So I’m sitting on the couch with my newly acquired
roommate (does that sound better than my mom lives with me?) and we are
watching Family Tools, a new show on ABC, and since I like it, it will be
cancelled soon. So Carrie (From King of
Queens) is the sister and she is teaching her 16 year old how to drive, which
ends up being her showing him where to adjust the mirrors and putting the car
in reverse. And I don’t know why but I
always empathized with kids learning how to drive. So I turn to Barb and ask her if she
remembered teaching me how to drive and she said ‘OH yes. I had to do it before you father tried to
teach you’ me, very curious, ‘why was that’, and then she turns to me and say
all matter of factly ‘well because I was the better driver!’ This my friends is
a small glimpse into why I am how I am!! OF COURSE she thinks she is/was the better
driver. I ALWAYS think I can drive better
than pretty much everybody so now I know it’s HER fault!!! LOL
I know you love you kid(s) but I have a cat so going on
and on about what they do and their quirks is really lost on me. I just told my little cuz when she said she
needed to cook dinner to let the kids feed theyself!! Her kids are 9, 3, and 1. The 9 year old (who might actually be 8 or 10??!?)
might be aiight. But the 3 and 1 year
old would be SOL!! So I’m listening now
to my frantic co-worker try and figure out if she is going to go home or get
someone to get her 9 year old because she doesn’t’ like one of the camp
counselors. This is the last week of
camp. My advice is always to let me talk
to her kids to straighten them out because I have such good children skills!!
In fact I have an idea for kids aged 10 – 13.
It would be Auntie Boot Camp… The shit your mama won’t do which is beat
that ass if you get outta line. Shaking is
permissible. The motto of the camp: YOU
GONNA LEARN TONIGHT!!! I say this in
jest but these kids today are a different breed. I wish I would have called my mom at work to
tell her I’m not going to camp cause I don’t like the counselor!! I wish I would have NOT eaten something she
put on my plate for any meal. The only
exception was liver. I mean I wasn’t a
picky kid but liver made me gag. I wish
I would have talked back and thought I wasn’t gonna get hit telling either
parent what I was and wasn’t gonna do.
It just galls me to see the interaction of the youths today!!
Things I want to
say but it’s a good idea that I don’t:
Dude I don’t know where you pulled that dashiki out from
but you need to put it back…
OOH OOHH… the 70’s called and they want their dashiki
back
Oh my key chain? It’s
says 1908… for my sorority. You know,
because I went to college!! (no shade to
my friends who didn’t go to college, this was actually for one of my managers
who said such crass things as OMG they speak Mexican!! Really lady PC should be something you learn
not now but RIGHT NOW!!)
It is sandal season lady; get to a nail salon STAT!! Ain’t nobody got time to look at your crusty
feet!
**shouting to all the chicks in the ladies room**
COURTESY FLUSHING IS YOUR FRIEND!!!
yes lady you just stunk up the WHOLE BATHROOM don’t look
at me like I didn’t just smell what I KNOW I smelled.
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