2019 Year in review

I am sitting here on New Year's Eve 2019 trying to decide if I am going to do work or write my blog that I have neglected pretty much ALL YEAR!!  And as much as I need to do work, I just don't feel like it.  I am being pulled in several directions which is funny because most of my managers are on vacation.  Nothing really is happening this week.  But you know... I have to pretend.

This morning I was having a real deep conversation with myself.  I had been thinking for a while now that when my mom passed away that I would move to the Bahamas and sell juice on the beach.  This was something Whitney Houston said she wanted to do with her daughter when the world just got to be too much.  It probably would have served her well to do just that.  She and her daughter might still be here.  I am not that glum, but some day I do want to run away and be a complete beach bum! So my mother did pass away in April and it has been different.  For a while I didn't know what to do with myself on Tuesdays Thursdays and Sundays.  These were the days I went to visit her and it felt like a huge piece of my life was missing especially on those days.  Even now sometimes I don't want to go right home because I feel like I need to make a pit stop to make sure she is ok, but alas...

I don't want this to be a tearful journey even though I am a bit teary eyed right now.  Mostly because I still cry at a drop of a hat.  SO let's visit the good stuff! Let's do bullets!

• I have been dating a really amazing guy for the past 2 years.  He cooks for me, prayed with and for me, been the cheerleader I never knew I needed, given me counsel when I asked and sometimes even when I didn't and provides security that this self proclaimed independent single chick needs.  Now right now I am a little mad with him and even though I spiral sometimes it really isn't that big of a deal. 
• Mary J Blige "Be Happy" just came on, probably one of my favorite songs.  Cause that is all anyone really wants is to be happy.
• I got a lot of much needed work done on my house, AC, dryer and roof replaced; work done in my kitchen and living room (even though it will need to be redone because something still is not right BUT we are accentuating the positives here) AND a lovely new floor!!  OH and the front door.  Damn that's a lot!!  But my credit is good so why not??!
• I read the blog before this one, I never did get around to laying the mulch or soil.  Maybe next year LOL
• I went to Paris!!  Well my BFF and god kids did a world wind tour of France and Italy.  I was a little to quick so I have to go back to Paris and the South of France for sure. Rome was the hood so not so much there. There is too much to explore and I am ready for it. 
• Staying on the vein of Travel, I made what seems now to be an annual trip to Miami.  This was for a music festival which was really pretty nice!  
• Wait was that it!?!? I think that was it for the vacays.  I did manage to get to Capital Jazz which I seemed to have missed for the past few years.  Also, I went to Rehobeth for a few days.
• I managed to not get fired this year!!  LOL  The company I work for has a lot to be desired but they also saw benefit in me and let me keep my job.  We all know that has been a struggle for me over the years. 
• I'm still selling jewelry and I still enjoy it, but I have slowed down quite a bit.

I think that's it.  

I really am looking forward to 2020!!  2019 hasn't been horrible, but it has had it's challenges as every year does.  I have to get my health, my finances, and my spiritual life in order.  I have some good travel on deck.  AND... I will be celebrating 25 years in my illustrious sorority Alpha Kappa Alpha!!  I have a ridiculous silver dress and silver shoes for the prayer breakfast next month and I just ordered another silver outfit for Boule this summer.  She ready!!!!  

Jeez it's been so long, how do I usually end these things?!?!?  Live long and prosper!!!

it's STILL a matter of motivation

I'm sitting here trying to understand why a co-worker felt the need to give information to a manager that was not really relevant.  Which turned into a whole office conversation...which turned into everyone chiming into something that didn't need everyone's opinion.  And then after I left the conversation that I knew was no longer necessary and sat and thought about it, it occurred to me that she doesn't know yet that everything you think doesn't need to be said.  As simple as this statement is, it is a learned thing.  I remember back when I was a lot younger and if I thought it, it came right out of my mouth!  Sometimes in a tone that either was nasty or sometimes out of sheer ignorance but I said whatever popped into my head.  It took me many MANY years to learn HEY CHICK... It's okay to not say shit to everyone about everything.  It just is!!  So I came back out to clarify a point to the pointless conversation and it was said that the way the young co-worker said what she said made it seem very negative.  She only heard a portion and pipped back up to say how it wasn't negative.  Even though it really was.  This was a very important lesson for me to learn. One that had I just kept my mouth shut, I would have kept a job that I really didn't like (well no wait I didn't mind the job it was the horrible wig wearing bad toothed manager who didn't even want to hire me in the first place... but I digress).  And I am at the point in my career and with these current group of younger co-workers that I am done saying what I think needs to be said to them.  They are going to have to learn just like I did and every one else did.  Hopefully they are self aware enough to learn those needed lesson.
Being self aware is not something that we all possess.  For a long time I thought it was and I know that I have written about it before on this here blog.  But a conversation with a close relative made me rethink it.  He was convinced people know what they are doing and why.  I disagreed.  People are sometimes petty, and mean or nice or whatever and have no idea why they are acting in such a way. Some people are really unsure about why they do anything that they do.

The above has been a draft just waiting anxiously and patiently in my draft file since 2018... It is now late spring 2019 and I am just logging back in and have more shit to say.  I am really rather busy here at work but I can't seem to get my shit together enough to start my day.  I just drank an iced coffee from Taco Bell that was both not that good but also not that bad... just kinda meh!  I have my iPod touch playing a random ass mix of whatever is on the lil thing.  I haven't updated that in a long while.  But every once in a while it will play just what I need.  I was singing my heart out yesterday until one of the managers interrupted my self serenade.  Don't even get me started on these managers... I just have never been in an organization that I was gonna say didn't care about it's people but that's not it.  Its bigger than that.  I almost want to sit in at the shareholders meeting to see what people who have money invested think of their investment. The people in charge are just so far removed from the people who actually do the work in so many regards.  We provide a service yet the one at the top are the only ones who seem to reap the rewards for a job well done.  Anyway... my time here is numbered.

I bought 5 bags of mulch that have been hanging out on my grass for the past few weeks.  My lawn dude who all he does is cut the grass asked when I was going to move it.  I would ask him, but he literally only cuts the grass and sometimes the bushes in the back. I told him eventually!  I also started some seeds in April that are about ready to go into the ground but the 2 bags of soil also need to make their way to the back and that might not happen until the weekend.  I'll get my nails done after I move all of this stuff.  So that is incentive to get this done because my nails look a mess.

Okay, so I am going to get some water.  Take an airborn.  Start my day... In that exact order.  Or I might just stare at my screen for another 10 minutes.