how can I give you what you can't accept?

I have been beating myself up about sleeping in and doing nothing although I really enjoy sleeping in and doing nothing! But it's hard to justify when I have so much shit to do, for me, for my business, for my mother.  Just stuff!! I haven't completely allowed myself to enjoy being off and I need to just chill out! I don't get to sleep in on the weekends and I need to enjoy it during the week for now.  There will come a time in the near future that I will have to get my ample brown booty up at the crack or before the crack of dawn! SO yeah and another thing I need to do is stop beating myself up for spending money.  I know how much is in my account at any given minute and it's ok.  I know I will need to go on a spending fast sooner than later but sometimes over medium eggs taste better when a restaurant makes it.

For some time now my going to the supermarket revolves around bananas! YES BANANAS!!! It is ridiculous saying it out loud because it is. the roommate cannot be without bananas.  this is my life!! That's it.

My goal is to find the perfect library to do my 'work'.  I started with the one near my house which is the Woodlawn Branch.  This one was good because it had a quiet room  and I could put my headphones on and not worry about the little kids.  The next day I went to Catonsville branch also very good, actually better because the quiet room is in the basement and it is not freezing OH and the table/desk is really big and facing the wall.  Day 3 I go to Pikesville Branch. I knew that there were going to be a lot of kids and geriatrics here (its actually a senior center connected to the library). Back when I worked for the Census in 2010 (one of my 50eleven jobs LOL) this was a meeting place for us.  It is a busy library but I actually thought it was bigger than it is.  SO the way they have it set up there are 2 desks over in the corner which of course were full and then like 12 desk facing each other. There were some chairs in an aisle which in retrospect I should have sat there.   Instead I picked the desk on the corner and no one was facing me. I feel like if I point out the people's race it would be a bit much.  Just know that Pikesville has a very large Jewish community and I'll leave it right there.  I don't think men realize how nasty they can be.  I mean DUDE I can see you picking your nose and I need to not think about you placing any of the boggers anywhere that I may have to touch.  AND then, can't you just be slick about pulling the wedgie out of your behind? the same nose picker got up to use his phone AT THE LIBRARY (no judgement... I just did the same thing) and picked his butt for longer than I care to admit I was watching. LOL Then I'm sitting there only really able to see out of my right eye and getting distracted by EVERYTHING and then a guy looks at me, looks at the girls and decides he is going to sit in front of me.  SO ok whatever then he opens his tablet and starts doing sign language with the person I guess on the screen.  But then it got ultra animated and I'm sitting there like REALLY SIR?!? My goal to is to stay until at least 3pm or when I get hungry whichever comes first. Then a little old guy sits next to me and he had a few smells.  It was like old man smell mixed with something that was just not good. I just said NOPE and started packing it up.  Plus there was an older man who was staring me down and I couldn't decide if I was flattered or creeped out cause back in his day he probably coulda got it.  The library has such an assortment of people.  I could sit here and people watch all day!! SO I am back at the Catonsville branch  my knees are a little chilly and maybe going to get French toast prior to coming here was NOT a good idea cause I really just need a nap and I found the information I needed to research but it's Friday and my attention span is like that of a flea.  This woman has her stuff posted up at on of these desks and keeps coming back and forth since I've been here.  I really want to ask her what the hell she is doing.  I think she went to pray for a while but she hasn't been sitting there long enough to do much of anything.  I am hella sleepy today.

I can't see out of my left eye because I have uveitis which is inflammation of the uvea.  I've been using 2 drops, one is a steroid and the other dilates my eye.  I'ma go get a patch for my left eye.  My right eye has been doing ALL the work.  I've been assured that this I normal and it will get better  when I stop using the drops but it is really f'd up right now. Thankfully I am not getting headaches it's just annoying.

ok its now after 3 and I think I am calling it a day...

feels just like a weight has lifted... how can I repay you?

Last week was one of those weeks... Wanna hear it? Here it go.  So June 30th was my last day at my job which really not a bad thing 1 cause I'm a contractor and these things happen and 2 it was time for this particular project to be over.  Friday I had my HVAC dude come to see what the issue was.  He told me that it was OUT and that I needed a whole new ac unit.  I'm like ummm well ok how much we talking. He gave me the price and I'm quite positive I did a blank stare blink for a few minutes trying to decide is he talking AMERICAN money or Trinidadian currency?!?!  He is from Trinidad and his accent is pretty thick so I'm sure he didn't just say what I thought he said. He says it again and I'm like yeah no... I'll just have to be fine with fans this summer.  He attempts to give me a payment plan, but I'm like nooooo I just really can't do that right now but I will call you if something changes.  I put it on the Facebook and my one friend gives me the bright idea to do window units.  WHY had I not thought of that?!?!  So I go on the Amazon and get a mini unit for the roommate and research portable units for me since my windows upstairs go side to side instead of up and down.   My weekend was pretty normal and cool and then Monday was 4th of July.  I don't usually have a caregiver for my mom during the day on holidays because it costs to much and I can usually handle it.  So that day I did what I needed to do for her and... wait did I wash my ass?? maybe I did and then put on clean pj's.  Tuesday it was cool in the morning so I decided to get up pull everything out of my closet and commence to organizing.  The thing with me and my bright ideas is my follow thru sucks!  I pulled out and the dresser drawer I've had since my college days.  I've gotten my money worth and then some, but I still had to convince myself that it was ok to throw it away.  I have hoarding tendencies.  What I was going to do was save the drawers, put casters on them (a little trick I found on Pinterest) and stick them under my bed.  I had to have another talk with myself and tell myself to just throw it away.  I did start to take of the drawer pulls (the brass ones) for another project milling around in my head but again.... I threw those away too (ok I'm lying, 2 are sitting on my living room floor even as I type, but I intend on throwing them away). Wednesday I woke up and then got back in the bed.  It was hot and my cycle decided that my body shouldn't do nothing that day so I didn't.  Later that day the ac unit for my mom came.  The little caregiver who came that day (not my usual person) was so miserable.  OH this is the one who came in my house one day and was like WE NEED THE AIR CONDITIONING!  It was actually a beautiful day that day so I was like the ac is not working so just move slowly and turn on the fan.  This particular day it was hot and she said to me well why don't you just get it fixed.  NOW SEE... Miss lady you don't know what is going on in my pockets further more you work in a variety of places, sometimes they are hot sometimes they are too cool, but do not ever think it is ok to tell me how to run 1928.  That's what you won't do! I fiddled around with the little ac unit, read the directions and got it in the window and it actually was feeling (and still does) pretty good in there.  My mom sweats a lot and gets grumpy she needs the air even though she is from the great state of Mississippi and is a summer baby. Thursday I decided it was time to do something about the heat in MY room.  I had been researching the portable units so I knew what I needed and something told me to go to Big Lots first.  I went there and asked the little girl who was sweeping if they had ac units.  She said no ma'am we don't carry them at all.  And then I stood there and did a quick do I stay and see what they have or do I just push on to Lowe's.  I stayed and I'm so glad I did. I saw a little fabric dresser thing and then saw the whole back-to school section.  They make so much stuff for back to school.  I don't remember having so many options back in the day but this time of year I love because there are organization options that I can use in my house.  So I see the one I want and then ask if they have any more in the back, well they have to call DJ.  Now DJ was a nice looking dude!  I was like hey DJ!!  LOL  and then this fool says well can you carry it yourself to your car? I was a rectangle box and honestly I needed to see if I could carry it. I thought for a second if I was going to play damsel in distress but then I was like NOPE I got this grabbed my box and head for the car.  Next stop was Lowes.  They only had one of the portable units all the way at the top and I didn't want them to have to pull it down only for me to be like nah I'm good.  I then went to Home Depot.  They had a much better selection but the one I wanted was a little cheaper online but it would have taken another week for it to be delivered and I was hot NOW! I was in the aisle trying to do some comparison and the Asian guy I saw at the front who was asking and understanding the sales guy alla sudden didn't speak English.  All I asked him was do you know if HH Greg sells ac units and he gave me the I speak no English look.  Then, cause I'm a little pissed cause I just heard your ass speak English and a little grumpy from the heat, I say so did you hear me or do you just not speak English now? He say no No... So i'm like yeah ok you conveniently don't understand me WHATEVER!!  Then I leave and go up to HH Greg.  Now **loud sigh** customer service is so important to me, it always has been, probably always will be.  I am THE ONLIEST person in the store I am switching out of my shades to my regular glasses, 3 people are standing at the counter/register thing and I am like are these mufukkas really gonna ignore me?!?!? So I finally get the girls attention and say are their other ac units and she points me to there sorry display.  I am like WELL this won't do.  I turn down the speaker behind me so I can think, I go and sit on the couch and finish watching the Roc episode; laughed a little and headed to the Walmart.  I get to Walmart, I'm hungry and decide to get a little something at the McDonald's.  I get to the register, a man in a wheelchair is fussing at the cashier.  He needs for her to open the several packets of sugar he has in his hand for the coffee he just bought.  I am pleading with her to help him and she's like he's fine what do you want.  I got the worst mcdouble known to man, but the fries were hot so it's all about give and take. Now I am ready to shop!  I'm not sure why I thought this Walmart would have what I need because it so didn't and then as I'm about to leave I say to myself Are you really leaving Walmart without buying ANYTHING?!?! I got a few things that totaled 12 bucks and then had to head to my eye appointment.  Every once in a while I have pain in my eye and it looks blood shot for no good reason. Sometimes it clears up but this time I had to use a steroid drop to clear it up, even though my eye right now is still a little blurry.  After the appt I head to the home depot in Randallstown to get my unit.  The little boy with the bad wrist get's it down and I pay for it, the little cash register boy gets it in the car and I take it home.  I was in full She-Ra mode thinking I can do this!!! And I did.  I got it in the house, read the directions, got it up the steps and got it working. Friday I called the pharmacist to make sure the drops would be there and he was like nope it's not here.  I call the eye place, they assure me they will resend and say check back at the end of the day.  Now something deep within the pits of my soul I knew I needed to go get a paper version of the prescription right then, but I went on with my day.  4 o'clock rolls around I call the pharmacy still nothing.   I call and leave more messages and then hop myself in the car and go to the eye place cause it is not far from my house.  No one is at the front because they close in 15 minutes.  I am like I need a paper version NOW!!!  The tech come and gets my info and gets me the prescription.  As I am getting this a woman comes in and is dropping off paperwork for one of the doctors.  She hears me coming and hold the elevator and I instantly start fussing about how frustrating this place is.  She said every time I come here it's frustrating but you just have to let it go!  And I stop and just LET IT GO!!  I almost was in tears because I know I can get worked up about the dumbest stuff. I had what I needed so why continue to fuss?  Sometimes you need people to help you get over stuff you can't get over by yourself.  I am a firm believer in people coming into your life for a reason.  Saturday (Well maybe that's Sunday) I was being grown and left my house at midnight to go party with a few Caribbean folks.  I got in just as the sun was rising only to have to get up and deal with my mom Sunday morning.  I then went to a cookout for a girlfriend who's son just graduated from High School.  Thankfully I had made the sangria the day before because I was already working from about 2 hours of sleep.  I helped get the cookout situated (what would she have done without me? LOL), ate a little, drank a little, and then carried my tired butt home!! 
That was it... well mostly it ;)

I know.. casue I know CAUSE I KNOW!!

listening to a lil Lalah as I type the good blog... You can make it On your own!

What you won’t do is tell me you are a make-up artist in training and you have a completely naked face.  No ma’am…   your face should be beat at ALL times!! And then for those women who don’t already wear make-up, black eyeliner and mascara might not be a good entry point.  You have to ease into it. Start with a little gloss, do the neutrals and then once we get used to seeing that on you, then maybe a brown liner and mascara.  And then for the woman who was wearing the exact color combination that I was going to, thank you for being a cautionary tale for me.  Those colors looked horrible together although somehow I think I still could have pulled it off.  And this has been your make-up minute!!

It took me years to upgrade from a futon (from college) to a real couch.  And now I have (for the most part) a grown-up house!  I have furniture in all of the rooms.  Now my goal in life is to have a grown-up back yard.  I went to 2 cookouts this weekend and I now know what the bar is for me to reach.  Hardscaping is the way to go! And a water feature.  I intended to add bricks or stones of some sort several years ago but I wasn’t sure what I wanted.  Now I kinda do know what I want.  I’ve done 1 level of stones in the front and to my garden in the back but I really do want to add more.  Picking up the stones at the Lowes or Home Depot is not fun.  I need to have someone do it for me; either hire someone or go with them so they can figure out how many are needed. 

This is my favorite time of year which is evident in the amount of clothes I have.  One of my caregivers for my mom (well and I guess for me too) was like PLEASE let me finish washing your clothes!  They have been in the basement for 2 weeks.  Of course why should anyone have to plead with me to let them help me? So I let her!  What’s bad is I really didn’t miss any of what was in the basement.  I like color and I never really understand why people wear so much black when another option would be yellow or turquoise. I have a lot of vibrant colors and patterns and for the past few weeks I have gotten many comments.  What even funnier is a lot of the stuff is from QVC and HSN.  And on that note since my contract is coming to a close I need to go on a spending fast.  NOPE I don’t need that pair of shoes, or that dress. I mean I might WANT it but I need to be on a needs only basis. 

What bugs the hell outta me is being with people who can’t seem to ever put their phone down, but the second you text them you don’t hear from them for hours.  Like REALLY chick... or dude??!?

You know what else I don’t like busy bodies!!  Those mostly women (but men can be busy bodies too) who know everything about everything and let you know they know just in case you didn’t know they knew.  Yep I got it, you KNOW IT ALL!! Except they don’t.  They are usually misinformed and then look simple when giving out the info that only they know! 

We had cake today and I don’t know what it is but I don’t like it.  It had some sort of custard on in.  I am such a plain jane when it comes to cake, just give me a nice vanilla cake with chocolate icing. 

What you ALSO won’t do is be in the left lane while I’m in the right, make the turn and then try to get all up in my lane!!  NO ma’am sir!! Don’t underestimate this lil 03 Corolla or the chick driving cause she might jump out and beat the shit outta you!  I mean she won’t, but she says she will all the time!!  LOL  This big ass white pick-up decided that was how he was living his life yesterday and this chick wasn’t having it!  I blowed my horn and held my own like NO YOUSTAY OVER THERE!!

THANK LBJ IT'S FRIDAY!!

I’m used to being a contractor.  I really am.  It fits my gypsy lifestyle.  Not that I pick and move homes, but jobs, OH YEAH!! So I’ve been at my current location since 2012.  I count it by family reunions.  I have had 3…  My mother’s side of the family has been doing a reunion since 1978 on even year usually on Memorial Day weekend.  So in 2012 after giving a 4 month notice that I was going to Dallas my manager asked if I could change my day off to Wednesday NO ma’am I cannot.  I high tailed it out of there as soon as I could. Dallas in 2012, Memphis in 2014 and (sunny) Cleveland 2016. It is time to GO!   And wouldn’t you know it they didn’t extend my contract!  I am a firm believer that you speak things into existence so you have to be careful.  I have been saying out loud for some time that my contract ends 6/30/16 and for people on the team to not make plans for me after that date. So I have a few things I need to wrap up but I’m not starting anything new.  There are some embers in the fire that need to be poked and a few new ventures that might be really exciting.  MEANWHILE I am so ready for another vacation!!  Thank you LBJ for the account I use for playtime!  I just saw Travel Zoo listing for a trip to Greece. I would love to go back to Greece.  But that flight alone is more than I care to really think about.  I think what I will do is go to wherever Southwest goes.

WHY do I like this Miguel song How many drinks? It has Kendrick Lamar, but the lyrics... LAWD ‘how many drinks would it take you to be with me to; yeah you look good and I got money but I don’t wanna waste my time. Back of my mind I’m hoping you say 2 or 3’ LOL And I so get it I don’t got time to waste neither!!  So what we doing!?  And then Kendrick says ‘no no no I aint judging if you do decide that we will be f***ing tonight’ But men do judge!!  I’m listening to a playlist well someone’s playlist cause I still can’t figure it out on the Spotify. They always look at you different if they can hit it quickly and then the ones you make wait are usually whack!! Actually this play list is pretty good.  I’ve had to skip a few songs but I mean for something I didn’t specifically create it’s not bad... like now Body party by Ciara gets a skip LOL BUT I Still Love You by 702 gets a sing along.

I’m back to me being a contractor and I was thinking of the things I will miss.  Not much… LOL  A few people (and I do mean a few!), the scenery from the 4^th floor kitchen which is very lush and green and uuuuhhhh… yep that’s it.  Maybe the occasional cute security guard oh and the cute black manager (yes there is only 1). 

So I just signed up to get an update when Hamilton tickets are available.  It’s on Broadway and I want to see it because everyone says it’s great.  I think I might go up one day and just do a few shows and a little hopping.  YES, me shop LOL.  I made a rationale to myself that it’s not that I don’t like shopping I just don’t like malls but I do like the act of shopping. 

I am listening to one of my podcasts, The Friend Zone, and Fran (@heyfranhey) just said something that hit real close.  She is talking about journaling.  I guess I use this as a journal to an extent but I do find that I edit myself because I just do. The journal by my bed is the one where the shit unedited. REWRITE YOUR LIFE!!! That’s what she just said. Write everything down even the things that are embarrassing.  How do you want your life to be.  And what caught my attention as I was listening is that she said sometimes life is so heavy and that you can’t catch a break and that Does God hare me!? IS this a prank? I for real FOR REAL feel like this some days.  Yesterday I was thinking God must be letting satan do me like he did Job because this is too much for it to actually be real life right now!! And I mean I get through it (my good days outweigh my bad days) but it’s those times when the bad just over power me that I think nope… I quit!  I’m done being an adult!!  Let me go find a park and just run and play let someone else worry about the real shit.  And that is what I need to do, rewrite my life! Even the relationship piece I really do enjoy doing things by myself and I often wonder why I am even trying to be with someone until I am and that closeness and intimacy is great and I know that being with someone is what I do want, until I don’t. See right there I was about to say something and edited it because it was way too personal.  Just think of the India.Arie song Brown Skin... that’s where I was!! Men are just as complicated as women.  They don’t say what they want maybe because they don’t know.  I asked the question WHAT DO YOU WANT and the guy looked at me with a blank stare like I was asking him to jump off a cliff.  I need to stop settling and/or doing things that don’t create lasting relationships.  One guy was like can’t we just be friends and I was like well we never were friends so why we gonna start now? So I know it’s me sometimes and HIM most of the time LOL  I’ve created a nice little wall that gets chipped away at and then I start rebuilding when he (whoever the he is) start acting dumb or at least what I consider to be dumb.  I was real ready to cuss this one guy smooth out and I caught myself before I got to the crazy chick point because he is not going to hear and receive what I have to say with me at 100 and him at 15. So I chilled!! And I’ma be chilled!

and I hope this message stays in your mind...

Someone had a ‘Carcetti for Mayor’ bumper sticker this morning. I’ve been wanting a shirt that said that.  I also was a ‘Vote for Pedro’ tee shirt.  Here is where my randomness might not be for you because I’m sure I already lost a few and we just begun.

It truly tickles me when folks say YOU FORGOT TO ADD THIS TO THE BLOG!!! And then I’m like did you really want my spin on it cause maybe you don’t… OR maybe you do?!?!?  SO it is wedding/prom/graduation season.  I haven’t been to a wedding but I have been to a graduation and a prom send off.   I went all the way to ATL to see my nephew #2 graduate from Georgia State University. I did a kinda sorta embarrassing pic on the Facebook mainly because I am so proud of him.  One of the things I said was that it was expected and it was!  Graduating from high school and then going to college was always expected in my household.  I don’t even know if I knew there was a choice.  It got to a point when I was really indecisive that my mom was like if I didn’t decide I had to go to Pitt (University of Pittsburgh) which in retrospect I still would have had to apply, but I felt like she knew the right people that I could have just went.  She also said if I didn’t go to college I would have to work at Giant Eagle. All I could envision was working in the deli shaving up chipped ham LOL  I am glad that my oldest 2 nephews have degrees. Now I’m not sure what is going to happen with my nieces because they live different lives were I’m not sure if education is an expectation.  I want them to finish high school and go to college and I want them to be AKA’s (my sorority) and I want them to know there is a big world out there.  But they might not have that same expectation that I had.  The 16 yr old, I need for him to GET IT and finish high school and he will go somewhere most likely on an athletic scholarship.  And the god babies… well they have no choice either.  Onto the proms… So we have seen all the pics on Facebook and Instagram maybe even the twitter.  One of my girlfriends has a son who is about to graduate so he of course he went to the prom.  She decided to do have food and drinks at her house.  This mofo (my friend not her son) did not have a wine opener in her whole ENTIRE HOUSE!!! I don’t know how she lives her life day to day with only an electric wine opener that decided not to work when she had a house full of people who were demanding wine, but she does.  The good thing is I live literally about 5-7 minutes from her and got one for her to HAVE.  I mean the wineaux that I am I usually carry a wine key with me at all time cause you know just like condoms, you never know when wine might come up.  Did I just compare wine to sex?!?!  hmmm… YES!!!! I remember my wine key getting confiscated at the TSA one time when I was travelling a lot for work and I mean I get it, it did have a knife on it and I could have hijacked the plane and no one wants that.  So yeah…  other than that her son was handsome, he did a black on black and his date did black and white with the pink hair which on her looked appropriate.  A 50 yr old maybe not so much but then again she had a girlfriend from high school who had bright red hair but it looked good on her.  I don’t know some people can pull off the crazy colors better than others and not even crazy.  Everyone can’t pull off blond and/or red based on their skin color and tone.  I have digressed so much. LOL

This past weekend was my family reunion in sunny Cleveland!! As always I had a great time!  And not to embarrass him but my brother was having several emotional moments.  At one point it was like WTF are you crying about now?!?!? He and another cousin just had to talk out things that men sometimes just don’t on a regular basis and it was cleansing.  It’s just good to see everyone the older family members who are still looking good and the babies who just got here!

I just brushed my teeth but I missed my tongue so it really feels like I need to go redo it.  Plus I really hate brushing my teeth in the same bathroom that someone is pooping in a stall near me.  Life would be so much better if I had my own personal bathroom.  And it will happen when I start ChickiCo! 

I Binged (the same as googling) my name.  It is funny and scary at the same the information that popped up.  Nothing too crazy but if I had a stalker they might actually be able to find me.  Thankfully only one picture… Hmmm my curiosity got the better of me I just goggled and more pics popped up : O so yeah be careful what you like on all the social medias. WOW!!

Why do men become 100% more attractive when you find out they have a girl/wife!?!?  I’m not that chick to be dating married men (well you know not ON PURPOSE… I mean it has happened kinda sorta on accident… don’t judge me LOL).  They also become more of appeal when you know they don’t want you no mo which works both ways.  I am moving on and he is professing his undying love. **LOUD SIGH**

It is Capital Jazz fest this weekend. Tonight is King, En Vogue, and New Edition… I’m cueing up some King now!! Tomorrow is Lalah and Erro… hmm I wonder if they will do their duet together?? I wonder if the rain will go ahead and stop being a bitch and just let the sun come on out?!?! I wonder where my plastic wine pouch is? And I wonder if the little boys they hire for this big event will chill out and let me slip my libations in without too much hassle?  I wonder if there will be any available cuties there?  I know they exist. Single men are not unicorns!!  EWWW… I wonder if the dude from the concert a few weeks ago will be there?? I wonder if I talked to him if the cellulite girl would have got made?  I wonder why I act like I aint got cellulite?? LOL  ACTUALLY though I am pretty tight except for those few annoying dimples. My booty don’t jiggle.  I wonder if that is the problem?  But the booty don’t lie.  I wonder if I will get any work done today?  I wonder if I shoulda stayed my booty home and pretended to work? I wonder what the heck I’ma wear tonight?  AND tomorrow… what I’m gon wear? I wonder if I am hitting the right note as I sing along with King?  Prolly not!!!  LOL

a little monday random...

I don’t know why I keep going to the Panera in Pikesville.  Well cause it’s the Panera and a good sandwich or soup or salad is always good idea.  But for the life of me why do all of the geriatrics and people who don’t know how the pick up your food line works have to be there when I go.  So they call #454 the woman sees her food and is like perplexed about it and then she says to her friend I think that is mine.  I need for her to go pick it up because I don’t want her to stand there when they call 455 which is my number.  Then after I get my food I go and sit near some Delta’s who are discussing reclamation.  Something I guess we all go through.  A little elderly lady walks up with her cane puts it across the table and says I need this table.  No one is fussing or arguing with her.  The Delta’s are like OK!  So then she says well can you ladies make sure no one take this table and they say sure no problem.  THEN, this lady sits down which confuses the hell outta of all of us.  You just made a declaration that this is YOUR table so why then did you sit down? I think she was waiting for someone but no one ever came while I was there.  

My Res Pandora station seldom disappoints me.  Today is one of those days I feel a little bad for my cubemates.  I am singing right along with EVERYTHING!! And they just played some songs I haven’t heard in a while!!  It is taking a lot to not be like YASSSSS!!!!

So this past week was a really good one. I went to see The Read do a live podcast at Goucher College.  I still contend that Baltimore audiences ae not nearly as hype as others.  I have attended the same show in DC and the crowd be hype as hell.  But anyways I had a good time.  I adopted the kids that were in front of me in the long line.  It started out with 2 girls and 2 guys (I guess they were parking the car) came up.  And I’m not entirely sure how it started but they started looking at stuff on the phone and I was like wait I can’t see!  I am truly my mother’s child when it comes to befriending folks.  I went by myself because I honestly don’t know anyone who listens to the podcast and would have enjoyed it.  I have to re-listen to it on soundcloud.  Then last Thursday I went to the Howard Theatre to see Foreign Exchange.  This time by myself because I’m not sure if any of my friends know who they are and I didn’t feel like organizing.  Parking is always a challenge but I always seem to find good parking.  I checked with the security guards (there were 4 of them standing there) actually they were watching my every move which was a little unnerving but I still flashed my smile and said hey fellas is it ok if I park here.  Then the little one (cause the little one is always the boldest) says oh yeah you’re good.  I say thank sand then he’s like well we all can accept a $10 tip.  I said how about a smile and a thank you.  He was like yeah that works too!! I get to the theater and there is a line and I am thankful I threw on the pink chucks. I know it’s going to be standing room which is bull shit cause who wants to be standing.  Anyway there are a few couples but I’m standing behind this cutie who is tall, bald with the grey at his temples and has a great beard.  NOW I have come to realize the things that attract me to men have changed since I was younger. All I got to say is grey is good!! I am trying to figure out his deal because he stepped out of the line clearly waiting for someone.  I go on in and still fussing in my head about the standing room.  I get situated by the steps.  I need a place to lean and sit it needed.  I get my 1 little drink and post up and enjoy the sights.  Foreign Exchange draws a large straight men crowd and this makes me happy.  The guy who was outside is near me did end up with a woman but I knew that wasn’t his date just the way they interacted she was doing her thing and so was he… I started to do some hating on the girl who I don’t even know and I really had to catch myself!!  I didn’t know that chick and she wasn’t bothering me but women… we can do that and not even be able to admit why.  She did have on this crazy outfit but if she felt comfortable showing all her cellulite then who am I to judge?!? I know that was petty LOL ANYWAYS another woman comes and stands near me by the steps.  And then the crowd fills up.  At one point I see her get annoyed and I am feeling her pain.  For whatever reason, all the tall men in DC decided to stand in front of us.  I tap her and say why are all the tall guys right HERE!!  She was like RIGHT and all the tall men seem to know each other!! I can see the stage and they have monitors so it really was ok.  The show was AWESOME!!  Phonte is the front man and just keeps the flow of the concert going.  And then ALL of the men around me are singing loud and off key AND dancing!! Now some of the songs from the more recent cd’s I know but then some of the older ones I didn’t.  I ended up getting 4 cd’s including the newest by Zo! SkyBreak.  Yeah you just gonna have to google it all and or trust me when I say you missing out if you don’t know these people! 

I am ready for the festivaling this summer.  1^st stop Capital Jazz!  I am going Friday and Saturday and might go Sunday if I can think about it real good and/or if someone already got me a ticket!!  The Summer Spirit fest with Erykah Badu, Jill Scott and nem… LOL I am ready!!

amzement unceased...

There is this little Indian woman who has been here where I work since probably even before I was here the 1^st go around.  And I see her do this with everyone but she’ll just start talking to you like mid conversation like she is either picking up from the last conversation she was having or that’s just where she wants to start.  I know she has kids (probably even grandkids) and she is so maternal and I just appreciate her.  She will fuss at you if that’s what you need or just talk.  I am in a hellified mood right now and emotional as hell so I am appreciating a lot today that on a normal day I may not.  I have come to a realization that this blog is really for me.  It’s nice if folks read it, but it is a release for me and today is one of dem days that I need to release.  It’s gloomy outside kinda doing a rain mist thing.  My heat has not been working so I am concerned about my poor ailing mother who is actually just fine with her little space heater.  I’m just pissed that the dude who put my new furnace in last year was in Trinidad and didn’t have a back-up and then his wife’s aunt passed so they stayed there and I’m just pissed.  I had unplugged my electric blanket because I didn’t need it, but I plugged it back in so me and Paisley have been taking advantage of it!  I just hate living my life where something is always freaking going on.  It has been something for the past few weeks ALWAYS SOMETHING!!!! And it is frustrating when it keeps happening while I’m PMS’ing.  And it seems to be hitting so hard here lately.  I mean I am so close to going into full meltdown on more occasions than I care to share.  My co-worker caught a tantrum I was having and she was like ARE YOU OK!!?!?  I wasn’t but I got it together quickly.  And today as I sit here sipping on this not horrible but also not great Starbucks trying to get my eyes to fully open so I don’t look like I just hit the bong before I stepped into this place.  I don’t do that but my eyes right now couldn’t convince anyone otherwise. I’m listening to my NeoSoul café and it might be a little more mellow than I need but mellow is good.  OH and then I added Periscope.  I am trying to keep up with the new tech but I really am ok with the Facebook, Instagram and twitter on occasion.  I added snapchat and am SOO clueless about that.  So periscope had a bunch of notifications that I was no trying to see.  So I’ll just check every so often to see if someone is talking that I want to listen to. So here is the thing with the social media and just society today, everyone thinks everyone else wants to hear their opinion on everything!  I know that was a pretty broad statement.  But so like there are pastors, motivational speakers, people who have done things worthwhile (and maybe not so much) and they all got shit to say! And people actually listen!!!  This is a phenomenon that is so fascinating.  It is mind blowing.  SO you open your app and decide you got stuff to say AND PEOPLE login and listen.  I can’t really wrap my head around it…

 

I’m getting my nails done today.  I think I might get tips or at least an overlay.  My nails have been breaking like crazy.  I got my hair did on Tuesday OH and the woman who did it worked in Pittsburgh under a guy I grow up in church with.  This world is so small!!  I’m tryna look cute for my nephew’s graduation this weekend in Atlanta!!

 
Walmart never EVER ceases to amaze.  I needed to get some cash for the above mentioned nails. The shop is close to the Walmart and my banks are in the opposite direction.  I call the customer serve and ask ‘What Bank is it for the ATM in the store’ The woman says ‘Well we don’t have a bank we have an ATM’ I said ‘RIGHT IS it Bank of America? M&T? PNC?’ She was like oh I don’t know… she then proceeds to transfer me to a nonexistent customer service person.   I hang up after a few seconds.  I decided to go to the store buy something and not pay whatever the service fee is for the ATM.  I hop in line after a lady who has on a few things and I grab a milky way and chili Doritos (don’t judge my PMS food choices LOL).  A man (black guy) in a little funky khaki cowboy hat gets behind me.  A random (African lady with an accent) lady hops behind me and puts her stuff on the belt and says ‘My children are on the school bus, please sir PLEASE’ I thought she was with the man.  Then she says again ‘Please SIR PLEASE’.  She starts to plead with the cashier and we are looking at each other like WTF is going on here. She is saying I need to go next. The cashier says well you need to ask the man. HE says ‘But you didn’t even ask me you just put your stuff on the belt’ MEANWHILE I am having issues with the card reader.  They are random af… sometimes you have to put the chip in other times you don’t. The lady in the line 2 lanes down says… ‘you can come over here and get in front of me’ the lady in line is grateful, grabs her shit and goes to the other line.  Now I look at the dude and say I thought she was with you.  He says to me I THOUGHT SHE WAS WITH YOU!!! And I would have let her go but she didn’t even ask!! He says, just cause I have on this cowboy hat don’t mean I’m nice.  I just need some cash I don’t really NEED the Milky Way and Doritos but I say OUT LOUD… WALMART NEVER CEASES TO AMAZE ME!!  He laughs and says yep!