General rants and raves May edition

This is how I've been feeling and what I've been thinking lately!

·         It’s raining already WHY are you testing the sprinkler system today AND it is spraying toward me.  I just want some lunch, not to get all wet from the sprinkler

·         I ordered potatoes, bacon, wheat toast and eggs.  WHY is it taking this much effort to get my order out and WHY do I need to plates?  I shoulda just ordered the bagel and told the little lady light on the cream cheese.

·       Patent leather spectators with blue snake print? Tight khaki’s and an army green jacket?!?!  NO SIR!!! GO back home and try again!!

·         Pantyhose are STILL for suckas!! I bought 5 pairs and I am already over wearing them for the season.  AND why is white or ivory so hard to find!?!?

·         Black chicks who look mad at the world, COME on sista it’s not that bad -vs- perky white chicks who I can NOT handle some days… I’m not sure which is better or worse

·         I thank Little Baby Jesus for the color purple, and pink, and yellow… and everything!! (not tryna piss Him off LOL)

·         So the line is snaking back to the deli of course I’m next but you now decide to open a new line?!? My life at ALL grocery stores on any given day

·         OH and at same store… dude I know you are the Frito Lay stocker I see your shirt.  WHY do you stop to help when you don’t know where the damn raisins are?  Did the girls mesmerize you?!?

·         The raisins the roommate has to have to eat her oatmeal.  The same woman who dipped into my Cinnamon Toast Crunch the other day who SWEARS she don’t like cold cereal and whose mother would put the milk in the back of the frig knowing it would freeze so she could heat it up and give her baby’s baby warm milk on cereal because she can’t understand why anyone would eat cold cereal in the first place and so now I don’t have to cause the milk was warm and then the cousins would laugh because they drank OTHER milk but I got warm milk on my damn honey nut cheerios that we all had to beg her to buy because really she wanted us to eat corn flakes everyday if it had to be cold even though she REALLY wanted us to eat oatmeal or cream of wheat cause that was hot cereal… and did I just go straight off on my dearly departed grandmother who I would give anything now to eat her hot cereal and biscuits?  Who after we ate all the cold cereal would load us in the big ass red LTD and proceed to make a U turn on Bennett Street!! AND traffic would stop and wait!! Back when you weren’t afraid to go to or say you were from Homewood

·         Whew… that one took a lot outta me!!

·         So when I say I’m hungry NOW it’s about to get ugly!  I don’t mean for it to and I have tried to remedy the situation early enough so that it wouldn’t get to this point.  But I know I have scared a few friends when I’m like NO… NOW!!!   I try to keep little snacks around because that is not the chick I want to let people see

·         I have to chuckle at myself for some of the things I say and do.  I totally crashed the Honey-Do reception at my sorority conference because I did not realize it was for them. I should have gotten a clue when I saw ALL of the men.  But no, I proceeded to go to the bar which I thought was open and THEN got not 1 but 2 cupcakes from the back table.  Hey in my defense no one was checking nothing at the door!!

·         Then there is me saying ‘No go ahead and finish what you saying so I can tell you you’re wrong!!’  She knows who she is and it needed to be said!!

·         Sometimes I want to do a random twirl.  I think it would freak people out!! SO I really shoudl do it!!

·         One of the funniest things at the conference was one golden explaining to another golden why they used the song ‘Happy’ in one of the reports at a plenary session.  AND THEN my girl broke out into singing it in an operatic voice no less on the little shuttle bus.  It was all I could do to not laugh. 

·         And speaking of the little shuttle bus that could, what you won’t do… even though you DID, is go into the CVS while we still on the bus and get snacks and cigs AND THEN after you come back ask if we wanted anything **blank stare**

·         I like that statement WHAT YOU WON’T DO!!!  Even though I stole it from Russ Par or at least he has (or had) a segment on his radio show ‘What you won’t do’

·         Does anyone buy porn anymore?  I mean I don’t… which is not to imply I ever did but I mean doesn’t everyone just look at it for free anyway?!?  I mean you know… if that’s your thing; which AGAIN not to imply that it’s MY thing!

·         AKWARD O_o

·         The dude is sitting right there is front of you what you won’t do it talk in your outside voice!!  He’s grey but I’m pretty sure he can hear AND we can too!!

·         I’m listening to a Frankie Knuckles (RIP) DJ set!  My life is good right now

·         Am I working?!?  Oh glad you asked… NO!!  Why?? Because the parameters of this assignment change a few times a day and they only bother to let me know changes every other day.  The email I just got basically said ALL the shit I did yesterday was for nothing!  So they can all go jump off the nearest cliff, get scurvy, and die!!

·         Why scurvy?!? 

·         To my SEMI-retired coworker… yeah I get it you are taking the summer off but I need my job!! So lemme lone right now chick!! LOL

·         My breakfast is running right through me. An overshare??  Perhaps!! But I didn’t go into the dirty details!!

·         I’m going to stop not liking people who don’t even know I exist.  Also I’m going to stop speaking to them because they don’t even know… THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW!!

·         I’m also going to stop pretending to flirt from afar.  In general boys are dumb and if I have to explain that what I just said was a compliment and/or that I was flirting then CLEARLY I ‘m doing it wrong

·         Don’t let the 2003 Corolla fool you!  She can and will pass your big ass truck AND I’ma look over when I get the chance to smirk at you!! It’s a stick shift, I DRIVE not guide the car!!

·         In what world does Craig Robinson get Kerry Washington?!? Yeah NO WORLD!!!  I’m watching Peeples right now.  He made a comment on The Office that he hooked up with an ugly chick.  I know that it was in the script, but I looked at him like REALLY?!?!  You judging someone’s looks?

·         I am feeling some kinda way about WAY to much today and I probably should start work soon…