You could be the point of letting it go

I have to come out a self-proclaimed hiatus to talk about this damn movie ‘Mea Culpa’.  First off it is a Tyler Perry movie, expectations were low to say the very least.  I don’t HATE TP movies but they are formulaic and just terrible most of the time in the best way possible; but they generally are a good time! **SPOILER ALERTS**

The premise of the movie is that a known artist has killed his most recent lover (but you gotta say it like lovaaah) and the defense lawyer, Mea, is the sister-in-law of the prosecuting attorney who is trying to bring him down.  Because he has killed this woman, there are other women protesting the gallery where his art is hanging.  Now from the jump, Mea who is married to this man who lost his job apparently because he got caught drinking or using drugs (I can’t remember) and doesn’t want to tell his family, but I had an instant dislike of him.  AND then the crazy white mother who raised 2 black sons but hates BOTH of their wives.  Mississippi from P-Valley is the wife of the prosecuting attorney and she has a hard way to go in this movie too (cause in P-Valley she has the white husband who basically beats the shit outta her and when she had the chance to leave she fumbled it).  I need for her to catch a break.  Mea goes to the judge to ask for a special waiver so that she could defend Zyair played by the usually sexy Trevante Rhodes, but something was a lil off for me in this movie, maybe he didn’t smile enough or something.  Anyways the judge KNOWS they are related but allows Mea to defend him. And then she goes to his studio to talk to him and I guess prepare for the case. 

*Side note, and I will do another review at some point, but Donald Glover is freaking BUFF in this new show he is in ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith’!!  Like DUDE been in the gym!!!*

She is at the studio, it always seems to be dark and he is trying to seduce her.  There is another man, Ronreaco, who is the private eye who is trying to find info on the slain lover but can’t seem to find anything.  I actually thought the 2 of them, his name was Jimmy, had a lil fling but they just have a good working relationship; it does seem odd though.  Ok back to the crazy white mom… She actively is trying to get her son another wife and invites a woman from his past to the birthday dinner and sits her next to the husband, Kal. It was just mad disrespectful the way the mother treated Mea, saying he shouldn’t have married her and just so much hate for her, and Kal of course never checks his mom because she is dying from cancer.  I mean they slap a scarf on her head and I know this is a movie, but it she is the healthiest cancer patient I’ve ever seen.  Mea keeps ‘working’ on the case and Zyair keeps trying to seduce her.  Ok there were 2 sex scenes; the one with the husband seemed very forced and I guess he got it, but Mea, not so much; and then there was the paint scene naturally with Zyair because there is gonna be infidelity and… I gotta go back. Jimmy has spied on Kal in the past and is continuing to watch him.  Jimmy saw that Kal was in a hotel with some girl and told Mea about it and Mea who had just left Zyair who was about to have some big sex with the neighbor and then Mea comes in and not real sure what happened to the neighbor, but there was paint pouring on the bodies and no showering of the already used peen, and booties were shaking and yeah, the PAINT SEX SCENE!!!  The next day Kal and the brother and his wife took the crazy white mom to a hotel and that is where Jimmy saw them.  Random thought, if you are having issues in your marriage the 1^st thing you think to do when your husband is cheating is to also cheat?!?! I mean I GUESS, but not really.  And then she feels bad and the husband is mad naturally.  At some point Mea talks to the gallery owner who described the exact seduction used on her the Zyair must use on all the ladies.  He’s a freak, he gets AROUND!! Kal’s not talking to Mea and then Mea goes to the Dominican Republic to clear her head.  She runs into a woman who looks EXACTLY like the woman Zyair supposedly killed and then the woman runs away and doesn’t know English alla sudden.  Mea calls the brother-in-law, his name is Ray (thank you IMDB!) and tells him Zyair is innocent and to free Zyair.  And this is when the unhinged part begins.  If I am in the DR chilling, I’m not about to come home to talk to the family that already pretty much hates me.  We can talk on the phone, hell we can even face time.  She lost the woman and her PI, Jimmy was trying to find her again. Ray said he had an investigator on a plane and she should come home.  No!! Anyway she goes home and goes to the house. At the house is the crazy white mom, Mississippi and Ray, who is acting real suspicious and Kal is not there.  Ray gave Mea a drink and she side eyes it as she should.  Then ALL hell broke loose.  Turns out the mother never had cancer, they cooked up this whole plan because Ray was going to run for mayor and he would have gotten sympathy votes for having a sick mom.  They then were trying to kill Mea.  Somehow Mississippi died.  Ray got poked in the eye with a key and the mother died too.  Mea runs out to the road, waves down Kal, who is then taking her back to the house.  Now this fool supposedly calls 911, hangs up and then 911 calls back.  Wait… where they do that at??!?!?  He answered the phone “Yes 911?” (LOL I rewound that one cause I was like WAIT does 911 call people back?!?!) It was his brother saying Mea knows the whole plan and bring her back to the house.  Mea turned on the Bluetooth and hears the last part of the conversation.  She unbelts his seatbelt and there was an oncoming 18 wheeler, yadda yadda yadda, Kal dies.  Cut to later that morning, Ray is being arrested and Zyair is vindicated and Mea is on the side of the building I guess in disguise as Zyair thanks her.  So now she ain’t got no husband nor lover?!?!  Oh Tyler!!  I just… where do you come up with this.  I forgot the twist that Mississippi slept with Zyair first and the whole thing was a set-up to get him in jail.  But then Mea ALSO slept with him, because as stated earlier, he’s a FREAK!!  My final analysis, I was entertained!! It has like maybe 4 stars on the IMDB but hey, it was a good time for me.  I though Kelly Rowland did a great job! Is she gonna win an Oscar off this? no… Nor an NAACP Image award, but I enjoyed it.  There were just to many times where better decisions could be made.  That’s life!

Flowers, just because it's Monday

 I wanted to celebrate myself on this day because a year ago on 6/15/22 I had my last menstrual cycle, my period, Aunt Flo’s last hurrah!! And… Oh hole up I also meant to do a disclaimer!

**WARNING** This blog post is about lady parts and lady things.  If you are not a lady KEEP READING because it might have already affected the lady in your life or its coming!  And if you are a lady also KEEP READING because all of our experiences are valid and similar in some why OR maybe not at all.  And we don’t talk enough about the good the bad and the ugly of this time in our lives.  We have to mentally prepare we are physically changing and it can be a whole damn lot. So here is my story…

Since about 43 my cycle decided to stop being regular.  I would miss one here and there and then be real heavy and it was the pits.  Then I noticed it getting lighter and I was ALL for that.  I mentioned to my doctors because one thing about me is I’m gonna see my doctors and make sure everything is working the way it’s supposed to work.  My primary care sort of dismissed the notion that I could or should be in perimenopause so early and my gyn, who was a midwife also was like well you won’t know for sure until it completely stops. Nothing was out of the ordinary so I kept on doing what I was doing.  And then the hot flashes.  A hot flash is never quite properly described.  Some women say it’s an internal heat that swells within.  You get hot, you may sweat; it may last for a few minutes to a whole lot longer.  And even though that is the actual feeling is just, not really that.  For a while when I started getting the flashes around 45, I would stop, ask people around me if they were also hot and just tell myself this surely isn’t what I think it is!?!  Right?? Nah, cause my mom would sweat profusely!!  That was a HOT FLASH to me.  That is what I grew up thinking, they were massive events that required dress shields to avoid the pit stains, and rolling the window down in the winter to get a little air, me running around the church getting my mother paper towel because she was drenched within minutes and her being mad at me because I didn’t move fast enough.  A HOT FLASH was a terrible time!!  It was not something I wanted nor looked forward to.   My mother ended up having a full hysterectomy because she just had a whole lot of things going on with her lady parts. And I was so very happy because that meant no more HOT FLASHES!!  I remember one of her teacher friends also had hot flashes, but hers were like nothing.  She just announced she was having a flash and a few seconds later it passed.  I was confused because NO MA’AM that was not the HOT FLASH I was used to so you must be a fibbing ass fibber because I KNOW what a HOT FLASH is! Fast forward to my sister going through it. She was again nothing like my mother with the sweat, but shirts came off more often than I care to mention and she would sit directly under a fan.  So while she didn’t have a HOT FLASH, she did have hot flashes! And then went back to being cold all the time. This was all I thought perimenopause was going to be. But, it’s that and more.  First of all the mental preparation of my body being done with being able to have a baby when I never had a baby weighed heavy on me.  It’s such a rude and personal question to ask any woman why she either doesn’t have or never had kids.  It could be so many reasons from not wanting kids to not being able to conceive.  And I am not less than a woman because it never happened for me.  I never went out of my way to have a kid and maybe the men I dealt with in the past were bad swimmers!! I mean because it’s not always us… I digress LOL So, yeah that part of my life is over.  It is final.  And I have so many more years left to live, but carrying a baby is not ever going to be part of my life and I’m ok with that.  Secondly, the hormonal shift.  My hormones can sometimes be all over the place!!  I’m mad then happy, then aggravated and this could all be in the span of an hour. And MY hot flashes.  So as previously mentioned, I thought I was preparing for HOT FLASHES and instead I got ho flas… So this caused me great vexation because for about 3 years I went around doubting that I was in fact having hot flashes AND that I was pre-menopausal.  And then I got HOT flashes!  And I knew what was going on and that my body was doing what it do!  I got to the point of DON’T TOUCH ME!!  I AM HOT!!  Then to WHY IS IT SO DAMN HOT!!! Then I had the night sweats and the one leg out, fan on water by my bedside because this is some real bullshit!!  I even had nerve to tell my manager (more than once) to turn off his heat if we are having the meeting in his office cause I’M HOT!!! And I work with men, any mention of lady troubles and they fall right in line because they all have mothers, wives, and/or daughters. Somewhere along the way I started following Oh Hello Perry and Black Girls Guide to Menopause on Instagram. These site gave some good information, because sometimes I really did think I was crazy.  The Black girls guide is extremely useful because we do experience menopause differently. I have been talking to women who have gotten the pellet under their skin to help with the flashes.  I wanted the pellet which was some form of estrogen, but instead I went the natural route.  I tried black cohosh, menopause support which had a lot of different things in it and finally bee pollen. NONE of those things did anything.  I just kept taking them trying to feel the no hot flashes and wondering why it was taking so long, but nothing.  Also, my primary care prescribes something but it interfered with my current meds and what I was not willing to do is shift what I was already taking for hot flash relief. I took it for maybe a week.  I was pretty miserable for almost 2 years.  Just recently I changed gyn doctors and she prescribed me progesterone which did nothing. I don’t understand why it takes several weeks/months for these meds to work.  I called my new doctor and she prescribed an estrogen patch a very low dose patch.  It started working within 2 weeks!! And life was good UNTIL… The fucking side effects!  The first night I felt woozy.  Like a little dizzy and not myself.  I slept really hard that night but things leveled out after a few days. I always felt a little sleepy.  The next thing is a big overshare, but hey, it is what it is.  My nipples were MAJORLY sensitive I mean to the point of I couldn’t even touch myself.  And not in a sexual way, I mean, when my bra was off as I often like for it to be, whatever shirt or gown would rub against them, it was painful. And in a sexual way the ta tas were off limits!!  Like sir you can’t put those there and NO I’m not gonna do THAT!! I’m a stomach sleeper and I could barely lay on my stomach and no shifting of the girls worked or helped.  For many nights I tossed and turned because of the sensitivity.  Then I had a shooting pain in my left breast and 2 breakthrough cycles.  I took the patch off and stopped taking the progesterone.  So we’ll see… I ‘m not sure when or if the flashes will come back but that along with general sluggishness was not a good thing. 

Even though I sorta had a cycle, I’m still celebrating the end of an era! Being a woman is not always easy. Any slight sign of emotion and we are swiftly told to calm down when we weren’t fucking riled up in the first place.   I have to measure out my words on a constant bases because in addition to being an emotional woman, I don’t want to also be the angry Black chick.  My body has gone through some changes.  I have gained weight, lost weight, I have rolls and cellulite a couple chins (and hair on the 1^st one), skin discoloration, eczema, dry skin, brittle nails, my hair not quite as thick in some spots, I’m gassy some days and bloated on others, my eyes are bad but I don’t have glaucoma or cataract like my grandmothers (nothing is ripe), but I do need my progressives to see, and there is probably so much more.  I would change a few things (I was about to lie and say I wouldn’t change a thing… I mean I ain’t going to go get no BBL (cause women really be out here getting BBL’s like REGULAR women)) but I am comfortable in my skin! It was a journey to get here! I didn’t always love the skin I was in.  I try to not do negative self talk and when I do, I get myself together!

This is the blog today!

 We have this IM feature at work on the Google and I sent my counterpart, who is 25, a meme with Lowered Expectation, the skit from MadTV.  He had no clue what that was and then as I’m explaining that and dating ads in the paper.  I sent him a link to a YouTube from the show and just went down a rabbit hole of those terrible ads and how funny it all was.  But we were really out here dating from 3-5 lines of someone’s trying to be themselves, and if you think about, how different is it from Tinder, or Match or whatever the hell new app is out there now?  I told him I don’t remember placing ads, but I for sure remember answering a few in my day… Whew and the 2 dates… no wait 3 (or was it more?!?!) that I went on LMAO.  The guy who looked like Scotty Pippen and not in a good way (is there any good way to look like Scotty Pippen?!?! I mean I am looking at his light skinded kids now (who are adults) and they are alright looking I guess…) who bought 1 ticket to whatever movie NOT 2 cause we were clearly going dutch.  I can’t even remember the movie I was so pissed LOL.  LIKE DUDE!!!  This is a date.  And it was 1 date because NO sir, I wanted to be a little bit wooed.  Then the other guy who looked like Mike Tyson who’s aftershave was nauseating, OH and he was short which wasn’t even a deal breaker, but he was very uncute, he did buy both tickets so that was something!  Still can’t remember the movie but it was at Security Theatre BEFORE the renovation, so it was mad dirty and yucky!!  Then the last guy I remember, wait did we go to a movie?  I can’t remember, but what I do remember is he had one of the 1^st Rav4’s.  He was very chocolate and I think he was cute, and I feel like I was liking him, but he was NOT feeling ya girl!  So much so, when I saw him in line at the polls at the elementary school near my apartment for whatever vote we were voting for, he literally turned and acted like he didn’t recognize me!!!  At that point it had been several months (hell it coulda been years for all I remember), but I was like Is this what we really doing?!?!  OK!!  My God I got some stories LMAO!!!! Those are the 3 I remember from the dating ads. 

And then that time I literally ran into Mike Tyson at the All-Star weekend when they had it in DC.  My outfit was a neon green TURTLEneck and some black pants/jeans.  Like there was nothing sexy about it.  I can’t remember what my girlfriend had on, but I’m sure she was in a short skirt/dress of some sort!!  I aint gon say no names but we had BIG FUN in Baltimore and DC alike LOL OH to be 20 something!!

I think that this is the blog!

I know those yams are meant for me!!

 A friend on the Facebook had a meme that said ‘Being an adult makes you realize just how quickly you can spend $200, but also how to live off $17 for the week…’ I laughed as I do at things that are factual YET relevant and then I looked at my bank account.  I spend way too much on unnecessary things.  I can justify pretty much all of it, but it really needs to change.   I am on a self-imposed Spending Fast which mainly means no shopping on QVC, HSN, frivolously at the Dollar Tree (but it’s just 5 quarters which add up!!), Amazon and other online websites buying shit I don’t need.  Also, reducing my eating out which some weeks and months are worse than others.  I have food at home that I am gonna eat!!

 

I watched some pretty bad movies last weekend and when I posted on the Facebook that these movies were in fact BAD, a lot of people came to their defense. So just cause you liked it I have to?!? Is that how this works? Nope cause I really didn’t like it and I said what I said. But I can break it down

**SPOILERS**

The Drop

The premise is a bunch of couples going to their friend’s wedding and one of the friends drops the baby. Dropping a baby in and of itself is not funny, but the movie was full of comedians like Jermaine Fowler (the dude who was in Coming to America 2); Robin Thede (Black Lady Sketch Show) actually her part were about the only funny parts; Aparna Nancherla who plays in stuff… she has a dry witty deadpan comedy, but she’s funny.  The baby is dropped, they go to the house/hotel where the wedding is going to be and everyone is analyzing their life and life choices.  I only laughed a little.  And then I couldn’t figure out how they were friends.  Were they college friends?  Did they grow up together?  Did they work together?  I couldn’t figure it out and then it was over!!

You People

This movie I have gotten the most flack for saying I didn’t like it.  It is staring Eddie Murphy, Julia Louis Dreyfus, Jonah Hill and Lauren London AND ALSO Nia Long and David Duchovny… and Rhea Pearlman.  Basically an interracial comedy (I guess); Jonah is Jewish and Lauren is Muslim and the 2 have to overcome their families and yadda yadda yadda, then end up married at the end.  I initially had a hard time with the actual couple, not the black and white of it, but the Jonah and Lauren of it.  Like in what world are they ever together? Lauren London is freaking gorgeous and Jonah… I mean, he’s an acquired taste (I guess).  I kept trying to look at him and see him as a sexual being and I just could not.  He did nothing for me! Just NOTHING!!!  I think there were only a few scenes that they actually kissed and the chemistry was forced at best.  Maybe if they had an actual sex scene? That might have persuaded me.  And then I remembered Lauren used to be with Lil Wayne (I mean I know that is real life and this is a movie, don’t @ me!!) and in all honesty, you like/love who you like/love, so that part I relented on.  And then we have Eddie Murphy who is pure comedy, but not so much in this movie.  He was a jerk!  And Julia was ditsy but in her way was trying to get to know her daughter in-law to be.  And Nia Long and David Duchovny barely spoke and then they threw Mike Epps in who I think was the brother.  They also threw La La Anthony and Rhea Pearlman.  It was just a disjointed, forced, mess of a movie.  But hey… It’s #1 on the Netflix so go ahead and watch.

Black Adam

The Rock is Shazam set in a random Middle East country.  It’s DC so don’t expect much.  I wanted to like The Rock, Aldis Hodge, Quintessa (cause how can you not want to root for someone with that name), Pierce Brosnan and a few other folks.  And with about 30 minutes to go, they introduced the big bad and I was like HOLE UP this movie is almost over!  WTH?!?!?  Even as I type I have done a whole lot of loud sighing.  The CGI was bad, the dialogue was bad...  I mean, it was just bad. Even The Rock in all the skin tight costume didn’t do it for me.   He was supposed to be the anti-hero but then… Listen, I did not like it.  And as one of my friends on the Facebook said ‘It’s a good thing I’m not a movie critic!’  In general I am just tired of Hollywood telling me I should watch and like this movie (any movie) that they spent all these millions on, and the independent films, low budget films, cult classic films that are actually good don’t get the promotion. 

Am I the onliest one who has this song on repeat in my head rent free for no good reason?!?!? Can I get to the yams?? Sweet YAMS... show me the way, cause I got bills to pay!!!!  Yams is life I guess!!!

Take the time that you need, fill the space in between...

 It is the 29th of December we are fast approaching the end of the year of our Lord two thousand twenty-two.  It is my big cousin/sister/soror's birthday, and I need to call her soon, but I'm feeling very ranty right now.  MORE than usual so wanna hear what has my bonnet in a bunch?!!?  

1.  I'm not sure why this vexes me so, but the Behr (Home Depot) paint color of the year for 2023 is beige.  I don't know why it's beige, out of all the colors on the color wheel they decided to make it BEIGE.  So then I was like well what is Glidden's color of the year?  Theirs is Vining Ivy which is a pretty blue green shade.  BUT THEN I go to see what Valspar's (Lowe's) color is and it is FREAKING BEIGE!!!!  Now of course the color name is not beige, but Ivory Brown, just like Behr's is Blank Canvas.  I was on IG last night and a guy who I don't know nor am I invested in his life was doing a room make-over and painted his walls white or maybe beige... it looked like the same shade it already was and I was like WHY sir who I don't know?!?!  WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT??? which leads into 2

2. Who decided that having multiple parts to a story was the new thing to do?  If you haven't wrapped that shit up in 30 seconds, then WHY?!?  Cause now I have to go to your page, find where you left off alerting IG that I like this type of content so inevitably they give me more, click on several reels until I get to the part 2 and then watch only for there to be a part 3!!  Like ma'am sir, NOOOOO!!! To be honest there are a few that I have been pleasantly surprised, well relating to home improvement.  And then the AITA (am I the asshole) threads always prompt me to watch more because usually most of the people are not in fact the asshole, but they need validation that they are not.  The stories are crazy, like the one where the parent took the mini iPad away from their 6 and 7 year olds several months ago for good reason and wanted to regift it back to them for Christmas.  That is genius if you ask me! Which you didn't...

3. Can we talk about these damn hot flashes?  I thought I was prepared but I was NOT!!  AM NOT!! Currently have the heat on my ankles, but I promise in about 5 minutes I will turn my fan on.  I just started taking black cohosh, but WHY does it say it may take 4 weeks to work?  Like WHY FOR!?!?!?  That literally makes no damn sense.  It just don't!! And misery loves company because one of my girlfriends has flashes now too and I be like I FEEL YOU GURL!!!  My little cousin who just entered her 40's don't quite understand, but she gon learn!!! And... FAN ON!!! I actually can deal with the during the day flashes, it's the wake up at 2:30 am and kick all the covers off, turn the fan on and just lay still until it passes, but then I'm just UP.  Start scrolling through social media, then Paisley thinks this is an invitation for her to hop her loud breathing ass onto the bed and want to be pet and cuddled, NO BITCH, I'M HOT!!! Leave me alone!!!! Now she has an attitude, I have to pee and now my knees are cold so I put the cover just over my knees because I am still sweating and JESUS when will this be over??  And if someone touches my thermostat one mo gin!!???!!!! Oh they have a death wish for sure... on to 4

4. I have new roommates.  Well, 1 new roommate one and her son.  The son is the one who took it upon himself to turn MY thermostat to 70.  Now some of you might say well 70 isn't so bad!  And you would be wrong.  Every house is different.  Mine tends to hold heat and I keep it at a crisp 64.  Don't at me... that's what I am comfortable with.  So this dude walks around with a tank top and shorts.  Like sir YOU HAVE TO PUT ON MORE CLOTHES!!!!  You just have to!!!  I keep a nice basket of blankets, some heavy, some light, and I have a portable heater you can use.  But don't touch the thermostat!!!   I posted the other day that the roommate I had a few years back, her daughter has moved in with me.  And for those that don't know, it's my sister and my nephew LOL (heat back on... knees are chilly).  To say this has been a challenge would be an understatement, but we are working through it, and it is temporary.  I'm just a live by herself kinda chick so it has been an adjustment for me and I know I nitpick, so the obvious stuff to me, is not obvious to everyone involved.  I have to let the small stuff go, burn some sage and keep it moving!

5. That's it!

Have a wonderful New Year!! 

Stay warm and safe!!! 

Tell the ones you love that they are loved!!!!

 

Winter done came!

 I am really not so good at the blogging thing anymore.  I guess I have other outlets and maybe.  I still have very random ass thoughts though, I'm not sure that will ever change.

**Spoilers... but I mean come on the show has been over for 2 years)** In one of my blogs a few years ago I joked that maybe one day I would watch Game of Thrones and get all the jokes, and memes and saying that everyone else did.  And I DID IT!!!  I finally FREAKING DID IT!!!  I watched Game of Thrones.  I'm not sure WHY I wasn't a hopper oner, but the greatness of that show is not oversold.  It really is an amazing series.  And per my usual I have the questions... So what happened to the Children of the Forest?  Are they all dead after the Hodor incident?  And time is a loop because Hodor got 'touched' as a child from something that happened in the future. Staying on the Children... what were the humans doing that was so bad that they needed to create basically a monster to stop the humans only to ban with the humans to stop the Wight (or white I've seen it both ways) walkers?  We never got a good back story on that!  Who was the man they stuck the Dragonstone into to become the Night King? How much did the dude playing the Night King get, cause he never spoke a word.  I really thought they were going to raise the dead from the water but that never happened.  And did the babies grow up to be adult Wight walkers when they got turned from Caster's male baby children.  And that whole thing was gross... they were his wives, daughters, granddaughters and they were all related to each other.  I mean Caster took incest to a BIG nother level.  Moving on... Are there more dragons?!?  I feel like there should have been more eggs/stones somewhere maybe that is explained in the prequel? I had high hopes for Brienne of Tarth and Tormund... but alas she did the dead with Jamie, and low key when she was writing in the book, I thought it was going to be about her being pregnant!  Did Arya really want to be No One?  Or did she know she would get good training there so she could kill all the people on her list? So all or at least most of the people in the East Essoso were brown?!?  I mean the folks in Dorne were too, but they were part of Westeros.  Greyworm did not have a peen, and I have seen an interview with Jacob Anderson the man who played him, who incidentally is in a new series that I want to watch and reimagining of Interview with a Vampire, and he says he did, but NAH!!!  All the gore and naked bodies, well women's naked bodies OH and that one-time Hodor gave us full frontal, and they couldn't show us what the unsullied were working with?!?!  LIKE come on!!  No one had the imagination enough to show us their eunuched private parts?!?!  I actually was on the edge of my couch thinking they were about to show it but then nothing!!  They said it was very graphic in the novel and that was a huge let down that they didn't show that!  I don't think men understand how deeply a woman can love because Missadei LOVED Greyworm, no peen and all.  And she didn't need that to complete making love to and with him.  Oh I'm sure they did some thangs... would have liked to see that mainly cause I like a well crafted love scene and we had seen sooo very much up to that point, I don't want to use my imagination. LET ME SEE!!!!  My favorite characters in no particular order were Tormund (he was comic relief most of the time and he kept NOT dying!!), Samwell (and let's not forget his very sweet moment when he had the secks for the first time), Gendry (who I thought at some point was going to be king or something, I don't know... I KNOW he was a bastard!), Lady Olenna (who was a complete badass up until her death), Little Lady Lyanna (who ALSO was a complete badass up until her death... she was 10!!! and spoke the best good and common sense!!), I mean truth be told all of the women were total badasses with Khaleesi leading the charge! To say I enjoyed this series that I binged for the last few months would be an understatement.  I know I have more questions!  I know I will be rewatching at some point!  And eventually The house of Dragons.  

I just started watching Succession and this is a terrible family, well no specifically a terrible father who has terrible kids.  I'm only on season 2 but I can't look away!!!  Like how you marry a dude and then be like, well you know I might not be able to be monogamous!?! You ok with that??? WHO DOES THAT?!?!  And it is supposed to be funny right, cause I've been laughing the whole time!

In a little over 2 months, I will be 49.  Like WHEN did that happen that I became almost 50?!?!?  HOW SWAY???  I have been trying to think of what I'm going to do, and I think a solo trip is in order.  Still not sure where. I also know I will be having a 49 1/2 birthday bash because it was a good time when I did it at 39 1/2.  Not sure if it will be at my house, or at a park or at a hotel... maybe all 3?!?! Maybe a whole weekend of events... EWWW now that would be fun!!  I'm still thinking, but if you are anywhere near downtown Woodlawn next July 15th. you are invited!!

 

There's something on my back that I need to get off babY...

 The year of our Lord and Savior 2022 and I have not blogged one single word.  I don't have a reason!  My faithful 4 have probably found other blogs to read, or maybe they are on the TikTok... I don't know.  But I am feeling the need and mostly I do this for me so if you read and enjoy, GREAT, if not, dats cool!!

I'm sitting here listening to a vlog on the YouTubes and they are eating Peruvian food, so you know now want Peruvian Food, but the way I'm doing things right now is I am trying to eat the food that is in my house and/or food I purchase to cook myself.  I am trying not to buy food out ALTHOUGH I did yesterday and that McDonald's hash brown and sausage McMuffin was EVERYTHING!  It was crisp and fresh and so good!  And on this past Saturday even though it was not raining at my house, the heavens opened up the second I got to Baltimore City and attempted to run across the street to Sugar Mama's. BTW if yo have not done yourself the favor of stopping by this spot and live in the Baltimore metro area I really need to know why you are living your life that way? I got the jerk chicken on coco bread with fries, and 3 wings on the side and a triple mix. It was worth every single calorie! What I will say that it wasn't even my favorite thing to get there because my usual is a French toast sandwich.  I have digressed... So my goal is to cook more and eat more green veggies and fruits and berries and I am on my way to the Aldis to get food to cook.  And even as I type this I have yet another goal to try new restaurants in the area.  I follow 3 or 4 food bloggers on the Instagram and everything the have, I want.  The way my bank account is set up though tells me that I can't live my life like that.  Also, the 40 pounds that I had lost during all of the Covid (why is there still squiggly lines under covid?!?!) quarantining, well not all but a few of the pounds, have found their way back and I need to get them off and going out frequently is not the right answer.  I attended a webinar at work today and outside of the basic information I already knew, something that I didn't is that berried are a better fruit choice than apples.  You know the saying an apple a day? And I do like strawberries, and blueberries so they are on the list when I hit the store.

If I'm being honest I am pretty bored today.  I probably could be doing a lot of other things, but I don't feel like it.  All the reports I need to do are done.  Paperwork is where it needs to be.  So I'm just going to enjoy this small amount of down time this afternoon.

Also, still in the vein of honesty, I am bummed I don't have a trip that I have planned.  I love the idea of something to look forward to and I have nothing to look forward to right now.  At one point there was supposed to be an Atlantic City getaway and then another point there was supposed to be a Vegas getaway neither of which panned out.  I looked online at some of the various travel groups and no one has anything with availability until next year and the one that did have availability skewed toward a 20 something crowd.  I'm not quite the AARP crowd even though I am a card carrying member EVEN though I am under 50 (and that's a whole nuther thing on my mind cause 50 is way closer than I like to think about some days), but I wanted something that wasn't what I saw.  Then I am completely in my head, because I would like a little weekend SOMETHING, but where?! Do I drive? Do I hop on a plane?  Do I do a staycation? But then where do I drive; where do I fly? How many days?  Do I feel like being bothered with family or friends?  If it's solo then I need to feel safe.  And again... bank account is a consideration as well. So just too many questions and I am way too indecisive to answer any of the above.

And then these fucking men I work with/for.  MAKE A DECISION!!  Right or wrong then that will be that.  Which is funny because I just said I was indecisive, but business is business and your lack of decision making affect ME!! Also, they get paid tons more than me to make decisions.  I am so low on the totem pole and  I am interested in making my life easier, so if you want me to do whatever thing I need to do to make your life easy, you best to believe I am going to do the thing that make MY life easy.  And that's all I got to say about that!!

Some good TV I've been watching... P-Valley **no spoilers** but BAYBEEE the secks scenes have made me holler!!  And every one is having the secks!!!  Same secks!  Opposite secks!! Tittays OUT!!! Punani OUT!!!! Peen... OUT!!!!! wait.. is there peen out in this show or ws that another show?  It is a bit much but I'm here for it!! And I will say, whatever Diamond did to Mercedes to get the weight off her, I  NEED!!!

I just started re-watching New Girl and it still holds up.  It is a funny ass show.  I watched Dopesick and it is so fucked up that big pharma specifically that family in that show which is a real family are all about money,  I mean trying to heal people is NOT the main goal every.  I just finished the 2nd season of Russian Doll and that show was good!  I still have to start Stranger Things, I just haven't been in the mood.  And Barry... season 2 ep 5 was THEE most hilarious.  Now this is a dark comedy, but I literally laughed out loud the entire episode.  Like I shouldn't be laughing at people trying to kill other people, BUT I DID!!  Umbrella Academy left me wanting MORE!!!  I still can't get into The Expanse, but I finally got to a point where I was like OH OK... I get it.  Kenobi, is epic Star Wars goodness.  I like sci fi clearly!!  Ms. Marvel is a cute lil show.  And I am majorly pissed Naomi got canceled.  I started the latest season of Queen Sugar and Ralph Angel is still fine... but his accent isn't as ridiculous.  I need for Aunt Vi to calm down!! I'm only a few episodes in.  also, Everything's Trash so far so good, the main chicks acting is not the best, but I can dig it!

OK... I am feeling a little lighter now!  I still have a lot of thoughts and this is just a small snippet of my randomness but it's nice to get it down and off my chest.  

Gettin Jiggy with it! (cause why not? LOL)

I keep going on to the QVC to see what they have knowing good and well I am not buying NOTHING!!!  I've already purchased and received the gifts I bought for myself Wanna know what I got?!?!  So... I love Love LOVE the brand Mented a make-up brand for women (or people cause men wear make-up too and I try not to judge!) of color.  The first thing I bought from them was a set of nude lipstick's.  Nude never used to mean a color that anything near my shade, but they have so many to choose from.  My favorite is Dark Knight a deep brown with subtle red undertones, like my skin! The other 2, Brown Bare and (I think) Foxy Brown ( I guess I should mention, I can't find the Foxy Brown one *sad face* ).  So what I got was the curated box they had for Harlem, the show on Prime.  In the box was a liquid matte lip, a blush, a mascara, and the Everynight eyeshadow palette.  I also bough some Double Good popcorn and I have truly been savoring it because my entire ass needs to be on somebodies diet real soon!!

**SPOILERS**Harlem on Prime** watch it then come back...

Harlem on Prime is a series with Meagan Good and Boo boo kitty (Grace Byer) as the lead; the other 2 women I'm not familiar with.  It was really slow going for me.  Meagan (Camille) overacts MOST of the time and even though she has been doing this for quite a while, I always want her to just relax and just freaking act.  And her eyebrows need to be softened, like are we still rocking the severe eyebrows like that?!? She is so freaking pretty, but those eyebrows are too much for the kid! Her character is a doctor (PhD) yet she makes some really dumb decisions and lacks confidence.  Like bitch, you a whole ass doctor... GET IT TOGETHER!! Grace (Quinn) plays this ultra desperate woman who ends up on a group date/pyramid scheme when the dude after the fact asked her to pay for the lobster roll she didn't even eat!!  I don't really want to go there, but Angie played to way to loud, inconsiderate Black woman which seemed like a horrible caricature of dark skinned black women.  Like I had to really push myself past her initial scenes.  And then there is Tye, the app creator of an LGBTQIA+ (cause the plus includes so much more) dating site, who ends up dating a white chick but then feels conflicted and then we find out she was married to a man.  Rounding out the cast is Robert Ri'chard (they gave me some nice booty shots :), Andrea Martin (she had a few shows in the past, but she is so funny to me), the dude from The Have and the Have Nots, Whoopi Goldberg,  and freaking Jasmine Guy!  It took to maybe ep 7 or 8 for me to be like OK I see you girl!!!  I mean not my favorite show but I would love to see it come back and the characters be developed even more. 

We have had a resurgence of Black women led shows to include Insecure (even though this is the last season).  First Wives club with Jill Scott, Michelle Buteau, Ryan Michelle Bathe. Season 2 had to make some Covid related changes so it wasn't nearly as good as season 1 but it is still a solid show.  Run the World on Starz with Bresha Webb and Amber Stevens and 2 other ladies.  This is a close second to Insecure to me.  The music is AMAZING, done by Robert Glasper, so of course.  Now my main gripe with all of these shows is, Black women do exist outside of New York City!  I mean come on!! But I love how they seem to be making a comeback.

You know what, I'm tired of being scared! I want to live my life, go to places (like on a plane) I want to go without a fear of this damn virus.  I want for the people who are contracting it now to not die!! I think I pretty much said the same thing this time last year. I am truly blessed to have never gotten sick!  

I'm okay, Okay?!

 I watched the Insecure finale just like everybody and I have some thoughts.  Unlike my 1 girlfriend who said she only had 1 question which was 'Where was Molly's dog?!'  Like ma'am HOW is that your onliest question?  And we barely seen Flava Flav since season 2 or 3, so to answer her question... He's boarded in a doggy daycare somewhere! Here are my questions of this last season in general and in no particular order:

1. Why was Dro at the going away party? Why wasn't his wife (well ex-wife) there instead? Was he friends with Tiffany and Derek?  Did he and his wife go to Stanford with them?

2. The relationship with Nathan always seemed off to me.  So I wasn't really 'Team Nathan' nor was I 'Team Lawrence' but I do like how it ended up... And this isn't really a question so much as me thinking out loud on the computer blog but they both seemed to have gone through several relationships before they found their way back to each other.

3. Why didn't they ever show Kelly's baby?  They jumped a year ahead so she should have had it.  And then Tiffany was pregnant at Molly's wedding.

4.  MOLLY'S FREAKING WEDDING!!!  I never saw it for (bitch ass) Taurean, but he really made the most sense and I freaking love that they ended up together! I loved that dress!  Wedding dresses are so subjective and I really only like a handful of dresses whether friends or receptions I've bartended or the TV, but that one was amazing!  Don't at me if you didn't like it.  LOL  I didn't like the Bridesmaids dresses,  like you a whole AKA on the TV show, you putting them in red dresses?!?  Where they do that at?  

5. Why didn't they let (fine ass) Daniel make an appearance?!?  For all the cameos at the end, they coulda had him walking down the street or something!! I mean DANIEL ALL DAY ERR DAY!!!! I guess I was 'Team Daniel'... whew chile all that chocolatey goodness.

6. I was a mess after Molly's mom passed away so I am super glad they didn't show the funereal or any of that.  

7. So the (cutie pie... I can't remember his name) barber was about to beat Nathan down for taking his customer, but he called Nathan when he got locked out? Like they resolved that beef real fast.

8. Did Tiffany and Derek stay in Denver?  And did y'all see her hair was a hot mess in one of those scenes so is it safe to assume to too much Black hair care is going on in them Colorado streets?

9.  I really need for Chad and Kelly and Issa's brother (da hell is his name? had to goggle it, Ahmal!)) to have some type of spinoff.

10.  And did y'all see Chef Julian!?  Damn I miss the Black N Sexy shows! That was a whole movement for a few years of which Issa Rae was part.

11. I'm going to rewatch the finale and see if I missed anything... then I am also going to watch and listen to podcasts. 

Sometimes I gotta goooo, where I don't feel like going!

 You ever had a time when you know the question that you're not even sure how to ask is about to unleash a can of worms that isn't even necessary to open!?!?  I'm sitting here like I know my question is simple, but it's about to open up a lot of dumbness.  So do I just ignore and wait for the thing to happen that in inevitably going to happen??  OR do I be proactive and start a good ole shit show!?!? LOL

I had the craziest dream last night.  There was a hotel party and I'm not even sure what the event was nor the hotel, but we we in a lobby of sorts and mostly all the people in my family were there.  You had to get your ticket verified by some random guy and I walked over to do just that.  It was like around the corner.  I was early so there was no line.  The guy who had to verify my ticket was I guess a bartender and had these little shots of drinks, but they weren't really a shot size, less than that so they looked like samples.  I asked him if they were samples and he said HELL NO!  I was like OK... well how much do they cost? and he said $82 for 12 and I was like oh ok never mind (like why would I need 12?!?!  both numbers I'm sure mean something but I have no idea).  So then he starts pouring the shots (there was this big punch bowl that looked like caramel sauce) and I said I SAID I DIN'T WANT THE SHOTS!  And he says DAMMIT! (LOL writing this is freaking hilarious).  He slams down the ladle spoon and then sits down.  He got some drink or whatever the hell it was on my alphet (say it out loud) and I was pissed so I go to his chair and say DUUDE, my dress!!!  He shrugs and then I say, What about my ticket?  and he threw my ticket on the floor and shrugs again.  I am fuming at this point and kick over his chair with him in it! He is on the floor stunned and I get real bold and say YEAH!!  AND WHAT?!?!? Then I walk back around the corner and meet up with my people... and that was all I remember of the dream LMBAO!!

I've had other dreams sine then but I can't remember them as vividly...

We all know that random thoughts pop into my head at any given time, it just the nature of how my brain works.  So why wasn't there a black cousin in the movie Bridesmaids?!?  We all know Maya Rudolph is bi-racial, and in the movie her father is very clearly black, so you mean to tell me she aint have that one cousin on her daddy's side that she coulda put in the wedding?  As it is most of them are friends; I think Wendi (from Reno 911 & the Goldberg's ) played her cousin and Melissa McCarthy played the sister in-law (so she had to be a bridesmaid) were the only family representation.  And I just looked to see that Judd Apatow was one of the main producers and he don't put black folks in his movies... there are several articles about this.  But also to this point, he like most directors and producers use mostly the same rotation of people; but C'MON!!!  She had a black cousin that was pissed she wasn't invited to be a bridesmaid!  ijs (LOL)

Why can't I keep my sneakers clean?  They are white and fabric and I have washed them twice.  I think I will just stop buying white; that will solve that.  I have been buying alot of sneakers though.  And by alot I mean 3 pair; and I feel like I need one more.  I work on the bottom floor and there is so much concrete.  What I don't need is for my legs and back to be killed by the concrete.  And as much as I like sandals and having my toes out (well in the summer) the amount of walking I have to do daily is just more conducive for sneakers.

Stopped to watch my emotions sway!

This week has been rougher than I needed for it to be.  My cousin who I grew up with passed away suddenly on Sunday 8/22... the same day as my oldest nephew's birthday AND the same day as my father's funereal 20 years ago. So this date already has been bittersweet and now I have more bitter to add to the day unfortunately.  My cousin was generally a good person, God fearing, good father. There is so much I could say. What I will say is this one hit different! He was in a car accident earlier this summer and had to have surgery as a result. Everything went well as far as we knew, but several months later, he passed away. I've just been sad and everyone is saying nice things on Facebook and that makes it that much harder.  This one was not expected at all.  He had 2 kids; 18 who just graduated from high school and the other 12 in middle school.  I don't know how it is to lose a father that young.  I lost my dad in my late 20's.  It is still very surreal!  I couldn't look at him real hard in the casket because even though they did a good job, that wasn't him.  I want to be cremated!  Not sure where I want to be sprinkled but that is the plan! Maybe a few on my family member's graves (wait is that weird?).  My uncle was put in the casket with my grandfather (that was weird because they didn't like each other... although to be fair, I'm pretty sure my grandfather didn't like most people).  And we are done with casket and cremation talk!

I was listening to the song 'Just Got Paid' by Johnny Kemp and the lyrics as I thought them to be:

Just got paid, Friday night

Party hunting, place is right

Booty shaking, all around

Know one thing; that I'm getting down

I just went to the 'official lyrics and they was wrong wrong wrong!!!  BUT What I heard on the radio this fine AM was... well all of the above EXCEPT the Know one thing said.. POURED ONE DRINK NOW I'M GETTING DOWN!!  Why was I in my car like this truly blew my mind?!?!  All this time I thought he was saying KNOW ONE THING!!! Not POURED ONE DRINK!!! **mind blown emoji** LOL

This one was the blog queued up, well kinda sorta.  It has been several weeks and let's see... I went RVing (well RV light as my niece would say).  She found the RV on Air BnB and rented it. I mean it was cute to do, but I promise I'm good!  I don't have to relive that ever again!!  I realized (well this ain't no new realization) that I like luxury (on a budget LOL).  The space was a little tight, and with 4 real grown adults and 2 small kids, it was interesting.  There was a clubhouse across the way that had a bigger/regular bathroom cause, none of us were trying to clog up nothing! My baby niece who is 1 is very demanding.  I took the handful of blueberries out of her hand so that she could eat them 1 at a time, after she stopped yelling at me, she would tap my hand so that I could feed her blueberries.  It basically was, since you won't let me do it my way, FEED ME (bitch is implied LOL)!!!  The baby nephew who is 4 has way too much energy for me! I must say, there is a huge difference to being an aunt when I was 15 and being an aunt at 47.  I'm just tired.  So when he is revving up I have to say 'Baby, Aunt Tauf does not want to fight right now (or ever!)'.  His parents recently put him in soccer, so lets hope that helps with his energy.  We did make it to Assateague where the wild horses were supposed to be roaming on the beach.  We saw a few horses, and I did get to dip (literally cause it was a gloomy/rainy day and I didn't wear my suit) my toe in the water; that was cool!

It has now been several more weeks... I am not so god with the blogging LOL I went to Florida which yadda yadda yadda, I talked about in the previous blog.  I did a quick lil trip to Atlantic city with my boyfriend which again I dipped my toe.  So if we are counting, I have dipped my toe 4 times this year!!!  Rehobeth back in May, Florida, Ocean City, and then Atlantic City!!  I can't really complain.

It has been yet even more more weeks.... and I need to go ahead and edit this thing and post it.  I will say that I am in one of my bi-weekly work meetings.  What I love is that I have a co-worker that I actually like and can joke about people during the meeting!  That is all I will say about that because you know, I like to try to pretend to protect the innocent.

And now my random thought for right now is that I need a  French Toast do over this weekend.  I went to a place last week not too far from my house and the French toast was terrible AND expensive.  I really want to give this place another try, but it's going to be a good long minute before I do because I don't like to waste money, nor calories.  I might have to hit up Sugar Mama's or Miss Shirley's.  Hell even Double T Diner would have been way better!  And I'm getting mad all over again at those pieces of bread that didn't soak in any kinda egg solution.  

but yo, I don't know what to tell ya!

 I had another blog queued up and ready to go but then I went to Florida on an airplane and I got some stuff to say.  First of all... Southwest, I thought we had an understanding that you were not going to have people in the center seat?  It worked well for me going down, but coming back home... Those mofos sold EVERY SINGLE SEAT and then some on that flight.  And, had I known that, I would have NOT had my bag on the seat when all of the people under 150 pounds walked back.  Now what I have never claimed to be was a little chick, but babaaay, the woman that sat beside me was very ample in size. And I looked at her and her 5 bundles of wet and wavy hair, caterpillar eyelashes, and long nails and thought a few different things.  I don't want to body shame because big girls are sometimes just big girls!  I'm more annoyed with Southwest than her. I just wished she didn't move around so much, and I wish I didn't miss the beverage service (wait... was there beverage service?!?), and I wish my arm and leg didn't go to sleep, I wish the flight attendant didn't make the announcement that we needed to keep our masks up when Southwest knew damn well they didn't care nothing about no social distancing, by booking the whole damn flight, like yes we can help to curb the transmission but shit, SHIT!!! REALLY Y'ALL... but you know... I made it safely home!  

On to the time in between the fuckery of Southwest... I went to Florida and had a great time!!  I hadn't seen my cousin or aunt in over 2 years and that is just unacceptable!  Over the last few years so many things have happened and it was just impossible to get down there.  SO I'm just glad that I was able to slow down a bit and hop on a plane and go lay eyes on my family!  My cousin picked me up and when we got to the house there was a soror sitting with my aunt and my aunt IMMEDIATELY says 'Oh the baby is here! '  And I don't know why this always throws me off, cause I have to say out loud to remind myself that I am 47 whole ass years old!! And if we being technical 47 3/4... REAL close to 48 and even closer to 50 which I know don't make sense but whatever!  And I can shake it off pretty quickly, because saying, I'M A GROWNUP makes you sound stupid!!  I am real grown as Ms. Evelyn Braxton would say.  Anyways, I get there on a Friday and we didn't do much Friday.  Saturday was 'pool day' interrupted by a crazy midday Florida down pour.  Their pool is so close to the house, almost a private pool for them.  And jeez, just thinking when the last time I've been in a pool?!?!  Huh... it's been several long minutes.  Sunday we went to The Orange Blossom Classic which was a game between FAMU and Jackson State.  This will serve as my Homecoming.  I haven't made it to Virginia State's homecoming in more years than I care to even think about!  So to see 2 amazing HBCU bands was a-freaking-mazing!! (I just said amazing twice.. that's ok carry on LOL) And, it was all in the comfort of a great suite!! I love when my people are in the know! There was chicken and vodka and Pepsi and water in a can (not sure why the Aquafina couldn't come in a plastic bottle... but whatevs), even some rose in a can.  It was really just good fellowship and a good time! Not really sure what happened during the actual game, but what I do know is those folks are serious about their teams and colors!  I have seen more para than I have before EVER!   Monday we went to this great Greek restaurant and then the beach!  I mean, how do I go all the way to Florida and not dip my toe in the ocean?!  We drove up to the beach and found a great spot.  The water was wonderful and I already miss it! At some other point we went to this local spot, Catfish Dewey's, that had all you can eat catfish; man it was so good!! I am now plotting my voyage to a local spot in Baltimore that has catfish because I need more!!

I need to understand why this one security guard makes it a point to come into this office to use the bathroom!?!?  Like WHY  SIR????  He then chats with whomever is available (never me though cause.... it clearly is a man thing and I am so ok with that LOL) and then leaves. And he has a big butt... ijs.  That always throws me off as well cause he's white, but white guys can have big butts, and they can't jump (LOL... I'm chuckling to myself).

You know what really grinds my gears, people NOT responding to emails.  It's like I gave you several days, you ain't that fucking busy buddy!!  And this goes for work and personal.  And I know things can get lost in the sauce but COME ON!

I'm not sure when I turn into the cheetah print chick but I am her!!  And I just got of the QVC website (don't judge my life) and there were these little sneakers with snake and other animal prints.  I immediately gravitated toward the cheetah print!  Like for real WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!?

you put the corn in the puddin and the puddin in the bowl!!

There is the mean looking little goblin man with a tear drop tat that I keep trying to speak to.  Well ok, to be fair, I thought he said hello first, when all he really did was look me in the eye and mean mug me as he walked by. And I didn't do anything to this man, I promise I didn't.  But I think I'm going to keep seeing him around as some sort or karmatic (is that a word?) punishment for me doing something to someone in my past.  Just now I waved at goblin man as I was trying to get a snack because I have not been doing so great either on WW nor snack rationing so I needed a chip.  I truly believe he grunted at me.  What may have been my saving grace is there were 2 guys walking up so I really coulda been waving to the other guy.  I mean I wasn't but you know, HE don't know that LOL

You know how everyone gained weight during Covid?  Not me!!  I actually lost weight because I had nothing to get in my way of eating right and exercising.  At one point I did a 100 days where I made sure I exercised every single day for a 100 days.  But to say I'm stagnant is an understatement.  I have maintained, but if I'm really being honest, I've gained and it is freaking me out.  I still eat pretty well and I do need my ration of chips but I have not exercised. Exercise I have found is the key for me.  I can't seem to do it just with food.  Probably also, my ass is getting older and my body just needs a shake up more often than I have been shaking it up.  But, I'll get there.  There is a young lady I follow on IG and she lost 126 pounds.  She looks amazing!  I also follow Black Women Losing Weight and they have a daily phot of someone who has lost lots of weight.  I am so glad for that motivation.

I'd like to file this under 'Shit that only happens to me!' Boom so check it (I never start like that but it felt right)... I'm at my favorite store which now currently is the Aldi's!  I do all the shopping I need to do, doesn't matter it's the 3rd time I'd been in the same week I needed more stuff.  I load my groceries in the trunk put my key as I normally do in the gap and then proceed to shut the trunk WITH THE KEY in the gap area.  I stood there in shock for a sec and then was like WELL SHIT!!  Now this is bad because I'm locked out, it's hot, and my phone is on the inside of the car because since the start of covid, I don't take my phone in stores with me.  It was my justification to not get extra germs on me.  Actually, for a while there all I was taking in the store was my car key and 1 card... well that is until I lost my card at the Whole Foods and had to cancel it and get a new card 😕 but that's another story, even though that is really all there is to the story... I took it in, most likely dropped it, called the bank immediately, and had to get another card. So back to Aldi.  I stood there more pissed than anything because I don't have my State Farm card so I don't know the number for roadside assistance and then SHIT AGAIN... I don't know anyone's number so even if I get a phone, who the hell am I gonna call? So I decided to go back into the store and ask for help because what choice do I have?  I ask the 1st cashier I see who then has to ask her manager who looks over at me like I stole something.  I'm standing there looking pitiful as hell and then she finally come over, attempts to look up the number and then hands me her phone.  I doesn't even occur to me to be concerned about the germs, I just take the phone and look up what I need to look up.  Now the systems in place now demand that you do everything online but you can't really do things online when you are borrowing someone's phone.  I finally get through to a customer service rep, and it takes a while to get through all of the information but we do, only for her to tell me to look for a text which is majorly frustrating but I just say thank you.  At this point I'm trying to decide if I am going to stand inside or go outside.  It's an overcast day but it is quite warm but after standing inside for a bit, I go outside.  A nice lady asked if I was ok.  I explained the situation and she offered to drive me home and I considered for about 2.3 seconds, but I couldn't think of where my extra key was in the house. So I stood there and then decided that I needed to sit; not sure where cause I was tired and it was hot and there was no where to sit.  Anyways, I went to go stand by my car.  The customer service rep told me lock outs usually are pretty quick, but I didn't know if that meant 20 minutes or 2 hours. So I'm standing by my car and was thirsty as hell and then decided to go into the Dollar Store to get a drink, because thankfully, even though I didn't have my key nor my phone, I did have my debit card.  I ended up getting a water and a strawberry lemonade (which was disgustingly sweet) and hang out by my car again. I don't know what made me go to the driver side door but I do and DAMMIT, it was unlocked!!  I stand there like WHAT THE ENTIRE FUCK!!!! I get in, unlock the trunk and get my key.  Then I'm thinking was it open the whole time?!?! Did I just imagine being locked out?  Did I just go through this whole rigmarole for nothing?!?!  At what point did my door unlock??  Cause I banged on the trunk.  WHY DOES THIS SHIT ONLY HAPPEN TO ME!?!? After I finish laughing at myself about this dumb situation I drive off, slightly embarrassed but for what I don't know because even if I see the cashier again, she probably won't recognize me because I still where my mask. I'm still chuckling at myself because that was one for the books!

June is busting out all over!!

I started a new job in mid-May.  Yay me!!  The main thing we need to note here is full time hours and pay AND waaaaay better benefits.  The benefits I had at my previous part time sucked monkey balls.  They sucked so bad that I am still paying for things that were not covered that I had no way of finding out it if was or was not covered until after the fact because no one would ever pick up the phone when I called.  How the whole office always at lunch?!?!  And when I would give my card to the medical people, they would look at it and me, like, we aint neva heard of this company before EVER!  I'm excited to be learning some new things, but I'm also excited to be teaching what I know.  Oh you gon get all my years of working history and office knowledge whether you want it or not!!  LOL The other joy is that I get to work with all men AND we get to share a bathroom AND they always make it a habit to leave the toilet seat up AND they're aim is usually pretty good, but I have strategically placed disinfecting wipes all around just in case they miss which is not often (believe it or not) EXCEPT for today!!!  TODAY some nasty ass man left pee all over the toilet and the floor and I'm standing there looking and I had to literally LOL cause how the entire fuck do you miss the toilet and manage to get it all over the floor as well, proceed to put your junk away and then hopefully wash your hands and leave the bathroom?  Sir did you NOT see all of the piss?!?!  I mean even another man walking up to that should be grossed out. BUT I have to emphasize that it was just today.  Normally, there are only 4-5 of us in the office at any given time.  I had to have been one of the contractors; I'm convinced.  The other thing I am looking forward to is throwing shit away!  I do find great joy in throwing other people's stuff away.  But this stuff really does have to go cause do we really need the MSDS binders from 2008?  NO.... no we do not.  I've gotten quite a bit of junk out of my office which served as the 'junk' office for years, I'm sure.  My 1st week the IT dude was about to put an extra monitor on top of my credenza which just from how he was moving was a normal occurrence.   I said OH NO SWEETIE, this has to live somewhere else.  And he was like OH well, I have to get a cart.  THEN a cart you must get, because it can't stay here.  I think often times when things change, people don't take the time to just go through all of the things so things just stay where there are and then a manager leaves, or a worker doesn't come back or gets promoted and then unintentional hoarding occurs.  I get it!  A few jobs ago, the office manager had ordered so many paper clips, that if I wanted to, I could have started a side hustle just selling the paperclips from work AND no one would have ever missed them.  

I have HBO Max and one of the things I love is movies that I can see without having to go to the theatre even though I really do love going to the theatre but... COVID.  So most recently I've watched 'In the Heights'.  When I saw the trailer, my initial thought was OH... OK!!  They actually have some darker skinned Hispanic people... I mean not my complexion, but darker than the light skin that is normally portrayed.  Good job!!  And then I'm a musical kind of chick so I was excited that this movie was coming to the 'big' screen.  I really did enjoy the movie. Nice love story between 2 couples; nice musical numbers; singing was pretty good; dancing was AMAZING!  I'm still trying to figure out if the black guy from Straight Outta Compton was supposed to be Hispanic or regular Black... because regular American Black is indeed a thing; or maybe I should say American descendants of slaves (ADOS) which translate to Black.  I will watch it again because I know I missed a few things.  Also it was 2 hours and twenty 2 minutes!  That's a long ass running time! I am still trying to figure out if Anthony Ramos is  cute and he is... but kinda not really, but kinda sort yeah?!?!  I mean could he get it???  Probably not!!  Those teeth might give me a hysterectomy, but he's cute!  LOL The little girl who played Nina, her hair keep changing and I kept having to question if it was a wig... And OMG Dascha Polanka... I did not know Miss Orange is the New Black had so much uuuhhhh... BOOTY!!! I was like OK Sis!!! And then there's Jimmy Smits... He could have gotten it since LA Law ijs.... LOLOLOLOL  I could have used more than 5minutes of Marc Anthony. Today I watched a Broadway slime video (which means bootleg... I had to look it up LOL) of the original play and it gave a little more context for a few things.  They of course added a few things to the movie and kinda rearranged a few of the scenes but essentially the same show.  

I wrote more stuff... but this is what happens when you don't hit save : /

I'm astounded by your beauty, the charm your pouring on me!

 Just in case you were wondering... black women DO EXIST!!  Last night I started watching the newest offering on the Netflix with Jamie Fox and David Alan Grier.  It is majorly unfunny but honestly I wasn't expecting much.  What get my panties all in a literal and proverbial bunch is WHY DID THE BLACK MOM HAVE TO DIE!?!?  I mean I guess they do have the black 'auntie' and Luenelle was on the 1st episode so that's something. But, this is the same storyline as the equally unfunny show with Keenan and the other dude from SNL.  The grandfather is white, so we know the black mom was biracial.  And I haven't watched a whole episode of that show, but there is the black woman co-worker... so there's that.  The Rock has a show too, and no black women and granted he is 1/2 black and his mother and that side of his family is Polynesian so, they have some melanin, but they are not black.  I'm sick of this story line and I'm not sure why it is all of a sudden a popular trope.  I know there are many single dads out there, but there are also single mothers, whole ass families and a lot of variations that Hollywood doesn't seem to promote.  What's the most hilarious thing to me, is all the men I listed above have not one single black wife or partner so I guess they might not know how to write that.  The Rock and Jamie fox have both been on Essence magazine and I know The Rock was asked directly about dating black women and he said something about how strong black women are, but yet I have never seen one on his arm. So just to reiterate... BLACK WOMEN EXIST!  And we come in so many beautiful shapes and sizes!  Not all of us are biracial with long flowy hair, although some of us are.  Some of us have dark skin, and guess what, we are beautiful too!! 

I just read an article about a rapper in Randallstown "Chad Focus" who stole 4 million from his company and was sentenced to federal prison.  I read the article and I watched one (cause what I don't want to do is F up my algorithm) of his videos on the Youtubes which wasn't even a whole 3 minutes.  And you know what?  I got questions.  #1 what checks and balances were not in place at his job for him to be able to run up a credit card bill that much?  Like HOW SWAY!?!?! #B There is a big booty girl in said video who shakes her ass on him stripper style the entire video.  I wonder how much she got paid?  Did she get paid? What is the going rate for ass shaking?  I wonder.  And #iii at what age do you say to yourself (cause he is a whole 33 years old, not ancient, and I know you gotta hustle) you know what, I think I'm a lil too old to still tryna be a rapper?!?!?  What was sad is I think he has a some mental concerns and that needs to surely be addressed.  But at least he stole millions!!!  Y'all know, if you ever hear about me in the 'papers' which I guess I have to change to the internets... it's going to be for BILLIONS, so at very least he didn't just nickel and dime the company.  I mean, his co-workers had to take pay cuts becasue of him, BUT he went out with a bang, AND still no career.  

Does a mojito count as a good Cinco de Mayo drink?  Ugh.. probably not seeing as it's Cuban and not Mexican. Well Ima act like it's Mexican TAHnight!!!

 

and there'd be no more hours of dreaming...

This week has just been hard! My sister had surgery and she came and stayed with me for a few nights and I reconfirmed that I am not built for the overnight shift.  When I was taking care of my mom and it became clear that she was not going to sleep through the night on a regular basis, I got a night nurse.  I actually liked that I could take care of my sister, that wasn't the bad part.  The bad part is my body just could not get it together. AND THEN there was daylight savings time which is some fracken nackle.  So I was just tired!  I kept trying to not be tired and telling myself I wasn't tired, but my ass was TIRED!! My goal is to work out at 5 times a week, which usually I make it 3 times, but last week, I worked out once.  I felt good after, but that was all I could muster for the week.  It's ok to not be ok! I felt bad for feeling bad.  How crazy is that?  Then it's also been gloomy and cold.  Friday was the first day I felt like myself.  My body is slowly but surely getting back to the normal that I am used to. 

Spring has sprung!  I didn't even realize the first day of spring had made it's arrival.  I shoulda known.  One clue were the smallish flower that were starting to pop up in my backyard.  I bought this random little basket of bulbs at Aldi's last fall and got them in the ground.  My main fear was that one of the critters (rabbit, squirrel or maybe even that dame ground hog (even though my brother told me it was most likely a family, I am still holding on to it just being 1 LOL)) were going to dig them up and eat the.  The squirrels are real good for that.  But, surprisingly they didn't!  It would have been great if I had labeled them, but unfortunately, that is not my strong suit.  There are crocus and maybe some type of lily and maybe a tulip?  It will be a surprise whenever they bloom.  It truly are the little things!  Also, my plants in the front are also making their arrival.  

The concept that things revolve around you is so ingrained in all of us that sometimes I think we forget that there are bigger things going on than what we can see or comprehend.  IT'S BIGGER THAN YOU!  

I washed my car today because the birds have been completely disrespectful to my car!  AND I felt that I needed to do it myself because an instant car wash or even hand car wash, they would miss a spot, and that would piss me off.  What I don't need is to pay for a service that I know is not going to be good. You go to these places, they don't do a great job, and then you still (well maybe it's just me) feel compelled to tip.  Nope!  Not today!  I had some energy today so I did it myself. I've poked my head out to look out at my car to see if the birds have 'tagged' my car, and so far so good. What I will need to do is buy another hose.  I've had that one for several years; the spray nozzle is rusted onto the hose AND there are a few holes. If I wasn't paying attention, I would have given my creepy neighbor, because I know his weird ass was watching, a nice little wet t-shirt show!  I'm looking on the Amazon now to see about a new hose which is going to take me down a rabbit hole of shopping and reading reviews and trying to figure out the durability and... UGH... just alla that!! I might could tape up the holes??! Maybe I won't be that trifling LOL! Or maybe I will?!??

Today is Sunday and the sun has been absolutely amazing!!  I just sat outside and soaked up the setting sun.  I have been in such a mode of gratefulness!  I am thankful for all of the things big, small, and in between!  And that's all I have to say about that!!!

Feb 2021

 I let the whole month almost slip by without a post.  The goal is to post at least once a month and I am almost not living up to my end of the deal that I made with myself.  I'm sure I have a lot to talk about, but right now all I can think of are the Sunkist Jellybeans I bought at the Dollar Store last week. I need to get caught up on all my shows from last week, but instead of doing that I'm watching an old show that used to be on Lifetime, UnReal, which is a scripted show about the behind the scenes shenanigans that happen on the Bachelor type shows.  Everyone is sleeping with everyone and it's not nearly as romantic as they make you think it is.  I'm not a huge fan of reality TV, but even from this show you can see how much manipulation goes into the creation of 'good tv'.  I wonder what would happen if they let people actually think for themselves. Also, I need to watch the new Billie Holiday movie, but probably not a good time to start watching after 10 pm.  I will stay away from the reviews although so far everyone is saying it was good.  They also said 'One Night in Miami' was 'good' and it was but it was also a little boring. I love Leslie Odom and Aldis Hodge and the little cutie that played Muhamad Ali and the British actor who played Malcolm X. I am super excited for Regina King and all of the accolades she is receiving.  

I had an amazing nap late this afternoon and I am so ready to go back to sleep.  SO even though I am racking my brain for things to talk about, I will pick this up next month. Peace, love, hair grease, and soul!!! LOL

Happy New Year!!!

 It is the end of the month but the sentiment is the same Happy year of our Lord and savior two thousand twenty one!  We got us a new year to make something of ourselves, or do something different, or do the same damn thing we been doing, or just do you boo boo!!

I'm currently watching The Resident and as much as I love Morris Chestnut, I freaking hate his character on this show, with a BIG passion.  HE. IS. THEEEE. WORST. What I do like **spoiler alert** are Mina and Theo (not his name on the show but Malcolm Jamal Warner will for always and ever be Theo) finally, Finally, FINALLY getting together. I mean that secks has to be HOT!!! mmm... Anywhooo

One of the very few resolutions I made this year was to blog more!  Someone randomly said, 'oh you only blogged twice last year' and I  thought about it and blogging once a month is not too much to ask.  I gotta give the people what they want!!  And I love thinking what the 'people' want and need is one of my random ass blogs.  My opinion of myself is ridiculous! LOL

I'm sure I made other resolutions, but the fact that I made it out of 2020 unscathed is nothing short of a miracle!! I mean we are still in the midst of a global pandemic and so many people that look like me are not making it.  I am still up in the air about the vaccine.  My black doctor told me the science is there and we should trust it, my (her) black nurse was on the fence but, she's an essential worker, so she is getting it.  My elderly... oh wait I'm sorry because she is not a senior citizen... my fly ass aunt just got it the shot, my nephew who is a top secret essential person in the government (wait I said too much... disregard what you just read!!!), and others have gotten the vaccine. I am still a little nervous about it.  I'm just keeping it for real for real!  And as much as I want it to go away, it just isn't going away fast enough! I thought for sure by now we would be getting back to a normal that looked like normal prior to March 2020. Alas, we are not.  The highlight of my week is going to Aldi's and even then, it is a deliberate shopping experience. I have the store mapped in my head so it is a real in and out situation.  Even today, I had to go to Sam's club to pick up a prescription. I mapped it out in my head.  The goal was: get a basket, head to the back, get chicken, water, loop around to the pharmacy, pay for everything there and leave.  In actuality, I only made 2 pit stops.  I got a basket, got kitty litter, chicken, water Kleenex, looked for a big ass thing of Lawry's but all they had was Morton's Seasoned Salt (eww), got my prescription after flirting with the dude in front of me (he flirted first and really how much flirtation can go on without knowing if he had all his teeth?!?!? and then I gotta remember, I got a whole ass man who would think my coy flirts were a sure sign I was leaving him LOL) I got the pharmacy lady to let me buy everything there, thankfully there was no line, and I high tailed it outta there!!  I was on my DON'T GET IN MY WAY mode for sure!  Don't try and sell me nothing extra.  Don't be walking all slow in front of me. I got shit to do! Lingering in the Sam's club is not one of those things.

This show is in Atlanta, WHY aren't there more black folks on this show?!?!  Almost like Designing Women back in the 80's.  They only had the 1 black man, who I just goggled, he died in 2014 : O  and speaking of people who died... Cicely Tyson an American treasure passed away yesterday.  She was 96 years old!  What an amazingly long and fabulous life and career she had!  She was still working as of last year!!!  That is just amazing.

So maybe late November I started having the worst hot flashes!  I was 46 ( I have since had a birthday, I'm a whole ass 47 now) and this is a little young to be in full blown menopause but for sure perimenopausal. It was just unbearable!  I would turn on my electric blanket in my bed, get warm and then 2 minutes later threw all of my blankets and comforter off because my ass was hot!  I would turn on my fan and let it blow on all parts of my body even if the temperature was 25 degrees.  I. WAS. HOT. It has gotten better in the last 2 weeks but I really thought I was gonna die!!  I mean I would just be sitting there and need to just fan myself because I would start sweating.  The crazy part is, I KNEW it was coming!  Since about age 8 watching my mother just sweat for no good reason.  She wore dress shields so as not to sweat through her blouses and dresses.  I remember running around church looking for paper towel because her flashes were severe.  She would drive fast with the windows down to relieve herself of being hot. I was there for it all, so I knew!  Fast forward to watching my sister strip down and sit in front of a fan because she was flashing! I knew! And then lets not forget the book club ladies who asked me to turn down my heat when I hosted book club because... FLASH!  So I knew it was coming!!  I just was not prepared with the vengeance with which it came!!! It has settled down a bit, but I have my fans (electric and manual) ready cause I  never know.

Ugh... maybe I shouldn't have drunk a jumbo glass of wine when I have a committee meeting in about 10 minutes! 

 Meeting went off without a hitch.  I actually sounded like I knew what I was talking about LOL.