and that's all I have to say about that!

I really do like weddings!  They are festive occasions and happy and people for the most part have fun.  This is one of the things I love doing as a bartender.  So last night was a wedding and the couple were cute. She had on a beautiful dress and he looked great as well.  The thing about this wedding is it was a BLACK wedding.  I have done enough to know there are some differences.  I have done Indian weddings, white weddings, Jewish weddings, interracial weddings, even Filipino weddings and each have their own set of STUFF!!  But last night one of my fellow coworkers was like OH Lord it is one of our weddings so I hope they are ok.  I was like WELL it's a wedding so it should be fine.  Black folks can be extra for no damn reason and I can check them because game recognize game!!  Everything was beautiful.  The florist had these purple roses, white hydrangea and peonies.  The planning staff flitted about... wait WHY you got on heels ma'am and you know you have to walk around here making sure shit is right.  And not only were the heels they were sandal heels so they could not have been comfortable.  I worked with one of my bartending buddies who is just too cool for school (and whose name I thought was Carlos LOL) and then there was Marvin.. or wait Melvin?  He said it several times but you know how you just look at someone and just refuse to bother?  That was me with him.  I'm a temp and trust me I know my lane when it comes to working with the 'staff'.  I said I had worked at the venue before and then he proceeded to mumble something about how he had to work with temps.  At one point I was like WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION?  He kept mumbling something about nothing and then I just walked away because I didn't have time!! I prefer working by myself and I took the bar to the far left so I could do my thing.  Let me just mention that behind the scenes is ALWAYS organized confusion.  A symphony of cluster fuckness that somehow manages to look effortless to the guests.  I'm sure I piss people off but the bottom line is IT'S JUST A WEDDING!!!  We have all done this before and it will be great so stop being flustered over nothing!!  Last week the other bartender who I really can not stand was having a fit over these lamps the manager told her to be careful near.  If they break, guess what THEY will buy more!!! SO say one more thing about them and my fist is going straight down your throat... I digress... We talking about this week LOL SO anyway, the attire must have said formal because my people looked GOOD!!  Then there was this one guy in just a t-shirt kinda thing and I knew he knew he looked out of place.  But he was buff so my thought process for him was he wasn't buying no damn shirt for this woman he don't even know. In my mind his wife knew the bride. They started with cabernet and chardonnay BUT immediately I got folks coming to my bar wanting moscato.  You know I cringed, but they slurped up the white zinfandel (more cringeation).  The 1 woman drank at least 2 bottle but she claimed she didn't drink that much.. OH mmmkay!!  Then there's the damn signature cocktail.  I once thought long ago that a signature cocktail was cute but it's not, it's BULLSHIT!! First off it's never a good drink.  Last night was Johnny Walker Red, lemon juice, ginger simple syrup and club soda.  Does that even sound remotely good?!?!  NO!! I'll answer for you NO IT DOES NOT!!  I don't normally drink dark so when I made it to try it, it was gross.  Folks did like it but I detracted many by asking if they normally drank Johnny Walker. Most said no... so then I made them a vodka or rum drink.   Then the tips... I didn't do bad but I did make change for folks a few times.  I don't know why but for women I don't mind like OH ok.. yeah sure, change. But for men I'm like if you don't put that fucking $5 in my lil bowl and walk away!?!?!!  And then there are those who want the world.  You gave me a buck 2 hours ago and now I have to tap dance every time you come to my bar?  AND honestly tips are nice to haves not mandatory so I treat everyone the same (or at least I try to).   This guy said OH MY too much ice!!  Sir the diet coke is warm.  Yes but she don't like a lot of ice.  SHE'LL be ok... get away from me!! And then the chick who was about to get loud cause her fruity drink had too much juice. Ma'am whet?!?!? Ok more peach schnapps? Sure!  And then the woman who probably was the same woman who sent her husband saying it was tooo much ice, You'll be fine! This was close to the end of the night so my level of giving any amounts of anything was gone.  Then there were the groomsman who I think were checking me out?  So the bar next to your table is empty, I have a line but you still came alla way over to me?!?!  And the one who just need a splash of ginger ale?  And then the one who was actually a cutie but had a ring on but still got up to catch the garter? Yes a chick was being checked out!! I'm not sure if it's the smile or the boobs!!  The dj was good!  I sang and danced to most of the songs.  This lil boy... well you know everybody is a lil boy or girl... come up and say he's playing to much 'old school'.  I wanna say Poison was playing and I size him up and say well how old are you? This fool says guess!! Immediately I'm like well you're a baby buy I say twentysomething but maybe 30...I say 30!  HE says all excited yeah I'm 30.  Ok 30 so too old to really like the ratchet stuff (even though you do) but not old enough to recognize 'GOOD' music!! LOL And then there is the woman who fell.  It would be funny if I saw a video but standing right there... NO that shit was still funny but I couldn't laugh!! And she was ok so calm down if you think I'm a horrible person.  That was about it for last night!

12/2013 old I forgot it was a draft LOL

The HR at my office just sent out a notice that the smoking areas have been moved even further away from where they used to be.  It’s funny because when I watch old movies or TV shows, the folks just light up right at their desk.  This whole no smoking thing has really been within my lifetime.  I can remember being in line at McDonald’s as a kid and not wanting to stand behind people who were smoking.  And even on airplanes, I hated sitting near the smoking section.  It always smelled BAD to me.  When I see these old shows the people don’t seem to be phased.  But no really doesn’t it smell BAD to you too?!? I grew up in a smoking household.  Both of my parents smoked and I freaking HATED IT!!  My mom would smoke while she ironed clothes, so you guessed it my clothes smelled like smoke.  I asked her one time to maybe NOT smoke while she ironed my clothes.  I think she got a little offended, but as an 8 or 9 year old who wants to smell like you been sitting inside an ashtray??  My father never quit, but my mom did 25 years ago.  Now in her dementiaed state, she says she quit when she was pregnant with me.  I quickly remind her that she quit when my first nephew was born.  As I’m writing I realize how much it pisses me off that she can’t even remember doing it for me, she did it for my nephew.  There are commercials about different prescriptions to help people quit and this is when she incorrectly reflects.  For the most part I try to be a little gentler about correcting her memory but every time she says she quit when she was pregnant with me I want to yell at her and say NO YOU DIDN’T!!!  AND WHEN I ASKED YOU TOO QUIT AS A KID YOU NEVER DID!!! And then I want to add that I wanted to smell like Bounty fabric softner like the other kids, not a fucking ashtray!  But, that is the past, and thankfully she did quit.  I’m sure I asked my father to quit also.  Driving in the car with him was a nightmare.  The windows were yellow because in addition to him NOT rolling down the windows when he smoked, he never cleaned them.  It was pretty gross.  Now you can’t smoke pretty much anywhere and this is so good for me!  I waited for the clean air bill to pass in Maryland before I went to Bartending School.   I couldn’t imagine serving drinks while people blew smoke in my face.  In fact, when I was a waitress I hated the smoking section.  One time I had the section and four big old corn fed men sat and smoked cigars until the restaurant closed.  Thankfully the tip was good, but I smelled horrible that night.  I have only dated 2 guys that smoked and they both lived at home… hmm didn’t even make that connection.  LOL not that anything is wrong with that.  I mean sneaking into the basement is fun in your 30’s (NOT!!). 

My body is very appreciative that I have decided to give it water today.  Over the holiday weekend I was so bad about drinking all of my water.  I usually don’t do so bad, but the wine was calling my name more than the H2O which is maybe why I had a lingering headache on Friday.  Having to go to the bathroom every 10minutes is a small price to pay to get my body back in whack.

Red lipstick is not for everyone.  I think seeing people wear it always makes me want to go out and buy some but the MAC Ruby Woo and MAC red did not do a thing for me.  Now it may have been the light. But it looked like an orange mess on me.  I want to be that chick that give a great red lip, but alas the versions MAC have are not for me!!  I settled on a deep plum that everyone said went nicely with my hair. I actually spent way more than I intended at the good MAC counter, and I sincerely hope the sales girls (well on occasion guys… oh wait just one guy whose brows were better than mine that one time) get commission because they will get an extra product or 2 outta me EVERY time which is why I try to buy stuff online to replenish.  But I just KNEW the Ruby Woo was gonna be it for me!!

UUuuhhhh... I must not have shared my rule about not speaking in the bathroom with my manager.  Just as I popped a squat she wants to discuss work related items O_o NOOOO NOOO NOOOO LADY!!! Not the time or place.  Let me finish and wash my hands and leave the rest room AND THEN we can talk about the reports marketing sent!!! **pained look on my face** See this is why I try to time my visits so that I am NOT on anyone else’s schedule. 

I have decided to reinstate my ‘If you like it I love it’ mantra.  It seems that people aren’t taking what I say in the vein it’s meant and on the flip side I really don’t want your input so see it’s a win win.  I mind my biz you mind yours!! 

Will I SMILE will I Scorn....

what I would like to rant about right now if fucking GOOGLE!!! It's supposed to be a single sign on but it really isn't and I so wish everything including blogger were not attached to it... OK now let's begin...

This week has been rather interesting. I was supposed to start at a temp job but the Friday before it was pushed to the following Monday. Although I just called to see if I am starting this coming Monday so who the heck really knows.  Well but you know I am in hustle mode so I just push on.  I have been driving for Lyft and bartending.  And this week hasn't been bad.  In fact I looked at my bank account after the Lyft  money got transferred and I was like WELL ALRIGHT!!  But of course because it is ME I have many many stories.  Mainly bartending.  Nothing really too juicy with the driving just yet.  It's mainly picking people up from work or taking them to work.  The other night I was in Towson and a few college kids were going to happy hour.  What I've learned is me and driving at night is NOT really a good combination and so I don't think I'll be doing much of that.  Tuesday I bartended at a country club in Timonium where the guy from the Sun newspaper who's name I already forgot talk about the media and the tagline for the talk was 'Journalism Matters'.  SO yeah I tried not to make faces as he was so enamored with 45 and how 'great' he is with being so informed and he reads ALL the newspapers and he is just SO GREAT!!! I stood there like ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!  And I know I probably said it out loud too loudly on more than one occasion.  But let me back up.  This dinner talk thing was for the clients of a financial company that does not advertise, they just rely on references.  Needless to say even though I'ma go ahead and say it, your circle of friends and influence usually are people who look like you. Also, not everyone is interested in diversity.  They just aren't and that's really ok for how they live their life.  But I am a black woman.  I am the epitome of diversity.  And in this room of about 100 people, only 2 looked like me and that bothers me.  It didn't bother the company hosting.  And probably not the majority of the folks there.  We don't have to be included in everything JUST LIKE white folks do not have to be included on things that only pertain to black people.  Now I'm going on a tangent... but stick with me.  The bald black man, which I think is freaking hilarious that he has a hair care company but has NO HAIR from Shea Moisture is an idiot.  A friend of mine had his interview on the breakfast club and I watched it it but he wasn't saying much.  They did an advertisement mainly of white women and 1 very light skinned black woman.  These products have a large black base and he wants to expand, and just like Carol's Daughter before him folks thhey made a huge misstep. Women who have curly hair are not limited to black women, and companies like Shea Moisture have filled the void.  His issue is that he wants to not just be on the shelves in the stores labeled 'ethnic'. I have a point so let me get to it.  When I need a product at the store, I go to whatever section I think and get what I need just like white women. Garnier Frustise has a great serum I like so I slide on over there to get that.  Then I  need to curling foam I slide on over to the 'ethnic' aisle. There have been many occasions that I'm looking at the same stuff as white women because they may have kids that are mixed or the like the products for themselves.  But what you won't do is create a campaign and then apologize when you get backlash from black women!!  Were there no black women in the room when this was signed of on? You aint the only brand and we all have options so be careful how you present yourself to the world!
OK... back to the country club.  It is very interesting to observe people with money LOL
I worked at yet another country club where i set up for about 4 hours for an hour long event.  This was for the Garden Club of America and these women liked their wine AND vodka (my kinda ladies).

I had many many MANY thoughts from that week of working and some of it is still there but some of it is gone forever (triple dent gum WILL MAKE YOU SMILE... (not for everyone to get LOL))... yes forever ever!!

I have to thank my BFF for letting me watch her netflix cause a chick is being financially frugal yet she still wants to be lavish in her TV options.  If you are not up on Chewing Gum which is a British series on Netflix then... YOU MUST GET ONTO IT! British humor is not for everyone but this show is short and funny! I don't want to spoil it but one of the themes is that the main character is a 24 year old Christian virgin who does NOT want to be a virgin anymore.  So when she finally gets the secks, she sings a song WHILST being made sweet sweet love to!!  I was in TEARS!!! I'm laughing now!! SO it's 6 episodes and there are only 2 seasons WATCH!!

I started yet another temp job that has me questioning my entire life!!  Like WHY am I in hustle mode?!?!  My parents paid alot of good money to make sure I got this damn degree WHY am I not using it to my full potential?!?!?

Driving for Lyft which is actually not bad, mostly it's taking people to work or home from work. Sometimes we make a pit stop for them to get food and/or likka or their kids and that's about as deep as it gets.  No great stories... Well except maybe the 2 blind ladies from Health and mental hygiene that stopped to get chicken legs ( a total of 8 legs LOL) at the Popeyes!!  SOOooo here's the story I get pinged for a pick up, I drive to the back of the federal building.  The 1st security guard was new but the more seasoned one said nope you have to go around front.  I get to the front.  I have to open my hood, open my glove compartment, open my trunk, GET OUT of the car and give them my license.  I'm looking at them like y'all are really doing THE MOST!!! But we are all chuckling because they know this is fracken nackle but hey, it's a good job! At this point I call the woman and she comes out with a seeing eye cane and I feel bad for fussing at her earlier ( I called to make sure she knew I was on the way). Then yet another woman comes out with a cane and I'm like well shit!!! So they are both legally blind.  We make a pit stop at the Popeyes because everyone loves chicken (well except for vegetarians) and head downtown to their apt which I'm still trying to figure out if they were roommates or just happen to live in the same building.  On the way the talked about a woman with a big butt... so she aint THAT blind LOL, how they both hate their boss (45) and of course the chicken is smelling mighty good so now I need chicken!! I drop them off and that was that. Other driving adventures... I drove a Jamaican to driving school; a woman with a bonnet and pj's to clear across Baltimore with her little girl; a little girl who smelled like weed to work at Burger King; a Puerto Rican to a bar in Fell's Point; another dude to a bar in Hampden (he smelled really good); and a woman with the good gold side tooth the the Shopper's!  I have no complaints!!