ranty mood...

For about 90% out of the day if someone is not standing directly at my desk, my headphones (well earbuds) are in.  I’m listening to music (and most likely singing along all off key), or a good podcast. Stop talking to me!!! I can’t fucking hear you!!!  SO now you have said nothing but I have either pulled one of the buds out of my ear only for you to say OH hey! STOP insisting on talking to me just cause I looked at you!

I sit near an island (it has the copier and drawers for supplies and what nots) in my cube village and this is the place left over shit gets put.  I have some flat coke and diet coke and ice tea that tastes really off.  SO who is going to throw is away? ME!! I am the one who it’s going to bother the most.  I sit across from a man and it won’t occur to him. And the only other person that it might bother has put boxes in the island that used to have citrus in them which I still don’t understand what we are holding onto those boxes for so I think I will spend about a ½ throwing all of this away.

I’m in a ranty mood for really no good reason.  Its Friday I am in need of a nap because I ate the chicken from the good America’s Best.  But I really could use a nap midday everyday which is why I really need to move my ass to Spain or whatever country has a nap in the middle of the day because THAT is how I want to live my life!! And I’m also very cussy!! I just got a lot of shit to say!

Where and why do you purchase pink patent leather pumps? So you go to the store SEE the shoes decide you need then in your life.  You buy or have a dress that you think the shoes will work so you put on black thick (but not tights) panty hose and rock that shit at work!!  NOW… we all know I’m random and I think about things waaaaaaay to much.  I see this person in the stall in the bathroom; or rather I see the pink patent leather pumps and the black hose and I start moving slow because I want to see the person who put this combination together, but she is doing her thing and she aint moving fast.  AND THEN I SEE HER with this hideous dress and those damn pumps and I fight the urge to scream out WHY!?!?!?!?  I give a lot of people names and when I saw her a few months ago I said OMG she looks like Tina Belcher. I hear you collectively saying WHO the hell is Tina Belcher?  Well friends she is the oldest daughter on Bob’s Burgers which is an animated show on Fox that is freaking hilarious.  She is voiced by man and she is 13 and you really have to watch the show to fully get why it’s funny.  Or NOT cause I have a specific weird nerd kinda humor. 

Now I have been on this team for going on three years as a contractor, my birthday has already passed but you are just now asking me for my birth date so the team can celebrate!?!? GTFOH!!! Nope that’s ok… you don’t have to do shit for me!!  I have actual friends and family who care about me.  We don’t have to do a fake celebration in my honor 2 or 3 months after the fact.  GET OUTTA MY FACE WITH YOU INSINCERE FAKE TEETH HAVING SELF!! **blank stare**

I HOPE that it gets to you

So today is going to be a blog day!  I am sitting here fighting the urge to lie on the floor and take a nap.  This day started off with so much hope!  I got here at 8:20 which is well before 9 which is what I seemed to do all last week.  I had energy! I was upbeat! I was ret to work!  Now I’m just ret to go home!! I just turned on some good house music.  Actually I tried to start my day off with house, but it was gospel house and that isn’t my favorite.  I need a good beat good vocals and I’m good.  SO that means not vocals that the producer is trying to work around because the singer sang in a key that is just… off.  I’m listening to Ian Friday now so I’m sure I won’t run into that issue.

I’m trying to blog more consistently random which make absolutely no sense LOL And see this is why I can’t really be a pop culture blogger because I don’t keep up very well with what is going on.  I’ve been wanting to write about Grease Live! for a while and I’m not sure why now is a good time.  Maybe because I just saw an ad to buy the dvd to buy it.  I tried really hard to watch but it just didn’t do it for me.  I stopped at the part when Sandy should have sung ‘Hopelessly Devoted’ but she didn’t and I tweeted for all my 5 ‘fans’ to know I was done watching.  There were mostly positive things that were said.  I was trolling for the bad reviews but folks were saying all nice stuff so I knew these were not my people.  Actually I’m going to twitter now; nope still good stuff.  I might have to give it a chance.  But I am a Grease purist!  I have the ALBUM folks!!! With all of the songs from the original movie!! I bought a record player a few years back because I have the Grease album (along with Al B. Sure (#dontjudgeme) Ten City (house music) and… some random Herb Alpert record I got back in the day from WAMO (all my Pittsburgh people know) with Janet Jackson’s ‘Making Love in the Rain’ and I was 14 so I ain’t know nothing about making no love (still probably don’t LOL)). I am that chick that almost hit a chick who said Grease 2 was better! I like musicals and musical movies so I should like it, but OK so we decided I will give it another shot and report back.  Hopefully it is still on on-demand.

I am excited… and I just can’t hide it!!

WHY is this woman leaning over my desk to talk to my cube mate in the next row?!?  Thank you LBJ I had my headphones on so I didn’t hafta hear that dumb conversation.

I have drunk all my water today which is about 64 ounces and I am usually running to the ladies room but I just haven’t felt like it today.  It is taking too much effort. YES, I have to go but that means I have to turn off my music and hope the podcast the music is on doesn’t decide to reset, cause it does that sometimes, close my screen so that the random passer-by can’t see that I’m writing in a non-work capacity, do some cat like stretching because inevitably my bones are going to creak an crack, thankfully I have a dress one so I don’t have to pull up anything over my midsection but I do have to pull down so that my booty is not all out and about cause who needs to see alla dat?!? Take off my shawl cause it is chilly in this office and I really am a little old lady; turn off my heater cause all this hot air up my dress is maybe not the right move since I’m already sleepy which means I then have to get on one knee…LAWD ok I’m going.

i like my baby hair with baby hair and AFROS!!

You ever talk to someone you know is not paying any attention to what you are actually saying?  SO a co-worker stops by my desk asks me how I’m doing and I say well I can’t get up from the desk because my stomach is killing me, but I’ll be ok in a few.  She says Oh that’s good!  And then goes on to say how she needs to get her hair done this weekend.  Thanks for caring about my needs. 

I held the elevator this morning for a woman who had on long rider boots with her pants tucked in.  I didn’t really realize and look at them that hard until just now.  They are regular pants (meaning not slim) and the top of the boots has pants gathered there and it looks a mess and funny. 

What about me says to you I know about running or running events?  My co-worker was telling me about some event in Westminster that was about to happen in however may days.  He was excited but I looked at him and gave a for real blank stare.  I know Black girls Run and I know chunky girls workout… but yeah me and the girls have not been a friend of running since my Schenley (that would be my now closed high school) days.  Even at Virginia State I would cringe when whatever PE class I was mandated to take made me to run.  No… I don’t do that.

But I need to do something.

I did a staycation over the President’s Day weekend. I wasn’t as well thought out as I wanted it to be but it was absolutely wonderful! I got a room in the BWI area hotel, packed up a little bag and went.  I checked in and then went to the Chili’s and got a good steak and shrimps (yes shrimps LOL), came back  and commenced to doing NOTHING!  SO now the thing about doing nothing at home is that I see that pile of laundry that I could just go and throw in the washer but then if I did that then I am doing something., and that defeats the purpose of doing nothing.  But if I didn’t then I feel bad about not doing nothing so that creates stress.  At a hotel I’m just there not thinking about my disaster of a house and everything in it including the roommate and the cat LOL!! I caught up on those horrible Real Housewives show, I started reading my book for book club (that I didn’t finish just yet) and then I sat around naked.  And that was all I needed to get myself refreshed!  I need to put it on my books for a quarterly refresher.  But I have my BIG vacay going to see my BFF in Abu Dhabi, then a quick trip to the ATL to see my nephew graduate from college then another trip to Cleveland (yeah I know but it will be fun) for the my family reunion so I might not need a staycay until September!!

random blog #11374

I really need to vent but I think if I say everything I need to get off my chest I might start crying.  Actually there is no guarantee that I won’t be sitting here crying messing up my cute make-up today.  But here goes… First I really am questioning my choices in the men I keep trying to be with.  Nothing is wrong with them (well that’s not true but, like you know whatever) the ones here lately just don’t seem to be right for me AT ALL!!  And then I look at folks and wonder if I made a big mistake somewhere along the way.  And then I want to be like Peggy Sue got married (that was a movie) and go back in time and if time really is relative, maybe there is an alternate universe that I made the right ok maybe not right but OTHER decisions and living a different life.  Who knows? I just need for someone to take my needs into consideration.  Like ask me how I’m doing and feeling and what I want!  I don’t live my life on a whim.  I plan EVERYTHING so planning shit by ear doesn’t work for me.  It just doesn’t.  Nor am I going to wait for you to have a few minutes to give me attention NOR am I going to be all excited because you finally thought about me.  So yeah I might forever single and I am so ok with that. THEN there’s all this death.  I know death is a part of life… it’s gonna happen.  But it feels like so many people are just leaving this earth.  A Soror who I didn’t even realize was a sick as she was when I saw her back in December passed away this morning.  She was truly one of those people that I know my life is better for having known her. I always gravitated toward her.  She was a good spirit.  For the most part I am not a hugger but I always gave her a hug and I will truly miss that.  And then there was one of my friend’s mom who suddenly passed away a few Saturday’s ago.  Things had to be rearranged for her viewing because of the blizzard we had.  She was the last of a class of women who when you went into her house, she asked if you wanted a plate... Because she cooked and had food waiting!  I mean women today just don’t have food on the ready at all times.  I mean I DO cause I have a roommate that needs to eat, but I digress.  I had been thinking about her because her house was not far from mine and is on the way to my job. But we are not really in a drop in kinda era.  These days we have to call, text, or tweet if you want to come by. I feel bad that I just didn’t stop by and say hey! SO I’m feeling sad and almost want to hold my breath cause there has been so much bad news.

I really need to stop assuming people have my best interest LOL

What I am doing for myself this fine Valentine weekend is giving myself a staycation. I don’t relax when I am home because something always needs to get done, and then I don’t do it so feel stress about not doing it and never truly relax or just go pour a glass of wine and ignore whatever the thing is.  SO I’m going to a hotel!  I’m just going to enjoy not having to worry about anything AND I’m getting room service and not doing a damn thing.  I probably need to work it into my schedule to do it quarterly and just take time for me. 

What you won’t do is ask me a question and then tell me I’m wrong when you are the one that needs the information from ME!!  I am so sick of people doing that to me.  I’m not sure how I come across to folks.  I mean do I come across as vapid? It’s ok for me to know stuff it doesn’t take anything from you if I know what I know, and you know what you know!

I am so sleepy right now… I need a nap and I need it NOW!!

It’s Friday and I’m off Monday.  Life is good!!!

can't run from myself, there's nowhere to hide

I got straight emo when the Whitney Houston video I have nothing came on this morning... I don't know why today but this title is paying homage to her! 

There is a new guy that is on a team in cube nation and he is just so happy to have a job!  You ever see one of those people?!?  He is maybe mid 40’s (or older or younger I can never tell LOL) and he is just HAPPY!!  People can get very jaded and cynical and it is refreshing (even though he looks a little crazy some days) to see people who are happy to be right where they are. 

I have a lil cold right now and I’m a little pissed because I got my flu shot and I feel as though I should not get sick EVER!! It’s not that I feel bad, but my sinuses decided that they just gonna close! My right nostril has been closed since Monday.  I mean I can breathe some of the time.  I’m sitting here at work with my humidifier with eucalyptus on, my tissue (2 kinds with and without lotion), hand sanitizer, and OF COURSE Vaseline.  OH and my mirror so that I can check my nose often to make sure no snot is running down my face and that a boogie is not just hanging out.  I probably need to go get some more drugs.  AND I probably should have stayed home.  I’m not that strapped for cash but home is not really a resting place. My mother demands so much of my time with not a care… wait that’s not fair she has dementia so it’s not that she doesn’t care, but she doesn’t remember that other people have needs.  Last night I said I am going to make myself some tea. She decided she needed some tea also.  But tea for her means it has to have brown sugar and only filled ½ up and it needs an ice cube because I have to hold it so she can sip it through a straw.  Meanwhile I just want to sip on my tea.  Then she needs a piece of candy.  She has already had several cookies and her hands show it because they are dirty and so I need to clean them but she is a HUGE child so touching her hand means she has to flinch and yell out YOU HURT MY HAND!! And I just say fuck it and go lay on the couch.  She then realizes she didn’t get her candy and calls me back in the room.  And I indulge her because what is one more piece of candy gonna hurt? I know I was in a horrible mood yesterday.  I had to bite my tongue more often than usual when I talked to a few people because I was not feeling well.  But today I feel a little better so we’ll see how today goes.

I was listening to a podcast  ‘Friend Zone’ and they were talking about a version of the Meyers Briggs personality test that you can go online and get your information for free.  I went to the website www.16personalities.com and did the test.  My personality name is Campaigner and my letters (?) are ENFP –A which I know means something specific but I didn’t see what it was.  It’s a test that you answer several questions that are able to dictate your personality.  I thought it was pretty cool and accurate.  I would like for my friends to do it so we can see who’s who and what’s what.

I just bought some Allegra or at least the CVS brand and I hope this helps the dry me up and for me to stop sneezing.  I also bought more Vaseline or at least CVS brand (wow I was being cheap today LOL) because I need the moisture!!!

A girlfriend of mine who shares the same birthday as me celebrated her birthday ALL month.  Not because she was turning a particular age that’s just what she wanted to do! One of her events was a Dance Palooza or a Zumba party.  Now 2 years ago I could hang with the best of them.  I was in better shape even though I was about the same size.  But this Saturday my body was like bitch please!!!  It was so stiff.  I knew I was gonna need several advil after.  I had a great time and it was fun but I have got to get my body together.  And it’s not even a vanity thing because, let’s face it, there will always be a dude who likes the thick ones, but it is a heart thing.  I am taking high blood pressure meds and I need to get off.  And we all know I’m an infomercial junkie and if you didn’t NOW you know.  Yep I bought the Shaun T’s new video Cize!  Let’s forget that I already have Hip Hop Abs, T25, 10 minute trainer, Turbo Jam, The Firm Express and a few more but I needed the newest thing so I got it.  BTW... I love Amazon Prime! You just order and the shit comes right to your house in 2 days!! I haven’t tried out the Prime Now but I hear you can order ice cream and it comes good and still frozen within the hour. Not that you want ice cream in this weather but hey it’s an option. Ok back to celebrating random birthdays… it think we all should do it more often. Life is way too short and you never know.  A soror of mine had a 74^th birthday for her mom because WHY not?!?!  I don’t think you should wait for a significant age to celebrate.  DO it now!

WHY DON’T I HAVE POCKETS!!! Why do you designers make women’s pants without freaking pockets?!  I’m headed to a meeting and I need to stick a few tissues in my non-existent pockets. DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!!

And I’m sipping on tea.  It’s of some herbal variety not real all that good but hopefully it’ll push this bug outta me.  Why do I need to know who played the Sheila Dixon on the Wire character right this second.  Lawd I know why but that explanation will be way too long… SO yeah the same chick that is now on Chicago Med AND Hitch.   My brain is a beautiful thing!!

42 IS the answer!

My resolution for this year or maybe not so much resolution as this is how I want to live my life is I want to be able to hear what people are saying.  Sometimes I feel like my breath is just wasted on folks who only see things one way and not even consider that there is another option.  That to me is pretty limited and since I can’t change how others do things, I can change how I do things in my life. 

When I go to church… well you know I’m not always a heathen just most of the time… I pray that I get a fresh new meaning from the words.  Being a church kid having grown up in the church and conventions sometimes the same old scripture is just rehashed over again and again.  This past Christmas season I didn’t get much YES we know the Lord got Mary preggers!!  YES we know Joseph went on ahead and married her anyway cause all the angel told him it was alright!  There was more but I forgot!!

 

There is something very calming about the Bing picture of the day.  I don’t know what it is but it usually makes me smile!

 

It is the day before my birthday and I am feeling pretty good!  I think I have done a good amount of self-reflection and me and myself are ok!  This is good because sometime I feel out of whack.  42 is the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life so who really cares what the question is!?!?!  That is a total nerd thing and as I have realized I live in a nerd bubble that many folks do not reside.  If you care it is from ‘The Hitchhiker’s guide to the Galaxy’ a movie that came out in 2005.  I saw a few years ago.  It stars Zooey Deschanel and Mos Def AND Alan Rickman (they were in “Something the Lord” made the movie about Dr. Blalock (who by the way got a pretty shitty building at Hopkins LOL) at Johns Hopkins and the blue baby syndrome yes I have gone off on a tangent because He (Alan Rickman) is also part of the Harry Potter movie series more on that in a second) and a bunch of other actors.  It’s of course Sci-fi. 

 

I am now part of a new team at work.  They put the 3 (lowly) contractors on a team of people taken (or borrowed) from various areas to support the main team.  The one guy I have noticed because he’s kinda cute and has this body builder frame which it turns out he WAS a body builder.  When I first saw him I said He look like Krum… stay with me here because I am on an excessive nerd tangent.  So Viktor Krum comes to Hogwarts as part of the Triwizard Tournament from the Drumstang school (this was an all-boys school) and all the girls are like in love with him because he is a star Quiddich player even Weasley has like a man-crush on Krum but then when Hermoine decides she likes him Weasley is all ‘Krum is dumb’ because he sorta is a dumb jock.  So I meet my new team mate (full circle moment) and I say to him you know what I thought when I saw you?  He’s like no, what? I said you look like Krum from Harry Potter so he chuckles but then gives me this blank stare so I had to wikia Krum and show him and then he turned red!! I was like all the girls were falling for him because he was a quiddich player…. So you don’t like Harry Potter?!?!  He’s like Uuuhhh no.  I have to remind myself that there are only a few people that GET IT.  My nephew and new niece-in-law, a guy I went to college with and another guy I grew up with from church. Only 1 of my immediate gf’s have a clue about it the rest would give me a blank stare like WTH is she talking about now!?!?! I really geek out sometimes and get excited about stuff and folks are like WHAT??!  Like ‘Star Wars’ I won’t put any spoilers here and I would like to see it again.  But I went to house warming and there was a girl there who had just saw it and we were like kindred spirits!  I had to explain a few things to her from previous movies but there was a definitely twinkle in my eye as I got to talk about it.  I need a nerd support group I really do.  There is a podcast I listen to, FanBros which is the ‘voice of the urban geek’.  But they do a lot with geek culture heavy on comics and that’s not the kind nerd chick that I am.  I like the Marvel series (Avengers) but I only go as far as the movies and TV.  They recently did a top 12 of TV shows but it was heavy on British sci-fi and I hadn’t heard of most of them. Anywho…

It still takes me a lot to see a dude in meggins.  I was at Miss Shirley’s this Sunday meeting my fellow 1/13 birthday chick for brunch.  This really beat faced chick in heels comes in and then the dude behind her had on meggins.  I tried hard not to stare but I swear I couldn’t help it.  I just want to be like WHY?!?!  I mean I get it, they look comfortable but I can see your junk AND you wallet and anything else you may have in your pocket.  It’s just a bad look!!  There was another family with the interracial gay couple.  I try not to judge and I’m really not, but I for a second I was like why is this white guy telling this random black woman that he is getting buttermilk pancakes (oh my stalking goes deep LOL)?   So then I had to just take in the entirety of the family.  There were 2 older women sitting.  They were waiting for Dave who someone saw with the baby.  Dave drops… well not DROP, puts the baby on the floor and the 2 women are like LET ME SEE THE BABY!! The baby was knocked out and could not have cared.  There was the mom and dad (of Dave and/or his wife) and then the guy with the meticulous dreds in the very slim levi’s and the white guy.  It was all very regular and everyone seemed happy to see everybody else and that is family in the purest form.   AW hell now I got a thug tear threatening to roll down my cheek because I really do miss how my family used to be.  Just close and enjoying each other’s presence.  And not that we are suddenly NOT close, but it takes an act of congress for us all to be together on purpose. So they got called and went on their merry way.  Then there was a table of what I think were a bunch of my undergrad Sorors.  I kinda recognized one. They had so much weave.  Again not judging I to have what looks like a weave (no spell check I don’t mean we’ve) done at the good Braiding House at the good Security Mall where not 1 but 2 people zipped through the halls on their hover board because that’s how they live their lives. It took 5 hours although I thought it was only gonna take 2.  Thankfully I didn’t have anything else to do that night so it worked out. 

**this is so random I don’t even know why ALERT**

Part of a Dave Chapelle joke is that a man on the beach asks the women if they want to suck his balls because he has had cosmetic surgery and they are as smooth as eggs!?!?!? I just youtubed it!! Um yeah this is how I live MY life!!

 

 

 

 

 

a buncha girls did and the shit looked fuuuuuuuuuunnnnn...

Random AF

So they said they didn’t like Jill Scott.  That right there is enough to drop everything and leave.  HOW do you not like Jill Scott?!?!? There are some things that are negotiable… Jill and Seinfeld are not 2 of those things.  If you don’t agree that Seinfeld was one of the best sitcoms (if not the best… well ok at least top 5) then we are not compatible. But then when they said oh you like Jill Scott?!?!  That one is a keeper!!

I really do feel sorry for my cubemates when I get in my singing.  I try not to do so loud but sometimes it just IS!

In addition I feel sorry for them after I had a milkshake… like today #bad

My mom/roommate has been getting quite cranky and kinda a bully when she wants a cookie. 

I have never liked the term daddy for a man who is not my daddy.  My daddy dead so I’ll just call you by your name.  How about that?!?

You should never ask a question that you really don’t want to know the answer to.  I have asked a few questions and gotten the answer and I’m like huh… yep I didn’t need to know that!  So now I have to make room in the vault to hold onto this info I shoulda just not even asked about.  What’s the vault?  Oh that’s where shit goes that only I need to know.  This is unshareable shit!!  This is take to the grave even if I’m water boarded kinda shit!

So here is something I can share… or rather ask.  Am I the onliest person who when I see pics of celebrities on the news feed on the facebook instantly think they are dead?  Usually it’s their birthday or they have done something noteworthy but morbid me thing… They DEAD!!

The black security guard was feeling some kinda way when I was talking a little too friendly to the white security guard.  I don’t even know how we became on a 1^st name basis.  Probably because he was like how the heck do you say your name?  And he is nice enough, but it is really just small talk.  So relax buddy and don’t be saying hello to me all loud! 

I finally watcher The Wiz LIVE!, which was a revamped live version of The Wiz play.  I thought it was really good. Although I am in need of hearing the original… not the movie the original play music.  My sister has the album but I’m not too confident in my ability to get her to let me hold it.  I even have a record player.  But of course the YouTube has everything.  I just wanted to hear Stephanie Mills.  Her voice is just ridiculous!!  I mean she can just sang.  And I’m not taking anything away from that little girl who revamped the role, but Stephanie… just no comparison.  And then more on the YouTube is Jazmin Sullivan who’s voice at 11 was just like it is now… RIDICULOUS!!  She sang home for a school play or something. 

Speaking of music I randomly bought Kenny Lattimore’s new cd ‘Anatomy of a Love Song’.  It’s random because I just haven’t been swayed to purchase any of his music.  Listening to Will Downing’s music podcast I heard his song…actually was that the same time I heard Lalah?  Or wait was it Jill Scott?!?  I gotta go back and see.  There is one song that I think they are playing on the radio, but the one on this show was ‘You have my heart’.  You know sometimes you hear a song at the exact moment that you just need to hear it.  So then I bought the cd based on that one song but I have not been disappointed by the entire cd.  He has a little Lalah Hathaway in there for good measure, but the hilarious feature is Kelly Price.  When she was on that show RnB Divas it was clear that Chante Moore had problem with her ex Kenny Lattimore.  But you know sometimes I wonder if some of that was done more for show.   One of the main reason I stopped watching the show because it was just TMI.  I don’t need to know all this petty stuff about my singers.  Anyways, I really like the CD.

I am not a gadget kinda chick, I never have been but I just made 2 purchases that might turn me to the dark side LOL.  About 2 weeks before thanksgiving, my sister was talking about the food processor she used.  I was like HOLE UP you have a food processor?  I mean I watch the cooking shows and I know how much they make life easier, but the size of my kitchen has made me rethink buying extra stuff to put in there.  AND they always have the really high end ones on the show and the kid is not shelling out $500 for one little piece of equipment. I started doing a little research, you know at work, and found them on the good Amazon for under $50 so I got one.  I like onions and I cry a total river whenever I need to cut them.  For thanksgiving I made the stuffing which called for both onions and celery.  I used my new processor and it took literally seconds what usually felt like it took all evening!  On Cyber Monday I was again on the Amazon and saw a knife sharpener which I probably should have gotten before trying to carve a turkey but I digress. I read the reviews and this lil sharpener seemed to be like a good buy.  I don’t have high end cutlery in fact I bought knives at Sam’s club maybe 8 years ago so the knives have been in dire need of a good sharpen.  I used the fine setting and my knife was sharp as… well a KNIFE!!  I don’t even remember what I cut into but I was VERY satisfied!!

This is about the time of year I do a year in review.  This has truly been a year!  One of the main bench marks for me usually is a job.  I started with one and I’m ending with one. OH JOY!  I know the parameters should be a little higher than that, like did I change my life or the life of others around me?  Did I make a difference?  Did I lose 300 pounds and become the next Iron Woman?  Did I invent the next great gadget?  I don’t know something more than just a damn job.  A job aint nothing but work (LOL).  There’s that!  And of course as the main caregiver for my mother just making sure she is ok which… well ok her general ailments really were the cause of her fall in April, but for a while I felt like I failed her.  Like why did I allow this to happen? She had a stay in a nursing/rehab facility and while it was nice enough she left a little worse than she went in… WHEW this is getting dark as hell.  Hmmm…  Many lessons were learned.  There is always a mix of good and bad staff at facilities.  You always want the best but when you get the bad you roll with it.  You make sure they know you are present and know what is going on at any given time and when something goes wrong, tell someone!  The place was going through a bit of a transition but I never allowed anything to fall through the cracks.  I brought my mom home and the search for the caregiving staff was on.  Is has been a challenge since August and I don’t want to say out loud that I think I finally have a good mix, because something is always bound to change, but am less stressed about it.  I have gotten more active in my sorority probably more as a release from stuff at home.  And then I also found some other releases J well you know not just THAT but that is always a GREAT release!  But more of just giving myself permission to live my life.  This honestly took a long time for me to do.  Asking people/family for help or not!  And then also planning better.  I usually plan things out but actually scheduling time for myself sounds easy, but doing it can be a challenge because a myriad of excuses that can come up. 

There is more to my year but I just drew a blank… DAMN WORK!! so this is my blog from your favorite random chick!