i couldn't think of a title that what had happened to the last blog...

I totally wrote a blog last Friday and then totally deleted it!  I do remember something about me being excited about getting a massage WHICH I did get and it was wonderful.  I really do like groupon and living social because even though I missed the deal it still pointed me in the direction of a nice little spot in Catonsville. I was knocked OUT!  I had an add on foot scrub and he, oh yeah I have this cute little guy as my masseuse, asked my how it was.  I was like I'm sure it was great but I was totally sleep!

And then I think I talked about orange and pumpkin, because this time of year is all about color and flavor.  I bought the 2 glass containers from the Dollar store which are orange and I limited myself to 2 because we all know I could have bought ALL of the orange glass bottles because... I have hoarding tendencies. And then there is the pumpkin which is every freaking where!  So people have gone to the extreme with the pumpkin spice latte, but I really do like the pumpkin and I used to really look forward to going to the IHOP to get the pumpkin pancakes.  I mean I still do but since it is everywhere it's not as special as it used to be.  There was a whole pumpkin display at the Giant and I only bought (ONLY LOL) the pumpkin crackers and pumpkin sauce. The cracker has cranberries and sunflower seeds similar to the crackers I got at Trader Joes and I really need to go BACK to Trader Joes to get that bomb ass soft goat cheese.  The sauce I made the other day and for some reason I put WAY to many red pepper flakes in the sauce.  It just needed  something and that wasn't it but I'm still going to eat it because... PUMPKIN!!

Today's Bing pic is a high level picture of the Hoover Dam. I remember as a kid going on a tour was it a church group?!? Yeah it had to be because we were in Las Vegas for the Progressive National Convention for my grandmother who was in office as either the VP or the president of the Women.  That was a big deal and she took conventioning so seriously LOL but so this is about the other grandmother who didn't take the convention as seriously and needed a lil shopping and a lil tour to break up the meetings and sermons.  So she was always giving me her camera to take pictures.  And that was back in the day when there were actual cameras and actual film. We were only a few steps away from polaroids.  So anyway she handed me the camera and I opened the back thinking it needed film but it already had film and I messed up ALL of the pictures because it was all exposed.  And I felt so bad because she didn't have another roll of film.  And then we went to a buffet place for lunch and I almost got left cause I was taking to much time in the bathroom.  And that is my memory!!

Everyone has black or something dark on today including me and I probably should have worn yellow or pink because it is such a gloomy day.

I have worn these braids I currently have since 8/27/15 and it literally just occurred to me as I looked in the mirror and said to myself Chick, you need to take these shits OUT this weekend.  I now have a plan for my weekend, although I would like to do something during the Free Fall Baltimore.  I always miss out.  Tomorrow is the free Baltimore Zoo from 10-4.  I have 1/2 a mind to play hooky, but I do enjoy eating and buying stuff from the QVC and my hours are already crazy for this week so maybe I'll take off a few hours.  I have been living in Baltimore for 20 years and have not been to the Zoo or Aquarium and that is kinda sad.  SO the Zoo is about the only thing I want to do... and the only other thing "August Wilson's 'Fences' is sold out.  so we'll see how tomorrow goes.

staring monsters in their face... with grace!

I have managed to not lotion my calves for pretty much the whole summer.  I get my thighs and my feet but for some reason the calf is just too much.  Today on this chilly almost fall day I decided to wear capris.  I just looked down and wouldn’t ya know it ASH!!  I must do better, ash is never acceptable.

There is just so much on my mind at any given moment I really have to remind myself to just breathe and stop thinking. 

One of my co-workers who I actually like (imagine that!?!?) just told me his ear drums were blown by how loud my music was in my car in the parking lot.  I am only slightly embarrassed.  I gotta get my mind right before I get in this place and granted I listen to music most of the time, I can’t really sing at the top of my lungs like I can in the hooptie.  Today’s selection was Jill Scott’s WOMAN.  When I tell you don’t get stuck on that song they play on the radio I mean it!  Fool’s Gold is good, but the majority of the cd is GREAT!! Do I go through each song or give you the highlights?!?!? I only don’t like about 2 ½ song.  That ½ is cause I gotta listen real good before I can say yay or nay.  ‘Wild cookie’ is spoken word over a beat.  We all know what the cookie is?!?  It’s not really a sex song but more of an intro to the CD.  my favorite line… ‘you could get a coupla things, but THINGS are THINGS!!’ Next is ‘Prepared’.  This one you could kinda tell she was writing and then just said THIS GON BE A SONG!! ‘Run, run, run’ is one of the songs I’m not really feeling.  I think it’s supposed to be a throwback to like a 60’s doo wop kinda song.  But next… OH the next song, this needs a little build up.  NeoSoul Café is one of the internet stations I listen to and found back when I was trying to find a non-blocked stream of music at one of the 50eleven contract site, and this is pre-iPod.  So anyway this station has a soundcloud of mixes.  Actually they used to have a bunch of mixes from a lot of different dj’s. This mix I listened to was from Will Downing.  He does The Wind Down soul session.  Not really my typical work day music because will he winding down and I need to be amped up to work up in here!!  First time I listen to the mix, first song a voice comes on ‘I got something on my back that I need to get off baby….’ Wait I know this voice. Who is this?!?!  At this point we all know I have stopped working and I am trying to find the track listing.  No list written anywhere; so I continue listing and then he FINALLY gets back on the mic to say that was Jill Scott ‘Can’t Wait’. I’m already not working and I immediately go to Amazon and buy the cd.  This song is FIYAH!!! There are so many layers to it that it seems each time I hear something new. I think it is my favorite on the cd.  She is in love and she got so much shit to do be she can't wait to be loved by you!!  ‘Lighthouse’ is next it has a trap beat (am I using that right?!? I am going to you tube it… yep I’m using it right!!), so it’s up-tempo. Lay your burdens down lay them down.  It’s funny how that is a thing, trap music. ‘Fool’s Gold’ is what you will hear on the radio and it’s ok… but it is the typical he-did-me-wrong-but-ima-be-alright kinda song.  Just like really girl?!?!  ‘Willing’ is an interlude.  It’s saying you want me to be all these things, loyal, flawless etc… but you are NOT willing to do the same.  Cause that is the norm (most) men always want what they won’t do themselves. ‘Closure’ is the comedy but oh so true song. When you break up sometimes you need a last romp to make sure you made the right decision and/or it was good but there needs to be more to the relationship.  Miss Jill is very clear in this song we DID break up and I aint cooking you no breakfast neither.  At the end the guy says ‘the closure starts today!?’ and I laugh every time I hear the song. ‘You don’t know’ is a song she sang on one of them award shows earlier in the year to get us ready for this cd.  This is so full of life!  So like if you never ____________(fill in the blank) then you don’t know nothing about LOVE!! She is pouring her heart out.  This is ALL she got left to give! ‘Pause’ follows in the vein of ‘Hear my call’ this is a plea ‘It’s me… I’m calling to schedule a nervous NO make that NECCESARY breakdown!’ Maybe why I like this cd so much is because it speaks to my soul right now.  ‘Cruisin’ on the evening breeze to clear my mind… take my time so I can breathe!! YES!!  ‘Say thank you’ is that ½ song.  I gotta listen again cause I’m just not sure about it. Yeah nah… not my thing. This is where I get stuck cause after ‘Cruisin’ I generally done… ‘Back together’ (is nice i forgot about this one), ‘Coming to you’ (the other one I don’t like), ‘Jayrah…’ (a song for her son).  Finally ‘Beautiful love’ is a duet by someone I don’t know but you know… google.  His name is BJ the Chicago kid.  He has a really nice voice and the song is really nice.  So yes run don’t walk to your nearest wrecka sto and get you WOMAN by Jilly from Philly!! 

One of my other co-workers brought in some old bay cheese puffs.  I am so trying not to be that chick but I want to eat them ALL!!! They are sooooo good and they have a slight hint of staleness which makes them even better I don’t know why, it just IS better.  What I really want to do is stuff as many cheese balls into my mouth and crunch down like I did when I was a kid, but I am trying to keep it cute.  I asked her where she got them and then said NO WAIT don’t tell me because I will be a glutton if they reside in my house.  I don’t handle snacks well in my house.  I didn’t grow up with them and I don’t ration them out well.  So when I buy chips I eat a few the first day, but then I eat the rest of the bag.  It’s a wonder the wasabi ginger Lay's have made it longer than a few days; maybe becasue they are kettle chips and that takes more effort to chew?!!

i'm the BOSS lady, busy handling and managing...

I do try to be an unpetty as possible.  Some days are good and some weeks I can go on and on without coming up for air with the amount of pettiness I can spew.  Here lately because I am so aware of it, it has lessened a bit OH BUT it’s still there right in the middle of my thoughts, not the back nor the forefront, but the middle.  Kinda like middle earth (LOL for my Hobbit/Lord of the ring people… I said the other day that one of my co-workers looked like Viktor Krum and I got a good old blank stare.  Yes I’m  a nerd I own it… and I’m digressing).  I was reading some old blogs and I remember how I worked at a small office and I had a name for everybody the Tweedles, RedNECK, and what was the other one?!?!  Anyway no one here has really inspired a name well at least not anyone on my immediate team but I do have a few.  Wanna hear em?  Here they go… 2 are butt related because well something about a butt just makes me either laugh or stop and stare.  In this case I stop and stare at Sturdy Booty.  Sturdy Booty is a white woman who I have no idea what her name is but she used to sit not too far from me.  It’s sturdy not just because the size of it, but don’t get me wrong, IT’S BIG!  But then she clomps by like a freaking horse.  You know I have a thing about women not being dainty.  Not that I’m the daintiest chick in the world but I am stealth!  You don’t hear me coming unless I want you to, I could be a spy!!  Today she is in the kitchen and clomps by and I had to stop and see what monstrosity was on her feet.  She had these beige patent leather (yo I’m not even going there… but really PATENT LEATHER?!?!? In beige??? Which I guess could be called nude but ANYWHO.... **update** i saw 3 other women today with beige patent leather so maybe I am not the fashion forward one here LOL) with some patterned pants and nothing looked like it went together and I’m getting lost in my story. Alls I’m tryna say is Sturdy Booty is now and forever shall be her name.  And then there is a black guy, now his booty is not big, but (ha ha BUT) he still has a booty name.  His name is prissy booty.  He has a little switch and he may be straight as an arrow (I don’t judge!) but he is just a prissy man.  Not that anything is wrong with that, some men just are.  Just like some women are NOT.  Then we have the troll series. LAWD I’m so mean.  So we have Blond Troll, Black Blond Troll, Big Troll. They are short and mean looking chicks, cause you know I’m such a tall chick so I can talk about short chicks. AND THEN ok last one... Bollywood.  Now this particular man just looks like the lead in any given Bollywood production, he’s pretty with thick long black hair. So this one is less mean (I think).  These are my thoughts today!

The whole republican party is a joke to me.  I really have not been paying that much attention but I do know that Donald Trump is not real life.  He is going to be NO ONE's president and this is a distraction from something else.  And then that idiot Sarah Pallin ( I saw on someones page) goes on to say she would be a good energy secretary but that she would let the states decide what they do with the natural resources.  AND THEN Huckabee and Ted Cruz are just as big idiots supports that woman in Kentucky who decided to not give marriage licenses to gay couple because it is not God's will.  I don't know what God she serves but clearly it aint he one I do. Not to mention it's the freaking law and that is your job so if you really feel that way, get another job!!  It really would be interesting if she would have gotten the same 'support' if she was black or another religion.

I've said it before and I'll probably KEEP saying it.  Teeth are important.  If you smoke or do drugs or just don't do whatever it is that you need to do to keep your teeth and that leads to you losing your teeth, go buy you some!!  It is 2015.  My grandfather back in the 80's lost every single tooth in his 
head but he went out and bought him some!!  Same with my Aunt Lilly... she bought her some!  Sometimes alls you need is a few teeth... so go out and get you a partial plate. Alls I'm saying is there is no good reason unless you are like allergic to the plastic or something drastic like that, that you should smile and not have no damn teeth.  AND THEN even though you aint got no teeth, how is that you pull men/women?!?!  **SMH** i just don't get it and I need for someone to splain it to me like I'm a 4 year old. 

A few people have really disappointed me lately but then I have to take a step back and refer to my old standby, The Four Agreements.  This little bit of literary genius is in my bathroom so I've been doing a little reading when I... uhhh... GO!! The main one i go to is 'Don't take anything personal' and i do try but that doesn't always alleviate the hurt feelings that as a human being I feel when someone let's me down or when I expect more from you.  But that's MY expectation and you a grown ass adult just like me you should do you boo boo... just like I am so hard trying to do me.   

Moscato is a real wine and it's okay for everyone to like it but me.  I just got a bottle in my $99 box-o-wine and I am already making plans to give it away.  It might actually be good but I will probably never know.  

I need for the people to finish all the lines at the McDonough and Painters Mills intersection because mofos can barely drive as it is so WHY should I expect them to see the little lines drawn in?  I find myself doing a whole lot of extra cursing at this stupid intersection like WHY THE FUCK DID YOU JUST MAKE A NEW LANE?!?!? Can't you see the fucking lines like I just saw them?  WHY are you getting from behind me to make a new lane?!?!  Oncoming traffic I know be saying the same thing.  

About a week ago I went into my downtown Woodlawn braiding shop, ask the owner's sister if I could come back the next day at 4:30, she says no come at 4 cause a 1/2 hour makes a difference so that's what I do.  I rush home, pick out my hair, blow dry it to make it a little straighter and go into the the shop.  There are 3 braiders, 1 of whom is the owners sister who says to me, can I help you like she never ever ever saw me in her whole entire life.  I was like YEAH I came in yesterday, remember?  **blank stare** You told me to come in at 4. **more blank staring** UUuuuhhh so can you braid my hair or what?!?! At this point I'm thinking is she kidding, serious, or am I on punk'd?!?!?  Cause I can carry myself and my freshly washed hair to the place up at Security and they won't give me no grief... WELL yes they will because ALL African braiding shops give EVERY black woman and child grief about something or another.  SO I sit down and let her calculate time, money and effort cause I can see it on her face.  She calls another braider but somehow I missed that step.  So after about 20 minutes, it's now close to 4:30 to original time I said I could come in but SHE insisted I come in at 4 which I did so she gets hair and asks me what color I want.  ALTHOUGH in retrospect if I had come at 4:30 she would said something stupid like come back tomorrow so yeah... 4PM  

I almost cringe when folks ask how my mom is.  I know I probably scared my co-worker today.  I had the good fortune to call at the exact moment the doctor was in the front office and she answered a few of my questions and is going to refill my mom's prescription.  She then says I'm putting her on hold to her assistant and then like lays the phone down and I can hear everything.  Thank LBJ nothing real personal was said because that would have been several HIPAA (or HIPPA?) violations.  I say hello HELLO CAN YOU HEAR ME?!?!? My co-worker comes over and says OH not to put any pressure on you BUT I NEED THIS TODAY!!  I'm like ok let me look AND then she says Oh I'm sorry are you on the phone? I said yes but they have me on hold **air quotes** and I need to ask something about my mom.  And then she says well is your mom ok?  I say oh not at all!!  People expect you to say everything is fine, and most of the time I indulge them because who wants to go into and even hear the gory details?   Her face was like OH LAWD I'M SORRY I ASKED but then also, Well what is the problem?  People want to know but not really.  I don't take for granted the time I have with my mother.  Both of my grandmothers lost their mothers at a very young age and I know it has to be hard to not have your mother around.  But this woman is not the same woman I grew up with.  The fearless do everything woman is now the afraid of the slightest touch and just leave me alone woman and it's hard some days.  

Here's something funny/ridiculous... my evil neighbor (well her daughter and the band of thugs she runs with... thug is an accurate term here) has set up a used car lot in her yard.  I am so tempted to call the county and be like Can someone please come out and look at this shit?!?!?  My lawn dude and my handyman (oh yeah I had to replace my hot water tank... thank LBJ I could afford to do so) were both like, you KNOW that is illegal and you should call the county?!?!?  I just want to see how long before it is closed down.  My thought is that is really isn't a used car 'lot' but a holding place which I guess is still just as illegal.  One day I saw one of them fixing one of the cars in front of my house.  I stood there and looked at him until he saw me (bra-less with a scarf on... a sight I'm sure).  I am that neighbor who will stand in her front door to see what's going on; that is the Ethel in me ( my dad's mom with her nebby self. GOD I miss her :) He got himself together real quick and the car was moved.  I was also the neighbor who was hoping they lost their house when the whole housing crash was happening. I'm neither proud nor ashamed, but it would have been GREAT to have new and better neighbors.  I know it could be much worse.  But so that's that.  Oh yes this is the 'tree' neighbor, which that fallen tree is still lying right where God made it fall.  

You ever wear something and then remember WHY you don't wear it often?  I have this cute little green and white print dress, which on the hanger it is the perfect summer dress.  BUT ON, oh it's a disaster.  I have boobs, big ones I should say.  This dress has this little elastic... not elastic maybe gathered material that should hit the normal sized boobed woman right at her waist.  Well it hit me not even below the boobs.  SO I had to constantly pull down and check for correct dress distribution.  And then I put a slip on even though Oprah said back in the 90's we don't need to wear slips, but with this dress I totally did need to.  I was walking into work and the slip was hanging down almost to my ankles (ok not really LOL).  It was just a mess and it has a lower than what I normally wear back so my braids kept hitting my back so now they are all up in a ponytail.  The official end to summer was this past weekend so it can get tucked away only to be pulled out next year with, unless I lose like 500 lbs, will have the same results.  

I'm convinced my sickly cubemate co-worker got me sick!  She was coughing up both lungs last week and now I have a stopped up nose and a cough.  It took a lot for me to not call out today because I need my paycheck to not look as minimal as it had been. speaking of which I need to put some kleenex in my bag.  

I worked a 70+ year old birthday party this past weekend and insisted on taking the ice for the cookout that was supposed to happen on Monday that never did.  Now I have a cooler full of 4 bags with water LOL