first of all DO NOT ask my why I'm putting on lipstick unless you are my man and you are so far from being that! I wear make-up because that's what I want to do, so it is for myself. B stop being such a busy body and looking at shit on my desk! Now granted I am covering for someone so it is technically not my desk, but this is MY space for the next few days, stop barging into like you own it. And III get a haircut cause you need a line up!! You look like a wet dog!! Lastly as a matter of fact I am going to eat all of the fruits and vegetable on my desk so you asking for 1 of 4 tangerines means I need to eat 1 more when I get home. These things at rationed my man!!
Wow it has been a day! So I am recepting!! I'm not even sure if that is a real word. SO the woman and man come up and say they have a 2 o'clock. OK with whom? Both on the rude side and then I'm like well what's your name, and instead of giving me their names their mama gave them, they gave the name of the company. But that's not what I asked you so I'm a little pissed plus she is sweating bullets and so is he and his shirt needs to be ironed and I notice every wrong thing about them because they have BOTH rubbed me the wrong way. She needs some WEN and OMG I just saw his short ass skinny brown tie. WHY did you even bother sir? Men have it so easy. Alls you have to do is throw on a shirt and some dockers, match just a little bit and you good. How do they get it so drastically wrong I have no idea!!
I totally just ate a bag of Utz that were in the drawer to NOT my desk LOL But I was hungry... well no I was being greedy, and she probably forgot they were there and even if she didn't, my last day is Thursday!! If they call me back here I'll buy her a bag (maybe).
So the woman came in this morning, very nice and we are just chatting away. I tell her she has lipstick on her teeth and hand her the box of tissue. She cleans her teeth, balls up the tissue and proceeds to hand it to my naked hand. UHH... No I don't want that which is what I said and held up the trash can for her. WHO DOES THAT!?!? It was such a 'I really know you' kinda move! Ma'am I have already forgotten your name please don't try me right now!!
Which brings me to the little girl who came in bright and early. So she mumble the parent name of the company and I say YES you are here, are you here for a meeting? She mumbles the secondary name of the company. Are you here for training? She says and looks hella confused. Ma'am I can not read your mind WTF do you want? Which is what I wanted to say but instead I say well do you know the name of the person you are here to meet? She say oh well I guess I could call them. HOW in the world do people get jobs without a basic understanding of how to speak to others? I then say WHAT is your name because obviously my other questions were too difficult. She then gets on the phone. Someone else walks in says, hello I'm in training today and I need to go to the training room. I look on the calendar and say OH you are on the 1st floor and she says yup I know how to get there. Lil girl is on the phone with whoever the hell and says the same name of the training New girl who knows her shit. I say ok you are both on the 1st floor, new girl take lil girl with you. AND THEN lil girl says oh NOW she know where I need to go to the person on the phone! Without missing even 1/2 a beat I say 5 seconds ago YOU didn't even know where you needed to be!! Don't try me!! NOT TODAY!! Not when you have NOOOOOOOO information and came at me totally ill prepared, looking stupid and not having a clue to how to help yourself! I just don't understand people who just don't have basic BASIC people skills. Say hello, thank you, it's a lovely day WHATEVER! And then on the phone KNOW what you want to ask before you call! I had a woman last week who called at 4:59 and I know I should have just let it go, but NO I answered and this chick took me through the ringer!! She starts telling me a story I say ok well which property because I have to transfer you, she proceeds to start over but it seems like it is another story. MA'AM WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION? She starts YET another story! At this point I know if I hang up it will be ok, RUDE but ok, but I am really trying to help her. I'm not sure what else she said but I finally transferred her. Today a real little girl called and the mother or adult in the background is like I should have kept it on speaker phone, SAY HELLO!! dammit just give me the phone!! So why did you allow a baby to call a business office where people are doing BUSINESS (well you know not me) and play on their phone?!?!?
I truly seem to exist in an alternate existence from everyone else. I mean sometimes I have to laugh to myself because I'm like WHY AM I THE ONLIEST ONE WHO REALIZES STUFF? I guess I am chuckling right now.
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
Thursday, April 6, 2017
chasing goosebumps and other random spotify titles...
I am in straight hustle mode tight now. I have told a few people this but it is clear since I am bartending, temping, selling jewelry and whatever else I need to do to pay the mortgage, THE CAR, and eat. HA so I bought a car!!! This was something that shocked the hell out of me but it kinda just happened. SO what had happened is... I had been seeing an ad about no money down for AutoNation and since I have NO money to be putting down that peeked my interest. A while back well it seems forever ago, back when my mom was way more mobile and driving when she totaled that dumb little Aveo she had. When she was in the market for a new car I really wanted her to get a Chevy Malibu which I always thought was cute. She ended up getting a Corolla which you KNOW I love Corolla since I seemed to never want to get rid of mine. But in the back of my head I always thought about the Malibu. I probably need to say I am so not a car person. Cars are for getting you to point A, B and maybe C and sometime D. So the thought of paying exorbitant amounts for any one car never even crossed my mind. Although I did find the paperwork for the Corolla and my payments were ridiculous only because I was trading in the Jetta from hell and I was totally upside down. So anyway I called the dealership asked if they were still doing the no money down and the guy said YES until the end of the month, but it was already 3/31 so I asked if he meant through the end of April. SO now this is when I knew I was dealing with the okie doke but I still persisted. He said well we have new promotions each month so I said OK FINE I'll maybe come in. Then I called my credit union because I was trying to be a little prepared. I actually got pre qualified which was great because that meant my credit wasn't as bad as I thought. SO I do some running around and then I take a deep breath and go into the dealership. IN ADDITION to me not being a car person, I also am NOT a dealership person. There is just a whole lot of unnecessary testosterone. And as I walk in there are 3 men siting behind the desk 2 standing and no one really ready to help me. I ask for Roger and he seems surprised that I came in. He then calls a sales consultant to help me. I'm thinking BUT I already talked to you now you passing me off? Tom comes out and looks like a deer caught in the headlights. He offers me coffee or water, I say no because I really do not intend on being here that long so nope I'm good. At 1 point he gets up and Jose come by with a forced smile and he offers coffee or water. Nope I'm good. Then Roger come by and says Tom is kinda new so are you alright? Do you need some tea or coffee OR WATER. NOPE I'm fine, he's doing fine. We take our test drive come back and then I give my keys to the 03 Corolla (aka the hooptie) for them to do a trade-in estimate. At one point I was like nah I'm good let me just come back tomorrow because I need to go look at my mother for a minute, but like my keys were GONE! The front desk were holding my keys HOSTAGE!!! I sat there like well shit, I can't leave if I wanted to! LOL Long story short, after meeting Gus (another 'manager'), Jose, who was also a manager and the deal they gave me I really couldn't say no. YES it was a full on press to get me a good deal and at one point they were like yeah you're not leaving here!! Dimitri helped Tom with the paperwork. Antwon (with the pretty eyes and big butt... I MEAN IT WAS LOL) passed me off to James the finance person. SEE all these damn men. There were only 2 women in the place. One I think was a sales person, the other I think was in finance and the other... oh wait so that makes 3 was the receptionist. And then Clyde (NO WAIT... I just got the customer survey that fools name is CLEOPHAS!!!!), the general manager came over to congratulate me on my new purchase. In all it took about 4 hours which
I think is pretty fast considering, but I was really ready to go when I left, and it took at least 1.5 hours to long. I am the proud owner of a 6 speed Chevy Cruze!! And I freaking love it!!!! It's quiet, it drives well, and it's cute. It's silver which I would have preferred another color but it was the only manual transmission on the lot. I have to work all my 50 eleven jobs to make the payments, but I know it was worth it!!
Sometimes peoples normal scent is good and a turn on (if they are men) and sometimes, it is just a bit to much! Like I wonder if they know that is the smell they have.
I am temping right now **LOUD SIGH** a pit stop for sure, but I still felt some kinda way when I had the BS interview with HR (and now he refuses to look me in the eye) and when I followed up, persistently I might add, I got absolutely no where. This is the 1st time I was asked to apply for a job and just flat out didn't get it!! I didn't even get the interview with any of the 'executives' which is really rather weird. I know I am over qualified and I KNOW my salary range is more than they want to pay BUT I'M A FREAKING TEMP!!! I need to make more money and no one seems to care BUT ME!! It feels like the folks I was dealing with have either never been without a job or who don't really need to work. It must be nice! I will be in that position hopefully one day sooner than later, but right now DAMMIT I gotta work!
People really do enjoy being busy and/or important! I don't need either. And I enlist help whenever needed. But for some (probably more than I actually know), they thrive on a false sense of importance. I guess in my 20's I learned that if I dropped dead someone would pick up where I left off and keep things moving. It's just hilarious to me to deal with people who think they are the onliest ones who can do _____________(fill in the blank). And things are NOT rocket science. The only thing that's rocket science IS ROCKET SCIENCE! After a conversation yesterday I had to ask ARE YOU SERIOUS!?? When the person said yes I had to be quiet and back off because she really did think the people she was working with AND me were idiots! I guess I have more faith in people and there ability to grasp basic concepts. Silly me maybe LOL
I think is pretty fast considering, but I was really ready to go when I left, and it took at least 1.5 hours to long. I am the proud owner of a 6 speed Chevy Cruze!! And I freaking love it!!!! It's quiet, it drives well, and it's cute. It's silver which I would have preferred another color but it was the only manual transmission on the lot. I have to work all my 50 eleven jobs to make the payments, but I know it was worth it!!
Sometimes peoples normal scent is good and a turn on (if they are men) and sometimes, it is just a bit to much! Like I wonder if they know that is the smell they have.
I am temping right now **LOUD SIGH** a pit stop for sure, but I still felt some kinda way when I had the BS interview with HR (and now he refuses to look me in the eye) and when I followed up, persistently I might add, I got absolutely no where. This is the 1st time I was asked to apply for a job and just flat out didn't get it!! I didn't even get the interview with any of the 'executives' which is really rather weird. I know I am over qualified and I KNOW my salary range is more than they want to pay BUT I'M A FREAKING TEMP!!! I need to make more money and no one seems to care BUT ME!! It feels like the folks I was dealing with have either never been without a job or who don't really need to work. It must be nice! I will be in that position hopefully one day sooner than later, but right now DAMMIT I gotta work!
People really do enjoy being busy and/or important! I don't need either. And I enlist help whenever needed. But for some (probably more than I actually know), they thrive on a false sense of importance. I guess in my 20's I learned that if I dropped dead someone would pick up where I left off and keep things moving. It's just hilarious to me to deal with people who think they are the onliest ones who can do _____________(fill in the blank). And things are NOT rocket science. The only thing that's rocket science IS ROCKET SCIENCE! After a conversation yesterday I had to ask ARE YOU SERIOUS!?? When the person said yes I had to be quiet and back off because she really did think the people she was working with AND me were idiots! I guess I have more faith in people and there ability to grasp basic concepts. Silly me maybe LOL
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
frustrated musings of a 40 something black chick
I don't think people really understand how much I truly love supplies! I mean I get orgasmic when there are ample supplies. I'm at a new desk. And there are a lot here. When as a joke a friend gave me one of those holders with a variety of post-its and a calendar. The joke was on her cause I LOVED IT!! SO when the receptionist said I could have the box of random envelopes that I did in fact need on her desk I was glowing.
I need to back up... so I started a temp job a few weeks ago. You know I stay with a job, but this last stint when I had over 6 months off which really wasn't a vacation even though a lot of folks think it was, had to end. Money was getting low and we all know I needs all of my coinage. I registered with Office Team because since I got to Baltimore, they have always been able to get me into pretty good companies quickly and this time was no different. I'm working at a place that has very few black folks at least as far as I can see. One thing that is cool is everyone has the option to have a standing desk. I am standing now! I wonder, does this burn more calories? At the other place I worked you had to request it and it took the facilities guys ½ a day of loud work to get folks set up. I wonder how big of an undertaking it was for this place? And now I sit…it’s just nice to have the option.
Today was a hell of a day to try and get into the office. Normally the snow does not bother me and I will jump out there and attack anything. BUT this shit right here was ICE and it had frozen solid. So I apologize to the mail person for not being able to shovel a nice path for you. I apologize to myself for not mustering up the gumption to do more than look out of the front door yesterday. I truly did not know it was going to be as bad as it was. I got up early this morning and got my shovel and the ice was like NAH SIS!!! So I started my car and attempted to just drive out and my tires were like... TRY AGIAN BABE!! So I went back in the house made coffee, cooked breakfast and tried to decide what my next step was gonna be. I then poured some salt around my tires and prayed to get a little sun. Checked Uber and that thing said $36 American dollars for what I know would have normally been like 10 due to high demand. Then I checked the bus schedule because I really need to have a plan B and C at this point. I then get myself changed (I had on sweats up to this point) and decide I am going to schlep to the bus stop up the street and just do that. BUT FIRST let me try the car again. OH and how about I use that garden shovel to see if I can break up some of this ice. I got some traction and my lil hooptie made it over the ice!! THANK YOU LITTLE BABY JESUS!! The roads really were not that bad even when I got into the city, well downtown. I was so busy cleaning and watching TV and taking naps that I just didn't feel like being bothered with the snow. AND WHY is it snowing so late in the season anyways? I didn't have to fight with my neighbors or the renters or even the caregivers. Everything has just been great. And then this damn nor'easter comes along and fucks it all up!!AND IT'S COLD!! It was 20 degrees when I left and the high I think is like 28 so how is it supposed to melt with it being that freaking cold?!?!? I'm not even gonna say I better have my spot because it is a given.
My Sam's club experience was less than stellar a few days ago. I ordered a few things (literally 3) online for a club pick-up waited longer than 2 days so I guess they put that shit back, so that part is MY fault but here is my issue. I came into the store asked for the club pick-up and the one who checks the receipts says with a grunt good luck with that. I'm like Well can you call someone and she does. About 10 minutes later I ask another cashier if she could check on my club pick-up. She acts like she never heard of such a concept SO I SAY... WHO IS YOUR MANAGER AND YOUR REGIONAL DIRECTOR!!! and then mumble this is some bullshit! The manager... ok, I'ma try to be nice but you know, no guarantees. It is the first thing in the morning so I'm not sure why all of your makeup has found it's way into the creases of your face. As she is walking I start fussing but my tone is not mean it's more frustrated. So she says, well can you wait until I get to you **BLANK STARE** UM ok sure... she gets to me. I say the reason I did online pick-up is because you are consistently out of the product I buy all the time. She doesn't ask my name she doesn't ask me if I'm ok, she just says, Well the person scheduled for club-pick up is not due until 9am. To which I'm like well how is that MY problem? And further more, if I have to wait until 9 AM does it state that on the website when I placed my order, which it did not. There are a few cashier milling about so I'm like can you at least check? So then she continues to be snippy WELL THAT IS WHAT I'M gonna do!! OK... Meanwhile someone said they saw Jamal or Jemarcus who knows at this point, but he is the club pick up dude so she proceeds to call him over the loud speaker thing. STILL she hasn't asked for my name or anything. At this point I'm like I got the receipt on Thursday and then she was like OH WELL THEN IT probably was put back. Jemario finally gets to the front and says the same think it was probably put back, but I was like BUT was it ever pulled? I am extremely frustrated and angry at this point and another 20 minutes have passed. I tell her it's already paid for and she says well no it's not it still has to run through the system. And I'm like you let me stand her for this long and I coulda got my items and been out of here by now. Some random man is complaining about the danishes and I'm looking at him like SIR IT's FREE!!! Why are you complaining THE SHIT IS FREE!!! I look at her and say what is the store number, what is your regional managers, name and what is your name because this is unacceptable. All that needed to happen was she could have asked me my name, saw that the order was not pulled (or put back) and then GOT IT for me, because that is good customer service. I was so mad when I left, I felt my pressure raise. When she finally asked if she could just pull the items, I was like no, I need to leave NOW!. This was just such a missed opportunity for good customer service! I just put a complaint on the site... probably nothing will happen because when I worked retail, the manager only responded to the positive stuff. This aint positive and I aint happy!!!
And then.. I go the the McDonald's and wait in line for ANOTHER 20 minutes. I order the #2 she says do you just want the sandwich. NO which is why I just said the #2 COMBO with a small coffee, which totally should have been upgraded to a large for free and GOD forbid I ask for ketchup which aint even Heinz, but at least it's not hunt's so, there's that!!
I need to back up... so I started a temp job a few weeks ago. You know I stay with a job, but this last stint when I had over 6 months off which really wasn't a vacation even though a lot of folks think it was, had to end. Money was getting low and we all know I needs all of my coinage. I registered with Office Team because since I got to Baltimore, they have always been able to get me into pretty good companies quickly and this time was no different. I'm working at a place that has very few black folks at least as far as I can see. One thing that is cool is everyone has the option to have a standing desk. I am standing now! I wonder, does this burn more calories? At the other place I worked you had to request it and it took the facilities guys ½ a day of loud work to get folks set up. I wonder how big of an undertaking it was for this place? And now I sit…it’s just nice to have the option.
Today was a hell of a day to try and get into the office. Normally the snow does not bother me and I will jump out there and attack anything. BUT this shit right here was ICE and it had frozen solid. So I apologize to the mail person for not being able to shovel a nice path for you. I apologize to myself for not mustering up the gumption to do more than look out of the front door yesterday. I truly did not know it was going to be as bad as it was. I got up early this morning and got my shovel and the ice was like NAH SIS!!! So I started my car and attempted to just drive out and my tires were like... TRY AGIAN BABE!! So I went back in the house made coffee, cooked breakfast and tried to decide what my next step was gonna be. I then poured some salt around my tires and prayed to get a little sun. Checked Uber and that thing said $36 American dollars for what I know would have normally been like 10 due to high demand. Then I checked the bus schedule because I really need to have a plan B and C at this point. I then get myself changed (I had on sweats up to this point) and decide I am going to schlep to the bus stop up the street and just do that. BUT FIRST let me try the car again. OH and how about I use that garden shovel to see if I can break up some of this ice. I got some traction and my lil hooptie made it over the ice!! THANK YOU LITTLE BABY JESUS!! The roads really were not that bad even when I got into the city, well downtown. I was so busy cleaning and watching TV and taking naps that I just didn't feel like being bothered with the snow. AND WHY is it snowing so late in the season anyways? I didn't have to fight with my neighbors or the renters or even the caregivers. Everything has just been great. And then this damn nor'easter comes along and fucks it all up!!AND IT'S COLD!! It was 20 degrees when I left and the high I think is like 28 so how is it supposed to melt with it being that freaking cold?!?!? I'm not even gonna say I better have my spot because it is a given.
My Sam's club experience was less than stellar a few days ago. I ordered a few things (literally 3) online for a club pick-up waited longer than 2 days so I guess they put that shit back, so that part is MY fault but here is my issue. I came into the store asked for the club pick-up and the one who checks the receipts says with a grunt good luck with that. I'm like Well can you call someone and she does. About 10 minutes later I ask another cashier if she could check on my club pick-up. She acts like she never heard of such a concept SO I SAY... WHO IS YOUR MANAGER AND YOUR REGIONAL DIRECTOR!!! and then mumble this is some bullshit! The manager... ok, I'ma try to be nice but you know, no guarantees. It is the first thing in the morning so I'm not sure why all of your makeup has found it's way into the creases of your face. As she is walking I start fussing but my tone is not mean it's more frustrated. So she says, well can you wait until I get to you **BLANK STARE** UM ok sure... she gets to me. I say the reason I did online pick-up is because you are consistently out of the product I buy all the time. She doesn't ask my name she doesn't ask me if I'm ok, she just says, Well the person scheduled for club-pick up is not due until 9am. To which I'm like well how is that MY problem? And further more, if I have to wait until 9 AM does it state that on the website when I placed my order, which it did not. There are a few cashier milling about so I'm like can you at least check? So then she continues to be snippy WELL THAT IS WHAT I'M gonna do!! OK... Meanwhile someone said they saw Jamal or Jemarcus who knows at this point, but he is the club pick up dude so she proceeds to call him over the loud speaker thing. STILL she hasn't asked for my name or anything. At this point I'm like I got the receipt on Thursday and then she was like OH WELL THEN IT probably was put back. Jemario finally gets to the front and says the same think it was probably put back, but I was like BUT was it ever pulled? I am extremely frustrated and angry at this point and another 20 minutes have passed. I tell her it's already paid for and she says well no it's not it still has to run through the system. And I'm like you let me stand her for this long and I coulda got my items and been out of here by now. Some random man is complaining about the danishes and I'm looking at him like SIR IT's FREE!!! Why are you complaining THE SHIT IS FREE!!! I look at her and say what is the store number, what is your regional managers, name and what is your name because this is unacceptable. All that needed to happen was she could have asked me my name, saw that the order was not pulled (or put back) and then GOT IT for me, because that is good customer service. I was so mad when I left, I felt my pressure raise. When she finally asked if she could just pull the items, I was like no, I need to leave NOW!. This was just such a missed opportunity for good customer service! I just put a complaint on the site... probably nothing will happen because when I worked retail, the manager only responded to the positive stuff. This aint positive and I aint happy!!!
And then.. I go the the McDonald's and wait in line for ANOTHER 20 minutes. I order the #2 she says do you just want the sandwich. NO which is why I just said the #2 COMBO with a small coffee, which totally should have been upgraded to a large for free and GOD forbid I ask for ketchup which aint even Heinz, but at least it's not hunt's so, there's that!!
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
daydreamin and I'm thinking of you...
Today my father would have been 76. My sister posts this pic of him and my nephew when he was a baby. I have an even more ridiculous pic of when I was a baby and my dad is holding my arm cause I was a wobbly little sucker!! I honestly don't remember celebrating his birthday as a kid. I guess I was consumed with other kids and getting cake and birthday parties and he was old! Well to a 8 years old 40 IS old LOL. Now at 43 not so much. There probably was a home made cake of some sort. My brother liked German chocolate and banana pudding, so my mom would make those every so often. But what was my dad's favorite? I just liked (and still do) regular vanilla cake with butter cream, maybe chocolate and vanilla ice cream. When he got sick, well the first time, he was on prednisone and he craved sweets in general so there was always something in the house even stuff like orange juice which I couldn't drink, that was for my dad. To this day I drink large glasses of it. And then when he got sick the last time, he was getting radiation and his taste buds were gone and all he wanted was a Big Buford from Rally's. My grandmother (well both of them actually) always had sweets in the house too; ice cream, candy, cookies, cake, pie... JUNK!! But I don't know what his favorite was. Maybe that's a think that happens when you get older is crave sweets, because I swear my mother never liked them all that much but now it's like punishment if she can't get a cookie or little piece of candy. I know her favorites, but I'm a little sad I don't know his. Here's what I do remember, he like spicy mustard on his sandwiches, he like a whole lot of salt and pepper on his boiled eggs, he like pistachio nuts, he liked the fish sandwiches from that place on Frankstown which I'm positive is gone, and he didn't say sandwich he said sammiches and he made everything fun for me as a kid... that's what I remember. SO I guess it's ok that I don't remember his favorite dessert.
I've been blogging a lot lately cause I just have so much going on in my head that this is a good release. Other releases are good to, but this is the easiest.
Every now and then I try to do a clean up of food. I buy so much and then it sits and spoils or expires, and that is hardly a cost effective (which has been my new saying as of late) way to do anything. I just threw out a bag of spinach that was supposed to be for making green smoothies that I obviously never got around to making. I have a freezer full and cans of everything so I think some soup is in the cards and maybe a regular smoothie too.
Ok so I was just staring at my screen and then I said to myself CHICK YOU GOT SHIT TO DO!!!! and that was probably LBJ's way of telling me to stop day dreaming...
I've been blogging a lot lately cause I just have so much going on in my head that this is a good release. Other releases are good to, but this is the easiest.
Every now and then I try to do a clean up of food. I buy so much and then it sits and spoils or expires, and that is hardly a cost effective (which has been my new saying as of late) way to do anything. I just threw out a bag of spinach that was supposed to be for making green smoothies that I obviously never got around to making. I have a freezer full and cans of everything so I think some soup is in the cards and maybe a regular smoothie too.
Ok so I was just staring at my screen and then I said to myself CHICK YOU GOT SHIT TO DO!!!! and that was probably LBJ's way of telling me to stop day dreaming...
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
in a reflective mood...
I have been in stalker mode longer than I care to admit. Today on a friends post someone posted something and I was like I KNOW THIS DUDE!! SO off to his page I went. If there is nothing else you need to know about me, remembering a face is one of them. I can pick whomever out of a lineup. Both a gift and a curse. I asked the guy if he was who he said he was but he said no... WELL actually he said he never smoked, because the guy I remembered used to smoke cigars. So he really only 1/2 answered the question but I didn't press. And then I went on a ex's page and time has not been on his side. His is the kind of attraction that if we made it I wouldn't see all the flaws that I see now cause I know what I was attracted to then, and it is totally gone now. It's not even just physical, but a lack of drive and motivation and bad decisions over the years. Then there is this one woman who has the MOST adorable baby. He was all cheeks! She's a friend of a friend so I probably will tell her of my vice at looking at people's pages. And then there was this one guy, I honestly don't even remember how I got to his pic, He had a full sleeve and even though I'm not a fan I was like OH DAMN... HE'S KINDA CUTE!!!
Family Dollar had whole bags of one flavor gummi bears. I got the watermelon because I think that was the one I liked. I knew it wasn't cherry, but it might also be green apple. I probably should have gotten both.
Right now I want a drink. WE all know I have likka in the house, but I really don't know what I want. Actually what I don't have is white wine and vodka. So I may go for the red wine, because if I drink gin I might sin!! LOL
Some men can be so freaking clueless, like I have to sky write and say HEY I LIKE YOU!!! On Black-ish last week Zoe's friend was trying so hard to flirt with Junior but he was missing ALL of the signs. The little brother had to help him out!! OR maybe they just don't like me back so maybe its me that's missing the signs. What I do know is at 43 I have such a low tolerance for games. Either we doing this (whatever the hell THIS is) or leave me alone!! I genuinely got other shit to do and if you don't fit into the equation it's truly ok! I said I wasn't accepting application until the spring anyways, so maybe I need to work on myself and do a little more self evaluation OH yeah that is what I wanted to talk about. SO everybody doesn't take a minute to reflect on things. And it occurred to me that a lot of people think what they are doing is both ok and things will just be fine. I am a stop and think kinda person. Even when I do things unexpectedly I take a moment to reflect on how my life is better or worse. It bugs me when I think people are not as thoughtful as me.
Selfish people don't realize how selfish they are because they are only thinking of themselves. Another thing that bugs me...
I remember random stuff about just about everyone I know.
A couple of blogs ago, the title was 'random musings of a premenopausal drama queen'. I still chuckle when I see it written. But what I'm not chuckling about is the night sweat that are happening more and more. And the cycle that is just like 'bitch I'll come on whenever I feel like it!'. Which you know doesn't really work for me. I mean but is this IT!?!?! I remember so vividly as a kid my mother would just break into a sweat. And I'm not talking cute little moisture on her upper lip, I'm talking water was coming from her pits, her face, and probably her legs. She would be like GET ME PAPER TOWEL NOW!!! And I did! I would run around church getting her paper towel. Or we'd be at Giant Eagle and she would open a package of paper towel OR stand in the cold food section until she got it under control, which was not always a quick thing. Or if we were in the car, she would drive fast so that the wind could dry up the sweat, at least that was the theory, it never worked. She had several pairs of dress shields from Sears (LOL) so that her clothes wouldn't be ruined. SO I knew it was coming. I knew. I know! But I am still not prepared. It is not such a taboo subject as it was back in the day so I know I can talk to people who have or are going through it now. My sister's bouts were not as bad, but I remember her stripping and sitting in front of a fan even in the winter because she just got too hot! Yeah I knew it was coming. But this signals an ending. Once this happens the factory is closed FOR REAL!! It still has options of being open but not for long. And honestly I feel a few different kinds of ways. On the one hand I'm like ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! All these years of cramps and periods and headaches and emotional rollercoastering and no kid!?!?!? And then on the other hand I'm like whew I really dodged a bullet here! Cause I can barely take care of my damn self. Sometimes Paisley's water bowl is bone dry and I'm like oh yeah... she does need water. SO I question what type of mother I would have been. And then on yet another hand I'm wondering was this really the hand that I was dealt? I always think there is some alternate universe where my life is just so different, not necessarily better, but different. So I don't know.
Family Dollar had whole bags of one flavor gummi bears. I got the watermelon because I think that was the one I liked. I knew it wasn't cherry, but it might also be green apple. I probably should have gotten both.
Right now I want a drink. WE all know I have likka in the house, but I really don't know what I want. Actually what I don't have is white wine and vodka. So I may go for the red wine, because if I drink gin I might sin!! LOL
Some men can be so freaking clueless, like I have to sky write and say HEY I LIKE YOU!!! On Black-ish last week Zoe's friend was trying so hard to flirt with Junior but he was missing ALL of the signs. The little brother had to help him out!! OR maybe they just don't like me back so maybe its me that's missing the signs. What I do know is at 43 I have such a low tolerance for games. Either we doing this (whatever the hell THIS is) or leave me alone!! I genuinely got other shit to do and if you don't fit into the equation it's truly ok! I said I wasn't accepting application until the spring anyways, so maybe I need to work on myself and do a little more self evaluation OH yeah that is what I wanted to talk about. SO everybody doesn't take a minute to reflect on things. And it occurred to me that a lot of people think what they are doing is both ok and things will just be fine. I am a stop and think kinda person. Even when I do things unexpectedly I take a moment to reflect on how my life is better or worse. It bugs me when I think people are not as thoughtful as me.
Selfish people don't realize how selfish they are because they are only thinking of themselves. Another thing that bugs me...
I remember random stuff about just about everyone I know.
A couple of blogs ago, the title was 'random musings of a premenopausal drama queen'. I still chuckle when I see it written. But what I'm not chuckling about is the night sweat that are happening more and more. And the cycle that is just like 'bitch I'll come on whenever I feel like it!'. Which you know doesn't really work for me. I mean but is this IT!?!?! I remember so vividly as a kid my mother would just break into a sweat. And I'm not talking cute little moisture on her upper lip, I'm talking water was coming from her pits, her face, and probably her legs. She would be like GET ME PAPER TOWEL NOW!!! And I did! I would run around church getting her paper towel. Or we'd be at Giant Eagle and she would open a package of paper towel OR stand in the cold food section until she got it under control, which was not always a quick thing. Or if we were in the car, she would drive fast so that the wind could dry up the sweat, at least that was the theory, it never worked. She had several pairs of dress shields from Sears (LOL) so that her clothes wouldn't be ruined. SO I knew it was coming. I knew. I know! But I am still not prepared. It is not such a taboo subject as it was back in the day so I know I can talk to people who have or are going through it now. My sister's bouts were not as bad, but I remember her stripping and sitting in front of a fan even in the winter because she just got too hot! Yeah I knew it was coming. But this signals an ending. Once this happens the factory is closed FOR REAL!! It still has options of being open but not for long. And honestly I feel a few different kinds of ways. On the one hand I'm like ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! All these years of cramps and periods and headaches and emotional rollercoastering and no kid!?!?!? And then on the other hand I'm like whew I really dodged a bullet here! Cause I can barely take care of my damn self. Sometimes Paisley's water bowl is bone dry and I'm like oh yeah... she does need water. SO I question what type of mother I would have been. And then on yet another hand I'm wondering was this really the hand that I was dealt? I always think there is some alternate universe where my life is just so different, not necessarily better, but different. So I don't know.
Monday, February 13, 2017
my so called life!
so... my general energy level (and attitude) is much higher and better. I just made a decision that was both extremely difficult but necessary and needed for my health both mental and physical. It's bad when the only excuse you have to give is 'I just couldn't get it together'. I found myself saying that more often than I care to admit. But it was the truth!! I really REALLY could not get it together! The decision was to put my mother into an assisted living facility. It still has such a negative connotation and for a minute I thought I was going to have to fly to Florida to comfort my aunt (my mother's older sister) because I went and put her little sister in a 'home'. For all intents and purposes it is a home but I hope the stigma lessens a bit. As a caregiver I was slowly but surely killing myself. I had no life (I still kinda don't but I'm getting back to me). My whole world revolved around making sure my mother was/is ok. I'm not sure what else I could have done differently. So now after however many years I get to be the daughter again and let other take charge of her care. Now don't get me wrong I was about to drop kick the med tech and cna this past Friday. What I was doing by myself, it takes 2 or 3 and I look at them like REALLY y'all?!?! But with a few well placed probably micro managing notes and me being vocal to the nurse manger I think all will be ok.
And onto this thing called life. 1 thing I enjoy doing since it's just me and the cat in the house is going to the kitchen with just a tee shirt on! I joked that I have been walking around the house nekkid but not really because... well winter! And speaking of nekkid... I got a few unsolicited requests to either show MY nekkidness OR to view their nekkidness and it is really creepy! They were requests from men I didn't even know, well not that it makes it better if I knew them because after I made the post several men I did know wanted to know if I did in fact like NEKKID pics. 1 I expected but another I was like REALLY DUDE?!?!? so... there's that LOL
I'm about to be in straight hustle mode. I probably already am... I sell jewelry, I bartend, I _______!
And onto this thing called life. 1 thing I enjoy doing since it's just me and the cat in the house is going to the kitchen with just a tee shirt on! I joked that I have been walking around the house nekkid but not really because... well winter! And speaking of nekkid... I got a few unsolicited requests to either show MY nekkidness OR to view their nekkidness and it is really creepy! They were requests from men I didn't even know, well not that it makes it better if I knew them because after I made the post several men I did know wanted to know if I did in fact like NEKKID pics. 1 I expected but another I was like REALLY DUDE?!?!? so... there's that LOL
I'm about to be in straight hustle mode. I probably already am... I sell jewelry, I bartend, I _______!
Thursday, January 12, 2017
random musing of a perimenopausal drama queen!
I am having a lot of feels today! A regular emotional basket case!! My birthday is tomorrow and I don't have much planned except I think the spa and going to drink somewhere with some friends if they decide to come out. I'm also having an Eeyore moment "thanks for noticing me"
ANYWAY... Here's why I'm feeling old. I was 13 when Dirty Dancing came out, one of my most favorite movies. Picture it Summer 1987... I think I was spending a week or weekend with my older sister and brother. This was the summer before I went to high school. My sister's boyfriend was staying or came for a visit but he was like ew... that movie sounds dumb. I was like how can anything with singing and dancing be dumb but I am a musical kinda chick I guess I always have been. My brother was like well, lets go see the movie anyway. So I had a date at a theater somewhere in Silver Springs with my big brother! I FELL IN ABSOLUTE LOVE WITH THAT MOVIE!! I loved Patrick Swayze, I loved Baby I wanted to learn how to do the Pechanga and rumba and salsa and any other dance that was in the movie, I loved the hating ass hating sister, I even loved Jerry Orbach!! I still want to do a summer at a resort which probably doesn't exist like it did in that movie. it just was a feel good movie with a happy ending and at 13 I was there for it! Now fast forward 30 years YES 30 YEARS and the movie is having a viewing I think next month for the anniversary THIRTY YEARS!!!! I remember when I was younger and I wanted to be able to say 5 years ago, or 15 years ago or whatever. I grew up with grandparents and older people who would always say stuff like back in 1966 (or whatever random year)... blah blah blah. NOW tomorrow is will be 43 and I can say 30 ( 3 and a zero) years ago I saw Dirty Dancing in the theater!! SO yeah I'm feeling a little old. Not that it's a bad thing, I thank LBJ everyday for allowing me to see a new day. I having been doing a lot of self evaluating and while I know I have accomplished a lot, I still feel like I haven't done a damn thing. I keep thinking this is going to be my year!! And it very well may be but most I have a lot of doubt. I don't know what that one thing or series of things need to happen to make me feel complete but once I do, I'll let you know!
Today I went and picked up my moms (aka the roommates) fur coats. Before I got to the shop I made a pit stop at Fresh Market. I love this store! I really is a gourmet. Sampled some coffee and chicken salad and the little boy at the bakery counter even gave me a lil strawberry cupcake. Life is good!! I think I had more on this...
I had a whole thought process of a whole lot of random, but what I really want to do is lay on the couch ride out the last few days of my Netflix and just chill!!
ANYWAY... Here's why I'm feeling old. I was 13 when Dirty Dancing came out, one of my most favorite movies. Picture it Summer 1987... I think I was spending a week or weekend with my older sister and brother. This was the summer before I went to high school. My sister's boyfriend was staying or came for a visit but he was like ew... that movie sounds dumb. I was like how can anything with singing and dancing be dumb but I am a musical kinda chick I guess I always have been. My brother was like well, lets go see the movie anyway. So I had a date at a theater somewhere in Silver Springs with my big brother! I FELL IN ABSOLUTE LOVE WITH THAT MOVIE!! I loved Patrick Swayze, I loved Baby I wanted to learn how to do the Pechanga and rumba and salsa and any other dance that was in the movie, I loved the hating ass hating sister, I even loved Jerry Orbach!! I still want to do a summer at a resort which probably doesn't exist like it did in that movie. it just was a feel good movie with a happy ending and at 13 I was there for it! Now fast forward 30 years YES 30 YEARS and the movie is having a viewing I think next month for the anniversary THIRTY YEARS!!!! I remember when I was younger and I wanted to be able to say 5 years ago, or 15 years ago or whatever. I grew up with grandparents and older people who would always say stuff like back in 1966 (or whatever random year)... blah blah blah. NOW tomorrow is will be 43 and I can say 30 ( 3 and a zero) years ago I saw Dirty Dancing in the theater!! SO yeah I'm feeling a little old. Not that it's a bad thing, I thank LBJ everyday for allowing me to see a new day. I having been doing a lot of self evaluating and while I know I have accomplished a lot, I still feel like I haven't done a damn thing. I keep thinking this is going to be my year!! And it very well may be but most I have a lot of doubt. I don't know what that one thing or series of things need to happen to make me feel complete but once I do, I'll let you know!
Today I went and picked up my moms (aka the roommates) fur coats. Before I got to the shop I made a pit stop at Fresh Market. I love this store! I really is a gourmet. Sampled some coffee and chicken salad and the little boy at the bakery counter even gave me a lil strawberry cupcake. Life is good!! I think I had more on this...
I had a whole thought process of a whole lot of random, but what I really want to do is lay on the couch ride out the last few days of my Netflix and just chill!!
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