When people start a sentence ‘black people don’t…’ I’m
always like YES WE DO!! And it’s usually black people that say it and I’m like
well maybe you don’t BUT I do and I know tons of people who do. I’m not sure why that was on my heart right
now but it was.
I haven’t been blogging that much here lately. I just
feel like every thought is a complaint or when I speak it’s just negative. This is not how I want to live my life. The positives do outweigh the bad, but I just
get stuck in the mud sometimes. Things
were just happening back to back to freaking back!!! Like my leak in the basement. It was like a little fountain. But I went to the good Home Depot and patched
it up, speaking of which I need to do some more patching while it’s dry. Then it was the water heater, just went
out. I had to get a new one. THEN the damn furnace!! It was getting chilly and my mama can’t be
cold and that sucker decided to not work.
But thankfully I could afford both because there was a time not too far
in the past that I would have had to just boil water and use space heaters
until the money was right. So thank you
LBJ for providing all my wants and needs.
AND THEN… and this one almost took me out… so one day I’m outside and I
hear scratching on my roof. I look up
and see a squirrel poking his head out of my house!! So there was a hole and
that mofo moved right on in. Then one
night I hear scratching in my crawl space next to my bed and I’m like OH SHIT
he is living in my house literally!! So
I do my internet due diligence and research some companies. There are many mnay companies that doe
roaches and mice, but it gets a little more specific and limited when you are
talking WILD animals! So I call the
company and he tells me how much it is and I’m like (and I know this is so
rude) but I asked well is there any other companies that does what you do. He said ma’am I don’t want to bullshit you
but yes there are companies that do the same thing but in a week or 2 when the
squirrel is still in your house you will be calling me back. The next day the son comes to my house and
says again there are other companies do, it BUT some don’t have insurance to
get on the roof and just other dumb stuff other companies do to get your money
and then have to call this company. SO I
was like OK. He comes in my house and we
get the crawl space door open. I’m
standing back cause if a squirrel jumped out I would be sitting here dead
writing this (LOL). He’s like oh yeah I
smell him. And then he goes on to say
well thank God you don’t have bats. And
I’m looking at him with a blank stare like WHY would that even be a
possibility!?!? So anyway he comes back outside patched up the roof all over
the house and set a few traps and an opening for the squirrel to leave the
house but not be able to get back in. He
said that the squirrel did a real good job of making a door for himself. He has been back 3 more times to make sure
everything is fine so that was money well spent! So I’m good right, yeah WRONG!! This Sunday
I’m in bed watching whatever and Paisley the wonder cat is running like crazy
toward the bags I have on the floor near my door. I hear a squeak but my brain told me that was
NOT what I heard and that I didn’t just see what I thought I saw. I turn the mute on the tv but I keep not
hearing nothing so I keep watching TV.
So Paisley posts up next to the bags and then I see it, a fucking mouse
standing on top of the coach bag. So I’m
like OH SHIT OH SHIT!!! They are looking
at each other and I’m on the bed screaming at my cat to DO SOMETHING!!! I bang on the wall, the mouse doesn’t take
his eyes off the cat, Paisley is looking at me like stop banging on the damn
wall!! At this point I have faith my cat
will kill the mouse but right now they are having this aggressive stare down. After what seems like hours, it was probably
5 or ten minutes Paisley makes her move only for the damn mouse to jump in the
bag. She looks pleased with herself and
then proceeds to go lay down, I’m like uuuuuhhhhh, the mouse is still in the
bag (yes I am talking to my cat). I run
past the cat and the bag, manage to get a robe on and run downstairs. I have a
night caregiver for my mom My nerves are
FRIED!!! I say Are you ok with a mouse Tiffany (her name)? She’s like ooooh yeah mice don’t bother me. So I’m like GOOD I need for you to come
upstairs and get this mouse in my room.
She was so matter-of-factly about it and calm. SO she goes in the bag lifts up the other
bags in there and said nothings in here and I’m like YES THERE IS!!! She is
trying to calm me down by saying it probably ran somewhere else and probably
left the house. I’m like NO IT
DIDN’T!!!! and then I know I’m am not about to get no sleep cause I’m leaving
all the lights on. She goes back
downstairs and I calm myself down only slightly. I go and take some ibuprofen and the
chamomile tablet I bought to help me sleep.
I get back in bed and the mouse reappears!! This time it’s at the front
of the bag and Paisley is not right there.
It jumps on another bag (I have a lot of bags in my room don’t judge me
LOL) runs down the hallway, make a quick pit stop in the cat food, and this is
when Paisley finally jumps into action and tries to get it. It is now behind the filing cabinet I have in
the hallway. Oh wait when it was on the
bag I was in bed yelling TIFFANY!!! I NEED YOU!!! TIIIIFFFFFANNNY… and she
didn’t even hear me. So when the mouse
was behind the cabinet I ran to the steps and called her again. She is calm yet again and moves the cabinet
and is like I don’t see it. I’m like IT’S
RIGHT THERE!!! So then she was like aaaawwww it’s so cute **blank stare** CAN
YOU GET IT?!?!? So she says do you have
a bucket. I said I have a trash can so I
threw all the contents out and gave it to her.
She hit the wall and the mouse ran into the trash can. Again... my nerves are FRIED!! And I’m like WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH
IT!?!?! I want her to kill it but then…
you know God’s creature. So she takes it
outside and throws it in the yard. Now
of course I’m like well what if it comes back in?!?!? I try to calm myself down
I need some wine no wait something stronger vodka!! No wait let me just sit for
a minute. I go back upstairs and attempt
to go to sleep but E V E R Y sound I hear I jump. I get a call from a very unlikely person
(another story for another day) who calms me down and I finally drift off to
sleep AND at one point I even turn all the lights out. I am a praying woman and I believe in praying
for specific things. So me and adult
Jesus (cause LBJ don’t always be listening all the time) had a conversation and
I explained that the only animals I want in my home are of the people and cat
variety AND THAT’S IT!! I understand that the mouse was more afraid of me but I
just can’t handle it being in my house at all ever. I remember one night years ago, even before I
got my cat that one just stared at me from the fireplace. I had a conversation with it and told it I
really needed for him to leave my house.
I was dressed to go to a partay in fact I was going to see my DJ
Oji. By the time I got back I just went
on to sleep knowing he had listened to me LOL.
I think the 2nd day of fall I bought 2 lawn
chairs. I went most of the summer
without doing much in my backyard, but now I wanna sit and have sangria on
these chilly ass days. Now I need to go
get a fire pit and mull some cider and put rum in it.
I’m sitting here sleepy as heck and yesterday I actually
went to sleep in my meeting. It was
hella embarrassing but sometimes those voices get so monotone and the
information so unneeded. It was
important to someone just not me at that moment LOL I tried to participate and
I kept looking at everybody else who seemed so bright eyed and bushy tailed and
my eyes just kept closing.
The above was last week… I totally thought I posted it
but nah… I am trying to last until 5 but if I make it til 4:30then that will be
a plus. It’s not even that I’m particularly
tired I just don’t want to be here. I
did have a bit of the sleepy eye in my meeting but I held tight and stayed
awake today! Yay me : )
