I have been in stalker mode longer than I care to admit. Today on a friends post someone posted something and I was like I KNOW THIS DUDE!! SO off to his page I went. If there is nothing else you need to know about me, remembering a face is one of them. I can pick whomever out of a lineup. Both a gift and a curse. I asked the guy if he was who he said he was but he said no... WELL actually he said he never smoked, because the guy I remembered used to smoke cigars. So he really only 1/2 answered the question but I didn't press. And then I went on a ex's page and time has not been on his side. His is the kind of attraction that if we made it I wouldn't see all the flaws that I see now cause I know what I was attracted to then, and it is totally gone now. It's not even just physical, but a lack of drive and motivation and bad decisions over the years. Then there is this one woman who has the MOST adorable baby. He was all cheeks! She's a friend of a friend so I probably will tell her of my vice at looking at people's pages. And then there was this one guy, I honestly don't even remember how I got to his pic, He had a full sleeve and even though I'm not a fan I was like OH DAMN... HE'S KINDA CUTE!!!
Family Dollar had whole bags of one flavor gummi bears. I got the watermelon because I think that was the one I liked. I knew it wasn't cherry, but it might also be green apple. I probably should have gotten both.
Right now I want a drink. WE all know I have likka in the house, but I really don't know what I want. Actually what I don't have is white wine and vodka. So I may go for the red wine, because if I drink gin I might sin!! LOL
Some men can be so freaking clueless, like I have to sky write and say HEY I LIKE YOU!!! On Black-ish last week Zoe's friend was trying so hard to flirt with Junior but he was missing ALL of the signs. The little brother had to help him out!! OR maybe they just don't like me back so maybe its me that's missing the signs. What I do know is at 43 I have such a low tolerance for games. Either we doing this (whatever the hell THIS is) or leave me alone!! I genuinely got other shit to do and if you don't fit into the equation it's truly ok! I said I wasn't accepting application until the spring anyways, so maybe I need to work on myself and do a little more self evaluation OH yeah that is what I wanted to talk about. SO everybody doesn't take a minute to reflect on things. And it occurred to me that a lot of people think what they are doing is both ok and things will just be fine. I am a stop and think kinda person. Even when I do things unexpectedly I take a moment to reflect on how my life is better or worse. It bugs me when I think people are not as thoughtful as me.
Selfish people don't realize how selfish they are because they are only thinking of themselves. Another thing that bugs me...
I remember random stuff about just about everyone I know.
A couple of blogs ago, the title was 'random musings of a premenopausal drama queen'. I still chuckle when I see it written. But what I'm not chuckling about is the night sweat that are happening more and more. And the cycle that is just like 'bitch I'll come on whenever I feel like it!'. Which you know doesn't really work for me. I mean but is this IT!?!?! I remember so vividly as a kid my mother would just break into a sweat. And I'm not talking cute little moisture on her upper lip, I'm talking water was coming from her pits, her face, and probably her legs. She would be like GET ME PAPER TOWEL NOW!!! And I did! I would run around church getting her paper towel. Or we'd be at Giant Eagle and she would open a package of paper towel OR stand in the cold food section until she got it under control, which was not always a quick thing. Or if we were in the car, she would drive fast so that the wind could dry up the sweat, at least that was the theory, it never worked. She had several pairs of dress shields from Sears (LOL) so that her clothes wouldn't be ruined. SO I knew it was coming. I knew. I know! But I am still not prepared. It is not such a taboo subject as it was back in the day so I know I can talk to people who have or are going through it now. My sister's bouts were not as bad, but I remember her stripping and sitting in front of a fan even in the winter because she just got too hot! Yeah I knew it was coming. But this signals an ending. Once this happens the factory is closed FOR REAL!! It still has options of being open but not for long. And honestly I feel a few different kinds of ways. On the one hand I'm like ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! All these years of cramps and periods and headaches and emotional rollercoastering and no kid!?!?!? And then on the other hand I'm like whew I really dodged a bullet here! Cause I can barely take care of my damn self. Sometimes Paisley's water bowl is bone dry and I'm like oh yeah... she does need water. SO I question what type of mother I would have been. And then on yet another hand I'm wondering was this really the hand that I was dealt? I always think there is some alternate universe where my life is just so different, not necessarily better, but different. So I don't know.
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