quick and dirty random

It’s Monday and you know what that means?!?! It means the weekend is over. My glorious lounging around all day is done and won’t be back until next Saturday or if I play hooky but my check is already looking like a joke so that aint happening!! This day has been sorta ok. My team has officially gotten on my last nerve though mainly because when I ask them things the answer is I am too busy to help you. And it’s not really that but yeah it kinda actually is. Here’s the thing I usually always check with folks to make sure they understand why I need to meet with them and I don’t arbitrarily send meeting requests because I do understand that time is precious. SO when I would do that what these people would say is… OH just send me a meeting request **blank stare** I stopped doing that and I just send the meeting request and what happens?!?!? They decline my meeting, or they act like they never got the request in the 1st place. The one little girl I was within an inch of me calling her a damn liar to her face. I wanted to be like bitch (why is bitch not in my spell check when I just misspelled it bithc?!? NO I didn’t meant batch, botch NOR bath) YES you did get the request so stop playing with me. But you really can’t say that in good ole corporate America AND I’m a lowly contractor and they would probably escort me out that same hour and I needs my job. I was the one who scrambled that day to make sure she got what she needed for an already started meeting that she was ill prepared for. And then there is the decline. I need information from YOU not the other person who you are telling me to talk to. I need it from your role on the team. Today was probably not my day because when I got all this shiggidy, my response was ‘Ok, thanks!’ I sent that out more times than I care to admit. And then finally when I ask a direct question and you say OH yeah Jane Doe is out of the office but I’ll come over to show you after my meetings and I know you forgot about me. Well that’s ok because I really stopped working at about 1:30. I been catching up on my Awesomely Luvvie and looking randomly at Instagram and Facebook. I sit in the middle of cube nation and I really feel silently judged by the 2 folks I sit next to. Thankfully they said we were moving in June even though my contract is up at the end of June but hopefully they will extend my contract because I really need to buy a car and that’s a whole nuther thing cause what do I buy?!? I don’t like the grill on the new Camry and even though in my mind I’m balling, I am balling enough to get an Acura ILX or TSX? Probably not. Or am I just being cheap!?!? And as much as I want to buy a new car I probably would have to go the used/preowned route for a higher end car and then I be remembering the Jetta from hell that I had back when my dad was still alive and it just STOPPED!! And I called him doing the ugly cry like I NEED MONEY CAUSE MY CAR STOPPED AND I DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY!!!! I sat in the VW dealership somewhere in Bowie or damn where was I?!?!? and just cried and the sales dude was trying to comfort me but then he said something dumb like oh we’ll buy your car for $5000 and I’m sure I owed like $10,000 so I cried more and so me and my used car experience has not been good. I lost my train of thought… then I went to the Toyota dealership and I was like just sell me a car, and they did! My little blue Corolla 5 speed that has been great since 2003! But, now my lil corolla is starting to squeak. I just put about $400 in the last month and it really might outlive me! That’s what I need to do just go into a dealership and be like sell me a car!!! But dealers are so skeevy and the pressure!! I went into the Honda dealership just to look at the Crosstour and they were like what can we sell you today!? NOTHING buddy just let me see the car. It was ALLA way in the back and my butt was outta breathe LOL And then there’s the whole matter of my credit. It used to be so good but I really don’t know the number anymore. Although I don’t have anything outstanding (praise LBJ!!).

When I was a kid i used to remember going to other peoples homes and wondering where all their paper was.  So like when you walked into my now nonexistent house on Blackadore St back in the day, we had this big dark green desk that had a whole lot of stuff.  It was only cleaned I think at Christmas and when anyone(well non family) was coming over.  It had bills, receipts, tax info, warranties whatever shit you needed it was there.  And now as an adult I am perpetuating the cycle.  I have so much paper. And when I go to peoples homes even now I think where is all your paper? I said to myself yesterday that it would probably take me a full day to file and organize all of the paper I currently have.  I can't even really blame my mother. don't get me wrong, there is quite a bit of her stuff as well, but I just can't seem to get a handle on it.

mega random several weeks in the making!!

I am so done for the day! I always start with gusto, but the nature of what I do mean s looking at data and numbers and data… yeah that’s how it is. And my eyes have crossed several times. I really could use a lil nap and then I might could do more work. OR I might sleep the rest of the night. I think we as Americans got it wrong and we should adopt the whole siesta thing ASAP. When I open Chickiness Corporation, there will be pods for folks to take a lil nap.

SO I have to turn my screen. Thank LBJ I got 2 now. I don’t think the little boy I sit diagonally realizes how much he picks at his face. It is quite disturbing… and GROSS!! I can see him out of the corn of my eye. I want to yell STOP PICKING YOUR DAMN FACE!! Surprisingly as light skineded as he is, it doesn’t seem to get red.

It doesn’t look like many of my co-workers washed today. Not because it smells bad or anything, but don’t you look at some people and just know no water has hit them in a few days?!? I mean it’s Monday we should all be so fresh and so clean… but not so much.

SO I went to a few events this weekend and had a great time. But I never actually go there expecting to meet anyone WHY because at 41 the men my circle of friends/sorors/acquaintances are married or attached and/or have kids and are just old! I guess I should change my thought because thoughts do become things. I need to think up a man just like in Weird Science LOL I just did a little cyber stalking of a random guy I work with and OF COURSE he is married with a kid! Men I need for you to not flirt with me if you don’t have a ring on. And even when you DO have a ring on, don’t flirt then either…

Please tell me I am not the onliest weirdo who lets out a loud ass poot… (cause ladies don’t fart) and just start laughing?!?! It’s usually in the bathroom so that’s the place you supposed to release all your air, so why is it so funny to me?!? This is such an overshare but I feel like I can talk to you (Dear Kitty… LMAO)!! I also, if I’m by myself, say GOOD ONE!! Cause you gotta encourage yourself!
I am in dire need of a yoga or stretching class. I have been so stiff today. Every time I get up I gotta stretch it out. I really need hot yoga to relax my muscles. Maybe I’ll do that exercise blender on the
YouTube to see if I can stretch it out.

I have to stop assuming people know what I think they know instead of knowing what they know. I’m making too many assumptions.

I have to stop scheduling meetings after lunch… zzzzz And the person who I’m meeting with today has a lil accent so I really have to pay attention.

Ladies I need for you to stop trying to do what Rhianna and Lupita and hell even Cameron Diaz do with their fashion choices. They are starahs so they get a little leeway when they mix patterns and do strange color combinations. YOU on the other hand work in corporate America and when you put on mix matched clothing it looks like you got dressed in the dark. This is NOT the Devil Wears Prada! That’s all…

You are a security guard WHY are you so shady and funny acking?!?! There are a few security guards and I’m not knocking the job; astonishingly that is one job I have not done, but they are so shady, or it just could be my janky ass mood. And then you got the creepy one who if you turn back to look he is looking all yucky and stakeryish.

If this little girl does not lower her damn voice I think I might have to strangle her. It will be justifiable homicide!! Am I the onliest one that hears her? Did I take ALL the crazy pills?

When I come up with a name for folks that is really all I see. So we got The Situation Jr. (cause he’s so little but looks like that Jersey Shore dude) then we have Oompa Loompa, cause the side curlie bang thingy she has make her look like… well an oompa loompa; now we got Working Girl like from the movie (not cause she looks like a prostitute), this woman’s hair is stuck in the 80’s. She has a HARD bang and she needs some layers to soften her up. And lastly The secret of Nimh… cause she this chick is so mousy. LAWD I am so petty!!

I always get a little nervous before a training class. Not because I don’t know what I’m doing, but because there is always the unknown. What the heck are these people gonna ask me AM I prepared
enough?!? So a little theme music is needed. Last week it was Superwoman by Alicia Keys. Today it’s Hate on me!! By Jill Scott. I am harnessing her words!!! LOL

3 day review

Monday

Because I am in the mood that I am in which is NOT GREAT… it might not be the best time to write a blog because I tend to be a little extra mean but I have had this on my heart for a few weeks now so **clears throat** let’s begin.  You can’t have a fucked up weave and a shitty attitude it just doesn’t work sis!!  It has to be one or the other OR Good weave a good attitude that works just fine!! Whoever stole my tangerine I probably will never find you so I hope it was the vitamin C you needed so as not to get me sick during this time of ERR BODY being sick.  To my neighbors who I said I hated what I should have said is I hate the situation (which is all this icy snow) or something that sounded more PC.  I mean you people across the street have about 5 cars but yet the uncle who has a bad back and uses a cane can always be seen walking even in this weather,  and the son who managed to only clean off his car and not even bother to see if I needed help (well you never do so why should now be any different) and then to your entitled caregiver who is there ALL day and thinks it’s ok to park in a clean spot even though she didn’t clean a damn thing off… Yep even though I am knocking on hates door… Jesus said Love thy neighbor and as the little girl who used all the bad language on some dumb reality show, used her justification of cursing she said Jesus said ass in the bible so… Jesus Wins!!!  And then the other neighbors who look like they are setting up a used car lot and then the other OTHA neighbors who keep buying cars… Yeah my issue is I only have 1 car AND I’m the onliest house without a finished driveway.  And even if I get my driveway was finished, I should still be able to park in front of my house without this much damn grief!! I am so convince people do not read so WHY would I expect them to read my email and do what I need for them to do?   I just had a very painful meeting because the chick just did not read the 3 emails I sent AND THEN she is asking me if I understand like I’m the one ill prepared.  Lemme splain something to you little girl… I am prepared even when I’m not prepared.  So just because you do not fully grasp the concept at hand does not mean I DO NOT grasp the concept.  This was your document; I need for you to explain what it is so I can help make your job easier.  I already know how to do my job.  THIS IS FOR YOU!!!! I’m glad no one saw me rolling my eyes because if they had they would have seen I was thinking ‘Does this heifer thinks I’m an idiot?’  And don’t pass the buck!  I know where and to whom I need to go to get the information I need, so don’t pass me off thinking you are doing me a favor.  I want the information from you which is why I set up a meeting with you.  I needed a BIG woosai after that one.  Note to self… don’t ask her for shit else!  Why is my ketchup being rationed at the Wendy’s?  You asked me how many I said 5 and then still only gave me 3.  So now I gotta be like no but I need 2 more!!  I know my fry to ketchup packet ratio which is why I am glad mostly everybody went back to the regular little packets.  That little dip bowl thing that was supposed to equal 2 (or was it 3?) always threw me off.  I never got my ratio right with those things.  The also never give me enough at Dunkin Donuts.  They scream IT’S IN THE BAG… yes but I need 2 more.  If you want me to buy the damn hash browns, I need the proper amount of ketchup.  Am I really going clean off about ketchup?!?!  Well it’s a necessary food item and I feel deprived when I don’t get enough which is why I checked my frig at least 10 times this weekend and for the life of me I did not understand why there was no ketchup in there!! As much as I want to blame my brother, because ALL the beer went mysteriously missing went he stayed with the roommate 2 weeks ago, maybe I really did use it up?  Nah it was him…  I do have a new favorite condiment, the sweet and spicy (almost like the sweet heat sauce from Popeye’s which turns if you leave it in the car too long) from Trader Joes.  They lure me in with the free sample and I ALWAYS seem to buy whatever they are peddling back there.  So they had this scallion pie with the sweet spicy sauce.  It was so good!!  So I bought both things!

Today has been a bust.  I can’t blame it on not getting enough sleep because I did, it’s just a case of the Mondays.  And unfortunately I am watching the clock right now… and looking at the chick whose weave needs to be tightened : /

Tuesday

So I’m convince the chick with the f’up weave sensed her weave was amok so she took it out and got her hur did and it looks good!!  I can’t go up to her and be like I’m so glad you took that fucked up weave out yo head… cause you know womens are sensitive about hur and she might drop kick me!!

Wednesday

I have been on an obnoxious snack binge followed soon by my getting my shit together binge cause I just so have to!!  But the lemon Oreos that I just about ate the entire package last night, the spicy chili Doritos that I just inhaled, the Cheetos I inhaled the other day… I know I know… I need to do better.  I HAVE to do better.  We just gonna blame the hormones and the fact that I’m over 40 and them bitches are changing.  My cravings used to just be chocolate.  Now it’s something a lil salty, something a lil spicy, still chocolate but also everything in between.  So like there was a cake for a team that sits near me and granted I don’t even know whose birthday it was but I STILL feel some kinda way that they didn’t cut me a piece a of cake.  Both random and irrational!  I’m only friendly with 1 of the people on that team and he wasn’t in charge of the cake.  I gotta make more work friends so I can get ALL the cake!  Because that is what life is all about after all!!Speaking of birthdays I need to call and sing loudly and off key to my little baby cousin who I am convinced she was born on the 20^th although every year she tells me she was born on the 25^th but I was there ( I mean I was 6) but I remember!  Her 2 older brothers and I were at our grandmother’s house for a sleep over.  Now that I think about it, why was I there?  Maybe my parents were at the hospital too??  Or maybe I just loved her so much between both grandmother’s I was always over 1 of their houses.  And so then she made the announcement that my aunt had a girl and I was SOOO excited!!  I was like finaFREAKINGly somebody had a girl so I don’t have to play stupid Bruce Lee (or Bruce Live or what was the black karate dudes name?? JIM KELLY (and yes I did just type black karate dude in Google LOL)) karate!!!  And she will want to play with me unlike the older girl cousins and the sister (LOL).  But she never really grew up (well in my mind… which I guess is the same way the older girls treated me) until she was out of college and by then she moved to another city.  But I digress… It is her birthday and I need to call her!!

And then general random…

So the other day a Kelly Price song came on and I, per my usual, jammed along and attempted to sing lowly along (cause you know I’m at work in Cube Nation) and then something occurred to me, why did I stop liking her?  Because she acted ugly on one of those dumb reality shows?  I mean do you write someone off completely when they act a certain way which might not even be who they really are but to get more air time and more whatever they act like an ass?  I mean why is it that ‘we’ want to know so much about these people and then when we learn it we don’t like it and then they get penalized?  So I have made a resolution, I am not going to support any show that does not uplift black women, OR any women for that matter!!  I like Kelly Price A LOT and I have all of her cd’s except the Christmas one, but my sister has that one I think.  I wrote a blog about how I was so happy she finally came out with her new cd back in 2011 (now I just tried to find it and got lost in the randomness that was 2011!!).  So I just got her new cd.  I’m sure it’s good because her voice is AMAZING!!  SO yeah there’s that!!

I got so much random on my mind... I REFUSE TO LOSE!!!

so like I wrote this a few weeks ago and clearly I suck at uploading stuff...

We already know I am not feeling this cube nation situation I am in right now.  And this is for the chick I don’t even know (cause I honestly don’t know no one over here) who talks on her phone at a volume of 8.5 outta 10 ALL THE TIME what you won’t do it give me and my co-worker a side eye when he is giving me instruction.  He speaks at a volume of .5 so he’s not being too loud so GTFOH before I snatch your bad red boxed colored hair with your kmart shoes and socks on!!

See this is what I be thinking, It’s not nice and I can’t say it out loud.  I mean I COULD but not really.  I have given a few looks to this chick and she has about no more times before she gets the wrath of RANDOM CHICK!!  And I’m pms’ing!!?  LBJ be a fence all around her!!

Selma

This is a must see.  It was a little outside of my lifetime, but it is well within my mother’s lifetime and that’s who I took.  I need for all of my nieces, nephews and little cousins to see this movie.  It is very relevant and a good representation of what was going on at that time.  People fought, marched, got hurt and killed for our rights as black folks to vote.  All of this struggle and you still had grown people (Tyler Perry was one such person…) just register to vote so that they could vote for Obama.  WHAT?!?!  How stupid is that? There are so many issues that you must weigh in on at a local level, at a state level and you and your dumb ass just wants to vote for the 1^st black President?!?  I mean I guess it’s admirable, cause he won both elections (he said so in the SOTU address the other night) so now does this mean we can’t be bothered to come out to vote? And back on point, this movie lets you see what was going on, in the south where Jim Crow was in place to make it hard.  It was like there was a constitution that governed the USA, but then there were a separate set of rules that only applied below the Mason Dixon line. The whole civil rights movement was a big deal.  It was interesting to see that some people disagreed with MLK and how things were handled with the movement.  I think it showed these people as people, including the president and J. Edgar Hoover who WE KNOW was instrumental in keeping tabs on MLK and Malcolm and any person who they deemed a threat. 

Dark Girls and Light Girls

There was a documentary a few years ago called ‘Dark Girls’ and now as a follow up I guess there is one called ‘Light Girls’.  Is this still a thing?  Am I missing the point and boat?  In 2015 is this really the conversation we need to be having?  I mean I just don’t know.  I only saw a little of Dark Girls, mainly because I kept missing it and then the new one Light Girls felt like it was all over the place.  They talked about skin bleaching, which included Asian women, and then people in the Caribbean how it is there.  I am attempting to watch it now so maybe I will have more thoughts.

Empire

This is a new show on Fox.  I will start by saying I do like the show.  I am very interested to seeing how everything plays out and in general it is a good story line.  But I haz questions… First off I am still trying to get the ages of the boys together.  The baby was at least 1 or 2 when Cookie went to jail OR was he older?  The middle boy was maybe 4 or 5 and the oldest was 7 because that’s just a good round age.  So after 17 years of Cookie being in jail, Hakeem is 18/19 AND he is doing a whole lotta underage drinking… ijs.  Jamal is like 21/22 and that is about the right age for a college student.  And then the oldest is 24 which is kinda young to be all married and what not.  So there is that.  Next question WHAT THE HECK REALLY HAPPENED?  We still haven’t seen the whole story. Why did Lucious… why is his name Lucious?!?!... divorce Cookie??  And since I am on the name Lucious which is such an OLD name, I mean why his name couldn’t be Mark? Or Sam? And the language in this here show at times sounds like it is not in the present but a throwback show.  So who uses sissy these days?  To call someone it OR to refer to yourself as one is not really a now kinda thing.  When Jamal called himself a sissy I was like really?  Queen, maybe but sissy nah.  Lee Daniel you got that one wrong.  There were a few other things I can’t remember in those 1^st 2 episodes BUT that 3^rd episode when Lucious said ‘Don’t stand there being COUNTRY DUMB’ I almost fell out the bed.  I was like Did that fool just say Country Dumb?!?!  That was something that I felt like my very southern grandmother would say, or any of her very southern cousins would say.  COUNTRY DUMB!!  I just can’t with that one.  And then why does Lucious have a perm?  I get why Cookie still looks like she is living in the past, she been in jail!!  And why did Bunky wear that big old dookie chain?  Why was he stuck? Well he dead now, but still.

I’m watching more of this documentary and while I’m sure they did a good job, I have decided I don’t the documentary format.  It just feels like it is all over the place and then I always want more. 

 And then I wrote this this week...

Petty

I can be really petty sometimes… I mean MOST TIMES and I really have to have a conversation with myself about just how petty I can be.  It’s even bad when other join in the petty fest.  But when we both can recognize that it’s petty then it really negates the pettiness, right?  No probably not.  That Is really flawed logic right there.  But I feel like I need to put that disclaimer out there sometimes.

So you ever see someone, in this case a woman and she is so unattractive but in your mind you are fixing her up?  There is this one woman who I just get stuck on what she needs to do to look better.  Now I have no idea what she thinks of herself, but it really can’t be much.  I just want to comb her hair, I think she has a relaxer, and get it out of struggle mode. Get it cut into a nice style.  Then I want to take her to the MAC counter.  We’ll start with concealer for the blemishes, because I have seen her pick at her face, then a little foundation and then just some gloss.  I’m not talking major changes here just small ones.  I mean anyone can go crazy at the MAC counter, but a little lip gloss/lipstick aint never hurt no one.  I remember when I used to work from home, my aunt told me to get up, shower, and put on some lipstick.  I guess I was supposed to work nekkid, she didn’t say nothing about clothes LOL.  But just doing that can make a woman feel better. 

There was this guy who I initially thought was handsome and then he opened his mouth.  **loud sigh** AND it wasn't even the teeth cause that can be a major turn off.  He just sounded stupid and him trying to come off as charming was really silly and corny.  And the more he spoke the more I wanted to be like STFU!!! Just close your mouth young man!! Cause even though you are clearly older than me, you sound like a little boy.

There is this woman here who looks like an oompa loompa.  I keep trying to not stare and I actually rode the elevator with her this morning.  She’s not orange but she does have these stupid curls on the sides of her head.  I need to tapper them. Her features are just hard and I cannot figure out what she needs, you know cause I’m such an expert.

There is little boy I keep trying not to stare at cause him so pretty.  I don’t think we are on the same team and that is a horrible stereotype to think just cause he’s pretty he has to be the gay, and you know not that anything is wrong with that.  He’s also very young.  OR maybe I’m just getting older and every man looks extra young these days.  Dudes in my age range are not very appealing to me.  This is an ongoing conversation I’m having with a few girlfriends.  Do we look that good or do these men just look that bad?!?

I got my hair braided last week for this past weekend.  Even though I can get my hair together on any given day, trying to think about doing it on vacation is just too much.  And then the 1^st curly fro I see I’m like AAWWW MAN… I coulda did that!!  So I got it cornrowed up into this bun thing.  It is in the vicinity of the picture I showed the lady who braided it, so that’s always good.  But I’ve been scratching up under it and it trying to pat it back down into place.  So really it’s a toupee!! She stuck a bazillion pins straight and bobby and I have been taking them out.  Slowly but surely my lil toupee is gonna fall right on off!!

Young lady, I know you wanna rock the lashes, but you have to blend them.  You can’t just go to the walgreens, slap them things on and think your good!! NO ma’am!! BLEND with some mascara… 

So if you know you are going to be like a LONG ass time in the bathroom doing lots of things you need to do of a bodily excretion nature, wouldn’t you try to find a bathroom a little further from your desk?  I mean I WOULD!!  It is pretty obvious when you go, but I ‘found’ that the bathroom in the basement is quite private and if I lock my computer and take my phone (or notebook… you know whatever works) it looks like I am actually doing work and not going to take a dump. LOL

See just PETTY!!

So I have been writing myself silly and then I think my job done turned something off so I can’t get to the blogger site.  At first they turned off anything that had a zip drive.  And they shut everything down that had an ssn… even your own.  SO I guess I need to stop trying to access the site because eI feel like my name is being pinged somewhere LOL

if you can make it there!!!

The goal is to do some work today, but honestly… for real doe… it’s not looking to good.  First off I am tired as HECK!!  And then second I don’t think I have all of my access that I need to fully do my job.  But I can take a slow day.  I really can! 

I have had an amazing birthday month!! It was supposed to start off with a kick ass NYE party that got cancelled.  Then I had the 1^st week off of January.  This was both good and bad.  GOOD because who doesn’t like to be off a little extra time?  BAD because a chick didn’t get paid.  All in all though it was a good week.  I had an amazing massage at a place I always forget is there.  Farashe Day spa is a place I went to years and years ago, probably when I was still living in my apartment.  It is in the same business center as the now defunct and closed Silver Shadow club and I honestly don’t remember how I found it initially.  But when I called and they still had my info on file that was really nice.  I was intending to go to Massage Envy but that place stays booked up.  I paid a little more but it was so worth it.  At one point during my massage/reflexology I totally went to sleep and woke up and was wondering why some random woman was in my bedroom!!  LOL It took me a second to realize that I was still getting my massage.  And she didn’t talk a lot.  She just manipulated my body to the point of great relaxation.

This was also the week of the great Bob Evans debacle LOL : /

The next week I went to Philly to see The Read Live event!  And it was really nice to see people that I normally just listen to via podcast.  I bought the ticket for the meet and greet and I meeted and greeted!!  This was also VERY COOL!!  I have a thought that people who have even a small amount of celebrity are basically going to be assholes.  But Kid Fury and Crissle so weren’t.  They also had their friend Assante who helped to wrangle the group in line.  He kept saying let’s be Christian about this.  Also a very cool dude. They did the show pretty much in the same order they usually do the podcast.  It worked out for me because the tickets went on sale right near Christmas and I know folks didn’t have money because I always seem to find out about the show when they are already sold out.  I don’t do too well with keeping up with things on Instagram or Twitter, so this really just worked out for me. 

Then I went to the Lisa Fischer concert at The Howard Theatre.  I pretty much had goose bumps the entire concert.  I don’t even know if I can put into words what I experienced.  First off if you don’t know her and her body of work with all of the people she has worked with, then you have already done yourself a disservice.  She won a Grammy back in the 90’s for her one and only cd that she put out.  Also, she was featured in the Oscar winning documentary ’20 feet from Stardom’ with several other background singers who just never really made it.  It is such a random occurrence, not random in that people don’t work hard on their craft, but what makes one person more successful than another?  Lisa understands her voice in a way I don’t think the average singer does.  It was just an amazing (ok looking for a new word…) BRILLIANT!!  As the Brits say LOL It was a brilliant show!!

The next day I hopped on the Megabus with my girl E to go to NYC.  Now the entire trip was built around going to see Wendy William Show and… well what had happened is I never got confirmation, the show was fully booked and we didn’t get on because there was no standby.  I am still feeling some kinda way about it because I signed up in plenty of time and I don’t know what algorithm the audience people use to pick who gets on the show.  The little audience dude was like well yeah there were people from Florida that didn’t get on the show either.  And as much as I want to be mad directly at Wendy, I can’t because she has no idea what is going on with the various departments that are in place to make sure the show runs smoothly.  The other dude with the beard was like it was really a bad day to be on standby because it was a holiday and EVERYBODY showed up.  It sucked but I will try again on a random day in the warm weather! SO after that didn’t work out we decided to go check out the View.  The info online said that you had to be there by 9:30 to be on standby.  We hopped in a cab and the cabbie from hell got us to ABC studios in about 5 minutes!! We get out of the cab see NO LINE and were like hmmmm… maybe The View is already done for the day?  So we knock on the door and the lady security guard with the gold braids was like no The View is not taping today but go on up the street to Kelly an Michael.  So that’s what we did.  People were already in line inside and there were maybe 5 people standing outside.  These were the standby folks.  They all had a piece of paper with a number so I go to ask the security guard to get a paper with a number.  So when I open the door it lets in all of the cold that is New York in January, he basically waves me off like CLOSE THE DOOR AND GET OUT!!! We will get to you when we get to you!! They call all the people with numbered paper and we are standing there like UUUhhhhh… ok so what about us?!?  The other guard was like don’t worry there is plenty of space we will get you in.  They do!  And we are standing in line waiting to go in.  I’m saying something to the lady security guard and because she does this every day, it is old hat to her and she is unfazed by my sense of urgency.  It is 8:50 and the show is live at 9:00.  The audience lady comes and gets us and sits us in the last row on the floor level!  WE ARE CLOSE!!!  And then literally 2 minutes to spare she comes and gets us to sit on the front row! : O OH ok so I need to throw on my cute shoes then because the fabulousness that is my outfit is not complete without my sparkly (open toe shoes in winter) shoes.  As I am putting on my shoes, Gelman is giving instructions and then also they are getting ready to select the go go dancer for the show that they have for segment where they call a random person and ask them a question from the previous show.  The show starts and they do the opening segment.  What we see are camera people and security but not really Kelly and Michael. When that segment was done Michael is walking around and everyone has hope of him coming to speak to them.  But security is kinda everywhere and I get it.  There is no vetting of the audience so someone could be the crazy person and just jump out and do something... well crazy.  Then the lady comes around and says Jennifer Lopez is coming from this directions so when she comes out you guys need to get up and high five her! REALLY??!?!  OK I can handle that!! So we all stand up and then Gelman (who was in a stinky mood OR maybe that is just who he is?!?) says SIT DOWN!!!  SO we all sit down! The segment starts J.Lo comes out we all stand and her hand is both small and clammy. You’ll have to YouTube (I’ll put the link here) (22:03 ish) it but you can totally see my orange pants and E’s braids and that’s it!!  OH WAIT you can see my brown hand AND  if you keep looking REAL hard you'll see E!!  LOL There was a white dude who was totally doing some camera blocking.  He was looking directly into the camera.  During the camera breaks Michael finally made it down to our area.  He is a nice guy and a big personality so it’s understandable why he has 50eleven jobs on the teevee.  Plus, he is sexy, a little skinnier than he looks on TV, but the gap is there and he totally could get it!!  I photobombed Christine (random chick in the 2^nd row) but she wouldn’t tell me her last name so I have to stalk ALL of the Christines on Facebook until I find ‘my’ pic!! It was a fun day! Things didn’t work out like I planned but thankfully a willingness to be flexible was important.  We went back to the room after a long debate about taking the train vs a cab and then getting a one way ticket vs a metro card with multiple trips. Single trip won out.  I got a little nap in and then we went to lunch.  I love going to non-chain restaurants.  It sometimes can be hit or miss, but in this case it was a total HIT!  We went to Smithfield Hall.  The prior day we ended up at Johnny’s Luncheonette because I like diner/breakfast food and the luncheonette part had me intrigued.  It was a little (no rather tiny) spot with maybe 10 counter chairs and 2 little 2 top tables squooze in the back.  But it was good!  I didn’t even notice the Smithfield restaurant but E did.  The sign outside say Happy Hour ALL DAY!!  My kinda place!!  Everything on the menu sounded better than the thing before it.  We both got the chicken pesto panini, and order of Jameson wings and I had some wine because, vacation! Then I got the dark chocolate tart which had this graham cracker crusty loveliness.  It wasn’t bitter like most dark chocolate tends to be but it was sooo good.   SO then after we smashed ALL of the food and dessert we needed to hop yet another cab to get back to the Megabus.  This was really a quick trip but I had an absolute blast!!  My travel chick was great and that’s important because even if you are friends with someone, that doesn’t always translate into the both of yous traveling well together. 

So I didn’t even talk about the play.  We went to see If/Then with Idina Menzel (OR if you are John Travolta Adele Nazeem).  The premise of the play was what would happen if you made this decision over another and it followed Liz/Beth as she faced her life making each of the decisions.  So like Liz missed the call and met the man whereas Beth answered the call and got the job. I got a little confused but it was a really good play. I have more thoughts but that’s for another blog another day!

Coming up is the ski trip superbowl weekend and I already know I will have a fantastic time!!

it's a problem of motivation

I really need to get out of the ‘who gon check me boo’ mindset!!!  It is getting close to being dangerous because that is my rationale for doing any and everything!  Whatever I do, right or wrong I’m thinking WHO GON CHECK ME?!?!  But someone is GON check me one day hopefully later than sooner and I will be ill prepared!  LOL

I have to take a picture of the complete fuckery that is my desk!  I knew it was too good to be true the desk that I had in the corner where no one even knew I existed in the other building.  Folks STILL don’t know I exist and I am out in the open.  I can’t position my Kindle to really see it unless it is right in front of me.  This is actually what I have been doing.  My old desk I could look to my left which is what I got used to doing.  Now trying to look to my right has been difficult, so I’m looking at it straight on.  I just did the calculations; there are 90 cubes in the section that I am sitting around and maybe about 40 - 50 or so people.  But per the usual, folks are in their own heads and can’t even be bothered to even smile in not just my direction but each other.  I noticed this because I notice everything all the time! It’s a gift and a curse!  But as I always say (mostly to other folks) you can’t have it both ways!  But it actually wasn’t my choice to change desks or buildings, but it is my choice to work and keep eating and have power in my home so I’ll do what I have to do. 

This bra today is giving me the blues!!

I have been rocking what I have labeled ‘disco hair’ it’s just big and ridiculous.  So the other day a comment was made about the natural girls and their big hair and I got in my feelings for about a minute.  But hey it is what it is!!

So I just looked up and there is this guy that looks like ‘The Situation’ you know, the dude from Jersey Shore?  He is like a shorter less buff version of him.  And then the guy that sits a few seats up from me reminds me on Ron Livingston, the character from ‘Office Space’.  It’s a cult classic… get into it!! He looks like he gives no amounts of fucks about anything.   And then the rest of these schmopes, well for the most part, look like a bunch of bank tellers.  AND here’s what that means…. SO when you get a job at the bank you are supposed to look a certain way.  You are supposed to look professional and dress the part. BUT bank tellers make a just little above minimum wage so there is no way they can afford a wardrobe from Talbots or J.Jill or Ann Taylor.  What they can afford is The Marts! (as my sister would say LOL) you got K-Mart, WalMart and even Target. What they should be doing is buying those few pieces and then filtering in the stuff you get from the Marts.  I love how I try to dispense fashion advice when I have never be mistaken for knowing what they hell I’m doing ever!! They just lack a something. And I’m not knocking the Marts.  It could be that I’m sitting in the midst of ALL THESE DAMN people!!!

SO back in November I went on The Wendy Show to get tickets for MLK day since it is a day off AND it’s close to my birthday AND it is on the unwritten as of yet ‘bucket list’.  I have been checking my junk mail religiously and those mofos in the audience department have yet to send me a confirmation. Me and my girlfriend whose birthday is a few days after mine (even though I always think it’s before) have a whole event planned around going to the Wendy show.  We both share this unexplainable love for her.  I don’t have to explain why it’s okay to start a sentence ‘Well Wendy said…’ it just is!! And she understands!! Now I hope to report next week that I had a wonderful time at the Wendy Show and if not then I will really REALLY be feeling multiple kinds of ways, but I’ll be ok!

I don’t like the new Usher song ‘I don’t mind’.  He’s ok with dating a stripper because they are not hoes!! Which is what the song says and I listened to the whole thing and after a few seconds in I wish I hadn’t.  So you know maybe it’s an encouraging song for the strippers who need a little boost in esteem?!?  And I am not hating on strippers!  I took a few pole classes I have a healthy respect for what these women do and after they are doing all that work, no buddy we can’t get freaky after that.  I am tired!!  I also don’t like him in the Honey Nut Cheerios commercial… but make that paper Ursh!!  LOL

 

 

 

cornfield random

I am sitting here sleepy as HELL!  There are several random things that I need to get off my chest.  Bullets or just separate paragraphs?!? Both??

·        Shout out to the dude at Jiffy Lube who while vacuuming my car floors found my Sam’s club card that I didn’t even realize was lost!  I had been checking all the purses and bags I’ve carried for the last few months but I had resigned to just going to Sam’s and getting another card. That was a good find

·        Shout out to the little boy at the Arby’s in Claymont DE who at 9:58 decided to fry me some straight fries instead of curly fries because they were quicker AND because he knew I was an hungry black chick and he mighta got a beat down if he denied me food.  The Arby’s closed at 10 so he really REALLY didn’t even have to take my order but see what had happened is…

Yesterday was my birthday and I had purchased tickets to “This is the Read’ Live event that was in Philly.  Since it was on my actual birthday and I love the show I knew that even though it was in Philly it really wasn’t too far to drive up and drive back.  And that’s what I did.  What I didn’t factor into any equation was food.  I can really plan things to a T sometimes, but yesterday I was just winging it!  I went to McDonald’s for breakfast which is a habit that I need to get out of RIGHT NOW!!  I sometimes slip into a ‘let me just run to Mickey D’s’ and get a McDouble and a sweet tea.  Or let me get a little sausage McMuffin and that needs to stop.  So I did that for breakfast and then I thought that I would just hit a little restaurant and have a little drink before the event I was going to.  So I’m on the road and I say to myself, ‘Well if I see a Waffle House’ I’ll just go there and get some bacon and eggs’ Cause we all know I love me some breakfast and I still don’t understand why there is not a Waffle House closer to where I live.  And then I pass the 1^st one and say well… but I don’t wanna spill on my shirt.  Then I convinced myself I didn’t really want bacon and eggs OR a Waffle.  And then after the 3^rd one I get mad at myself for not stopping but ASSURE myself that I could find a restaurant.  My event was at Drexel University so once I got on the campus I see food trucks.  I love a food truck as much as the next foodie, but it was 25 degrees and getting out to go stand in a line to get food outside was not really the move, plus I wanted a drink.  I even went down one street full of food trucks got stuck and had to do a U-turn.  So I drive up Market street pull over and turn on Yelp cause I got the smart phone and this should help me be smart about what to do next.  Well apparently this area has a lot of India restaurant.  I like Indian food but that wasn’t really what I wanted.  After circling the block for the 4^th time and not seeing the restaurant almost hitting several pedestrians and cars, I decided to just park and see what I could see.  The 1^st place was closed for construction, 2^nd place ALSO closed for construction. So the 3^rd place which was open was only open for drinks.  Did I already mention it was 25 degrees?  So yeah I can do a drink or 2.  It was a Mexican restaurant so I thought well maybe I could get chips and salsa, but NO the kitchen was not open until 5 and it was 3:45.  The host did give me these spicy ass peanuts which was not what I wanted.  SO I sat there and slurped down not 1, but 2 margaritas!!  This went directly to my head and fast.  Thank LBJ I didn’t get a headache because me and tequila have not been on good terms for quite a while.  ALSO, thankfully where I needed to be was literally down the street so even though I do not endorse drinking and driving, once I hit that cold air, it sobered me up quickly.  I parked by a Boston Market and should have gone there, and I thought I saw a 7/11 to get a hot dog, but couldn’t find it again.  So I am tipsy, hungry and now I have to find a bathroom.  When I get to the auditorium, which is in the Engineering building there are several areas where the kids are congregating.  I see 3 Asian students eating and I swear I coulda beat them down for their food.  That’s just how hongry… not hungry… I was!!! This is why when the event was over I tried to find the closest thing which ended up being an Arby’s at 9:58.

·        When I say I have to go to the bathroom, please don’t ask me about a report I need to send and/or sign.  My manager almost got drop kicked this afternoon because he got all in the way.  I drink lots and LOTS of water and I gotta go alla time.  SO just stare (stair?) clear of me!! In my time of need

SO I have a new desk which is in the middle of another department.  The good thing is it is close to the bathroom, the bad thing is I have noooooooooooooo privacy and we know I need to get my Wendy Williams and other YouTube action in.  I can’t figure out how to position my Kindle because while I love my lil iPod I can’t login because it is a 2^nd generation and it stopped doing what I need for it to do and the screen is just too small.

I really need for Baltimore County to come and pick up the damn trees that we set out a few weeks ago.  And then I need for all of the people to take down all the Christmas decorations (including me!! LOL).

·        This is a general PSA, it is winter so even if the streets are not covered with snow, if it below freezing then there is probably patches of ice on the road.  Slow Your asses down!

I completely embarrassed myself the other day at the Bob Evans.  So I recently bought myself a big Coach purse.  It was my Christmas/birthday present to myself.  And for some reason even though the only place I was headed was to breakfast, I felt the need to carry it.  So I loaded it with my makeup bag, my kindle and my little wallet that has all of my store loyalty cards in it.  I sit myself down at table, order my sausage gravy and biscuits.  Eat EVERYTHING and then ask for the bill.  There are 3 compartments in this purse so I go through each one of them at least 5 times before I realize I don’t have my wallet!!  OH SHIT!!!  So I’m sitting trying to decide what the hell do I say to the server who has been diligently waiting on me.  She needs her lil money and I am about to jack up her day.  My thought was that I would leave my kindle as a kind of assurance that I would come back.  I remember doing the same thing years ago at a nail salon and they made me leave my license which in retrospect wasn’t a great idea because if I got pulled over my story to the officer would be… so what had happened mr. officer is that I forgot my wallet.  But the Bob Evans people were really quite nice about the whole situation.  The little girl who waited on me said OK… let me go tell my manager.  Then the manager came over and was like OK… well just go get your wallet and come back.  I sat there like WAIT! Do you need for me to leave anything?!?  He said no, so back home I went.  When I came back the other manager was like it was really no problem because you didn’t look shady! LOL  I’ll take that as a compliment!!