even when the condition is critical, your living is miserable, you position is pivital, I aint bullshiting you!!

NOW, why would I lie? just to get by...
My titles continue to be song lyric even though I am utterly convinced only a few know what the hell I'm talking about.  I saw this video the other day.  And Talib Kweli is on the talk show on HBO right now... Bill Maher so I knew this title was correct and right!

I sit at the 'crossroads' of the outer cube nation and the region which I have named the cube village. Smaller than cube nation but not quite big enough for a city... so village it is.  Folks come at stand looking hella lost usually because by the time they get to me they usually have come too far and need some assistance.  If they give me eye contact I usually will help them including the janitor who had the vacuum strapped to her back looking like a Ghost Buster!  I still don't know if someone got sick or what because I got so tickle by what she looked like.  And her English is not on fleek so it took a second for me to understand the location she was looking for.  
i like saying something is NOT on fleek because it's so funny to me.  His English was not on fleek.  Her driving was not on fleek... maybe because saying ON FLEEK is such a silly term to me.

I can't even remember when I wrote this so lets just act like it was yesterday...
I need for this woman to not only stop clomping past my desk but also STOP TALKING TO ME!! 1^st I always have my headphones on so I can never hear you.  2^nd you walk past my desk a bazillion and one times every day WHY do you think we have that much convo, we really don’t. 3^rd you have told me you are not busy, but that doesn’t mean I’m not.  LEMME LONE!!

Last night School Daze was on.  I loved that movie as a kid.  It definitely cemented in my brain that I needed to go to an HBCU so that I too could have that experience. I was struck by a few things. 1. Greeks are crazy!!  Meaning they (we) do some real questionable things in the name of love for the frat or sorority.  Looking from the outside in why WOULD you want to get your ass beat to belong to any organization?  
I had more thoughts... but like I said this was a few weeks ago. What I was thinking about also was sex scenes that changed my life.  Well you know as a kid when you see people having the secks on the big screen it affects you.  SO I was like 13/14 when School Daze came out so when I saw Tisha Campbell licked ALL over Dean Big Brother ALL-MY-TEE, I was like are you supposed to do alladat for a dude?  Cause I just don't know about licking his head AND brands.  That's a lil nasty!  And even today at 41 it's still a little nasty.  I'ma leave that right there.  Another scene was the barn scene from Purple Rain.  I was a little younger and a little more impressionable and my sister convinced my mom that it would be ok to take me but my little eyes almost bugged completely outta my head when Apollonia was having the secks with Prince!  Prince is 5 foot nothing and he got ALL the girls and I understood right then and there why he did!! All I remember thinking was OOOHHH!!!

The roommate chronicles continue but they are little less funny than they were before.  Mainly because the decline has been severe and rapid.  What I think is funny now might not be to others, but laughter cleanses the spirit.  Like the time I tried to change her gown and i just couldn't get it over her right arm so I said fuck it and threw a sheet over her.  The aid was coming in a few hours and it's summer so she wasn't gonna freeze.  I have 3 African angels that see my face and know I don't know what the hell I'm doing and just care for my mother with such gentleness that I don't even think she appreciates but I SOOO DO!!  And then I also have a Baltimore angel who talks my ear off cause she is my might person but she is a sweetie pie and has a genuinely good heart.  I have a team cause I know I can't do it alone!  Things are really going well so I can't complain.  

I witnessed some road rage that was freaking hilarious last week.  So they are redoing Red Run and McDonogh near my job.  Whoever job it is to paint the lines didn't do a complete job.  There should be 2 lanes making the left onto Red Run, but some folks got confused and decided to make the inner most non-lane a lane and that created some issue.  So the BIG truck was in the wrong but the little Fiesta (any car that's a lil ass hatchback is a Fiesta to me) got mad and they were fussing back and forth through the window.  Dude in the Fiesta told the Truck guy to PULL OVER SO I CAN KICK YOUR ASS!!!  Well truck dude was all mouth cause he just kept driving and keeping pace with the Fiesta dude and I couldn't get around.  Alls I wanna so is get home at this point but these 2 idiots are trying to see who is bigger CLEARLY the Fiesta dude cause he was ready for a fight whereas truck dude made a left into Foxridge and then Fiesta dude drove away. It was funny because nothing really happened.  I usually just fuss in my car at whatever dumb shit the person in front of me or beside me is doing, but I'm not sure what I would actually do if I was challenged.  That's like George following the guy all the way to whatever far off borough because he though the guy gave him the middle finger when in actuality he had a cast on his arm and the middle finger was placed in an up position.  Goerge was SO MAD but then he felt silly after the fact.  Road rage can be dangerous so I think I will stick to fussing at people from the car.  OHy ou gon get called a few choice words and that makes me feel better about my life!!

making your way in the world today takes everything you got...

I love when I go places and the people remember me.  I mean not like Norm, but you know they recognize me.  I went to Double T last Sunday and I usually sit at the counter because it’s just faster and I’m usually by myself.  The woman who is WELL over retirement age has the counter and she holds it down!  It may seem like she doesn’t know what’s up but she does.  So I get my waffle and turkey sausage which I am not totally convinced was turkey, but I ate it anyway, but I didn’t get sick like I have been getting when I eat pork so maybe it was.  When I finished I said whew that hit the spot, she comes from the kitchen and says ‘Did that hit the spot?  You get those all the time, right?  Yeah you do!!’  I was like is this woman reading my mind?!?!? She is such a sweetheart I always wonder why she is still waitressing, but then again sometimes it’s good to just keep moving.  And then there are the times I go places many many times and the people always act like it’s the first time they have ever seen me in their life LOL

I went to Puerto Rico last week with my BFF and we had a GREAT... I mean EXCELLENT time!!! We both did a whole lot of nothing!  One of the goals was to do zip lining and hike of the rain forest but the furthest we got from the resort was an Old San Juan tour which was really nice to see some of the town and history.  Mostly though it was laying in the cabana by the adult only pool and slurping down mojitos when one of us would be inclined to go get drinks!! Sometimes what you need is to do nothing, think about nothing, and focus on nothing!  I didn’t even get past the 1^st chapter on the book I downloaded.  I only downloaded 2.  I brought 2 magazines and didn’t even crack those open either.  It was great!

I attended a 7 week (week ok so I missed 2 sessions) Alzheimer seminar for caretakers. My mom has MS which led to her moderate, but now probably a little more than that, dementia. Alzheimer is under the umbrella of dementia so everything that they talked about really did apply.  One of the facilitators kept saying it's ok to just let the medical people do what they need to do and for you to just be the daughter.  And as hard as I try to make sure everything is in it's right place and following up on just everything which is so damn exhausting I decided tonight that I would just be the daughter.  So she drank grape pop (yes I said pop) and ate peanuts (well to be fair most of them landed on her chest) and she slept which she ALWAYS enjoys doing!!  

I had another epiphany earlier this week.  When things don't work out with whatever relationship I try to have I always put the blame on myself like what did I do wrong. But the bottom line is I did NOTHING wrong and i will find someone much better!  Then I started smiling and enjoying the rest of my day.  (so what I really said was FUCK him!!! and that made me feel better too LOL).  I haven't stopped not for one second... wait I'm lying there was that 1 Saturday that I waited all day for a call that didn't come... but aside from that I do what I want to do! I go out to eat, I go to movies.  If someone I want to see is in concert I go.  I have never been one to be up under a man I mean you know what I mean LOL I put myself on a ridiculous timeline and so I'm taking myself off.  Things will happen when they happen with the right man at the right time. 

Every single ant in downtown Woodlawn found it's way to my sink for the little ass piece of watermelon I left completely by accident in there. I have been wiping down and spraying Home Defense since MAY but they still be finding the spot I didn't spray and march their lil asses in my house!!                                                                                            

and lastly... cooking is an expression of love.  My grandmothers who were severely old school when I was growing up made sure you had something to eat and on a good day mighta had a pepsi or red koolaid in the frig.  I miss them so much and I am so blessed to have had them both (and my grandfathers too).  I was going somewhere with that but nope I'll leave it at that!!

you can be mean when you look this clean!!

It is no secret that I liked the movie Magic Mike.  NOT because it was any great cinematic event, but more because Channing Tatum and that dude from CSI Miami…. Adam Rodriguez because they had their clothes off and that made me HAPPY!! So with all of that said I should have enjoyed Chocolate City much more than I did because again, not a great cinematic event but nekkid chocolate bodies!!  SO yes right?!?!  Ehhh.. not so much and here’s why.  ***Spoiler Alerts*** So like if you haven’t seen it run to your on-demand and go watch you that movie because it still made me happy and it may make you happy too!!  So here are my thoughts on the movie.  FIRST off I should have really enjoyed more nekkid Robert Ri’Chard, but he was a child star (One on One), and was cute but goofy who has grown up and looks GOOD.  And then they casted DeRay as his brother cause they had the whole light skinded brothas with light eyes thing going on, with Vivica Fox as their mother with THEE WORST curly wig on in the history of wigs.  The premise of the movie was a struggling college student who gets approached (in the bathroom) by a man who does male stripping at some random club in Atlanta.  You can guess the main points of the movie but let’s delve further into the cast.  All of the strippers were over 40, except Robert who was 30, now this should be my age range but for some reason they all just looked old to me.  AND I know Matthew McConneheay (sp) is well over 40 but he was too skinny for me in Magic Mike and wasn’t really a stripper.  But anyways…  Lem from Soul Food err Darrin Dewitt has this crazy hairdo and after one time dancing they moved Robert to his spot.. Plot holes my friend, PLOT HOLES.  You mean to tell me the newbie can dance better than the choreographer… NAH he can’t! Tyson freakin Beckford!!! **smh** He cannot act!!  Not now, not as a as a cameo person, not ever!!  In addition to him not being able to act, HE CANT DANCE!!! So he wiggled around to some reggae music and it was bad.  AND THEN we have some real strippers, and maybe this is what made me smile the most!! Bolo the Entertainer who is a real stripper who oozed the secks appeals and yes I did like seeing the crack of his bootay!! Ummm.. whew maybe that is the highlight LOL  Other people in the movie Imani (the little girl from Everybody Hates Chris) was Roberts girlfriend.  And Carmen Electra was the DJ **loud sigh**.  Another BIG ASS PLOT HOLE…. So Robert has a bike and then after working a few times alla sudden he got a Mercedes!?!!?  REALLY?  OH and he gets beat up by Tyson’s boys and then heals in like 3 days.  Then they kept trying to compare themselves to Magic Mike.  Yeah so not a great movie but it may just make you smile and that is what entertainment should be about, right?

I am currently obsessed with 2 songs Classic Man by Jidenna and Alight by Kendrick Lamar.  Both have such heavy usage of the N word and F bombs drop like crazy, but like I heard the radio version and I was like they missed a word!! So let’s get into it.  Classic Man!! Jidenna is part of the Janelle Monae camp, Wondaland and actually I just watched The Q.U.E.E.N. video and Jidenna was in it so even though it feels like he came out of nowhere he kinda has been around.  Jidenna is very interesting to look at; he is light with red hair AND a red beard and wears tailored suits.  I like a man in a suit, I just do! And I hope this is ushering a new era to hip hop were men are really concerned with looking well. I am ready for the pants below the butt and just big baggy everything and looking scruffy to be over. So we’ll see, but I do like the song and I feel like I need to hear it right now.  I watched a video with him and Janelle Monae.  He is Nigerian and his mother is Scottish (not just regualr white LOL) so that answers the red hair question. The next song is Alright.  Now the first time I heard it was at the end of Ballers which is a new series on HBO featuring one The Rock *fine ass* (oh he could get it!) Dewayne Johnson. Actually that show had another song in it and I had to rewind it which was the song Eve (or whomever the producer was) sampled for Tambourine.  Yes I have a good ear and YES this is random! So Alright came on and I was in LOVE and then I didn’t know it was Kendrick Lamar and I don’t really like rap but maybe I need to qualify that, I don’t like bad rap.  Rap where I don’t understand what they are saying or crazy innuendo’s that reference sex acts that I have to go to urban dictionary to look up or drugs.  And maybe it was just the hook that had me HOOKED!!! We gon be alright Can you hear can you FEEL ME??!  We gon be alright!  Yes Kendrick I can hear and feel you WE ARE gon be alright!! So then this week I looked for the video and it’s not just some regular ass video THIS is a cinematic experience!!  And then I’m mad cause I feel bambozzled by Fios I don’t have VH1 Soul NOR MTV Jams so I have to get my videos online which is actually ALRIGHT!!  See what I did there?!?! The song has some religious connotations even though you might miss it amongst the fucks.  Like DMX he was and I'm sure still is trying to get his life right and it's like a prayer.  Sometimes these rap songs are bigger than what is at face value.  And then sometimes all they are about is booty and bling (i had another blog about that LOL).  And then from here I went to another video from Flying Lotus that is hella disturbing but it's good and i just watched it again even though it makes me full on misty.

Why do the women who are small in frame make the most noise as they clomp past my desk?!?!  I know we can't all walk like Naomi Campbell, but let's try!!  

This past weekend we went to see my niece sing at the Big Tree festival in the middle of Juniata County PA  She did a wonderful job!!  OF COURSE she takes after her aunt LMAO... not really but she did do a great job!!  I was surprised that I didn't see any confederate flags since there were only about 5-6 black folks there. Her mother is just regular white (LOL).  

My hair must have been on fleek, as the kids say, last week because I got so many compliments!  I have been doing twist out on Sundays and then pull them out Monday and I have the good disco hair.  Alls I've been using is either WEN or Shea Moisture shampoo and conditioner and then the shea moisture cream and eco green olive oil gel to twist.  It's getting long and it's been shedding like crazy but it's all good.  I am about to get it braided for my good vacay... Puerto Rico HOOOOOOOOOO... and i can't be doing it in tropical weather.  I just refuse!!  

so which one are you? BECAUSE I know who I AM!!

I completely understand that Black people come from everywhere but it totally threw me off when a co-worker who sits not too far from me spoke to me in the parking garage and I was like (well in my head to not her) You sure do talk funny!!! What I actually said was YOU HAVE AN ACCENT!!! Where are you from? She is from England and she is very soft spoken. I honestly hadn’t said more than hello to her in almost a year. I guess in contrast to the woman who sits behind her who is SOO LOUD for no good reason most of the time and who talks incessantly and who chimes in to any conversation within her ear shot. So Miss England Lady is just pleasant and posh BUT who can throw a shady look real fast!! I almost howled out loud one day from one of her looks.

I was just talking to someone about how funny I am about my food. I really don’t like when people stand too close, look at it, OR breathe on it. So I am almost sent right over the edge when I go to Panera. The basic set up at Panera is the same; you order, get your number and then go stand by the wall near the food and wait for it. Just recently I went to the one on RT 40. In addition to my food I ordered a mocha something or another that was a cold drink. Well the little boy took forever to make it and that meant my place on the wall was compromised because even though I was ahead of some people I walked up after them waiting on the little boy who as I think about it might have had some challenges, but hey, we all have to work and he got my order right; but he did feel the need to show me his hair which I really didn’t need to see… but look at me digressing LOL Anyway, we were all doing well UP UNTIL the little girl needed to stand right at the counter and ask questions. No ma’am sir!! All your questions needed to be directed to the cashier who is NOT handling my food so please just stand over here near me on this wall. At the Panera in Pikesville during lunch time they usually have an expediter meaning a person who stands there and makes sure the order is correct. This is great there because the little old people like to stand RIGHT THERE and breathe all over everybody’s stuff. I always want to elbow them in the side and be like JUST MOVE!! But I can’t be hurting the geriatrics. So I try to hit that one either early or late but not during the rush.

I’m putting this is in at the request of one of my crazy friends. There is a shuttle that goes around to all 6 buildings because I work on a campus. When we stepped out of building 6 and the shuttle was right there so naturally I said LET’S GET ON! Now mind you we both work in building 5 so it was literally less than a block BUT to my defense it’s up hill and we had food or wait I was the only one with food AND that is what the drivers gets paid to do, shuttle folks! He don’t care if it’s from building 1 to 4 or in my case 6 to 5. My friend who shall remain nameless, cause you know, I try to protect the innocent was SO OUTDONE!! She tried to act real embarrassed LOL but she hopped her happy ass on the shuttle with me!!!

My mom is a total flirt! There was this one time (at band camp) this was many years ago in Downtown Woodlawn. We went to the Chinese restaurant and she missed the step coming out of the restaurant and went tumbling down. This is before the BIG fall (that would be the whole right shoulder replacement) so it was funny! Like DAMN lady how did you get down there? My sister and I and I think my nephew too tried to help her up but then this burly man came up and she shooed us away so that she could be his damsel in distress. She had this big cheesy grin on her face like THANK YOU KIND SIR!!! So fast forward to this past Saturday, she is in the wheelchair at the rehab facility and she is explaining to me that the trees needed to be pruned. I disagreed with her and she didn’t like my answer. So a guy, one of the regular visitor (turns out both his parents are there) came by and she asks him if he thought the trees needed pruning and he said yes and that they are way overdue. He walks away and she gets this look on her face and then she say in just above a whisper come on back here!! I said WHAT DO YOU NEED FROM HIM?!?!  And she says is a fake seductive voice I just wanna talk to HIM!!! SO I'm sitting there BOTH of us are laughing cause like do you really think you got some game lady??!? O mean she act like she still got IT and far be it for me to say she don't LOL

I really need to know if this is just me.  SO today i decide that even though it is a rainy gloomy and just all around horrible day, that it is a good day for a pedicure. So I go to a place that a girlfriend of mine goes.  I go in, pick my color and wait for the little girl to say come on back.  We pass a little pod of 6 chairs.  I am facing the woman who looks like droopy the dog with her wig on that I'm sure she bought last year and her glasses all the way at the tip of her nose, then there was another woman who I couldn't see getting her feets worked on.  We go to the next pod where there was a man working on a woman's feet, a woman working on a man's feet and another random man sitting in one of the chairs.  I told the little girl can we go back to the other one with no men?!?   Now I think I have said this before but I'll go ahead and say it again... Men absolutely should get pedis, manis, facials and whatever other metrosexual thing they think they need to keep themselves together BUT it does not need to be at the same time as when I need to get those same services. It just throws me all the way off and if I have the choice then no I want to sit with the other women please!

so I...

So I’ve had a few... well no A LOT of really random things happen to me the last few weeks. And in no particular order here we go. I bought some brick pavers to line my flower bed in my front yard. I got them at the Lowes about a month ago and have been riding around with them in the back seat of the hooptie. FINALLY I had a nice day right after a good rain where the ground was moist and I could dig a little and put them in the ground. I really do love the dirt! I got into a nice groove and then sat on the ground had my little gloves on and was just doing my thing. My ‘tree’ neighbor is coming out of the house getting ready to go to church, it’s a Sunday I should mention, and even though I have not gotten myself ready for church, me and LBJ are communing through the earth. Anyway she is fussing coming down the steps talking about her HA-TERS. I’m sitting there minding my own and she gets in the car but think WTF. Well the person picking her up drives up and rolled down the wind so Miss Tree lady can speak to me she say ‘OH hi good morning!’ in a real fake ass sing songy voice. I say Good morning and then she says ‘Praise the Lord!’ and then they drive away. MY face was like WHAT IN ALL THE ENTIRE HELL IS GOING ON!?!? I mean I guess she is trying to be nice or act nice or whatever, but I just was like really lady?!? OK. So I chuckle for a minute and continue in my yard. I finished laying the pavers and I am good and dirty, finger nails needing a good scrub, well my whole EVERYTHING needs a good scrub and I am sitting on my porch doing more communing. There is a church on the corner and people frequently park in front of my house. I am parked on my drive pad because I had to get the paver bricks where they needed to go. So a man pulls up in a little Metro/Aveo/Bug kinda car. He pulls up opens his door, decides he is good and parks right in the center. He hops out the car and I say EXCUSE ME SIR!! He acknowledges me. I say ‘Can you pull up a little so that other cars can park behind you?’ THEN I notice his hearing aide so I’m like well damn did he even hear me?!?! He looks at me, then he looks at his car, and then back at me and this FOOL, the man ON HIS WAY TO CHURCH, says back up to me ‘NO I really don’t have to, this is a public road!’ SO I SAY, cause I’m freaking flabbergasted, ‘You know what you sure don’t!! Have a nice time at church sir!!’ He jumps in his little ass clown car and drives off in a huff. I was like WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE?!?!? I am not tryna bother nobody. I just sat there for a while and then took my dirty butt in the house.

Then today at the Rite Aid picking up some odds and ends. So I'm at the pharmacy counter and a little boy (20 something) is talking to the pharmacist.  Now you know i was tryna see what his issue was but not really because i was in my own little world. So then I see his Raven's ta on his neck. Now don't get me wrong, I really don't have a problem with tats.  I mean some times it can be a bit much but you know sometimes I'm just like do you boo boo.  So the Indian lady cashier who I see a lot there is saying how she likes my dress even though it's brown, because she doesn't always like brown but that it looks good on me and then I try not to get distracted by the woman with the cart with her bonnet on and I KNOW her hair is jacked up under there.  I collect my things and then see the other side of the little boy.  This mofo has an ORIOLE on the other side of his neck.  Now this is devotion my friends!! I linger cause I need to see ALL of his tats and then he blinks.. HE GOT TATS ON HIS EYELIDS!!! I just so unable to can right now and I have to walk away which is what I do!!

not a peace sign but a fascination with scissors...

Am I the only one who remembers Weezie on the Jefferson’s who didn’t work but was always going to The Help Center?  Her and Helen were going there like they were doing something major.  That just hit my crazy random head cause my team is just about to drive me crazy and I am ready to see how it would be a lady who lunches.  I was talking about all the women who had their small kids near my job in VA.  It was in a pretty expensive area so the fact that they were chilling with the kids and other women meant the husbands had some heavy duty jobs.  So I guess I need to find a husband with not just a good job but a GREAT job!!  I honestly don’t know if I am cut out for that life but I sure would like to try.  AND have a full-time housekeeper because even though I’m not working I would be too busy to clean the house.  And if we throw a kid in there then I need a nanny too!! and for shits and giggles I might as well get a landscaper and pool boy because surely I would have need for all of that too.  Yep that would be a great life.  It’s not that I don’t like working but many a day I feel like I am not living up to my full potential and not doing what I am really called to do. 

I just got my contacts well the trial version and I have to get back into the swing of wearing them, it feels so dry.  I’ve already used the expensive drops but I don’t want to have to use it every hour on the hour.  I’m only getting them so you can see my eye make-up LOL (sad but true)!

The best line in all of the TV show ‘Sex in the City’ was ‘he’s just not that into you’ WHY do we as women try to explain everything the guy we are desperately trying to be with as a rational whatever when in all actuality it most likely is HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!!!  So Carrie was dating Berger, who ended up breaking up with her using a post-it, Miranda was trying to figure a guy she was dating out and Berger was like he’s just not that into you and a light bulb went off in her like YEAH that totally is it!  So the unreturned calls and texts and the lack of interest or he is busy because of whatever, he’s just not that into you.  Easier said than done though cause I can come up with a whole story with supporting characters for why men act the way they do.

I am listening to an old house mix from like 2008.  I used to couldn’t get through my day without several mixes, now I have gotten so picky.  Well one thing is I don’t like a lot of talking through songs.  Just play the music and list the songs but then don’t feel like you have to add extra stuff to a song I already like.  One dj from the station I used to listen to non-stop handzonradio.fm (a lil pluggeration) not only talked but YELLED through most of his show and I just could not handle that.  I won’t call him out but if you have listened to that station recently, you probably already know!

I’m feeling some kinda way. 

So my neighbor left several notes for me to pay half for a tree that was in her yard and then fell in HER yard.  I don’t know why I feel bad for her, but it’s almost like if you are that big of an idiot that you think I’m paying for something that doesn’t affect me then you should be felt sorry for.  The nerve of her!!!  And I know if the tree fell on my side she would not have even entertained a call from me.  But I also would not have tried to get money from her, I would have just taken care of it. 

My oldest nephew got married this past weekend so now I have a new niece!  It was really nice, but with any event I always think what I may have done differently.  But hey they had an open bar and a photo booth, what more do you need?!?!

really random 5/14

I am glad the one woman who I couldn’t decide if she just had a big belly OR if she was pregnant had some balloons by her desk that said ‘It’s a girl’!  I sat at my desk like WHEW!! She is carrying very low and I just could not tell. 

You ever eat someone else’s food and just know what they coulda done to make it better?  That’s me right now.  SO my team brings in breakfast every Friday.  Last Friday someone brought in bagels and I was MAD!!  Mainly because I was SO hungry and I didn’t want a damn bagel.  I came to my desk and got my wallet and went to get some real food.  So this week someone brought in 2 casseroles.  1 was really good the other eh… not so much but all it needed was just a little salt and pepper and something else… like maybe an onion or GARLIC!! Yes it needed garlic!!

Why when the window washers are doing their job I am so mesmerized?   Thank you for making the windows clean!! They are inside today and someone is doing the top and the one who does the bottom. 

Last Sunday I decided I was gonna to be a farmer.  I started with only getting 10 pavers for my front to 16 (because it fit nicely in the basket) to 20.  So now I need 10 more to complete the front.  I will probably need about 50 for the back and I have already decided I’m not doing it.  My back was not happy with me at all and since I am over 40, I need to heed it’s warnings.

A few years back I met a guy online, decided I didn’t like him REAL FAST, met him in person not knowing he was the same guy and then realized it was the same douchey guy and stopped talking to him again and then saw him again at the same supermarket and he attempted to get my number which he already had but he’s not too bright.  So the other day I see him AGAIN at the SAME supermarket, that would be the Weis on Security, saw him walk in and I immediately wanted to turn around and go somewhere else which is what I really should have done.  SO I get in the store grab a cart, he is already flirting with a single mom who may not have been single but she did have a kid and his charm was turnt up. I am on instant alert!!  **SIGH** this is no way to be.  I’m flying through the store!!  I intended to shop because I really didn’t have much food in the house but what I really needed was milk and bananas.  I grabbed the bananas; see that onions are on sale grab those.  Walk through the meat section and I just felt like I was being watched.  I get to the milk grab it attempt to see if yogurt was on sale but I couldn’t focus.  If he was the killer and/or zombie I would be doing a good job of keeping away at this point.  I go to the self-check-out line.  I NEVER NEVER go to the self-check-out line, because that is why the cashier gets paid and I need for people to have all of the jobs! But I have literally 4 items so I scan real quick do a quick look around; have a little issue with my onions so little girl had to come help me.  He is not in sight and I SCRAM!!!  I got out of that store too fast.  I get to my car and this fool comes sashaying behind me.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW!?!?!?  I have avoided him the WHOLE time and he follows me to my car?  DAMN this is where I would die if he was the killer zombie!! He says HEY SWEETIE like we are old friends and he doesn’t remember me I’m sure of it.  I say hey, hop in the car watching as he goes to his car with NO FOOD and make sure he is not behind me as I get my ass home.  All that is to say I will no longer be patronizing the Weis on Security.  This is HIS spot and he can have it!! His this is to scope out the women at the supermarket which I guess might work, well it did for me before I remembered who he was.  It is kinda flattering but I’m good.  Since I know that’s his game he can have the whole store and the only reason I’m not giving up that side of Woodlawn is cause the good Indian threading place, 2 hair places and most importantly one of my favorite likka stows are in that area… oh and the Popeye’s and everybody loves chicken!!   The prices are not that great.  I can give up the store.  My story is funny and I really am making light, but what if he really were stalking me?  Some women really do live in fear. I didn’t mean to go dark with this but what I know for sure is I’ll be going to the Giant!!

Today is a Spanx day but it is about to not be.  I am all for foundation but I already know it is going to be a struggle in the ladies room and I don’t feel like the fight.  I made it til almost 2!!

I had wrote something else but then I just hit ‘don’t save’ and I totally can’t remember what I wrote. 

 And then this past Monday...

My mom who I'm convinced like to fall (not really she has MS and dementia so I know she doesn't mean to but it has happened more often that I would like) is currently at a rehab facility on the mend.  She had an appoint at the orthopedist at 11.  They told me to be there by 10 to ride th van with her.  I get there at about 9:30 she is eating pancakes and sausage which is a good thing because I have convinced myself she will starve if I'm not sitting there watching her eat.  The thing is she has gotten very picky in her old age and if she doesn't like it, she just aint gonna eat it!  I get her aid to get her ready and I go sit in the lounge are.  A frantic older black man comes looking for 232.  I'm sure I either said SHE or MY MOTHER will be ready in a little bit and we will come out front.  This is important to note.  About 10 minutes later  she comes out... or rather is wheeled out so fresh and so clean!!  We go to the  front and the front desk person is looking like oh what's going on?  This puts me on edge because even though I know there are many moving parts to this establishment, there should be a log or something that says who's who and where they need to be and who has an appointment.  So she tells me to look outside for the van.  No van.  it's about 10:25 we still have time.  An ambulance pulls up and this dude is so busy on his phone he can hardly get his lift down.  He comes in looking for MR. somebody.  Still no van for me and my mom.  So I start to hear whispers Oh I think Julius took the wrong patient.  Excuse me WHAT?!?!?  So then the panic starts to set in and people are scrambling but not really doing much.  I go back to the schedulers desk and she is frantic as well trying to call a Julius who is not picking up his phone.  He finally does and she is yelling at him to COME BACK because you took the wrong person!!! If you could have seen my face AND taken my blood pressure they would have had to admit me somewhere because my blood was boiling!!  So he FINALLY is on his way back.  Scheduler lady is apologizing and I'm mad but now we are late so even if we go to the appointment, can the doctor see her?  She calls the place and they have to email the doctor which sounds asinine to me but every office is different.  They say come on out, and Julius comes through the door.  Let me say I don't curse at people because that doesn't solve anything.  What I did tell Mr. Julius is that you have inconvenienced  my whole day. THIS mufucca says 'OH well when the patient was waiting HE said his daughter was going to meet him at the doctor's office.'  I said WHAT?!?!  SO YOU DIDN'T EVEN LOOK AT YOUR PAPER TO SEE WHO YOU WERE TAKING?  You just passed me in the hall and I'm pretty sure I said MY MOTHER.  SO you took a MAN who wasn't even supposed to be going with you instead of my mother?!?! My mom is in her sleepy mode so she is pretty clueless about what is going on.  So he begins to apologize.  it is now 11 and I am getting even more pissed.  We get on the van and he continues to apologize, and at this point there is nothing I can do but be mad.  I can and will accept his apology but this fool says In the name of JESUS I'm sorry!!  Dude, don't go bringing in Jesus into your mess.  ALL you had to do was look at your paper.  So he is trying to engage in conversation, but I really don't feel like being nice to you right now so shut it on up!! Long story made even longer, we get to the place, they change her apt to 1:15 so we waited.  Go into the room at about 1:05 and the doctor came in 2:30.  NOT one person had any concern for my time and that took me to a level of total pisstivity!! We were finished at 3 and then JULIUS had to go to Glen Burnie so we didn't even get back until almost 5:30.  My entire day was SHOT! So here are the good things:   My mom got to be outside.  It was a beautiful day so she hiked up her dress and let the sun hit her everywhere.  The location of the doctor's office was near a little man made lake, so we both got to see orioles up close which I never had.  They are a beautiful bird, all black with the orange feathers.  When I went to Subway to use the ladies room a group of Jewish teens were coming in.  The last little guy stopped what he was doing to make sure he held the door for me.  Almost like Jesus and the leepers where you know, only 1 said thank you after he had healed them.  I said to him that he was so very sweet.  That small act of kindness had me all teary eyed!  And then the final blow to my already delicate disposition is when I came back my mother was like are you ok?  I said no that my day was shot, but she said oh well I have had a wonderful day spending it with you!  So yeah even though I was mad at this 1 man and then the rest of the world for making my day so horrible, it meant everything to my mother to just be with me.  That made it all worthwhile!

 

What's funny to me is when I post things that are randomly on my mind people must think I'm a crazy chick.  Trust me when I say I don't post 1/2 the shit I really be thinking!!