recognized thresholds of negative stress...

I just kept myself amused at the meeting I just left.  The one woman has this filler phrase that she uses which I’m positive she doesn’t realize she is doing.  It’s an old Toastmaster thing… oh yeah in addition to the 50eleven jobs I’ve had, I am also a Certified Toastmaster!! When people say things like uh, um, and, so or something to that affect to fill space when you are giving a speech, it’s a filler word/phrase.  Hers is ‘…things like at’.  I will be a full sentence where everything has been expressed and then she says …and things like at (which is her hick way of saying that… did I go there?!?! No not really LOL).  It’s funny to me and I kept track at this meeting so as not to go to sleep.  In an hour plus meeting she said it 15 times.  I started to drift when she wasn’t speaking.  The only other thing was I was tracking the consultant in Colorado who takes everything out of proportion which she only did once.  It’s usually at least 3 times for her. 

**update** after meeting #2 with the same woman it was 5 times.  I also tracked who interrupted people and that happened 7 times.  After meeting #3 she said ‘stuff like at’ and said it 11 times!  Only 2ce for the out of control person!

I drink a lot of water at least 64oz a day if not more.  When the meeting is over, get the hell out my way!!!  I always gotta go…always Always ALWAYS!!! And if it’s a conference call I might hang up on you.  Yeah!

I saw some dumb little random video on facebook where the guy had a burrito bowl. So what did I want today? A freaking burrito bowl!!! I went to Q’Doba because I’m not a Chipotle kinda chick.  That thing was good as heck!!! I sat there and literally stuffed my face and then wanted to get back in line and get more!!  But that would have been not a great idea.  I just took a little tummy pill (meaning the pill so that I am not gassy in the assy LOL) and I hope it jumps ahead of the food in my belly so that it can do the trick.  I so enjoy people watching.  If I could just post up somewhere and just look at the people and judge them, (hey don’t judge me for my judegerization LOL) that is my idea of a nice afternoon.  The one woman had on an outfit I’d describe as ‘color blocking gone wrong’.  So she had on a blue lace dress… or not lace, maybe eyelet?!?  Anyway it was navy, she had on maroon tights, olive shoes and a tan sweater.  And my first thought was what the hell were you thinking?  Nothing matched, nothing went together, it was just a mess!! Because you know I am such a bastion of fashion LOL and then right after she walked out this old wrinkly lady walked in with these little shorts.  I mean it is a nice day, but yeah no!  There was an hmmm… I was gonna say he was an Indian guy but maybe he was from somewhere else, but he looked like Orlando Jones! I shoulda got a pic.  But I am horrible at getting the secret pic.  I have to think about where the camera app is, if my volume is on mute because if I take the pic will I hear CLICK AND will the flash go off and it’s too much pressure because it should be quick and effortless but it never is.  Last week I was watching a guy taking a pic of an unsuspecting woman who had had on leggings… which I hate, both leggings and that he took the pic.  This weekend I saw a guy on with meggins… they exist!!! I had to stop staring because he caught me looking a few times LOL. #random Damn where was I?!? OH people watching today… There was this one woman who was so busy being on the phone that she didn’t even thank the service guy (it was all blue… is that the navy?) who held the door for her.  I thought they were together, but they weren’t.  OH I need to register my card… gotta get the free chips and salsa! And I’m listening to The Soul Glo Project podcast (http://www.thesoulgloproject.com/ ) AND trying to get some work done.  The person I need the bulk of the info sits right behind me so that is good.  But then she talks to me when I have the headphones in oh cause my ears are covered by my Dominican blown-out hair that has been bouncing and behaving most of the week, but it got wet this morning so the back like a bird’s nest while the rest is straight and of course I have no comb or brush cause it is usually curly and kinky and I really did ignore when the one white coworker said oh your hair is good this week.  I just did a quick blank stare like did this bitch just say?!?!? And then I just said well my hair is different ALL the time so who knows what it will look like next week.  And that is true, I never know what it’s gonna look like and I’m ok with that.  I am a plethora of randomness today!!

waste all your time writing love songs, but you don't love me!!

When people start a sentence ‘black people don’t…’ I’m always like YES WE DO!! And it’s usually black people that say it and I’m like well maybe you don’t BUT I do and I know tons of people who do.  I’m not sure why that was on my heart right now but it was. 

I haven’t been blogging that much here lately. I just feel like every thought is a complaint or when I speak it’s just negative.  This is not how I want to live my life.  The positives do outweigh the bad, but I just get stuck in the mud sometimes.   Things were just happening back to back to freaking back!!!  Like my leak in the basement.  It was like a little fountain.  But I went to the good Home Depot and patched it up, speaking of which I need to do some more patching while it’s dry.  Then it was the water heater, just went out.  I had to get a new one.  THEN the damn furnace!!  It was getting chilly and my mama can’t be cold and that sucker decided to not work.  But thankfully I could afford both because there was a time not too far in the past that I would have had to just boil water and use space heaters until the money was right.   So thank you LBJ for providing all my wants and needs.  AND THEN… and this one almost took me out… so one day I’m outside and I hear scratching on my roof.  I look up and see a squirrel poking his head out of my house!! So there was a hole and that mofo moved right on in.  Then one night I hear scratching in my crawl space next to my bed and I’m like OH SHIT he is living in my house literally!!  So I do my internet due diligence and research some companies.  There are many mnay companies that doe roaches and mice, but it gets a little more specific and limited when you are talking WILD animals!  So I call the company and he tells me how much it is and I’m like (and I know this is so rude) but I asked well is there any other companies that does what you do.  He said ma’am I don’t want to bullshit you but yes there are companies that do the same thing but in a week or 2 when the squirrel is still in your house you will be calling me back.  The next day the son comes to my house and says again there are other companies do, it BUT some don’t have insurance to get on the roof and just other dumb stuff other companies do to get your money and then have to call this company.  SO I was like OK.  He comes in my house and we get the crawl space door open.  I’m standing back cause if a squirrel jumped out I would be sitting here dead writing this (LOL).  He’s like oh yeah I smell him.  And then he goes on to say well thank God you don’t have bats.  And I’m looking at him with a blank stare like WHY would that even be a possibility!?!? So anyway he comes back outside patched up the roof all over the house and set a few traps and an opening for the squirrel to leave the house but not be able to get back in.  He said that the squirrel did a real good job of making a door for himself.  He has been back 3 more times to make sure everything is fine so that was money well spent!  So I’m good right, yeah WRONG!! This Sunday I’m in bed watching whatever and Paisley the wonder cat is running like crazy toward the bags I have on the floor near my door.  I hear a squeak but my brain told me that was NOT what I heard and that I didn’t just see what I thought I saw.  I turn the mute on the tv but I keep not hearing nothing so I keep watching TV.  So Paisley posts up next to the bags and then I see it, a fucking mouse standing on top of the coach bag.  So I’m like OH SHIT OH SHIT!!!  They are looking at each other and I’m on the bed screaming at my cat to DO SOMETHING!!!  I bang on the wall, the mouse doesn’t take his eyes off the cat, Paisley is looking at me like stop banging on the damn wall!!  At this point I have faith my cat will kill the mouse but right now they are having this aggressive stare down.  After what seems like hours, it was probably 5 or ten minutes Paisley makes her move only for the damn mouse to jump in the bag.  She looks pleased with herself and then proceeds to go lay down, I’m like uuuuuhhhhh, the mouse is still in the bag (yes I am talking to my cat).  I run past the cat and the bag, manage to get a robe on and run downstairs. I have a night caregiver for my mom  My nerves are FRIED!!! I say Are you ok with a mouse Tiffany (her name)?  She’s like ooooh yeah mice don’t bother me.  So I’m like GOOD I need for you to come upstairs and get this mouse in my room.  She was so matter-of-factly about it and calm.  SO she goes in the bag lifts up the other bags in there and said nothings in here and I’m like YES THERE IS!!! She is trying to calm me down by saying it probably ran somewhere else and probably left the house.  I’m like NO IT DIDN’T!!!! and then I know I’m am not about to get no sleep cause I’m leaving all the lights on.  She goes back downstairs and I calm myself down only slightly.  I go and take some ibuprofen and the chamomile tablet I bought to help me sleep.  I get back in bed and the mouse reappears!! This time it’s at the front of the bag and Paisley is not right there.  It jumps on another bag (I have a lot of bags in my room don’t judge me LOL) runs down the hallway, make a quick pit stop in the cat food, and this is when Paisley finally jumps into action and tries to get it.  It is now behind the filing cabinet I have in the hallway.  Oh wait when it was on the bag I was in bed yelling TIFFANY!!! I NEED YOU!!! TIIIIFFFFFANNNY… and she didn’t even hear me.  So when the mouse was behind the cabinet I ran to the steps and called her again.  She is calm yet again and moves the cabinet and is like I don’t see it.  I’m like IT’S RIGHT THERE!!! So then she was like aaaawwww it’s so cute **blank stare** CAN YOU GET IT?!?!?  So she says do you have a bucket.  I said I have a trash can so I threw all the contents out and gave it to her.  She hit the wall and the mouse ran into the trash can.  Again... my nerves are FRIED!!  And I’m like WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH IT!?!?!  I want her to kill it but then… you know God’s creature.  So she takes it outside and throws it in the yard.  Now of course I’m like well what if it comes back in?!?!? I try to calm myself down I need some wine no wait something stronger vodka!! No wait let me just sit for a minute.  I go back upstairs and attempt to go to sleep but E V E R Y sound I hear I jump.  I get a call from a very unlikely person (another story for another day) who calms me down and I finally drift off to sleep AND at one point I even turn all the lights out.  I am a praying woman and I believe in praying for specific things.  So me and adult Jesus (cause LBJ don’t always be listening all the time) had a conversation and I explained that the only animals I want in my home are of the people and cat variety AND THAT’S IT!! I understand that the mouse was more afraid of me but I just can’t handle it being in my house at all ever.  I remember one night years ago, even before I got my cat that one just stared at me from the fireplace.  I had a conversation with it and told it I really needed for him to leave my house.  I was dressed to go to a partay in fact I was going to see my DJ Oji.  By the time I got back I just went on to sleep knowing he had listened to me LOL.

I think the 2^nd day of fall I bought 2 lawn chairs.  I went most of the summer without doing much in my backyard, but now I wanna sit and have sangria on these chilly ass days.  Now I need to go get a fire pit and mull some cider and put rum in it.

I’m sitting here sleepy as heck and yesterday I actually went to sleep in my meeting.  It was hella embarrassing but sometimes those voices get so monotone and the information so unneeded.   It was important to someone just not me at that moment LOL I tried to participate and I kept looking at everybody else who seemed so bright eyed and bushy tailed and my eyes just kept closing.

The above was last week… I totally thought I posted it but nah… I am trying to last until 5 but if I make it til 4:30then that will be a plus.  It’s not even that I’m particularly tired I just don’t want to be here.  I did have a bit of the sleepy eye in my meeting but I held tight and stayed awake today! Yay me : )

LOL

i couldn't think of a title that what had happened to the last blog...

I totally wrote a blog last Friday and then totally deleted it!  I do remember something about me being excited about getting a massage WHICH I did get and it was wonderful.  I really do like groupon and living social because even though I missed the deal it still pointed me in the direction of a nice little spot in Catonsville. I was knocked OUT!  I had an add on foot scrub and he, oh yeah I have this cute little guy as my masseuse, asked my how it was.  I was like I'm sure it was great but I was totally sleep!

And then I think I talked about orange and pumpkin, because this time of year is all about color and flavor.  I bought the 2 glass containers from the Dollar store which are orange and I limited myself to 2 because we all know I could have bought ALL of the orange glass bottles because... I have hoarding tendencies. And then there is the pumpkin which is every freaking where!  So people have gone to the extreme with the pumpkin spice latte, but I really do like the pumpkin and I used to really look forward to going to the IHOP to get the pumpkin pancakes.  I mean I still do but since it is everywhere it's not as special as it used to be.  There was a whole pumpkin display at the Giant and I only bought (ONLY LOL) the pumpkin crackers and pumpkin sauce. The cracker has cranberries and sunflower seeds similar to the crackers I got at Trader Joes and I really need to go BACK to Trader Joes to get that bomb ass soft goat cheese.  The sauce I made the other day and for some reason I put WAY to many red pepper flakes in the sauce.  It just needed  something and that wasn't it but I'm still going to eat it because... PUMPKIN!!

Today's Bing pic is a high level picture of the Hoover Dam. I remember as a kid going on a tour was it a church group?!? Yeah it had to be because we were in Las Vegas for the Progressive National Convention for my grandmother who was in office as either the VP or the president of the Women.  That was a big deal and she took conventioning so seriously LOL but so this is about the other grandmother who didn't take the convention as seriously and needed a lil shopping and a lil tour to break up the meetings and sermons.  So she was always giving me her camera to take pictures.  And that was back in the day when there were actual cameras and actual film. We were only a few steps away from polaroids.  So anyway she handed me the camera and I opened the back thinking it needed film but it already had film and I messed up ALL of the pictures because it was all exposed.  And I felt so bad because she didn't have another roll of film.  And then we went to a buffet place for lunch and I almost got left cause I was taking to much time in the bathroom.  And that is my memory!!

Everyone has black or something dark on today including me and I probably should have worn yellow or pink because it is such a gloomy day.

I have worn these braids I currently have since 8/27/15 and it literally just occurred to me as I looked in the mirror and said to myself Chick, you need to take these shits OUT this weekend.  I now have a plan for my weekend, although I would like to do something during the Free Fall Baltimore.  I always miss out.  Tomorrow is the free Baltimore Zoo from 10-4.  I have 1/2 a mind to play hooky, but I do enjoy eating and buying stuff from the QVC and my hours are already crazy for this week so maybe I'll take off a few hours.  I have been living in Baltimore for 20 years and have not been to the Zoo or Aquarium and that is kinda sad.  SO the Zoo is about the only thing I want to do... and the only other thing "August Wilson's 'Fences' is sold out.  so we'll see how tomorrow goes.

staring monsters in their face... with grace!

I have managed to not lotion my calves for pretty much the whole summer.  I get my thighs and my feet but for some reason the calf is just too much.  Today on this chilly almost fall day I decided to wear capris.  I just looked down and wouldn’t ya know it ASH!!  I must do better, ash is never acceptable.

There is just so much on my mind at any given moment I really have to remind myself to just breathe and stop thinking. 

One of my co-workers who I actually like (imagine that!?!?) just told me his ear drums were blown by how loud my music was in my car in the parking lot.  I am only slightly embarrassed.  I gotta get my mind right before I get in this place and granted I listen to music most of the time, I can’t really sing at the top of my lungs like I can in the hooptie.  Today’s selection was Jill Scott’s WOMAN.  When I tell you don’t get stuck on that song they play on the radio I mean it!  Fool’s Gold is good, but the majority of the cd is GREAT!! Do I go through each song or give you the highlights?!?!? I only don’t like about 2 ½ song.  That ½ is cause I gotta listen real good before I can say yay or nay.  ‘Wild cookie’ is spoken word over a beat.  We all know what the cookie is?!?  It’s not really a sex song but more of an intro to the CD.  my favorite line… ‘you could get a coupla things, but THINGS are THINGS!!’ Next is ‘Prepared’.  This one you could kinda tell she was writing and then just said THIS GON BE A SONG!! ‘Run, run, run’ is one of the songs I’m not really feeling.  I think it’s supposed to be a throwback to like a 60’s doo wop kinda song.  But next… OH the next song, this needs a little build up.  NeoSoul Café is one of the internet stations I listen to and found back when I was trying to find a non-blocked stream of music at one of the 50eleven contract site, and this is pre-iPod.  So anyway this station has a soundcloud of mixes.  Actually they used to have a bunch of mixes from a lot of different dj’s. This mix I listened to was from Will Downing.  He does The Wind Down soul session.  Not really my typical work day music because will he winding down and I need to be amped up to work up in here!!  First time I listen to the mix, first song a voice comes on ‘I got something on my back that I need to get off baby….’ Wait I know this voice. Who is this?!?!  At this point we all know I have stopped working and I am trying to find the track listing.  No list written anywhere; so I continue listing and then he FINALLY gets back on the mic to say that was Jill Scott ‘Can’t Wait’. I’m already not working and I immediately go to Amazon and buy the cd.  This song is FIYAH!!! There are so many layers to it that it seems each time I hear something new. I think it is my favorite on the cd.  She is in love and she got so much shit to do be she can't wait to be loved by you!!  ‘Lighthouse’ is next it has a trap beat (am I using that right?!? I am going to you tube it… yep I’m using it right!!), so it’s up-tempo. Lay your burdens down lay them down.  It’s funny how that is a thing, trap music. ‘Fool’s Gold’ is what you will hear on the radio and it’s ok… but it is the typical he-did-me-wrong-but-ima-be-alright kinda song.  Just like really girl?!?!  ‘Willing’ is an interlude.  It’s saying you want me to be all these things, loyal, flawless etc… but you are NOT willing to do the same.  Cause that is the norm (most) men always want what they won’t do themselves. ‘Closure’ is the comedy but oh so true song. When you break up sometimes you need a last romp to make sure you made the right decision and/or it was good but there needs to be more to the relationship.  Miss Jill is very clear in this song we DID break up and I aint cooking you no breakfast neither.  At the end the guy says ‘the closure starts today!?’ and I laugh every time I hear the song. ‘You don’t know’ is a song she sang on one of them award shows earlier in the year to get us ready for this cd.  This is so full of life!  So like if you never ____________(fill in the blank) then you don’t know nothing about LOVE!! She is pouring her heart out.  This is ALL she got left to give! ‘Pause’ follows in the vein of ‘Hear my call’ this is a plea ‘It’s me… I’m calling to schedule a nervous NO make that NECCESARY breakdown!’ Maybe why I like this cd so much is because it speaks to my soul right now.  ‘Cruisin’ on the evening breeze to clear my mind… take my time so I can breathe!! YES!!  ‘Say thank you’ is that ½ song.  I gotta listen again cause I’m just not sure about it. Yeah nah… not my thing. This is where I get stuck cause after ‘Cruisin’ I generally done… ‘Back together’ (is nice i forgot about this one), ‘Coming to you’ (the other one I don’t like), ‘Jayrah…’ (a song for her son).  Finally ‘Beautiful love’ is a duet by someone I don’t know but you know… google.  His name is BJ the Chicago kid.  He has a really nice voice and the song is really nice.  So yes run don’t walk to your nearest wrecka sto and get you WOMAN by Jilly from Philly!! 

One of my other co-workers brought in some old bay cheese puffs.  I am so trying not to be that chick but I want to eat them ALL!!! They are sooooo good and they have a slight hint of staleness which makes them even better I don’t know why, it just IS better.  What I really want to do is stuff as many cheese balls into my mouth and crunch down like I did when I was a kid, but I am trying to keep it cute.  I asked her where she got them and then said NO WAIT don’t tell me because I will be a glutton if they reside in my house.  I don’t handle snacks well in my house.  I didn’t grow up with them and I don’t ration them out well.  So when I buy chips I eat a few the first day, but then I eat the rest of the bag.  It’s a wonder the wasabi ginger Lay's have made it longer than a few days; maybe becasue they are kettle chips and that takes more effort to chew?!!

i'm the BOSS lady, busy handling and managing...

I do try to be an unpetty as possible.  Some days are good and some weeks I can go on and on without coming up for air with the amount of pettiness I can spew.  Here lately because I am so aware of it, it has lessened a bit OH BUT it’s still there right in the middle of my thoughts, not the back nor the forefront, but the middle.  Kinda like middle earth (LOL for my Hobbit/Lord of the ring people… I said the other day that one of my co-workers looked like Viktor Krum and I got a good old blank stare.  Yes I’m  a nerd I own it… and I’m digressing).  I was reading some old blogs and I remember how I worked at a small office and I had a name for everybody the Tweedles, RedNECK, and what was the other one?!?!  Anyway no one here has really inspired a name well at least not anyone on my immediate team but I do have a few.  Wanna hear em?  Here they go… 2 are butt related because well something about a butt just makes me either laugh or stop and stare.  In this case I stop and stare at Sturdy Booty.  Sturdy Booty is a white woman who I have no idea what her name is but she used to sit not too far from me.  It’s sturdy not just because the size of it, but don’t get me wrong, IT’S BIG!  But then she clomps by like a freaking horse.  You know I have a thing about women not being dainty.  Not that I’m the daintiest chick in the world but I am stealth!  You don’t hear me coming unless I want you to, I could be a spy!!  Today she is in the kitchen and clomps by and I had to stop and see what monstrosity was on her feet.  She had these beige patent leather (yo I’m not even going there… but really PATENT LEATHER?!?!? In beige??? Which I guess could be called nude but ANYWHO.... **update** i saw 3 other women today with beige patent leather so maybe I am not the fashion forward one here LOL) with some patterned pants and nothing looked like it went together and I’m getting lost in my story. Alls I’m tryna say is Sturdy Booty is now and forever shall be her name.  And then there is a black guy, now his booty is not big, but (ha ha BUT) he still has a booty name.  His name is prissy booty.  He has a little switch and he may be straight as an arrow (I don’t judge!) but he is just a prissy man.  Not that anything is wrong with that, some men just are.  Just like some women are NOT.  Then we have the troll series. LAWD I’m so mean.  So we have Blond Troll, Black Blond Troll, Big Troll. They are short and mean looking chicks, cause you know I’m such a tall chick so I can talk about short chicks. AND THEN ok last one... Bollywood.  Now this particular man just looks like the lead in any given Bollywood production, he’s pretty with thick long black hair. So this one is less mean (I think).  These are my thoughts today!

The whole republican party is a joke to me.  I really have not been paying that much attention but I do know that Donald Trump is not real life.  He is going to be NO ONE's president and this is a distraction from something else.  And then that idiot Sarah Pallin ( I saw on someones page) goes on to say she would be a good energy secretary but that she would let the states decide what they do with the natural resources.  AND THEN Huckabee and Ted Cruz are just as big idiots supports that woman in Kentucky who decided to not give marriage licenses to gay couple because it is not God's will.  I don't know what God she serves but clearly it aint he one I do. Not to mention it's the freaking law and that is your job so if you really feel that way, get another job!!  It really would be interesting if she would have gotten the same 'support' if she was black or another religion.

I've said it before and I'll probably KEEP saying it.  Teeth are important.  If you smoke or do drugs or just don't do whatever it is that you need to do to keep your teeth and that leads to you losing your teeth, go buy you some!!  It is 2015.  My grandfather back in the 80's lost every single tooth in his 
head but he went out and bought him some!!  Same with my Aunt Lilly... she bought her some!  Sometimes alls you need is a few teeth... so go out and get you a partial plate. Alls I'm saying is there is no good reason unless you are like allergic to the plastic or something drastic like that, that you should smile and not have no damn teeth.  AND THEN even though you aint got no teeth, how is that you pull men/women?!?!  **SMH** i just don't get it and I need for someone to splain it to me like I'm a 4 year old. 

A few people have really disappointed me lately but then I have to take a step back and refer to my old standby, The Four Agreements.  This little bit of literary genius is in my bathroom so I've been doing a little reading when I... uhhh... GO!! The main one i go to is 'Don't take anything personal' and i do try but that doesn't always alleviate the hurt feelings that as a human being I feel when someone let's me down or when I expect more from you.  But that's MY expectation and you a grown ass adult just like me you should do you boo boo... just like I am so hard trying to do me.   

Moscato is a real wine and it's okay for everyone to like it but me.  I just got a bottle in my $99 box-o-wine and I am already making plans to give it away.  It might actually be good but I will probably never know.  

I need for the people to finish all the lines at the McDonough and Painters Mills intersection because mofos can barely drive as it is so WHY should I expect them to see the little lines drawn in?  I find myself doing a whole lot of extra cursing at this stupid intersection like WHY THE FUCK DID YOU JUST MAKE A NEW LANE?!?!? Can't you see the fucking lines like I just saw them?  WHY are you getting from behind me to make a new lane?!?!  Oncoming traffic I know be saying the same thing.  

About a week ago I went into my downtown Woodlawn braiding shop, ask the owner's sister if I could come back the next day at 4:30, she says no come at 4 cause a 1/2 hour makes a difference so that's what I do.  I rush home, pick out my hair, blow dry it to make it a little straighter and go into the the shop.  There are 3 braiders, 1 of whom is the owners sister who says to me, can I help you like she never ever ever saw me in her whole entire life.  I was like YEAH I came in yesterday, remember?  **blank stare** You told me to come in at 4. **more blank staring** UUuuuhhh so can you braid my hair or what?!?! At this point I'm thinking is she kidding, serious, or am I on punk'd?!?!?  Cause I can carry myself and my freshly washed hair to the place up at Security and they won't give me no grief... WELL yes they will because ALL African braiding shops give EVERY black woman and child grief about something or another.  SO I sit down and let her calculate time, money and effort cause I can see it on her face.  She calls another braider but somehow I missed that step.  So after about 20 minutes, it's now close to 4:30 to original time I said I could come in but SHE insisted I come in at 4 which I did so she gets hair and asks me what color I want.  ALTHOUGH in retrospect if I had come at 4:30 she would said something stupid like come back tomorrow so yeah... 4PM  

I almost cringe when folks ask how my mom is.  I know I probably scared my co-worker today.  I had the good fortune to call at the exact moment the doctor was in the front office and she answered a few of my questions and is going to refill my mom's prescription.  She then says I'm putting her on hold to her assistant and then like lays the phone down and I can hear everything.  Thank LBJ nothing real personal was said because that would have been several HIPAA (or HIPPA?) violations.  I say hello HELLO CAN YOU HEAR ME?!?!? My co-worker comes over and says OH not to put any pressure on you BUT I NEED THIS TODAY!!  I'm like ok let me look AND then she says Oh I'm sorry are you on the phone? I said yes but they have me on hold **air quotes** and I need to ask something about my mom.  And then she says well is your mom ok?  I say oh not at all!!  People expect you to say everything is fine, and most of the time I indulge them because who wants to go into and even hear the gory details?   Her face was like OH LAWD I'M SORRY I ASKED but then also, Well what is the problem?  People want to know but not really.  I don't take for granted the time I have with my mother.  Both of my grandmothers lost their mothers at a very young age and I know it has to be hard to not have your mother around.  But this woman is not the same woman I grew up with.  The fearless do everything woman is now the afraid of the slightest touch and just leave me alone woman and it's hard some days.  

Here's something funny/ridiculous... my evil neighbor (well her daughter and the band of thugs she runs with... thug is an accurate term here) has set up a used car lot in her yard.  I am so tempted to call the county and be like Can someone please come out and look at this shit?!?!?  My lawn dude and my handyman (oh yeah I had to replace my hot water tank... thank LBJ I could afford to do so) were both like, you KNOW that is illegal and you should call the county?!?!?  I just want to see how long before it is closed down.  My thought is that is really isn't a used car 'lot' but a holding place which I guess is still just as illegal.  One day I saw one of them fixing one of the cars in front of my house.  I stood there and looked at him until he saw me (bra-less with a scarf on... a sight I'm sure).  I am that neighbor who will stand in her front door to see what's going on; that is the Ethel in me ( my dad's mom with her nebby self. GOD I miss her :) He got himself together real quick and the car was moved.  I was also the neighbor who was hoping they lost their house when the whole housing crash was happening. I'm neither proud nor ashamed, but it would have been GREAT to have new and better neighbors.  I know it could be much worse.  But so that's that.  Oh yes this is the 'tree' neighbor, which that fallen tree is still lying right where God made it fall.  

You ever wear something and then remember WHY you don't wear it often?  I have this cute little green and white print dress, which on the hanger it is the perfect summer dress.  BUT ON, oh it's a disaster.  I have boobs, big ones I should say.  This dress has this little elastic... not elastic maybe gathered material that should hit the normal sized boobed woman right at her waist.  Well it hit me not even below the boobs.  SO I had to constantly pull down and check for correct dress distribution.  And then I put a slip on even though Oprah said back in the 90's we don't need to wear slips, but with this dress I totally did need to.  I was walking into work and the slip was hanging down almost to my ankles (ok not really LOL).  It was just a mess and it has a lower than what I normally wear back so my braids kept hitting my back so now they are all up in a ponytail.  The official end to summer was this past weekend so it can get tucked away only to be pulled out next year with, unless I lose like 500 lbs, will have the same results.  

I'm convinced my sickly cubemate co-worker got me sick!  She was coughing up both lungs last week and now I have a stopped up nose and a cough.  It took a lot for me to not call out today because I need my paycheck to not look as minimal as it had been. speaking of which I need to put some kleenex in my bag.  

I worked a 70+ year old birthday party this past weekend and insisted on taking the ice for the cookout that was supposed to happen on Monday that never did.  Now I have a cooler full of 4 bags with water LOL

i was looking for a good title... random shit it is!!

When you go into the bathroom and you know instantly that she didn’t bothered to practice courtesy flushing.  And then the woman looks all guilty cause SHE KNOW she the one who made it smell all bad. It’s just not that hard ladies.  We all have to do what we have to do but COME ON!!

When you do Facebook stalking be sure to NOT like any pics and if you do cause you know fat fingers or whatever, unlike real fast and pray they don’t get a notification for everything that happens on their page.  I remember one time I was getting a notification for everything which can get real annoying and I mentioned that I saw what I know he had said on my page but then deleted it.  And then he tried to act like I was crazy.  NO FOOL I saw what you said and it’s not a big deal (cause it really wasn’t) but what you won’t do is act like it didn’t happen when it really did.

So of course I was doing a little Facebook stalking and got a little caught up in my feelings of nostalgia.   It used to be so much easier and I long for those days. Now it’s just hard!! Getting on the same page is near impossible and there are too many games that I just don’t have time for and too many babies and mamas to think about and schedules that don’t sync up and everything else in between.

WHY is there hair on my shit that aint mine!! AND WHY does that little girl have on DOUBLE platform shoes at work?!?!? Why does the mail dude always look a lil… off?  and lastly WHY is the first thing I see as I leave is the security guard's big butt?  Cause I like big butts and I cannot lie!! 

I don’t like busy bodies and to me that means folks (usually women) who are just always in everything when it does not concern them and/or they are always trying to be the center of whatever which is usually MESS!

I put the cat food upstairs because my finicky ass cat decided she couldn’t eat while someone else was in the room and here lately there is always someone in the room.  SO now this fool rushes downstairs and then is like OH SHIT my food is upstairs!!

For the life of me I do not understand why it is so hard for people to do their job.  I have had 50eleven jobs and I have always done not only what was required of my but sometimes I went above and beyond because that’s just what was called for. Now because of the environment I am in, folks are SOOOOOOOOOOO fucking busy all the time.  And y’all know I hate that as an excuse.  SO I ask you a direct question for information that should be at your fingertips but you want to send me to 2 other locations that I have to do the research!??!  NAH son... I'm good. I don't even need the info, this was for the director.  SO in the back and forth emails of you telling me what YOU not gon do, you coulda just gave me the damn information.  Let's see how accommodating I am when you need something from me... 

The reason for the blog today.  I have moved from my 'who gon check me' mode because really WHO IS gon check me? to 'How is that my problem?'  Lately it just seems like people have so many excuses that do not affect me in the way in which it affects them.  Your emergency is not MY emergency nor my priority!  And while I don't lack empathy, I'ma need for you to do what I need. For instance, my mom (aka the roommate) was just recently at a rehab facility that in retrospect didn't do much rehab at all, but anyway she was getting pain meds round the clock.  On a particular day i went to check with the nurse to see if he had given her the meds.  His response was well I am really busy and all these family members keeps asking me questions.  So you know I did a quick jerk reaction and I stopped just short of saying what the fuck do you mean?!?!  Instead I said EXCUSE ME? I AM a family member and my mother is in pain and you being busy  is not really my concern. His poor planning and not reading his notes led to her getting her meds 2 hours later than she should have.  so wait maybe that wasn't a good example... But ok (LOL) here is a better one, again dealing with the roommate, I have several caregivers because even though I have multiple skill sets, getting the gown over my mom's tight right arm has proven to be near impossible FOR ME!  These women come in here and have her dressed in 5 minutes.  So anyway the other night one of them said she needed to get here at 8.  I said well the hours are 7-7 so if you can't make it then.... So she proceeds to say OH BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER HOURS!!! if it were on another day then I could do it.  The whole entire time she is talking I'm like How is that my problem?  I am all for people going back to school (which was her reason/excuse) so that they can do what they need to do in their lives.  But MY need is for someone to be at this here house in downtown Woodlawn from 7pm to 7am.  So no... not my problem.