I know.. casue I know CAUSE I KNOW!!

listening to a lil Lalah as I type the good blog... You can make it On your own!

What you won’t do is tell me you are a make-up artist in training and you have a completely naked face.  No ma’am…   your face should be beat at ALL times!! And then for those women who don’t already wear make-up, black eyeliner and mascara might not be a good entry point.  You have to ease into it. Start with a little gloss, do the neutrals and then once we get used to seeing that on you, then maybe a brown liner and mascara.  And then for the woman who was wearing the exact color combination that I was going to, thank you for being a cautionary tale for me.  Those colors looked horrible together although somehow I think I still could have pulled it off.  And this has been your make-up minute!!

It took me years to upgrade from a futon (from college) to a real couch.  And now I have (for the most part) a grown-up house!  I have furniture in all of the rooms.  Now my goal in life is to have a grown-up back yard.  I went to 2 cookouts this weekend and I now know what the bar is for me to reach.  Hardscaping is the way to go! And a water feature.  I intended to add bricks or stones of some sort several years ago but I wasn’t sure what I wanted.  Now I kinda do know what I want.  I’ve done 1 level of stones in the front and to my garden in the back but I really do want to add more.  Picking up the stones at the Lowes or Home Depot is not fun.  I need to have someone do it for me; either hire someone or go with them so they can figure out how many are needed. 

This is my favorite time of year which is evident in the amount of clothes I have.  One of my caregivers for my mom (well and I guess for me too) was like PLEASE let me finish washing your clothes!  They have been in the basement for 2 weeks.  Of course why should anyone have to plead with me to let them help me? So I let her!  What’s bad is I really didn’t miss any of what was in the basement.  I like color and I never really understand why people wear so much black when another option would be yellow or turquoise. I have a lot of vibrant colors and patterns and for the past few weeks I have gotten many comments.  What even funnier is a lot of the stuff is from QVC and HSN.  And on that note since my contract is coming to a close I need to go on a spending fast.  NOPE I don’t need that pair of shoes, or that dress. I mean I might WANT it but I need to be on a needs only basis. 

What bugs the hell outta me is being with people who can’t seem to ever put their phone down, but the second you text them you don’t hear from them for hours.  Like REALLY chick... or dude??!?

You know what else I don’t like busy bodies!!  Those mostly women (but men can be busy bodies too) who know everything about everything and let you know they know just in case you didn’t know they knew.  Yep I got it, you KNOW IT ALL!! Except they don’t.  They are usually misinformed and then look simple when giving out the info that only they know! 

We had cake today and I don’t know what it is but I don’t like it.  It had some sort of custard on in.  I am such a plain jane when it comes to cake, just give me a nice vanilla cake with chocolate icing. 

What you ALSO won’t do is be in the left lane while I’m in the right, make the turn and then try to get all up in my lane!!  NO ma’am sir!! Don’t underestimate this lil 03 Corolla or the chick driving cause she might jump out and beat the shit outta you!  I mean she won’t, but she says she will all the time!!  LOL  This big ass white pick-up decided that was how he was living his life yesterday and this chick wasn’t having it!  I blowed my horn and held my own like NO YOUSTAY OVER THERE!!

THANK LBJ IT'S FRIDAY!!

I’m used to being a contractor.  I really am.  It fits my gypsy lifestyle.  Not that I pick and move homes, but jobs, OH YEAH!! So I’ve been at my current location since 2012.  I count it by family reunions.  I have had 3…  My mother’s side of the family has been doing a reunion since 1978 on even year usually on Memorial Day weekend.  So in 2012 after giving a 4 month notice that I was going to Dallas my manager asked if I could change my day off to Wednesday NO ma’am I cannot.  I high tailed it out of there as soon as I could. Dallas in 2012, Memphis in 2014 and (sunny) Cleveland 2016. It is time to GO!   And wouldn’t you know it they didn’t extend my contract!  I am a firm believer that you speak things into existence so you have to be careful.  I have been saying out loud for some time that my contract ends 6/30/16 and for people on the team to not make plans for me after that date. So I have a few things I need to wrap up but I’m not starting anything new.  There are some embers in the fire that need to be poked and a few new ventures that might be really exciting.  MEANWHILE I am so ready for another vacation!!  Thank you LBJ for the account I use for playtime!  I just saw Travel Zoo listing for a trip to Greece. I would love to go back to Greece.  But that flight alone is more than I care to really think about.  I think what I will do is go to wherever Southwest goes.

WHY do I like this Miguel song How many drinks? It has Kendrick Lamar, but the lyrics... LAWD ‘how many drinks would it take you to be with me to; yeah you look good and I got money but I don’t wanna waste my time. Back of my mind I’m hoping you say 2 or 3’ LOL And I so get it I don’t got time to waste neither!!  So what we doing!?  And then Kendrick says ‘no no no I aint judging if you do decide that we will be f***ing tonight’ But men do judge!!  I’m listening to a playlist well someone’s playlist cause I still can’t figure it out on the Spotify. They always look at you different if they can hit it quickly and then the ones you make wait are usually whack!! Actually this play list is pretty good.  I’ve had to skip a few songs but I mean for something I didn’t specifically create it’s not bad... like now Body party by Ciara gets a skip LOL BUT I Still Love You by 702 gets a sing along.

I’m back to me being a contractor and I was thinking of the things I will miss.  Not much… LOL  A few people (and I do mean a few!), the scenery from the 4^th floor kitchen which is very lush and green and uuuuhhhh… yep that’s it.  Maybe the occasional cute security guard oh and the cute black manager (yes there is only 1). 

So I just signed up to get an update when Hamilton tickets are available.  It’s on Broadway and I want to see it because everyone says it’s great.  I think I might go up one day and just do a few shows and a little hopping.  YES, me shop LOL.  I made a rationale to myself that it’s not that I don’t like shopping I just don’t like malls but I do like the act of shopping. 

I am listening to one of my podcasts, The Friend Zone, and Fran (@heyfranhey) just said something that hit real close.  She is talking about journaling.  I guess I use this as a journal to an extent but I do find that I edit myself because I just do. The journal by my bed is the one where the shit unedited. REWRITE YOUR LIFE!!! That’s what she just said. Write everything down even the things that are embarrassing.  How do you want your life to be.  And what caught my attention as I was listening is that she said sometimes life is so heavy and that you can’t catch a break and that Does God hare me!? IS this a prank? I for real FOR REAL feel like this some days.  Yesterday I was thinking God must be letting satan do me like he did Job because this is too much for it to actually be real life right now!! And I mean I get through it (my good days outweigh my bad days) but it’s those times when the bad just over power me that I think nope… I quit!  I’m done being an adult!!  Let me go find a park and just run and play let someone else worry about the real shit.  And that is what I need to do, rewrite my life! Even the relationship piece I really do enjoy doing things by myself and I often wonder why I am even trying to be with someone until I am and that closeness and intimacy is great and I know that being with someone is what I do want, until I don’t. See right there I was about to say something and edited it because it was way too personal.  Just think of the India.Arie song Brown Skin... that’s where I was!! Men are just as complicated as women.  They don’t say what they want maybe because they don’t know.  I asked the question WHAT DO YOU WANT and the guy looked at me with a blank stare like I was asking him to jump off a cliff.  I need to stop settling and/or doing things that don’t create lasting relationships.  One guy was like can’t we just be friends and I was like well we never were friends so why we gonna start now? So I know it’s me sometimes and HIM most of the time LOL  I’ve created a nice little wall that gets chipped away at and then I start rebuilding when he (whoever the he is) start acting dumb or at least what I consider to be dumb.  I was real ready to cuss this one guy smooth out and I caught myself before I got to the crazy chick point because he is not going to hear and receive what I have to say with me at 100 and him at 15. So I chilled!! And I’ma be chilled!

and I hope this message stays in your mind...

Someone had a ‘Carcetti for Mayor’ bumper sticker this morning. I’ve been wanting a shirt that said that.  I also was a ‘Vote for Pedro’ tee shirt.  Here is where my randomness might not be for you because I’m sure I already lost a few and we just begun.

It truly tickles me when folks say YOU FORGOT TO ADD THIS TO THE BLOG!!! And then I’m like did you really want my spin on it cause maybe you don’t… OR maybe you do?!?!?  SO it is wedding/prom/graduation season.  I haven’t been to a wedding but I have been to a graduation and a prom send off.   I went all the way to ATL to see my nephew #2 graduate from Georgia State University. I did a kinda sorta embarrassing pic on the Facebook mainly because I am so proud of him.  One of the things I said was that it was expected and it was!  Graduating from high school and then going to college was always expected in my household.  I don’t even know if I knew there was a choice.  It got to a point when I was really indecisive that my mom was like if I didn’t decide I had to go to Pitt (University of Pittsburgh) which in retrospect I still would have had to apply, but I felt like she knew the right people that I could have just went.  She also said if I didn’t go to college I would have to work at Giant Eagle. All I could envision was working in the deli shaving up chipped ham LOL  I am glad that my oldest 2 nephews have degrees. Now I’m not sure what is going to happen with my nieces because they live different lives were I’m not sure if education is an expectation.  I want them to finish high school and go to college and I want them to be AKA’s (my sorority) and I want them to know there is a big world out there.  But they might not have that same expectation that I had.  The 16 yr old, I need for him to GET IT and finish high school and he will go somewhere most likely on an athletic scholarship.  And the god babies… well they have no choice either.  Onto the proms… So we have seen all the pics on Facebook and Instagram maybe even the twitter.  One of my girlfriends has a son who is about to graduate so he of course he went to the prom.  She decided to do have food and drinks at her house.  This mofo (my friend not her son) did not have a wine opener in her whole ENTIRE HOUSE!!! I don’t know how she lives her life day to day with only an electric wine opener that decided not to work when she had a house full of people who were demanding wine, but she does.  The good thing is I live literally about 5-7 minutes from her and got one for her to HAVE.  I mean the wineaux that I am I usually carry a wine key with me at all time cause you know just like condoms, you never know when wine might come up.  Did I just compare wine to sex?!?!  hmmm… YES!!!! I remember my wine key getting confiscated at the TSA one time when I was travelling a lot for work and I mean I get it, it did have a knife on it and I could have hijacked the plane and no one wants that.  So yeah…  other than that her son was handsome, he did a black on black and his date did black and white with the pink hair which on her looked appropriate.  A 50 yr old maybe not so much but then again she had a girlfriend from high school who had bright red hair but it looked good on her.  I don’t know some people can pull off the crazy colors better than others and not even crazy.  Everyone can’t pull off blond and/or red based on their skin color and tone.  I have digressed so much. LOL

This past weekend was my family reunion in sunny Cleveland!! As always I had a great time!  And not to embarrass him but my brother was having several emotional moments.  At one point it was like WTF are you crying about now?!?!? He and another cousin just had to talk out things that men sometimes just don’t on a regular basis and it was cleansing.  It’s just good to see everyone the older family members who are still looking good and the babies who just got here!

I just brushed my teeth but I missed my tongue so it really feels like I need to go redo it.  Plus I really hate brushing my teeth in the same bathroom that someone is pooping in a stall near me.  Life would be so much better if I had my own personal bathroom.  And it will happen when I start ChickiCo! 

I Binged (the same as googling) my name.  It is funny and scary at the same the information that popped up.  Nothing too crazy but if I had a stalker they might actually be able to find me.  Thankfully only one picture… Hmmm my curiosity got the better of me I just goggled and more pics popped up : O so yeah be careful what you like on all the social medias. WOW!!

Why do men become 100% more attractive when you find out they have a girl/wife!?!?  I’m not that chick to be dating married men (well you know not ON PURPOSE… I mean it has happened kinda sorta on accident… don’t judge me LOL).  They also become more of appeal when you know they don’t want you no mo which works both ways.  I am moving on and he is professing his undying love. **LOUD SIGH**

It is Capital Jazz fest this weekend. Tonight is King, En Vogue, and New Edition… I’m cueing up some King now!! Tomorrow is Lalah and Erro… hmm I wonder if they will do their duet together?? I wonder if the rain will go ahead and stop being a bitch and just let the sun come on out?!?! I wonder where my plastic wine pouch is? And I wonder if the little boys they hire for this big event will chill out and let me slip my libations in without too much hassle?  I wonder if there will be any available cuties there?  I know they exist. Single men are not unicorns!!  EWWW… I wonder if the dude from the concert a few weeks ago will be there?? I wonder if I talked to him if the cellulite girl would have got made?  I wonder why I act like I aint got cellulite?? LOL  ACTUALLY though I am pretty tight except for those few annoying dimples. My booty don’t jiggle.  I wonder if that is the problem?  But the booty don’t lie.  I wonder if I will get any work done today?  I wonder if I shoulda stayed my booty home and pretended to work? I wonder what the heck I’ma wear tonight?  AND tomorrow… what I’m gon wear? I wonder if I am hitting the right note as I sing along with King?  Prolly not!!!  LOL

a little monday random...

I don’t know why I keep going to the Panera in Pikesville.  Well cause it’s the Panera and a good sandwich or soup or salad is always good idea.  But for the life of me why do all of the geriatrics and people who don’t know how the pick up your food line works have to be there when I go.  So they call #454 the woman sees her food and is like perplexed about it and then she says to her friend I think that is mine.  I need for her to go pick it up because I don’t want her to stand there when they call 455 which is my number.  Then after I get my food I go and sit near some Delta’s who are discussing reclamation.  Something I guess we all go through.  A little elderly lady walks up with her cane puts it across the table and says I need this table.  No one is fussing or arguing with her.  The Delta’s are like OK!  So then she says well can you ladies make sure no one take this table and they say sure no problem.  THEN, this lady sits down which confuses the hell outta of all of us.  You just made a declaration that this is YOUR table so why then did you sit down? I think she was waiting for someone but no one ever came while I was there.  

My Res Pandora station seldom disappoints me.  Today is one of those days I feel a little bad for my cubemates.  I am singing right along with EVERYTHING!! And they just played some songs I haven’t heard in a while!!  It is taking a lot to not be like YASSSSS!!!!

So this past week was a really good one. I went to see The Read do a live podcast at Goucher College.  I still contend that Baltimore audiences ae not nearly as hype as others.  I have attended the same show in DC and the crowd be hype as hell.  But anyways I had a good time.  I adopted the kids that were in front of me in the long line.  It started out with 2 girls and 2 guys (I guess they were parking the car) came up.  And I’m not entirely sure how it started but they started looking at stuff on the phone and I was like wait I can’t see!  I am truly my mother’s child when it comes to befriending folks.  I went by myself because I honestly don’t know anyone who listens to the podcast and would have enjoyed it.  I have to re-listen to it on soundcloud.  Then last Thursday I went to the Howard Theatre to see Foreign Exchange.  This time by myself because I’m not sure if any of my friends know who they are and I didn’t feel like organizing.  Parking is always a challenge but I always seem to find good parking.  I checked with the security guards (there were 4 of them standing there) actually they were watching my every move which was a little unnerving but I still flashed my smile and said hey fellas is it ok if I park here.  Then the little one (cause the little one is always the boldest) says oh yeah you’re good.  I say thank sand then he’s like well we all can accept a $10 tip.  I said how about a smile and a thank you.  He was like yeah that works too!! I get to the theater and there is a line and I am thankful I threw on the pink chucks. I know it’s going to be standing room which is bull shit cause who wants to be standing.  Anyway there are a few couples but I’m standing behind this cutie who is tall, bald with the grey at his temples and has a great beard.  NOW I have come to realize the things that attract me to men have changed since I was younger. All I got to say is grey is good!! I am trying to figure out his deal because he stepped out of the line clearly waiting for someone.  I go on in and still fussing in my head about the standing room.  I get situated by the steps.  I need a place to lean and sit it needed.  I get my 1 little drink and post up and enjoy the sights.  Foreign Exchange draws a large straight men crowd and this makes me happy.  The guy who was outside is near me did end up with a woman but I knew that wasn’t his date just the way they interacted she was doing her thing and so was he… I started to do some hating on the girl who I don’t even know and I really had to catch myself!!  I didn’t know that chick and she wasn’t bothering me but women… we can do that and not even be able to admit why.  She did have on this crazy outfit but if she felt comfortable showing all her cellulite then who am I to judge?!? I know that was petty LOL ANYWAYS another woman comes and stands near me by the steps.  And then the crowd fills up.  At one point I see her get annoyed and I am feeling her pain.  For whatever reason, all the tall men in DC decided to stand in front of us.  I tap her and say why are all the tall guys right HERE!!  She was like RIGHT and all the tall men seem to know each other!! I can see the stage and they have monitors so it really was ok.  The show was AWESOME!!  Phonte is the front man and just keeps the flow of the concert going.  And then ALL of the men around me are singing loud and off key AND dancing!! Now some of the songs from the more recent cd’s I know but then some of the older ones I didn’t.  I ended up getting 4 cd’s including the newest by Zo! SkyBreak.  Yeah you just gonna have to google it all and or trust me when I say you missing out if you don’t know these people! 

I am ready for the festivaling this summer.  1^st stop Capital Jazz!  I am going Friday and Saturday and might go Sunday if I can think about it real good and/or if someone already got me a ticket!!  The Summer Spirit fest with Erykah Badu, Jill Scott and nem… LOL I am ready!!

amzement unceased...

There is this little Indian woman who has been here where I work since probably even before I was here the 1^st go around.  And I see her do this with everyone but she’ll just start talking to you like mid conversation like she is either picking up from the last conversation she was having or that’s just where she wants to start.  I know she has kids (probably even grandkids) and she is so maternal and I just appreciate her.  She will fuss at you if that’s what you need or just talk.  I am in a hellified mood right now and emotional as hell so I am appreciating a lot today that on a normal day I may not.  I have come to a realization that this blog is really for me.  It’s nice if folks read it, but it is a release for me and today is one of dem days that I need to release.  It’s gloomy outside kinda doing a rain mist thing.  My heat has not been working so I am concerned about my poor ailing mother who is actually just fine with her little space heater.  I’m just pissed that the dude who put my new furnace in last year was in Trinidad and didn’t have a back-up and then his wife’s aunt passed so they stayed there and I’m just pissed.  I had unplugged my electric blanket because I didn’t need it, but I plugged it back in so me and Paisley have been taking advantage of it!  I just hate living my life where something is always freaking going on.  It has been something for the past few weeks ALWAYS SOMETHING!!!! And it is frustrating when it keeps happening while I’m PMS’ing.  And it seems to be hitting so hard here lately.  I mean I am so close to going into full meltdown on more occasions than I care to share.  My co-worker caught a tantrum I was having and she was like ARE YOU OK!!?!?  I wasn’t but I got it together quickly.  And today as I sit here sipping on this not horrible but also not great Starbucks trying to get my eyes to fully open so I don’t look like I just hit the bong before I stepped into this place.  I don’t do that but my eyes right now couldn’t convince anyone otherwise. I’m listening to my NeoSoul café and it might be a little more mellow than I need but mellow is good.  OH and then I added Periscope.  I am trying to keep up with the new tech but I really am ok with the Facebook, Instagram and twitter on occasion.  I added snapchat and am SOO clueless about that.  So periscope had a bunch of notifications that I was no trying to see.  So I’ll just check every so often to see if someone is talking that I want to listen to. So here is the thing with the social media and just society today, everyone thinks everyone else wants to hear their opinion on everything!  I know that was a pretty broad statement.  But so like there are pastors, motivational speakers, people who have done things worthwhile (and maybe not so much) and they all got shit to say! And people actually listen!!!  This is a phenomenon that is so fascinating.  It is mind blowing.  SO you open your app and decide you got stuff to say AND PEOPLE login and listen.  I can’t really wrap my head around it…

 

I’m getting my nails done today.  I think I might get tips or at least an overlay.  My nails have been breaking like crazy.  I got my hair did on Tuesday OH and the woman who did it worked in Pittsburgh under a guy I grow up in church with.  This world is so small!!  I’m tryna look cute for my nephew’s graduation this weekend in Atlanta!!

 
Walmart never EVER ceases to amaze.  I needed to get some cash for the above mentioned nails. The shop is close to the Walmart and my banks are in the opposite direction.  I call the customer serve and ask ‘What Bank is it for the ATM in the store’ The woman says ‘Well we don’t have a bank we have an ATM’ I said ‘RIGHT IS it Bank of America? M&T? PNC?’ She was like oh I don’t know… she then proceeds to transfer me to a nonexistent customer service person.   I hang up after a few seconds.  I decided to go to the store buy something and not pay whatever the service fee is for the ATM.  I hop in line after a lady who has on a few things and I grab a milky way and chili Doritos (don’t judge my PMS food choices LOL).  A man (black guy) in a little funky khaki cowboy hat gets behind me.  A random (African lady with an accent) lady hops behind me and puts her stuff on the belt and says ‘My children are on the school bus, please sir PLEASE’ I thought she was with the man.  Then she says again ‘Please SIR PLEASE’.  She starts to plead with the cashier and we are looking at each other like WTF is going on here. She is saying I need to go next. The cashier says well you need to ask the man. HE says ‘But you didn’t even ask me you just put your stuff on the belt’ MEANWHILE I am having issues with the card reader.  They are random af… sometimes you have to put the chip in other times you don’t. The lady in the line 2 lanes down says… ‘you can come over here and get in front of me’ the lady in line is grateful, grabs her shit and goes to the other line.  Now I look at the dude and say I thought she was with you.  He says to me I THOUGHT SHE WAS WITH YOU!!! And I would have let her go but she didn’t even ask!! He says, just cause I have on this cowboy hat don’t mean I’m nice.  I just need some cash I don’t really NEED the Milky Way and Doritos but I say OUT LOUD… WALMART NEVER CEASES TO AMAZE ME!!  He laughs and says yep!

short and sweet...

I had to do a little goggling... So the roommate was having a very lucid night. Her days are always a little off and it’s really ok.  So she said with great authority well tomorrow is Monday and I said no it's will be Thursday. And I’m always curious as to why she thinks it will be one day over another. So I say well what’s happening on Monday?  She said I want to see the show with Art Linkletter. NOW this threw me ALL THE WAY OFF!!!! Art Linkletter?!?!  So she’s like yeah you know the show with the kids.  I really have to think I said you mean Steve Harvey!?!?  And she said YES!!! I love that show!! Her night caregiver watches with her and she really looks forward to it.  So then I’m like well why Art Linkletter?  I didn’t know he did the show ‘Kids say the darndest things.’   I knew Bill Cosby did back in the day but Art did it waaaay back in the day as part of like another show he was doing. I had to ask the goggler. That was my laugh for the night.

 

I’m still in a bit of shock about the passing of Prince.  Mainly because even though they say he is gone it has been a nonstop barrage of videos and interviews and concerts he did OH and can’t forget Purple Rain. It has been a whole lot!  And I know a few die hard like for real FOR REAL Prince fans.  But please all you people who just know Purple Rain GTFOH!  AND THEN you don’t even know all the words to your supposed favorite songs!?!? yeah… so miss me with that HE WAS MY FAVORITE!!!  So yesterday I say if I hear Purple Rain (the song) one more time I’m gonna scream.  WHY does the roommate instantly go into PURPLE RAIN PURPLE RAIN!!!! Then she said that’s all I know so then my sister attempts to finish and I just look at them with a blank stare. 

 

I guess I need to keep saying it cause mofos keep trying to check me (or at least they be thinking that’s what they doing)… but what you WILL NOT do is presume to know what I am about to say.  You don’t!! Hell I don’t know what I’m going to say ½ the time.  So just let me say whatever the hell I need to say and then if it aligns with what you thought I was going to say well then good for you boo boo!

the good, the bad and the RANDOM!!!

I was driving in my car when I came up with this title… The Good the Bad and the Random and was so pleased with myself at coming up with a title of my unwritten blog post that I was going to write about my vacation in the Abu Dhabi.  And then as the days have gone by I’m like I really do need to start writing some shit down because I’m going to forget.  My mom gave me a travel journal about 10-15 years ago and my last entry was 2011 so I have a little catching up to do. I do need to segment my trip out because I heard myself talking about it to people and it sounded hella negative when I talked about the actual travel experience even though I had an awesome time once I finally got there.  Wanna hear it?  Here it go…

 

The GOOD!!

Spending time with my BFF and my god kids! In the past it has usually been just the 2 (or 3) of us so having the kids there was an interesting dynamic.  I went to visit them while they were on spring break so really where else would they be?   But it was for the most part good.  When I finally got there we went to a poetry slam.  Now I can probably count on one hand how many poetry slams I’d been to including the 2 I went to there… I’ve been to 2!!  What amazed me the most, was the amount of American Black folks that were there.  There was even a chick from my plane.  The only reason she remembered me is because I’m pretty sure I stepped on her foot but then again I am me.  And me and the girls are always memorable LOL So we did the slam thing and then went home where I slept for most of the next day.  I only woke up long enough to eat some pancakes and turkey sausage which were actually pretty good and then went back to sleep.  My body was all kinds of outta whack.  The next day was Easter and we went to this fabulous brunch at the Hyatt.  I never feel like I get my money’s worth at buffets.  In addition there was all you can drink wine.  When we told our waiter we wanted mimosas he said we have sparkling wine and red and white wine only.  BFF kept tryna explain that all you need to do was add oj but he was pretty insistent that they didn’t have what we were asking for.  So we ordered oj and sparkling wine separately and made our own mimosa.  He came back and was like OOOOHHHH is that what that is?!? It all worked out and the food was great.  The next day we went to Dubai.  I really thought it was a lot further away but it was only about an hour and a half.  We stayed at this wonderful hotel that had this horrible egg sculpture in the lobby.  I kept trying to get a good angle on it but never could.  OH and there was a Caribou coffee shop right up the street walking distance (although I never made it there) which both excited and pissed me off.  So you close ALL my Caribou’s in Baltimore but you leave it open in Dubai and Abu Dhabi?!?!  You sons of bitches… I digress. The next day we went on a Safari.  I don’t know why I thought this meant we were going to see elephants in the middle of the desert but what it actually was was sand dune bashing.  What THAT is, is going very fast over the ever shifting sand dunes in the middle of the desert.  In our truck was a family from Canada with a little 4 year old named Zara who was very cute but she talked NON STOP!!!!  I sat in the front passenger seat and the bff and the kids sat in the last row.  The little girl at one point tugs on my braid and said IT’S SO CURLY I REALLY LIKE IT!!!  Her mother was like please don’t do that Zara the lady doesn’t like that.  The nephew was not really feeing the speed and the angles of the truck and he basically was freaking out as his mom and sister tried to reassure him that we weren’t going to flip over nor die.  At one point we stopped and took pictures and he calmed down.  There was sand everywhere! as far as the eye could see.  After that we went to a desert camp where they had the camel rides and vendors and a woman doing henna.  I’ve done the camel ride in Egypt and that is all I ever need to do in my lifetime.  SO I had a pic with the camel.  We then got henna done and sat at these tables to watch some of the most unenthused belly dancers and traditional dancers.  Can I just say that walking in that much sand which was every freaking where wore a sister O U T!!! Sand will work you out even if that is not your intention.  We got back to the hotel and we all had to shower before getting in bed.  The next day we went back to Abu Dhabi and slept.  Like I said that sand wore us all out!!  The next day we went to the spa.  I LOVED THAT PLACE!!  The main thing it was a women only spa.  Because we were in a Muslim country many things are women only men only and I am SO ok with that.  Men throw the balance off for me.  When I am tryna get a little mani pedi and a man with his big ole hairy feet next to me never sits well with me.  So anyway my massage was wonderful and they had this lavender sitting room.  OH and I forgot about the brow threading.  THE BEST!  Sometimes it can be painful even though I’m used to it but this was the best threading experience I’ve had.  I’m getting a little fuzzy on the days.  I think we went to a lady’s night at Catch…. No I’m missing a lot.  At one point we went to Catch for a ladies night and I totally drank too much and danced and flirted with the DJ whose wife I met at another event (there is no shame in my GAME when I’m a lil (or a lot) drunk).  But then we also ate at Catch twice (no 3 times) and the food there was AMAZING! I think maybe went there after the spa? Also there was Asia de Cuba and I had this seafood thing with saffron rice that was so good and someone I won’t name no names threw away the rest of my rice LOL.  And then we went to Saadiyat Beach which was a public beach and the water was COLD!  I still enjoyed it but I was told that the water in the middle of the summer was hot.  Then we went back to the Saadiyat Beach club… wait we went there 2 times…. Getting fuzzy!!!  1 night was a lounge singer and the other was a party.  Had a great time both nights!! OH and Kevin Hart… LAWD how could I forget that?!?! I think Kevin Hart is hilarious and the funniest stuff were the jokes about his family.  We went to the restaurant/bar he and his entire entourage went to afterward.  I didn’t see him, but honestly I was tryna get a chicken wing. I think I saw his fiancé and she was tiny with a big butt, pretty girl though LOL  And this is why I need to write everything I do on a daily basis because I am drawing a blank… I’ll move onto the Bad and maybe come back.

 

Emirate Palace we went there for tea.  The place was opulent; beautiful with gold and shimmery tile and walls, just wonderful.  I got some good pics of the inside and outside and all the architecture of the buildings surrounding, which as an almost architect major was stunning.  The architecture was very symmetrical. 

The other spa where we had a Moroccan bath… everything is out in the open and I was scrubbed down with a loofah. It felt wonderful. I’m lying… it hurt a little because that little Pilipino woman was earning all of her pay that day.  Skin and dirt was was everywhere.  Actually it was pretty gross. LOL

The BAD!!!

My travel days were the worse.  **loud sigh** Let’s start with the Uber.  All the rage is Uber… take an Uber. UBER UBER UBER.  I downloaded the app and sent for an Uber.  It came to my house, the car was nice, the driver was nice, smelled good had a good deep voice.  My estimate for the ride was 18-24 bucks so I was thinking at worse even if it was $30 I was still saving money.  So I told the guy this was my first time, I was an Uber virgin (LOL).  I get out of the car get into the airport on my way to the gate and get the receipt.  My car ride was $64.53.  I’m standing there like WTF is this?!?!  And then I need to sit cause I have to digest why my ride was almost 3 times more than my estimate.  I sent a note back to the driver and then just try to calm myself down and not worry because fuck it, I’m on vacation.  I get to the gate, get on the plane.  The plane is a little ass puddle jumper and my carry-on won’t fit in the above cabinet so I’m pissed and my long legs cannot stretch out.  Then we taxi and then the pilot comes on; NEVER a good sign.  We are only on the tarmac for about 15-20 minutes which is good because it could have been hours.  We get back to the gate and they tell us to get off the plane.  I am sitting next to a woman who speaks NO English so when I asked her a question she looked at me and said ‘I Nepali’.  Ok lady.  We get off the plane they take our boarding passes and then the snippy gate agent is pretty rude to everyone.  At this point no one knows anything, and that was pretty much what they should have said because we all are needing to get to JFK to get a connecting flight.  After 20 minutes they say wait another 45 minutes before we get an update.  Then after another hour or so they cancel our flight.  And I don’t know how this works.  I need to get to New York… my flight to Abu Dhabi is out of New York.  At this point I am trying to get service because the line to talk to the agents is long and the people are rude.  The one woman jumped in front of me not once but twice and you know kicking her in the ass would not have been nice.  I sat on the floor trying to get through to Etihad airways.  After 45 minutes and several dropped calls and several agents whose English was questionable I get an agent who says I need to book through American because this is not their fault **blank stare** Most of the people have been rebooked or whatever and I am sitting there like SO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME I JUST WASTED 45 MINUTES TRYING TO GET THROUGH TO AN AGENT ONLY TO BE TOLD I NEED TO TALK TO AMERICAN? I was pissed (a common theme LOL) and almost in tears.  So I get the American number and the agent was very helpful.  She wanted to put me on a flight the next day, but I was like there is NOTHING today and it turned out there was a 10:30 flight out of freaking Dulles, the airport I was avoiding like the plague.  I go get my luggage and talk to the little old man at the information booth.  I need to be sure to save my duckets and prepare for the future because I do not want to be an 85 yr old person trying to give directions from the information booth at the airport.  Initially I thought to do the metro, but that was way too cumbersome.  I had to take a shuttle to get to the green line, then to the silver line and then another shuttle.  No ma’am sir!  I then went to the shuttle place that was a direct ride to the airport for $72.  Now you know I get pissed again at the thought of my $65 Uber ride but I try to put that out my mind. I get to Dulles and left my favorite (well and only) travel pillow in the van.  I get to the gate and the line is not tremendously long but it’s not moving.  So what these mofos are doing is weighing the carry-on before we got to the gate agent.  Like really!?!  Let me fast forward to my middle seat that was actually not so bad because it was the middle middle and only one person on each side.  I didn’t really rest too well but every time I tried to watch something on the little screen my eyes would close LOL That was going.  Coming back I fly to Chicago ORD.  The flight wasn’t bad but the plan was definitely tighter.  I had a window seat which when and if I do this flight again I will get an aisle seat.  My row mates didn’t mind (or if they did I didn’t much care) when I had to get up.  The people in front however had their seat fully reclined so me getting in and out was a chore.  My legs, ankles and feet got mega swollen which was not good, so I would do compression socks next time.  We get to ORD and the instruction was that if we had a connecting domestic flight, take the 2^nd escalator and go to Terminal 3.  We were in terminal 5.  So that is what I do.  I take the correct escalator get on the train and go to Terminal 3.  The American gate is right there.  Now I should have known something was amiss because ya girl was the first one in line and I sat way back on the plane so yeah.  I get to the agent she give me my boarding pass and I say to her soooooo… my luggage is downstairs?  She said didn’t you pick it up? I said now what now?!?  Pick it up where? Oh ma’am you have to go back to terminal 5.  Its 10:30 at this point and she said you have until 11.  My flight is at 11:45 so I have a ½ hour to get my luggage and be back here.  It’s doable but I think I might have to run.  Thankfully I never had to run.  I get back to terminal 5 and the little black woman who saw me before said Why are you back over here?  I started fussing at her saying I speak English but you didn’t tell me I had to get my luggage? She is dying laughing and I am too!  So I get my luggage and I’m doing a quick walk because we all know I can sashay.  Get back on the train and chat with a little cutie who is rounding up the wheelchairs.  He was saying he needed to go somewhere warm and I am in total agreement.  There is snow on the ground by the way.  I get back to terminal 3 and I saw the a random gate woman about to fix her lips to say I need to go to the OTHER gate but I stood there and said NO she said (as I am standing there point at the woman who said I could come back to her) I need to be here before 11.  I get my bags checked and then look over at the TSA line.  The gate agent is like that line is nothing, which does not pacify me but I think ok… it is doable.  OH and then after I get through the line my actual gate is ALLLLLLLL the way down to the left.  I get to the TSA checkpoint which has closed literally 2 minutes before I get there and the man say oh you can go to the one down there (pointing to the right) I said but my gate is DOWN THERE (pointing to the left) so he sends me to checkpoint 9. The line at checkpoint 9 is considerably shorter but there is only 1 TSA agent.  It is now 10:55 I need to get through the line, go potty, get water and then sit for a minute.  They will start boarding at 11:15.  I’m standing there like ok this is fine BUT THEN all the 1^st class people and crew and wheelchair people start coming in the ‘fast’ line.  So one wheelchair lady attempted to come through but then she had to find her ID.  Her 2 daughters are looking at her like ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! She fumbled for a good while.  I watched her fumble and I said to myself, as soon as it is my turn, this fool is going to find her ID.  SURE ENOUGH… the moment it was my turn she finds her id AND then another TSA agent comes up.  And I’m like of course you come now!!  Anyway I get with the line 5 minutes to spare.  The flight was actually good.  It was a small plane but it was bigger than the other small plane (if that makes any sense).  The plane was not completely full and the seats were nice.

More bad…

I have gotten used to all of the non-smoking everywhere.  I grew up in a house where people smoked and I hated it.  Over the years legislation changed that made it harder and harder for people to smoke inside.  I was very happy when it was banned in restaurants and bars.  So it throws me off when I still see and smell people smoke.  People smoked sooooo much where I was in Abu Dhabi.  At one place it was so small and enclosed I had to leave.  I watched people chain smoke like if they didn’t keep a cigarette lit, they might die.  I just couldn’t take it.  I just do not enjoy inhaling smoky air.  I have braids and I had to wash them a few times and spray them often just to get the smoky smell out.  It didn’t seem to bother anyone as much as it bothered me, like everyone is just used to it. 

 

The RANDOM!!!

 

·        One morning after a back and forth with Uber customer service, I got $44 back as a refund.  I had really worked myself up, because it truly was ridiculous that I paid that much for a ride to BWI which on a given day is 20 minutes.  The issue was that they said I selected Uber Black.  I let them know I did not have an option.  I sent for the car and the car came.

·        Justin Beiber has at least 2 songs that I can say that I like.  I know that R&B exist in other parts of the world but what I listened to in the car of BFF as the kids (but mainly the nephew) gave me a concert was pop music.  And the one song where the Beibs says my mom likes everyone but she don’t like you had me DYING laughing!!!

·        Traffic circles are the devil all over the world!!!

·        Caribou AND Krsipy Kreme are in UAE… I feel a way : /

·        I didn’t know there was a vulgarity law… so after I nicely cussed out that one man I really could have been shipped off to jail.  Thank you LBJ for not letting that happen.  WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS… so there were 4 of us. 2 had already passed and then there were 2 that had to pass the hotel entrance this man in slow motion mind you saw us coming and kept driving.  Like I know he saw us and all he had to do was wait a few seconds.  SO he cut us off and then parked!  I said… (LOLLOLOL) I don’t know if you understand English but you are a rude mother fucker!! And then I kept walking.  BFF told me about the law after that. 

·        I did try shisha (aka hookah…. Pass me the hookah!!) not my thing but I can now say I’ve tried it. 

·        I really did miss pork even though I had had just done a cleanse that had no meat.  I know it was mental.

·        There is more…