everything has got to get better!!!

I am going to be 42 in just over 2 months.  I found myself in saying out loud to myself recently in true Danny Glover ‘Lethal Weapon’ form “I’m too old for this shit!” or wait did he say I’m GETTING to old for this shit?  Either way it is clear that at a certain age it is too much to be doing the same shit I been doing prior to the age that I am now.  And with this new found adulthood or not even new found but it’s like HOLE UP I’m over 40… too old for this shit! I have to evaluate how I live my life and the things I allow to be part of my life and the things I’m just like nah… I’m not doing that.  So because I am constantly in self-evaluation mode I think other people also are evaluating how they live and the things they do and the things they say. BUT NO!!!  Just like in the song Tennessee (Arrested Development)…. I ask you Lord why enlighten, me without the enlightenment of ALL my folks. He said cause I set myself on a quest for truth and He was there to quench my thirst… BUT I am still thirsty.  Even at the time when that song came out it was an instant connection.  You have to ASK for enlightenment.  You have to know that you can do better or strive to want to do better in order to do better!! So yeah all of that is to say people live their lives different from me and I strive to not be judgmental of how they do it.  But it is an ongoing challenge for me. Sometimes I listen to people and just have to nod my head like ‘yeah girl’ cause that is all I have to give.  Cause what I really want to say is, IS ya crazy or is ya stupid?  That was my Forrest Gump reference.  I am going off on so many tangents right now, I’m sure I lost at very least my sister. In summation… I am about to turn 42 and this is the time of year I start doing my deep thinking!!

I have been in a lot of meeting lately both work related and sorority; and one thing that never fails to grate every nerve in my body is when people make a point to say how quickly their report is going to be.  JUST GIVE THE DAMN REPORT!!!  You don’t have to preface it any kinda way.  If it takes 2 minutes or 20, it is still the report you need to give so just give it.  Last night someone said I’m gonna be really really really quick and my head almost exploded!! Just give the report for the love of LBJ, just GIVE THE REPORT!!

I’m sitting here trying to decide if I’m gonna go home, because it is gonna be dark in about 5 minutes, or sit here and write more blog stuff.  The roommate is safe.  I had a little drama last week, ok so here is what had happened (so I guess stay at work for a little longer won).  I have been having an ongoing battle with the agency I use to get a consistent caregiver person during the week and on the weekend.  For a couple reasons; 1. I don’t feel like constantly ‘training’ someone on the likes and dislikes of my mom; where all the stuff is for her care and just someone new in my house all the time.  2. She has dementia so some days when she doesn’t feel like being bothered she can be pretty mean to the women who come in.  I have been working with this company for about a year.  Last summer when she fell, I basically fired the other company I was using.  Not because it was the little girls fault even though it kinda was, but it wasn’t in me to sue or act crazy because honestly it could have happened to me. They kept giving me incompetent people and that was not good.  I hired a new company and I went through a few people and then they sent me a woman who truly is an angel.  Fast forward to this spring when on my watch my mom falls again.  This time it really was what it was, she has MS and tended to be wobbly so her legs buckled and she twisted and fractured her knee.  Fast forward some more to this past August when medicare was done paying at the rehab facility and I needed to figure out what to do with my mom.  Hospital bed and other equipment and she is back home with me.  I figured out a schedule that would work best for me and my life and the company I worked with sent me a team of caregivers which actually worked out great.  3 weeks later… all the people they sent went back to school!! Back to the drawing board with a good team of people.  I finally got a MWF (days of the week) and TTh person and an alternating weekend people.  I wasn’t terribly happy but they insisted that this was the best they could do for me.  The MWF person needed to get fingerprinted in the middle of the day and they sent my original Angel!! Keep in mind I had been asking about her since I had planned on bringing my mom home but NO she wasn’t available even though she was promised to me, but now I knew she WAS available so I called pretty much every other day to get my schedule changed.  The MWF person (hmmm it woulda been easier if I gave this women names so we’ll call her Mary) Mary went to London for about a month and a half and Angel (we’ll stick with Angel) still kept the TTh schedule.  They kept sending me random people until finally I could not take no more!  My sister called and spoke to one of the owners and Angel talked to the office and then I talked to the office again and they finally gave me (or rather my mom) Angel.  Things are going wonderful!!  I am happy (well for the most part… I was still trying to sort out the night people but that’s a WHOLE nuther story)!! My mom likes Angel and responds to her like no other.  Mary comes back from London but I’ve expressed that I didn’t want to change my schedule and everyone was like ok fine.  THEN the chick I had on W cause now my schedule is Angel comes on MTTHF and the Janet (not her real name either LOL) on W, well Janet just had a baby and had car issues so who do they send MARY!! I knew it was going to be awkward but the office insisted it shouldn’t be.  Mary comes on W and all goes well.  BUT THEN FRIDAY rolls around and Mary comes back to my house even though she is not scheduled.  Drama ensues.  Thank LBJ I was in the shower because I heard all of it after the fact.  So what had happened is Angel came in clocked in,  The night person... let's call he Shonquita was giving her a report and Mary came in the house, put her things in the kitchen proceeded to go into my moms room and told Angel YOU HAVE TO GO, THIS IS MY SHIFT!!!  Angel was like uuuhhh... no, but let me look at me email.  Mary proceeds to say YOU HAVE TO GO NOW!!! at this point Shonquita and Angel are telling her to calm down AND be quiet because my mom is sleep and this just isn't how things are done.  They call the office and the person tells Mary she is not supposed to be there but Mary yells at her and says BUT THIS IS MY SHIFT!!!  They finally get her out!  At some point I get out of the shower and juust sit on my bed and my phone rings.  I had no idea any of this was going on and Mary is saying SHE HAS MY SHIFT!!!  And it's only 7:30 so I'm like WHO IS THIS?!?!? She says Mary... THE OTHER WOMAN IS IN THERE! I say hold up, you were here Wed and i think you are here tomorrow.  Then she was like but I am in front of your house NOW!!  I was said, but your're not supposed to be.  I see her drive off, get myself further together and go downstairs.  Angel is sitting on the couch kind of waiting for me but really waiting for my mom to wake up.  SO I say don't you get an email with your schedule? Because Mary just called me.   And she says OMG what did she say?!?!  Long story short (made even longer) Mary took it upon herself to just show up which is NOT COOL!!  I was stressed out Angel was stressed out and my mom had no idea what was going on.  **sigh** the moral of this story is lock your door or rather MY door when you come in my house, get over the fact that after a month in a 1/2 my original caregiver finally has the schedule I want her to have, so she didn't steal your shift YOU stole hers!!  AND aside from flipping through coupons you did nothing above and beyond AND you fussed at all of my night people!!  SO yeah Mary i'm glad you went to London because now my mom is doing much much better with Angel.  This whole caregiving thing has been quite the adjustment for me.  I appreciate all the help but someone is always in the house and now that the season is getting colder they feel it's ok to touch my thermometer.  One night I was sweating bullets because the chick had turned it up a few degrees. 

Today I walk in and my house felt like a sauna.  I got look and it's 6 degrees higher than it should be.  First off, my mom doesn't get that cold and the little blanket is enough for her.  I really thought I was being petty, it is my house, but it is also their place of business.  I can't change the thermostat at my job.  in fact I have a sweater, a scarf and a little heater under my desk.  I have to deal with the temp that they provide to me.  So no DO NOT TOUCH IT!!  I might have to put a little sticky over it.  

It has been a day and I need a glass of wine STAT!! - that's all

...whew I almost deleted this one!!

When you are in the ladies room with other people, even if your nasty ass never washes and/or uses soap go ahead and do just that… WASH AND USE SOAP!!  I gave this older woman the side eye like did she just NOT use soap?  She was too interested in making sure her hair was in her ponytail.  Like that episode of Seinfeld where Poppie came out the toilet area fixed his hair and rolled out the bathroom, then proceeded to use both hands to make Jerry and his date a ‘special’ meal.  Jerry was like nah I’m good!!  It makes me sick to think people are just that gross. 

Another show I like to reference is Ally McBeal.  On that show… I totally just got caught up in the Wikipedia of John Cage aka ‘the biscuit’ who was on that show.  It doesn’t mention what I was about the write about but it does have some other funny points I forgot about.  Mainly that he had a remote control that he used for the toilet, because he always needed a fresh bowl!  I need a remote like that.  So what I was going to say about him is that he was socially awkward, and I can’t remember if he went to therapy and they gave him this tool or if he came up with it himself.  Basically he started smile therapy.  What that is, is when all else fails, smile! You would see him randomly doing this crazy smile.  Got distracted again… I didn’t remember Taye Diggs being on that show.  I’m on the YouTube. So now I’m watching the 1^st episode.  This is how my day is going.  Man I miss this show!! I forgot the main premise was that she was in love with a guy who went off and married someone else and then worked for a firm that they all worked for (well eventually). I am 2 episodes in… all because I wanted to talk about smile therapy.  And what was my point about that?!?  OH YEAH so I work at a place where the people for the most part look miserable most of time so I find myself smiling almost laughing at these people like, is it that bad?  And it may very well be. I know how my life is and what it entails and I also know everyone does not handle things in the same way.  Some folks are good at covering up everything while others wear their emotions on their sleeves.  I think I fit nicely somewhere in the middle… maybe not.  Maybe I sway closer to a particular side more often than I care to admit (that would be the batshit crazy crying for every damn thing side LOL) Anyway smiling is free, someone might need it more than you realize and even if they don’t smile back it still makes you feel better than always growling.

Where does one buy blue patent leather pumps?  I have a co-worker from another country and her sense of style is not bad, just interesting.  Many of the things she wears, I just look at her like where the hell did you get that?!? It’s heavy on patterns and texture and sometimes they mix and match and sometimes it’s a cluster fuck of a whole bunch of everything.  These are the thoughts going through my brain.

I just used a pen that has the ergonomic cushion on it.  Back in the day my mom would call it her handicapped pen and it used to make me so mad.  I don’t even know why.

We just did secret santa on my team here at my job.  This should be fun!  I mean it never has been in the past, but I have faith. I remember even doing one with my family doing a good specific list and then whoever got me got a gift card.  That always used to piss me off, now, just do whatever.  I didn’t put too much thought into my list.  I do like a good gift set from Bath and Body works.  Every time I go into that store, which isn’t often these days, I say now THIS would be a good gift for me! Usually out loud to myself so no one who could actually buy me the gift can hear me LOL.

I am listening to the new Janet song.  It’s just dumb and I don’t like it.  Her whisper voice just gets on my nerves.

Ugh my coworker is eating tuna with onions at his desk.  THANKS buddy!!  So I have an instant headache.  They did some desk shuffling in cube nation, but remember I reside in cube village but I have to pass through the nation, and I swear someone has a smell that is not quite unpleasant but I can smell it and I need for them to take extra care.

I keep listening to slow ass music and I am about to need to take a nap up under my desk in a minute!