.  Santa picked up the misfit toys… THE END!!

I’ve said it before one of my biggest pet peeves is an un-updated website.  If that is your business then do better!!  

I watch most show on-demand because I just can’t remember when anything comes on anymore except for Wed night and Thurs night shows on ABC. Everything else is hit or miss.  So I was catching up on my New Girl.  That show is so dumb and funny at the same time.  So the episode I was watching was how men just punch each other, that is considered the fight, and then they move on.  Jess and Cece however had this whole passive aggressive thing going on where they never really talk about what bothers them and then they don’t talk for 3 days and then they are good.  As much as I don’t think I am passive aggressive, I know I can be.  I was going to do this whole rant about things folks had done to me because I had been wronged!!!  But then I was like well why can’t I just say to whomever whatever it is and then move on?  Well it’s not always so easy.  It’s easy to tell other people about other people.  Telling the actual person I always feels not right and this makes me passive aggressive, like I am stepping on toes.  Now don’t get me wrong, I do tell people about themselves, but sometimes, I don’t. 

But why miss do you have on a polyester burgundy pant suit with white boots?!?!  WHY??  I know people see crazy stuff at the Wal-mart (there is a whole site dedicated to it!!), but I seem to see the craziness at the Panera Bread LOL.  And also at Panera wait your turn. DON’T stand at the counter where they are putting my open food.  Sir I don’t know where you’ve been and I don’t appreciate you breathing on my food! You probably got the same thing as me but my number is 505 and you came AFTER me so don’t touch my plate!!! Eeewwww… Lastly, miss even though you clearly know the little dude wiping the tables and busing everything stop talking to him!  He needs to do his job.  And I don’t need to know he is a security guard somewhere nor that he is majoring in criminal justice but has no idea what he wants to do with it! But he might want to do detective work.  Which doesn’t that mean he needs to join someone’s police department?!? So there’s that!!

 

So I'm cyber stalking a guy right now who when I was a kid I thought he was soooo cute.  Now not so much! And then of course there are the guys that weren't cute at all but these days... my how things change! And on that same note I always wonder if I look as bad (or as good) as some people my age?  It's a vanity thing I know but sometimes people be looking REAL bad.  And others seem like they are sipping on youth dew... I don't know

blog

The serenity prayer is truly one of things I need to repeat to myself more times than I care to admit.  And here it is:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

The reason why, is I really have to step back sometimes and say SELF, or CHICK (you know whatever fits the mood) that aint your business! OR there is nothing you can’t do about that! Or just leave it alone! So that’s what I need to do.

***Kinda sorta spoiler alert…even though I don’t give that much away and you should still go see it!***

I saw ‘Dear White People’ a satire movie that centers on 4 black college students who attend a fictitious Ivy League university.  Now let me preface my thoughts by saying I am a 40 year old who went to an HBCU.  It was wasn’t so conscious of a decision that I wanted to be around all black folk, but more the size of the schools I visited was more my speed, but now that I think of it I only did a college tour of Black schools so maybe that was more my mom’s idea?!? Anyway  when I was doing research back in 1989-ish  (LOL) some of the majority schools were just too big.  Even Pitt, the college my mother liked to threaten me with, was just too damn big. I considered Virginia Tech but the freshman class was like 15 thousand people.  I honestly was not exposed to some of the smaller schools and staying in Pennsylvania was out of the question.  All that is to say I could not really relate to this movie BUT it was good!  The main character was a mixed race girl who had a radio show called Dear White People.  The anecdotes were funny like DWP please don’t touch my hair! I have not had this experience.  It’s usually other black people that want to touch my hair.  Or DWP don’t dance!  This one was hilarious because I sat behind 4 white women and the one woman said AWW MAN!!!  I almost fell out my seat it was so funny LOL This character was the ‘militant one’ who dated a white guy but then then black guy was in love with her and then her white dad was sick so she just had a lot of race issues that she had to get a hold of.  The next character played by the little guy in ‘Everybody Hates Chris’ who I didn’t even realize he was gay until the movie was almost over.  He didn’t really fit into any one group so he was kind of a loner.  The next character was the son of the dean of the school (the dean played by Allstate’s Dennis Haysbert) and had issues of wanting to do what was expected of him instead of what he really wanted to do.  SO he dated the president’s daughter but didn’t really want to and then ended up sleeping with the last character who had some really crazy issue.  She also had a radio show/vlog and hated the DWP segments.  Her goal was to get with a white guy.  Her form of self-loathing I haven’t seen in a quite some time.  I’m not saying everyone who has a relaxer or get weaves or has color contacts has issues because that’s not the case but she was trying to get as far away from here roots (literally and figuratively) as she could.  Basically my synopsis is that these are 4 different young black people who are just confused but navigating their way through college and eventually life in a landscape that thinks a certain way about all black people and lumps them into one big monolith, but that is so not the case.  It is a worthwhile movie to see.   I am a youtube kinda chick so I’ve been hearing buzz about this movie for quite a while.  So yeah, that’s my review

The Aaliyah Movie was BAD!  I mean there was not nothing in no way good about it.  But Ima need for all of you people to ease up on my best friend in my head Wendy Williams.  You guys are flooding the internet with such negativity and it is just not necessary.  You took your time to watch it so that was YOUR FAULT!  It was on Lifetime, what the heck did you expect?  Name any good movie that has been on that network?  Don’t get me wrong, you can get stuck on a movie and/or movie marathon on that station and wonder what the heck happened to your day.  And then there are themes like the women who beat their husbands or women who are single mothers who got abducted to the Middle East for prostitution (LOL); it gets that ridiculous.  SO yeah the memes have been hilarious.  And that’s it.

Onto Bill Cosby… **LOUD SIGH** I didn’t realize until today that this came up because of another comedian who did a bit about Bill Cosby.  I don’t think he was trying to gain fame he just did his bit, someone taped it, put it on the internet, and it went viral.  I mean we are in internet age! But this clearly isn’t new information.  I remember back in the day that Bill Cosby had a child outside of marriage (just like Jesse Jackson) and then it just kinda went away.  Like no one said any more about it.  And I guess that is the same thing.  Women made allegations and then it just went away.  I think he absolutely did what they said he did.  The last time I heard it was 17 women who came forward.  That’s a lot of women to be lying on a man, so I do think there is truth.  And the comparison I made was we still hold (or held) the Nazis responsible for their war crimes decades after they came to the USA and started families and tried to live normal lives.  They still killed and tortured people, but now that they are someone’s grandfather they are exempt?  And not to compare Bill Cosby to the Nazis but it does fit. Just like we all forgot R. Kelly liked little girls until we saw The Aaliyah Movie.  I didn’t forget and I never did like R. Kelly. NEVER!!  The only song he sang that I like was ‘I believe I can fly’ and that had more to do with my nephews and Space Jam.  I do however like Cliff Huxtable and Bill Cosby played him so in some regard I will always like Bill Cosby.  And Fat Albert?!?!  That was my childhood right there.  He is 77 and someone’s grandfather so while he is not exempt… uhhhh I don’t know, I just don’t…

It was someone’s bright idea to give me 2 trash cans, 1 for recycling and 1 for regular trash.  BUT WHY is the one for trash smaller?  I have lots of trash and just a little recycling on a daily bases.  Right now it is full to the brim.  Probably the same person who didn’t provide a closet for me.  Just freaking geniuses!!

randomness at its finest...

Today is Music Monday! I don’t know if this happens for you, but I can be minding my own business and just hear a song that just takes me where I need to be.  And that happened to me just this morning.  I am on my way to work all late and hungry cause I had to make sure the roommate was good to go and this song comes on the radio.  I instantly know its Tank because his voice has a certain something that sets him apart from others.  It was his title song to his new cd Stronger.  And I was like YES!!  I need to get this cd right now… well not right now cause I’m still driving but I need this cd in my life!  His first single ‘You’re my Star’ has this retro feel to it and I really wasn’t feeling it until I saw the video and being the video vixen I am in my mind it made wanna get up, get in shape and go try out for the next video shoot happening in the good Baltimore a la the old Aunt Viv when she still had it but then decided she didn’t really want it.  So now I am listing to the CD on the youtube and I am happy about my purchase on the amazon and did anyone else know that prime went from 79 to 99 bucks!??!   I know these are run ons but stay with me!  So this cd is H O T N E S S!!  This is his 6the cd and I‘m wondering if I need to revisit 1-5?  I know he wrote some song for Jamie Foxx and I bought his dumb 1^st cd and was greatly disappointed.  Except for Unpredictable because it had Ludacris on it and doesn’t he always make any corny song better?!  HE DOES!! Ok back to Tank… I totally missed him at the Essence the year I went because I was on my grind tryna get to the super lounges. I saw sexy Ty!!! But I missed the other T and G.  I don’t really know what happened with the whole TGT thing.  I wasn’t really here for it but you know 3 sexy mens I should have been, right?  I think r&b is inundated with sameness.  Singers sound the same, songs sound the same.  Producers who work with different artists do the same thing.  I like my independent people for just that reason, they try different things.  So I keep Eric Robeson, Anthony David and the like around for some plain old good music!  I’m going back through some of his old stuff… while I appreciate the shirtlessness, I think I’ll stick with this one.

The roommate is home!  She had a temporary stay at the good assisted living because she fell and fractured her ankle in August.  It was a good break for the both of us.  I am getting myself back into the swing of things, namely buying groceries and cooking.  I have a bad habit of eating out too much probably a good reason my ass, boobs, and belly won’t get any smaller. 

I’ve had a few epiphanies recently.  1.) I need to stop blaming outside things for me being unsettled.  It’s no one else’s fault but my own for not getting my shit together.  2.) Everyone is not in the same season at the same time. What I am going through might not be what you are going through and even if you have some sound advice for me, I might not be in the space to hear it.  It goes both ways.  3.) and this is an extension of 2… we all have different fears and re-naming it to make it sound like it’s not a fear doesn’t make it any less of a fear.  Take these however you need to take it.

Now I am on to Tevin Campbell… what happened to him? The Wikipedia page said he is working on a new CD. I used to sing at the top of my lungs to him driving to and from the good VSU!! There were several tapes (HA TAPES!!!) the red Renault had a tape deck LOL I did a lot of singing and praying between Petersburg and DC  cause once I hit 495 I had to concentrate.

he wouldn't know a new idea if it hit him the the pachenga...

You know how when you have something you want and then it’s not really as good as you wanted it to be!?  Well that would be me last night.  I got the chicken and waffles from a place not too far from my house.  This place is a new spot and the 3^rd time I’ve been there.  So I’m not really speaking badly about it but more about my quirkiness for watching my food being made.  I can’t face the kitchen because when I see my food done I want to go pick it up, but you can’t just go up there and do that.  I WANT TO, and my friends know I am crazy enough to go into the kitchen but I haven’t.  Last night I watched them pull my waffle off the iron cut it, powder sugar it and then it sat. And sat… and sat some more.  This was just bad time management.  My chicken should have been done AND then they should have made the waffle, not the other way around.  I really wanted to fuss but I didn’t for a few reasons 1.  I was pms’ing hard and I had been fussy all day anyway.  2.  I was hungry and I just didn’t feel like a fight.  3.  There were just too many people there.   Had it just been me I probably would have said something.  The chicken was nice and hot but the waffle was just so/so.  I already know take-out waffles are not a good idea so I’m not sure why I thought last night would be any better.  The only exception would be the Chicken and waffle food truck which I haven’t even (ok took a quick minute to google… the last tweet they did was 9 months ago) seen in a while.  But I guess since that is what they do (or did) it, the chicken was already ready and you just kinda waited for the waffle.  It always worked out.  Another place is a sit down restaurant that I was truly not feeling, but they have chicken and waffles and they are GREAT!!  I went and hijacked a friends food LOL She likes the place and everyone else in Baltimore like the place but now I know to get just the chicken and waffles.  And did I just totally do a whole thing on chicken and waffles?!?!  YES I DID!!! If you are in the Baltimore area close to Owings Mill small, go have you some chicken and waffles at Granny’s which is about the onliest thing holding that dead mall together.  Then if you want some just good general food but not necessarily chicken and waffles go to Café 1137 on Windsor Mill road.  I have had the catfish po’boy, the tilapia platter, the Asian wings and the regular wings (well that came with the waffle) and it has all been excellent!  Worth the trip and wait.  They are on Yelp and Urban Spoon so look them up that way because the website as of today is still under construction which can start a whole new rant…

When you have a business make sure you have an up to date website.  That is about my biggest pet peeves when it comes to businesses.  It is a cost of doing business and should have been in the business plan I hope you created before opening your door to any business.  This is 101 stuff, not even advanced.  There are so many low cost ways to host the website because I understand it may take a lot to build from the ground up, but there are 100’s if not 1000’s of templates that can be used to get you started. And then go on social media and promote your business.  I get a blast from someone in Richmond about buying a cheesesteak almost every day.  And you know what I WANT A FREAKING CHEESESTEAK every time he sends it, but I am in Baltimore.  But guess where I go when I’m in Richmond?  Str8 Out of Philly.  They have a website str8outofphilly.com   I am doing a whole lotta plugerization here I need to be getting something for free LOL Damn I want a cheesesteak now!!!

Speaking of food I hope that was my activia peach orchard yogurt I just took from the frig.  If not OH WELL!!  It’s gone now **shrugs**

I am getting ready to go vote early today. It’s the gubernatorial race as well as some questions and I’m going to answer them.  It is my civic duty!

I'm K-I-T! Kit!! I'm keeping it together now!

I have been really laughing at myself lately on just how long it takes me to get started with doing actual work.  It is quite embarrassing… well no not really that’s just how I am.  So here goes.  My goal is to leave my house between 7:30-7:45 from my house to get to work about 8 – 8:15(ish).  It’s a good day if I start my coffee by 7:45, take my meds, eat, and walk out by 8.  Usually I can get the coffee and meds done without hassle, but eating is always a little tricky.  Do I eat oatmeal?  Do I stop at Mickey D’s?  Or Chick-fil-a which is in the opposite direction and I’m already running late so maybe I’ll just get a bagel at the cafeteria at work.  Man I wish there was a little café on the way to work which I think that one place across from Windsor Inn is but no one is ever in there and it looks a lil suspect.  Get to work usually by 8:30 or so, sit at my desk turn on computer and check email.  ALL email, work, and personal and OH someone mentioned me on the Facebook so let’s click on and see what they said. Stay on there for longer than I will admit.  WAIT I’m still hungry!!  SO I go to the caf and hope there is no line at the bagel station.  There usually is not.  Eat and then see if my team lead is in the office.  GREAT he’s not and didn’t bother to tell me so let me see what I’ma do today.  Check emails again.  I need to get my water, sit back down.  NOW I have to go to the bathroom which I probably coulda did when I went to get the water but that would’ve been too much like right.  Oh now my co-worker comes in so we have to chat about whatever! Did I plug my iPod in?  If not I need to do that because it does not hold much charge and I need a good song to get my day started.  Ok... cue up the house music and let’s go!!

I just got a new phone.  Which is not technically my first smartphone, but since the last 2 I had didn’t do anything without any great effort I called them dumb phones, so now I have a SMART phone and I don’t see what all the hoopla is about.  I mean I get it, but do I really need to be this connected to just EVERYTHING?!? The short answer is NO!!  It is a nice distraction, but distraction is exactly what it is.  I signed up for Instagram and within seconds, not minutes SECONDS I had people following me.  I still don’t know why because I haven’t posted a thing. There are a few hair and make-up bloggers that I wanted to follow but I didn’t realize you could just follow folks all willy nilly and in turn they can follow you. It’s a little unsettling.  I signed up for Yelp because I like food and I like to see what people have to say about it.  I added facebook.  And some kinda way because everything is Google based, it synced (syanc?) everything from my Google profile.  So that means I have contacts/emails in my phone that I have no desire to have in my phone like BillCENSUS!  He was a dude I worked with back in 2010 when I worked on the Census.  Am I ever gonna call or email him again, NO!!!  I don’t know how to undo it.  And then when I started adding my contacts it wants to attach to people that are already in the phone that did the sync already.  I know this is a learning curve but I feel a little vulnerable now.  And I downloaded Viber to chat with my bff all the way on the other side of the world.  So those are the dets on the phone.

Sometimes I want to yell to people JUST LISTEN!!  Don’t talk, don’t have a comeback (witty or otherwise) just listen!  By the time I get around to posting this the conference I am preparing for hopefully will have been successfully over.  Some of these planning meeting have been a hoot.  So a person from 1 committee says there will be 2 screens at the venue SO WHY do hands go up after she is finished to ask how many damn screens there will be?!?!? If you just listened… **loud sigh** Another, good rule is FOLLOW DIRECTIONS!! It’s just usually a good general rule of thumb.

I don’t know whose bright idea it was to only have microwaves on the bottom floor.  Probably the same person who didn’t bother to put very many closets in the building. And probably the SAME man who did not provide me ample space in the rest room, except for the handicap stall, because he is a man, I’m sure of it, and he didn’t think about the toilet paper holder touching my leg when I have to go.  This is supposed to be a green building, but there is so much wasted space that I could freaking scream.  For starters, does food smell that bad that I can’t have a microwave on my floor?  If it is a well vented area, what is the problem? And does every area have to hide the trash cans and supplies that it takes me all morning to find a spoon?  Every day I think I am going to find the hidden closets because I am still convinced that they are there an no one is clueing me in on the secret because how else do you explain rows and rows of cubicles with nowhere for people to put their coats?  It is getting chilly I need a space to put my coat and since you gave me a short ass cubicle I can’t hang my coat here.  And the one over in that other department has supplies in it so please tell me what I am to do?!?  AND THE BATHROOM!!!  Why must all doors except for the handicap door swing in?  Is there some bathroom law that says they have to swing in instead of out? And I am not no little chick so me and the girls need ample space to get in and out of the space.  There are very few public bathrooms that work well because they all seem to have poor placement of the toilet paper holder(s), the sanitary napkin bin, and then seat liner if they are provided at all.  I need to find the rest room association and join it to help change the design of bathrooms everywhere to make them work better for me and then in turn everyone else!  I’m sure it is male dominated and I am sick of it!!!

This is for my natural chicks… and ALL WOMEN… calm down ladies!!  It’s just hair!!  So I have been seeing a lot of rants lately about how people feel their hair is being perceived and maybe it just hasn’t happened to me (yet) so I’m not tripping.  One of the bloggers I watch pretty regularly had an issue with one of her male (and gay) co-workers saying another natural co-workers hair was ‘wild and crazy’.  She went OFF!  Like straight off the deep end and I sat there and watched the video and thought really girl?!?!  Another woman does protective styles because she doesn’t know how her mostly white women co-workers will say.  What I have to say to that is most days my hair IS wild and crazy and FABULOUS!! It just is!!  And I’m not really concerned what folks say or think, and that probably is the difference.  I think initially I was very defensive and ready for a fight if someone said something crazy.  But after I came in the office and I got so many compliments after I cut it all off, whatever tensions I had were eased.  My selfie steam is intact!! But I guess I’ll speak on it if and when it happens to me.

I don’t know what the age is and if it should just apply to everyone, but what you need to do is put the phone down and stop driving in slow motion!!  We are on the beltway ma’am sir and calling whomever can really wait!!

Happy Premise #3 - Even though i feel like I might ignite, I probably won't!

So they have been hitting all things Jewish really hard at the assisted living in the good Pikesville MD.  I don’t know why but Hava Nagila gets the roommate going. She has been known to throw her hand in the air and wave it like she just don’t care!

I swear to all that is holy and good that folks feel like they can say any ole thing online and in the comments section and not give a second thought to it being mean, hurtful or unkind.  I mean really?!?!  I know people use online as a way to hide, but not me.  If I say it online please believe I’ll say it to your face!

The other day I came home to a huge pile of dog sh… POO in my yard.  As much as I wanted to blame my neighbor that has a dog, it’s a little dog and this was BIG pile o poo.  So this morning it took me forever to get myself together and when I opened the door to walk out I see a man and Benny the bulldog (LOL) but he has him on a leash so even though I side eye them both I don’t harass them.  Then up the street I see the crazy ass black dog.  Now this fool has run himself in the middle of the street and the car thankfully stopped so the silly owner could come get him.  The dude with the bulldog has stopped walking too because he doesn’t know what this dog is going to do.  The black dog looked playful but you just never know.   This while my neighbor across the street has 2 big trucks coming in and out of his driveway because he is getting some tree work done and I’m standing there fussing at one truck for driving the wrong way up my one way street and watching the silly owner and black dog (he just HAD to be black).  I noted the house but since I already cleaned up the mess I couldn’t point to it and fuss, BUT I KNOW it was that damn dog!!!  It’s probably the same dog I told to go home… no wait that dog was a pit bull and when I yelled at him, he went home (LOL).  I bought something from PetSmart with pepper and citronella as a deterrent.  I’m not trying to hurt nobody’s dog I just don’t want them to poop in my yard.

On Iyanla Fix my life she had a man who had 34 children with 17 women.  And I thought about myself and immediately knew that could not be me. I can’t even date someone with too many kids.  I remember 2 guys both were handsome in their own way.  One had 4 kids, well 5 but he counted the set of twins as 1 which even when he said that my libido just went down to the ground.  Oh wait, this was the same fool that did naked push-ups LMAO Anther story for another day… The other had 4 kids 4 baby mothers and I just kept thinking my baby can’t be #5 NOR can I be baby mama #5.  Not that I wanted to have kids or kid with either of them but as a childless single chick it’s something I think about. His deal was 1 kid he just found out was his; 1 was in Nebraska (yeah I know Nebraska??!) and 2 were in Baltimore; 1 with his sister’s best friend the other with some random woman.  BLANK STARE!!  Yeah he had already too much drama.  So then I’m seeing the promos for this show and I still do not know how you get caught up in mess like that unless you just want to.   He must have been spitting and/or slanging some high end shiznit to have that many women.  I mean who dates their friend’s man?  AND has a kid with him!??  And then you still stay with him and have a few kids with him.  And that’s only 2 of them!!  I would have loved if she had ALL of them and as many kids as she could fit in like an auditorium or something.  And I get why the older kids were like just forget it! We don’t need you now!!  It’s a bad situation all the way around.  And them damn baby dolls!!!!  That was thee most hilarious thing Iyanla has done.

I am having a rough morning as I laugh at myself.  So I left my coffee in the cafeteria and got a side eye glance from the dude in the bagel line as I walk right to the front to grab my mug.  I get to my desk proceed to drink and wonder why my dress is wet, OH that would be from the hole in the insulated mug/cup thing.  Why a hole, well that would be because I did  a horrible packing job when I attempted to pack them in the bag I just purchased on the cruise to carry all the crap I bought on the various islands.  SO it had a handle which broke and I tried to repair it, but I stuck it in the dishwasher and the glue melted off (imagine that).  Now it’s just a hole.  And I keep sticking it in the dishwasher and that part keeps getting filled with water which is why my dress is now wet!  Thankfully it is of a polyester variety so it will dry quickly.  And of course I now also have a coffee scented keyboard!! Oh the joys of being me…

Happy Premise #2 - the is no giant foot trying to squash me

So here’s the deal.  I had the bright idea to color my already red colored hair honey blond.  I’m not sure why I thought it was a good idea… I mean I REALLY don’t know why I thought that it was a good idea.  I saw the box in the store and I was like OH yeah!  That’ll be cute!  But what had happened is the turnout was HORRIBLE!!  I have some video and I’ll attach it as soon as I edit it so you too can see the fuckery that is now my hair.  The good thing is that I have an appointment this afternoon to correctify this mess! 

I always forget how people are here, and maybe everywhere.  I mean there are always the few nice folks who are just nice to everyone and then there is everyone else.  So there is a white chick that just refuses to look my way in the hallway.  I’m making it real easy on her.  I just look away too when she walks by.  It is silly, catty, and childish but sometimes that’s what you gotta do.  There is a black chick that is attempting to do the same thing but she looks me up and down so maybe her attempt is just to be rude, who knows.  What I do know is she needs to go get her toes done cause while you looking me up and down chick I’m looking you up and down too and your shit aint right!!

Deep breathe… and onto non mean girl things!!

Breath of fresh air

Breathe of fresh air

Hmmm…. I got some auto correction going on **smh**

I don’t have a whole lot to say today.  It is getting chilly and I am not prepared for it.  I need to pull out my tote of fall/winter clothes so I can dress a little better for the weather.  And I need to bring in my heater which I know is contraband, but my knees be chilly so who gon check me boo? Amidst my current hair issue I have the nerve to look like Jackie Moon today.  It’s just BAD all the way around LOL.  And on the note of vanity I need for there to be more mirrors in this building.  I am in a new building and the old building had mirrors on the elevator doors so you know you could check yourself before you got much further in the building. I mean you might have a boog, or your pants might be unzipped or just whatever.  I have 2 mirrors at my desk, well 3 (LOL).  One to check for boogies, the other to make sure no one sneaks up on me.  It falls often, but it’s in a good position today.  The other is to also check for boogies and tooth crud.  The struggle is REAL!!  I don’t know why that term is so popular alla sudden.  Hasn’t whatever struggle always been real?  At least it’s real to whoever is going through it.  And are we really in struggle mode all the time?  I have questions, but who has the answers?!?

I had to remind myself the other day that zombies are not my lane.  So there is a tv show starring Harold Perrineau from Best Man movies and I like to remember him from Lost tv show.  So I’m like ok it might be good.  AND THEN a zombie bit something or someone or jumped out and I was like OH HELL NO!!  This is not my show!!  I tried it!! I did watch World War Z with Brad Pit and after I got over it being a zombie movie it was pretty funny.  I mean even though I know zombies are not real, IF they were I would not survive a zombie attack.  I would die, and I’m ok with that!!  I would not be the gun toting hero black chick; that is not my story!! I really don’t like too much scary, but the preview for Sleepy Hollow came on and I am so looking forward to it. It has a definite scary vibe, but I like for some reason.  I am looking forward to many of the new shows coming on this fall which I hope can make it past only one season.  Thanks Fox for cancelling every damn new show except Brooklyn 99 which I STILL don’t get why it is so popular.  I mean I watch and I like the characters, but it’s not THAT freaking funny.  I have learned not to get to attached to any show.

Happy Premise #1 - There are no aliens!

Wrote this a few days after Labor Day…

The other day I think my cousin thought I was joking when I said I needed a break after working for 2 weeks for the good Labor Day.  But NO it’s true!  I had a nice 2 ½ month vacation this summer.  I highly recommend it if you can afford it!  I’m not really sure how I did… well yes I do, but that’s none of your business!!  It is good to be back to work.  And for the meetings I manage to stay awake, I am productive.  Yesterday I know my team lead saw me sleeping!!  And I could not keep my eyes open for nothing.  But then they popped open and I said my important few words LOL  I had to fight to get included to most of these meetings so now I have to act like I care and have something meaningful to say.  The last go round I had such a myopic view of what was going on, so it is nice to have a big picture view of the project.  I got a nice compliment yesterday also. My manager (I think… I honestly don’t have a person that I report to) says that she is so glad I’m here and that I was requested to be on this portion of the project!  I looked at her like NO REALLY?!?!  It’s always nice when folks recognize you work.  And then it’s hilarious that they actually think I know what I’m doing!  I mean I do but some days (like today) my answer is Yes sure I can do that but then I gotta read everything to make sure I know what I just said yes to.

Spending time at an assisted living can be interesting.  It’s assisted because for the most part these people just need a little extra help, but not so much that it’s a nursing home and not so little that it’s independent living. The conversations are hilarious!  Often things get repeated because either the person asking forgot or they can’t hear you.  But these people have lived pretty long lives and they still have stuff to say!

And then this is more recent...

My refurbished iPod I bought a few years ago has decided to stop syncing and I now I have to go to the apple store to see what the heck is wrong.  If I had known almost 3 years ago that I would have been getting a better job in just a matter of months I may have sprung for a NEW iPod with all the bells and whistles but instead I got it from Game Stop and honestly it has been fine.  Before that I had the Sony Walkman MP3 player which I still do have and may have to break it out again.  So I get to Columbia mall a mere minutes before the clouds open and torrential rain comes down.  I have to get to the appointment because it took me almost a week to get it.  Two bags on my arm, I took my flip flop off and waded through the water with an umbrella I had in the car.  I get to the store sit down, legs and butt wet and bag a little wet and check in with Josh, or Chad… or Ian they all looked the same even the girl and even the black guy.  Sam comes out and I tell him my issue and he says well did you uninstall ALL Apple products?  My face was like uuuuhhhh… what do you mean? What I didn’t know because I am not an ‘Apple’ person is that along with iTunes, Apple slaps some other programs on your computer that you may not know are there.  It’s nothing harmful they mostly hang out in the back ground, but if you don’t know they are there you don’t know to uninstall them.  I’m sitting there and I ask Sam, is it ok if I pull out my computer?  It’s a Dell.  He says of course!!  I need to see what’s going on with your computer so I can help your iPod. I’m like oooookay.  So I pull out my pink Dell (yes it had to be pink) and instantly I felt all eyes on me. And then Sam clicks a few things and says he’ll be back.  He did whatever he needed to do, reinstalled everything and it synced (sank?) right away!  I was so happy!!  I really was because I really didn’t want to plop 200 plus bucks down on another iPod.

My thoughts on the NFL…            

1.      Ray Rice – As much as I don’t want to have an opinion of course I do so here goes.  DON’T DO SHIT IN ELEVATORS!!!  There are cameras everywhere!  And that wasn’t the first time he hit that girl and probably won’t be the last.  I don’t think he meant to hit her that hard but he did and we all have seen it and they are making an example outta him.  His life is not over; this is just a blip that everyone is weighing in on.  As for his wife, I wish folks would stop calling her stupid.  That is the decision she made, to stay with Lil Ray.  I might be love it might be money but whatever it is women have made decisions to stay with men for reasons that are their own.  I’m not defending or sympathizing but it is a bad situation all the way around.

2.      Michael Sam – I think I am the onliest person who in the midst of this being a great victory for the gays all over the world thought ‘Can he play football?!?’  He was chosen next to last in the draft and I know people can have closed minds about people living the life they want to live but he wasn’t a 1^st round draft pick for a reason.  THEN he gets an EPSY award for courage… Not 1 game has been played so I’m still thinking ‘CAN HE PLAY FOOTBALL?!?’ Then he gets cut and then my thought was OH he CAN’T play football!!  He got signed to somebodies practice team and I wish him luck but I mean come on… I knew the accolades were a bit much.

3.      Lesean McCoy – This fool right here left a 20 CENT tip at a burger joint in Philly.  I’m not shocked or surprised, but I am pissed at some of the comments made by folks who have never been run back and forth by entitled people only to want more and then they leave a bad tip.  I remember many (many many) years ago serving the radio DJ’s from a radio station here in Baltimore.  It was about 7 or more of them so I could have added the tip in but I think my co-worker/trainer said well don’t add it in because they will probably leave a good tip.  SO I didn’t and they left maybe $5 on a ridiculously high bill.  But then one of them did leave more because he was embarrassed (as he should have been) by his co-workers.  If you can’t afford, or don’t want to tip, then don’t go to places that have servers.  One commenter asked how much would have been enough?  In this case the bill was like $61 so at very least 9 bucks.  I mean it’s great when you get a tip that is huge, but that’s not the norm. Celebrities or athletes probably get better service because of who they are and tips are not mandatory but COME ON!!  What he did was just mean and I think everyone should send him a tip card so this foolishness can end.

4.      Go Steelers!!!

summer days driftin away...

I was just reading some old blogs and laughing to myself how I have not become any less random than I always have been.  This summer has been pretty good.  I started a blog about my wonderful cruise and then I got side tracked (imagine that) and just didn’t finish it.  The quick and dirty (my new way of say short and sweet… but then why would it be dirty?!?! Hmmm gotta look that one up.  It has its base in programming hmmm) of my cruise was it was freaking AWESOME!! And I spent it with 2 wonderful friends.  I had a great spa treatment, I went to some great beaches, drank some good likka, danced to some great music and... yeah it was GREAT!! I had a family fun weekend in Rehoboth Beach where they had a nightly wine and cheese so you know I liked that.  And then I putzied around the house for the remainder of the summer.  I did get some things done but to the naked eye I did just about nothing!  So the week before I was to go back to work I intended to cram everything into it that I hadn’t done.  One of those things was I went to DC to visit the Martin Luther tha King Memorial.  First off, taking the metro and then walking to the actual memorial showed me just how out of shape I really am.  They had these little bikes that I could have rented, but somewhere in my crazy brain I thought it would be better to walk.  I stopped and rested more times than I care to admit and I also stopped at the World War II Memorial as well.  There is so much rich history that people from other states and countries come to absorb.  I’m only 45 minutes away and I still don’t visit and enjoy these sites like I should or could. Because I went on a random Monday, it really wasn’t busy and I got a few pics that I need to post.  In addition to that I went to see ‘Finding Fela’ which was a limited release documentary on the like of Fela Kuti.  I had seen the play a few years ago, so this kinda supplemented that play, but it still left me wanting more and throughout the movie they kept teasing with the music but they never really played much.  But it was good.  After all of that walking and metro taking I was good and ret to come home.  So I’m on the metro, I took the green line from Greenbelt and I had my music blasting.  A woman with her family, I think it was her and 2 kids maybe like 9 and 11 gets up as the train is about to stop and says ‘I need to get to Branch Ave’.  The man who got on with the suit case said ‘You went the wrong way, Branch Ave is the complete other end of the line’.  She proceeds to get hysterical and the man who is some random man says ‘Miss it’s really ok, just get off this train and get on the other side and it will take you to Branch Ave’.  By this point I have pulled off my headphones because I’m like well can I help?  And really no I couldn’t she just needed to go the other direction.  She says to the man about 3 times ‘SO I NEED TO GET OFF AND GET ON THE OTHER SIDE?!?!’  He says yes all three times. But then… I started to say, she might not have to get off, but she did because this was a ‘you aint gotta go home but you gotta get the heck off this train’ moment.  And I didn’t want to confuse her.  I get off and get on the elevator with suitcase man and a random Indian lady and I start laughing!!  WHO DOES THIS?!?!  Well me!  That’s who, but I wouldn’t have waited until the last possible stop to discover my ass was going the wrong way.  And I get it. The DC Metro is not for the faint of heart.  They arm you with that little map and you think you can conquer the world but you are from Iowa so really you and your fanny pack need to ask questions as often as possible.  The man and the woman start laughing too because we all know it could have been us.

So that was Monday. Tuesday it rained like God was about to send Noah and the arc back to earth so I didn’t leave the house.  Wednesday I was chilling in my room and I hear a loud thud.  I rush downstairs to see the roommate on the bathroom floor and the little CNA trying to lift her up.  The floor was wet; I’m pissed because I just want to chill that day but no, not in the cards for me.  So what had happened is the little girl went to the bathroom (she took a dump), sprayed Febreeze fabric spray (which means the liquid not the mist) as an air freshner. My mom (aka the roommate) went in in a rush (because even though she moves about as fast as a snail, she had to use the bathroom right that second) slipped and fell and landed on her right foot and was in a lot of pain.  We finally get her up and into my office chair which rolls, she can’t put any weight on her foot and I’m standing there like WELL SHIT!!! NOW WHAT AM I GONNA DO?!?!? I wait for about a ½ hour to let the Tylenol kick in and my mom is still in pain, I mean I have never seen her in pain like this.  SO I call 911.  While I’m on the phone I’m saying my mom fell and I can’t pick her up to get in the car; she is commentating in the background THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!! I say yes I know but can you please let me finish this call?  About 3 minutes later I hear the ambulance and the roommate goes into a straight pitiful mode.  Is that siren for ME!?!?  She definitely has a flair for the dramatic and I know she is in pain but I was like Really lady!?!?!? The EMT’s hop out and WHY are they both women?  I’m like I know we fought for equal rights and to do what the men do, but I really would have preferred a big beefy man right then.  They get her situated on the bed and then inside the truck and I follow them in my car.  Long story short, after waiting for freaking ever, it’s a sprained ankle and they put an air cast on her and a low dose of Oxy followed by the regular dose of Oxy and she was still yelling herself silly! The doctor says she can walk on it immediately and she looks at him and we (my sister and I) look at him like he has 2 heads.  Oh no sir you don’t understand, she is not just gonna walk outta here!!  Her pain is excruciating, she’s  has MS and dementia and even if she isn’t in as much pain as you think she is, SHE thinks she is in too much pain to cope with anything, so go ahead and send the social worker in here so we can figure out what to do with her.  We put her in an assisted living facility short term so she can get her pain under control and will be doing some OT and PT and have round the clock care.  If she went back home with me at 2 in the morning, what was I gonna do with her?  I still can’t lift her.  So this is the best course of action. A few days later on a 3 way call with the sibs, a woman knocks on my sister’s door and says Hello my name is whatever it is and I do home care and I’m licensed.  We were stunned at the timing of this!  She has already been out to see my mom and will be able to help with her shoulder and her foot.  So even though this has been a very VERY trying week, things are falling into place and this chick can breathe a few sighs of relief!!

I just started back to work and I have a sweet little cube in the corner.  The onliest problem is I can’t see behind me and my music is usually blasting in my headphones.  I just bought a mirror from the good ole Dollar Store, but it’s from the Dollar Store so the suction doesn’t seem to want to work. There really isn’t anyone who will be sneaking up on me but I do seem a little paranoid.  My ‘team’ is in a whole different building and because of how these building are arranged you can’t really find folks unless you know the exact quadrant they sit and even then, you will get lost. So it really is all good.  The chick is hella tired though.  I need to be going to bed at 9 instead of 11-ish.  I need to break up with Conan! 

I need to try to NOT notice things!!

Sometimes it just gets to be to much and I am overloaded with rants.  Last night I thought the vino smoothed things over BUT NO!!!  Here goes:

• If there is a DO NOT ENTER sign that means everyone.  NOT everyone BUT you!! So ma'am the little traffic jam you done caused at the post office could have been avoided if you just did not enter where you shouldn't have.
• It really is ok to wear the size you are supposed to wear.  Now you may be in denial but your size 20 butt really should not be rocking size 12 jeans
• If my appointment is at 5 then at 5:20 I don't expect for the nurse to just be taking the blood pressure and then you mosey on in at 6:10!!  My time is just as valuable as yours DOCTOR and the appointment has been on the books for months, I didn't just call the morning of and ask for you to squeeze me in.  NO MA'AM!!
• I need to be clued in on when the apocalypse is going to happen because I swear for GAWD it seems like when I only got 3 or 4 items folks have food to wait out whatever storm is acoming
• I really don't like self checkout.  But if I have to because only 2 lines are open and folks got cart FULL of food then make sure it has register tape.
• They (and they know who they are) only open a new line once ALL MY SHIT is on the belt!!! It never fails!!  I want it to fail!  I would like to be the chick getting out of line to be taken care of immediately, but that's not my story, that's not my song!!
• I am always a little slow, and I'm okay with that.  I think I was adult before I realized Madonna was talking about teen pregnancy in 'Papa don't preach'.  My mom heard me singing my heart out one day and wanted me to explain what the song meant, WELL I told her that her Papa was  preacher and she just wanted for him to leave her alone because she's in trouble.  I had no idea what 'trouble' was... ALL this is to say I really want to maintain my naiveté when it comes to Usher's new song.  Can it just be about kissing?!  Can I just believe that is all he's talking about even though he SOOOOOOOO isn't?!?
• Can the people across the street either stop buying cars or allowing people to live there??  I still can't figure out what really going on over there, but just don't park in front of my house EVERYDAY!!
• I thought the people walking up and down the street (same people) were kids.  Everyday without fail there is a group of loud ass people who walk up and then back down about a half hour later.  I opened the door one morning and caught sight of these fools... OLD FOOLS!!!  To old to be that loud so early in the morning disturbing my good sleep!!

That was last Wednesday!  Today I carried my happy ass to the IHOP in Randallstown.  WHY must it be such and adventure when I go out?  Why can't I just read my little book and NOT notice things?!?!?

• I don't know why you think OR who told you blue hair looked good, but sis it really doesn't.  NOR does the funky attitude you seem to have!!  NOR does the flower short short that cover your very big dimply ass!! Listen to people when they talk to you.  Wear your correct size... well wait that doesn't apply here it was her size (not sure wear she got them but hey)... Wear things the compliment your size
• So your barely 1 month old throws right on up on the already nasty carpet, but you and your other small child pose for a selfie?!?! Are you going to clean it up?!?
• It was clearly baby day at the IHOP.. no one told me.
• What you will do is LEAVE when you are done.  you are holding up 2 tables and the dos 2 year olds you brought with you are running everywhere and that is not cute.  I always cringe when kids do this because it is so dangerous in a restaurant.  Anything can drop on them or someone can knock them down and then you gonna be the first in line to sue someone
• the host was rocking a really nice body.  Thank you sir for spending many  hours in the gym (or jail)!!  I could not figure out his deal, but just like Shaun T,  I enjoy looking even when it aint for me!!