twas the night before Christmas and it feels like another day...
why you ask... cause I'm almost 40 childless just finished 2 jumbo glasses of wine contemplating another but know I won't cause I will have a hellified headache (no spell check I DID NOT MEAN qualified!!)it's snowing and the little baby Jesus was in the manager right about now over 2K years ago about to be swaddled well after He gets borned that is!!!
my mom is such a gangsta... her just having had her shoulder replaced ass told her roommate at the rehab hospital that she had a turkey neck and to mind her own damn business!! and for her to WHEEL her over so she could punch the woman. It's not funny.... dammit YES IT IS!!! See this is why I act the way I do I get it honest I DO!!
LMAO!!!
my littlest niece whose hair is ALL over the placed in her light brown/blond mixed chick curls said to me yesterday 'I like your hair' which I guess would be a compliment if I didn't look like I just stuck my find in a light socket.
i made some party wingettes for myself and I feel as though if I eat one more I'm gonna be sick but they were SOOO GOOD!! so really the contemplation is more wings AND more wine, both of which I just need to say NO!
...that's it!
Monday, December 24, 2012
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
lots of random!!
i'm going to label each section because you know I can keep wrting a sentence well after it shoulda had stopped...
THE GYM
I just recently joined a gym, well rather I joined a 60 day program at a gym and they are consistently trying to sell me on getting the year package. I keep insisting that I’m not a ‘gym person’ and the little skinny chick who signed me up had this perplexed look on her face like ‘what does THAT mean’. Well my petite young friend it means I will be ALL IN for exactly 4 weeks and then I will find ever excuse in the book not to go. What is driving me now though is this spare tire that quite literally came out of nowhere. I have never been a small chick (no never); I have always had a belly but it used to be cute (or at least maybe in my mind it was LOL). It is so far from being cute right now let me tell ya!! And the girls, oh those would be these heavy ass breast that just hang (I could be real crude and say the men LOVE them, but most of the time they are clueless as to how to make them truly happy, and being a drill sergeant (left, NO MY OTHER LEFT) can get tiresome), they have gotten even more plumper. So I am working with a trainer 2 times a week and do cardio 3 times a week for 60 days. I maintained myself during the Thanksgiving break which is a VERY good thing (more on that later) under the circumstances and of course all the crap I ate. This gym is a local/regional gym and has 2 women only gyms and like 5 co-ed. I didn’t realize how comfortable I was at the women only gym until I went to the co-ed gym. I was excited at the prospect of seeing boys!! That put a huge grin on my face until I got there and there were boys there. So the energy there was so very different. All the body building dudes (I pick things up and put them down...) yammering on about whatever; all the skinny housewives in tiny shorts and all the young looking boys lifting to bulk up for football. I am not a self conscious person, but there I felt myself tugging at my now too short shirt and pulling up my too tight spandex (I know spandex is supposed to be form fitting but it felt extra tight). And I felt watched like a dirty old man was sitting there watching my every move. There was one guy I did lock eyes with him and gave him my ‘STOP LOOKING AT ME’ glare. Now there were a few cuties but then I felt like the dirty old lady looking at the young boys : )
The classes… OK so I have taken 3 classes so far and is always pure hilarity. The first class the woman was a sub and it is clear they do not let her teach many classes. She had this snake/body wave move that was her go to move which was ridiculous. The thing about me, is I will try anything and I will smile throughout the class mostly because I am laughing to myself either AT myself or the teacher, or the other people in the class cause there is always something to laugh about. So she was up there losing count doing the snake to the left then the right and because this was my first class my body was glad to be moving but class was really bad. I meant to ask what her name was so I didn’t take her again. Class #2 taught by the owner of the gyms which I thought was cool. She is well into her… hole up let me google real quick...well couldn't find exact age, but let’s say her 50’s and so full of energy. NOW this class was the Zumba class which is a worldwide phenomenon. I even have a friend who enjoyed it so much she is now an official Zumba instructor. So this is at the women only gym and the women in this class are of the older variety, but the kicker was they all had the booty scarf thing wrapped around them like what the belly dancers wear. And they were all off beat LOL. This was not my first Zumba class but it is always interesting to see how different instructors do things. It was a good class. Thanks to this class my new song is ‘I work out! wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle’ by #LMFAO The third class… I might need to mention all of my instructors are white ladies, so when they do something with any form or rhythm it throws me off for a second, not that my white sistas can’t get funky!! LOL So class #3 I’m standing there feeling watched in the co-ed gym and the instructor comes up and starts talking to the regulars about thanksgiving and eating and carpools and whatever else. She turns off the light and puts on this house song with a little techno flair that I actually knew so that was good to get me in the groove. So the class was supposed to be heavy on the choreography but her moves were a little, damn I can’t even think of a good word but they weren’t hard move just cumbersome. So since I was at the gym the night before I was a bit stiff so there was no dropping like it was hot or warm. OH and I need to point out also, I’m not a turner. If the move requires a turn to the left or right then I will try it, but if you just threw a spin or turn in there just for the heck of it, I am going to do a 2 step. I don’t know if I get dizzy or if it just make sense to me. Often I’m in a class muttering to myself ‘Oh I aint doing that!’ And that was me in that class. She said she had a lower back issue but then she kept telling us to GET LOW!! Yeah… no I aint doing all that!!
**UPDATE** so I took class #4 tonight and it really reminded me how flexible I USED to be!! Actually this one was my favorite so far maybe because the teacher asked me my name and kept saying HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING CHICK? and she did modifiers for everything she did which is what I need. I also should mention I'm not a jumper. The girls just can't handle all that extra motion. So if I can do a side step or march in place that is what I do. She was British and skinny and fun (not that you have to be any combination of this... it just worked for her!) OH and yesterday the butt scarf janglers were so off I lost count when I was on the machines!!
MY HAIR
India Arie’s song ‘I am not my hair’ really resonated with me and it still does. When it first came out I think I identified with it on the level of weaves; like you don't have to attach fake hair to your head to make yourself feel better. What I didn't include were braids. That too is something you attach to your hair, but for some reason in my head people know braids are fake, getting a weave is perpetrating a fraud. But my view of the song and hair has changed over the years. I made a music mix (oh yeah I'm a part time DJ, mostly at the end of the year as a means to sum up my year in music AND as an inexpensive Christmas gift!) for someone who I thought was going through some ‘hair issues’. I honestly don’t know if it was received in the vein it was given because I had to explain why I put each song on the CD. But the reason for ‘I am not my hair’ was to remind that we are much bigger than our hair style, how it’s cut, if it’s relaxed, colored, what have you. What troubles me is that sometimes I feel like I AM MY HAIR! I got my hair braided because the cut I got back at the end of the summer was just bad. I wanted it to be short and funky and it just so wasn't. So now as I rock the braids which need to be taken out soon I sit here wondering what do I do next? Relaxer or not relaxer? Wig? More braids so my hair can grow out some more? Weave?! Oh wait I am NOT my hair so it doesn't matter right? But it does. It matters! I had an intention with this but I severely lost my train of thought!! LMAO
THE BATHROOM
I do not like bathroom banter. We do not need to chat, I don’t care what outfit or shoes you got on, I just need to get in and get out hopefully not completely stink up the place OR smell whoever was before me. So this morning I’m in there trying to put up my braided hair that was massively crooked. So the lady come out of the stall and sees my hands up and says ‘Oh I thought you were praying!’ I start laughing and say ‘no... well I do need to be doing that too but my hair was crooked so I’m trying to uncrook it.’ She starts laughing hysterically and I know the people in the hallway are wondering what the heck was going on in there. Sometimes bathroom banter is not so bad LOL.
NO APPLE
I am convinced that me and a handful of people are the onliest ones that have not drank the Apple Kool-Aid. I sat and watched yet another accessory that will help people see the screen for the iPad. So not only have you spent about 800 bucks for the actual iPad, then you gotta turn around and buy extra shiznit so that it’ll work better. Like a keyboard, and a cover and speakers and... the list goes on. Why not just get a laptop??
NEW STUFF?
I can't remember if I posted this so I'll add to it and pretend liek it's fresh even if it's not!! LOL
YOUTUBE (ie LIFESAVER)
I am now addicted to YouTube! I get on people’s page and then just stay allllll day. My current obsession is Kid Fury who taught me that you have to fight shade WITH SHADE!! Which I must admit I am practicing with all these shady mofos that I work with. I said HELLO not give m your wallet you silly bitch! And then there is RoomieLoverFriend which I admit the story line is a bit for the 20 somethings... but they keep me coming back!!
I'M A FOODIE
(((You really can’t mess up a sandwich, I mean come on it’s just bread, meat, maybe some cheese and maybe some lettuce and tomato. But you absolutely can improve on it.))) It has come to my attention that I not only love food but I enjoy savoring it. I'm a foodie! Taking a bite to see what the flavor combination is going to be. When I cook throwing things into the mix because I know garlic and cilantro will go good together. So it baffles me when folks do not share the same adoration as I do. If I go out I don’t want chicken strips. I want chicken brined in citrus for 2 days then roasted to perfection with rosemary vinaigrette sauce (ew I just made that up but it sounds GOOD!!). I like basic food kicked up a notch. I went to the Gypsy Queen food truck this past Saturday and had not just the crab cake cone, but the CRAB CAKE CONE WITH BACON!! OMG it was so good!! They were parked behind a church that was having a craft fair. I attempted to go in and see the crafts, but there were to many people and babies so I headed for the truck. So after about a 1/2 hour in line, when I finally get my food I do a little happy dance and savored my food! So today I go to a chain with a co-worker who would probably kill me if she knew I mentioned her and had the chicken ceasar she raved about. Uhhh let me just say the spongeyness of the chicken should have immediately turned me off but I ate it and I truly don't see what the fuss was. It was your basic chain restaurant chicken ceasar. I will stick to my gut from now on!! LOL
THANKSGIVING DRAMA
So my mom fell down the steps at her house, fractured her shoulder had 1 surgery where the pins did not hold, (hospital #1)had another surgery (hospitals #2 & #3 because UPMC has ALL the hospitals in the Burgh on lock so even if your room is in 1, the doctors may be coming from another and then the surgery might be in yet another... but they are all connected by those handy dandy walking bridges) where they replaced the whole thing she is in a rehab hospital (#4) doing PT and OT twice a day is a bit fussy about the whole thing but she got some GOOOOD drugs so all in all for a 70 yr old chick she is doing alright! And that was the Friday before Thanksgiving. We intended to go the Wednesday before but that is what had happened so we went that Saturday. Now I know it is alot but I was and AM thanking LBJ for just the fracture. My grandparent's neighbor fell down the steps and died. It was so tragic and then his kids found him in the buff because he had just gotten out of the shower. That is just SO HORRIBLE. So I'll take the inconvenience of a shoulder replacement ANY DAY!! Her spirits are good!! Now what needs to happen is my siblings and I need to be on the same page and book for what needs to happen next.
I must say I do not enjoy cooking lots and lots of food. I like a theme and cooking a few things and having a signature drink. That's my thing. But it seemed like we (and I'm using 'we' lightly since my sister did the bulk of the cooking) cooked for tons of people and it really was just a few of us. The point was to keep is small, but I still think we went over board. When you watch those cooking shows they have like 2 sides and it looks really good so why do we need to have 7 sides? Wait am I exaggerating? mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, greens, green beans, stuffing (or dressing), mashed SWEET potato, potato salad (damn we had alot of taters!!), corn pudding, deviled (or angel) eggs, cranberry sauce, gibletless (LOL*insider*) gravy, olives, bean dip, spinach dip (ok I have gone into the relish tray), chips and pretzels OH sweet potato pie and apple peach pie and ice cream. YEAH THATS A HELLA LOT!!ijs not to mention the turkey and ham (well but the ham was small and we only did a turkey breast)
THE END... for now :)
THE GYM
I just recently joined a gym, well rather I joined a 60 day program at a gym and they are consistently trying to sell me on getting the year package. I keep insisting that I’m not a ‘gym person’ and the little skinny chick who signed me up had this perplexed look on her face like ‘what does THAT mean’. Well my petite young friend it means I will be ALL IN for exactly 4 weeks and then I will find ever excuse in the book not to go. What is driving me now though is this spare tire that quite literally came out of nowhere. I have never been a small chick (no never); I have always had a belly but it used to be cute (or at least maybe in my mind it was LOL). It is so far from being cute right now let me tell ya!! And the girls, oh those would be these heavy ass breast that just hang (I could be real crude and say the men LOVE them, but most of the time they are clueless as to how to make them truly happy, and being a drill sergeant (left, NO MY OTHER LEFT) can get tiresome), they have gotten even more plumper. So I am working with a trainer 2 times a week and do cardio 3 times a week for 60 days. I maintained myself during the Thanksgiving break which is a VERY good thing (more on that later) under the circumstances and of course all the crap I ate. This gym is a local/regional gym and has 2 women only gyms and like 5 co-ed. I didn’t realize how comfortable I was at the women only gym until I went to the co-ed gym. I was excited at the prospect of seeing boys!! That put a huge grin on my face until I got there and there were boys there. So the energy there was so very different. All the body building dudes (I pick things up and put them down...) yammering on about whatever; all the skinny housewives in tiny shorts and all the young looking boys lifting to bulk up for football. I am not a self conscious person, but there I felt myself tugging at my now too short shirt and pulling up my too tight spandex (I know spandex is supposed to be form fitting but it felt extra tight). And I felt watched like a dirty old man was sitting there watching my every move. There was one guy I did lock eyes with him and gave him my ‘STOP LOOKING AT ME’ glare. Now there were a few cuties but then I felt like the dirty old lady looking at the young boys : )
The classes… OK so I have taken 3 classes so far and is always pure hilarity. The first class the woman was a sub and it is clear they do not let her teach many classes. She had this snake/body wave move that was her go to move which was ridiculous. The thing about me, is I will try anything and I will smile throughout the class mostly because I am laughing to myself either AT myself or the teacher, or the other people in the class cause there is always something to laugh about. So she was up there losing count doing the snake to the left then the right and because this was my first class my body was glad to be moving but class was really bad. I meant to ask what her name was so I didn’t take her again. Class #2 taught by the owner of the gyms which I thought was cool. She is well into her… hole up let me google real quick...well couldn't find exact age, but let’s say her 50’s and so full of energy. NOW this class was the Zumba class which is a worldwide phenomenon. I even have a friend who enjoyed it so much she is now an official Zumba instructor. So this is at the women only gym and the women in this class are of the older variety, but the kicker was they all had the booty scarf thing wrapped around them like what the belly dancers wear. And they were all off beat LOL. This was not my first Zumba class but it is always interesting to see how different instructors do things. It was a good class. Thanks to this class my new song is ‘I work out! wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle’ by #LMFAO The third class… I might need to mention all of my instructors are white ladies, so when they do something with any form or rhythm it throws me off for a second, not that my white sistas can’t get funky!! LOL So class #3 I’m standing there feeling watched in the co-ed gym and the instructor comes up and starts talking to the regulars about thanksgiving and eating and carpools and whatever else. She turns off the light and puts on this house song with a little techno flair that I actually knew so that was good to get me in the groove. So the class was supposed to be heavy on the choreography but her moves were a little, damn I can’t even think of a good word but they weren’t hard move just cumbersome. So since I was at the gym the night before I was a bit stiff so there was no dropping like it was hot or warm. OH and I need to point out also, I’m not a turner. If the move requires a turn to the left or right then I will try it, but if you just threw a spin or turn in there just for the heck of it, I am going to do a 2 step. I don’t know if I get dizzy or if it just make sense to me. Often I’m in a class muttering to myself ‘Oh I aint doing that!’ And that was me in that class. She said she had a lower back issue but then she kept telling us to GET LOW!! Yeah… no I aint doing all that!!
**UPDATE** so I took class #4 tonight and it really reminded me how flexible I USED to be!! Actually this one was my favorite so far maybe because the teacher asked me my name and kept saying HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING CHICK? and she did modifiers for everything she did which is what I need. I also should mention I'm not a jumper. The girls just can't handle all that extra motion. So if I can do a side step or march in place that is what I do. She was British and skinny and fun (not that you have to be any combination of this... it just worked for her!) OH and yesterday the butt scarf janglers were so off I lost count when I was on the machines!!
MY HAIR
India Arie’s song ‘I am not my hair’ really resonated with me and it still does. When it first came out I think I identified with it on the level of weaves; like you don't have to attach fake hair to your head to make yourself feel better. What I didn't include were braids. That too is something you attach to your hair, but for some reason in my head people know braids are fake, getting a weave is perpetrating a fraud. But my view of the song and hair has changed over the years. I made a music mix (oh yeah I'm a part time DJ, mostly at the end of the year as a means to sum up my year in music AND as an inexpensive Christmas gift!) for someone who I thought was going through some ‘hair issues’. I honestly don’t know if it was received in the vein it was given because I had to explain why I put each song on the CD. But the reason for ‘I am not my hair’ was to remind that we are much bigger than our hair style, how it’s cut, if it’s relaxed, colored, what have you. What troubles me is that sometimes I feel like I AM MY HAIR! I got my hair braided because the cut I got back at the end of the summer was just bad. I wanted it to be short and funky and it just so wasn't. So now as I rock the braids which need to be taken out soon I sit here wondering what do I do next? Relaxer or not relaxer? Wig? More braids so my hair can grow out some more? Weave?! Oh wait I am NOT my hair so it doesn't matter right? But it does. It matters! I had an intention with this but I severely lost my train of thought!! LMAO
THE BATHROOM
I do not like bathroom banter. We do not need to chat, I don’t care what outfit or shoes you got on, I just need to get in and get out hopefully not completely stink up the place OR smell whoever was before me. So this morning I’m in there trying to put up my braided hair that was massively crooked. So the lady come out of the stall and sees my hands up and says ‘Oh I thought you were praying!’ I start laughing and say ‘no... well I do need to be doing that too but my hair was crooked so I’m trying to uncrook it.’ She starts laughing hysterically and I know the people in the hallway are wondering what the heck was going on in there. Sometimes bathroom banter is not so bad LOL.
NO APPLE
I am convinced that me and a handful of people are the onliest ones that have not drank the Apple Kool-Aid. I sat and watched yet another accessory that will help people see the screen for the iPad. So not only have you spent about 800 bucks for the actual iPad, then you gotta turn around and buy extra shiznit so that it’ll work better. Like a keyboard, and a cover and speakers and... the list goes on. Why not just get a laptop??
NEW STUFF?
I can't remember if I posted this so I'll add to it and pretend liek it's fresh even if it's not!! LOL
YOUTUBE (ie LIFESAVER)
I am now addicted to YouTube! I get on people’s page and then just stay allllll day. My current obsession is Kid Fury who taught me that you have to fight shade WITH SHADE!! Which I must admit I am practicing with all these shady mofos that I work with. I said HELLO not give m your wallet you silly bitch! And then there is RoomieLoverFriend which I admit the story line is a bit for the 20 somethings... but they keep me coming back!!
I'M A FOODIE
(((You really can’t mess up a sandwich, I mean come on it’s just bread, meat, maybe some cheese and maybe some lettuce and tomato. But you absolutely can improve on it.))) It has come to my attention that I not only love food but I enjoy savoring it. I'm a foodie! Taking a bite to see what the flavor combination is going to be. When I cook throwing things into the mix because I know garlic and cilantro will go good together. So it baffles me when folks do not share the same adoration as I do. If I go out I don’t want chicken strips. I want chicken brined in citrus for 2 days then roasted to perfection with rosemary vinaigrette sauce (ew I just made that up but it sounds GOOD!!). I like basic food kicked up a notch. I went to the Gypsy Queen food truck this past Saturday and had not just the crab cake cone, but the CRAB CAKE CONE WITH BACON!! OMG it was so good!! They were parked behind a church that was having a craft fair. I attempted to go in and see the crafts, but there were to many people and babies so I headed for the truck. So after about a 1/2 hour in line, when I finally get my food I do a little happy dance and savored my food! So today I go to a chain with a co-worker who would probably kill me if she knew I mentioned her and had the chicken ceasar she raved about. Uhhh let me just say the spongeyness of the chicken should have immediately turned me off but I ate it and I truly don't see what the fuss was. It was your basic chain restaurant chicken ceasar. I will stick to my gut from now on!! LOL
THANKSGIVING DRAMA
So my mom fell down the steps at her house, fractured her shoulder had 1 surgery where the pins did not hold, (hospital #1)had another surgery (hospitals #2 & #3 because UPMC has ALL the hospitals in the Burgh on lock so even if your room is in 1, the doctors may be coming from another and then the surgery might be in yet another... but they are all connected by those handy dandy walking bridges) where they replaced the whole thing she is in a rehab hospital (#4) doing PT and OT twice a day is a bit fussy about the whole thing but she got some GOOOOD drugs so all in all for a 70 yr old chick she is doing alright! And that was the Friday before Thanksgiving. We intended to go the Wednesday before but that is what had happened so we went that Saturday. Now I know it is alot but I was and AM thanking LBJ for just the fracture. My grandparent's neighbor fell down the steps and died. It was so tragic and then his kids found him in the buff because he had just gotten out of the shower. That is just SO HORRIBLE. So I'll take the inconvenience of a shoulder replacement ANY DAY!! Her spirits are good!! Now what needs to happen is my siblings and I need to be on the same page and book for what needs to happen next.
I must say I do not enjoy cooking lots and lots of food. I like a theme and cooking a few things and having a signature drink. That's my thing. But it seemed like we (and I'm using 'we' lightly since my sister did the bulk of the cooking) cooked for tons of people and it really was just a few of us. The point was to keep is small, but I still think we went over board. When you watch those cooking shows they have like 2 sides and it looks really good so why do we need to have 7 sides? Wait am I exaggerating? mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, greens, green beans, stuffing (or dressing), mashed SWEET potato, potato salad (damn we had alot of taters!!), corn pudding, deviled (or angel) eggs, cranberry sauce, gibletless (LOL*insider*) gravy, olives, bean dip, spinach dip (ok I have gone into the relish tray), chips and pretzels OH sweet potato pie and apple peach pie and ice cream. YEAH THATS A HELLA LOT!!ijs not to mention the turkey and ham (well but the ham was small and we only did a turkey breast)
THE END... for now :)
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