I'm K-I-T! Kit!! I'm keeping it together now!

I have been really laughing at myself lately on just how long it takes me to get started with doing actual work.  It is quite embarrassing… well no not really that’s just how I am.  So here goes.  My goal is to leave my house between 7:30-7:45 from my house to get to work about 8 – 8:15(ish).  It’s a good day if I start my coffee by 7:45, take my meds, eat, and walk out by 8.  Usually I can get the coffee and meds done without hassle, but eating is always a little tricky.  Do I eat oatmeal?  Do I stop at Mickey D’s?  Or Chick-fil-a which is in the opposite direction and I’m already running late so maybe I’ll just get a bagel at the cafeteria at work.  Man I wish there was a little café on the way to work which I think that one place across from Windsor Inn is but no one is ever in there and it looks a lil suspect.  Get to work usually by 8:30 or so, sit at my desk turn on computer and check email.  ALL email, work, and personal and OH someone mentioned me on the Facebook so let’s click on and see what they said. Stay on there for longer than I will admit.  WAIT I’m still hungry!!  SO I go to the caf and hope there is no line at the bagel station.  There usually is not.  Eat and then see if my team lead is in the office.  GREAT he’s not and didn’t bother to tell me so let me see what I’ma do today.  Check emails again.  I need to get my water, sit back down.  NOW I have to go to the bathroom which I probably coulda did when I went to get the water but that would’ve been too much like right.  Oh now my co-worker comes in so we have to chat about whatever! Did I plug my iPod in?  If not I need to do that because it does not hold much charge and I need a good song to get my day started.  Ok... cue up the house music and let’s go!!

I just got a new phone.  Which is not technically my first smartphone, but since the last 2 I had didn’t do anything without any great effort I called them dumb phones, so now I have a SMART phone and I don’t see what all the hoopla is about.  I mean I get it, but do I really need to be this connected to just EVERYTHING?!? The short answer is NO!!  It is a nice distraction, but distraction is exactly what it is.  I signed up for Instagram and within seconds, not minutes SECONDS I had people following me.  I still don’t know why because I haven’t posted a thing. There are a few hair and make-up bloggers that I wanted to follow but I didn’t realize you could just follow folks all willy nilly and in turn they can follow you. It’s a little unsettling.  I signed up for Yelp because I like food and I like to see what people have to say about it.  I added facebook.  And some kinda way because everything is Google based, it synced (syanc?) everything from my Google profile.  So that means I have contacts/emails in my phone that I have no desire to have in my phone like BillCENSUS!  He was a dude I worked with back in 2010 when I worked on the Census.  Am I ever gonna call or email him again, NO!!!  I don’t know how to undo it.  And then when I started adding my contacts it wants to attach to people that are already in the phone that did the sync already.  I know this is a learning curve but I feel a little vulnerable now.  And I downloaded Viber to chat with my bff all the way on the other side of the world.  So those are the dets on the phone.

Sometimes I want to yell to people JUST LISTEN!!  Don’t talk, don’t have a comeback (witty or otherwise) just listen!  By the time I get around to posting this the conference I am preparing for hopefully will have been successfully over.  Some of these planning meeting have been a hoot.  So a person from 1 committee says there will be 2 screens at the venue SO WHY do hands go up after she is finished to ask how many damn screens there will be?!?!? If you just listened… **loud sigh** Another, good rule is FOLLOW DIRECTIONS!! It’s just usually a good general rule of thumb.

I don’t know whose bright idea it was to only have microwaves on the bottom floor.  Probably the same person who didn’t bother to put very many closets in the building. And probably the SAME man who did not provide me ample space in the rest room, except for the handicap stall, because he is a man, I’m sure of it, and he didn’t think about the toilet paper holder touching my leg when I have to go.  This is supposed to be a green building, but there is so much wasted space that I could freaking scream.  For starters, does food smell that bad that I can’t have a microwave on my floor?  If it is a well vented area, what is the problem? And does every area have to hide the trash cans and supplies that it takes me all morning to find a spoon?  Every day I think I am going to find the hidden closets because I am still convinced that they are there an no one is clueing me in on the secret because how else do you explain rows and rows of cubicles with nowhere for people to put their coats?  It is getting chilly I need a space to put my coat and since you gave me a short ass cubicle I can’t hang my coat here.  And the one over in that other department has supplies in it so please tell me what I am to do?!?  AND THE BATHROOM!!!  Why must all doors except for the handicap door swing in?  Is there some bathroom law that says they have to swing in instead of out? And I am not no little chick so me and the girls need ample space to get in and out of the space.  There are very few public bathrooms that work well because they all seem to have poor placement of the toilet paper holder(s), the sanitary napkin bin, and then seat liner if they are provided at all.  I need to find the rest room association and join it to help change the design of bathrooms everywhere to make them work better for me and then in turn everyone else!  I’m sure it is male dominated and I am sick of it!!!

This is for my natural chicks… and ALL WOMEN… calm down ladies!!  It’s just hair!!  So I have been seeing a lot of rants lately about how people feel their hair is being perceived and maybe it just hasn’t happened to me (yet) so I’m not tripping.  One of the bloggers I watch pretty regularly had an issue with one of her male (and gay) co-workers saying another natural co-workers hair was ‘wild and crazy’.  She went OFF!  Like straight off the deep end and I sat there and watched the video and thought really girl?!?!  Another woman does protective styles because she doesn’t know how her mostly white women co-workers will say.  What I have to say to that is most days my hair IS wild and crazy and FABULOUS!! It just is!!  And I’m not really concerned what folks say or think, and that probably is the difference.  I think initially I was very defensive and ready for a fight if someone said something crazy.  But after I came in the office and I got so many compliments after I cut it all off, whatever tensions I had were eased.  My selfie steam is intact!! But I guess I’ll speak on it if and when it happens to me.

I don’t know what the age is and if it should just apply to everyone, but what you need to do is put the phone down and stop driving in slow motion!!  We are on the beltway ma’am sir and calling whomever can really wait!!

Happy Premise #3 - Even though i feel like I might ignite, I probably won't!

So they have been hitting all things Jewish really hard at the assisted living in the good Pikesville MD.  I don’t know why but Hava Nagila gets the roommate going. She has been known to throw her hand in the air and wave it like she just don’t care!

I swear to all that is holy and good that folks feel like they can say any ole thing online and in the comments section and not give a second thought to it being mean, hurtful or unkind.  I mean really?!?!  I know people use online as a way to hide, but not me.  If I say it online please believe I’ll say it to your face!

The other day I came home to a huge pile of dog sh… POO in my yard.  As much as I wanted to blame my neighbor that has a dog, it’s a little dog and this was BIG pile o poo.  So this morning it took me forever to get myself together and when I opened the door to walk out I see a man and Benny the bulldog (LOL) but he has him on a leash so even though I side eye them both I don’t harass them.  Then up the street I see the crazy ass black dog.  Now this fool has run himself in the middle of the street and the car thankfully stopped so the silly owner could come get him.  The dude with the bulldog has stopped walking too because he doesn’t know what this dog is going to do.  The black dog looked playful but you just never know.   This while my neighbor across the street has 2 big trucks coming in and out of his driveway because he is getting some tree work done and I’m standing there fussing at one truck for driving the wrong way up my one way street and watching the silly owner and black dog (he just HAD to be black).  I noted the house but since I already cleaned up the mess I couldn’t point to it and fuss, BUT I KNOW it was that damn dog!!!  It’s probably the same dog I told to go home… no wait that dog was a pit bull and when I yelled at him, he went home (LOL).  I bought something from PetSmart with pepper and citronella as a deterrent.  I’m not trying to hurt nobody’s dog I just don’t want them to poop in my yard.

On Iyanla Fix my life she had a man who had 34 children with 17 women.  And I thought about myself and immediately knew that could not be me. I can’t even date someone with too many kids.  I remember 2 guys both were handsome in their own way.  One had 4 kids, well 5 but he counted the set of twins as 1 which even when he said that my libido just went down to the ground.  Oh wait, this was the same fool that did naked push-ups LMAO Anther story for another day… The other had 4 kids 4 baby mothers and I just kept thinking my baby can’t be #5 NOR can I be baby mama #5.  Not that I wanted to have kids or kid with either of them but as a childless single chick it’s something I think about. His deal was 1 kid he just found out was his; 1 was in Nebraska (yeah I know Nebraska??!) and 2 were in Baltimore; 1 with his sister’s best friend the other with some random woman.  BLANK STARE!!  Yeah he had already too much drama.  So then I’m seeing the promos for this show and I still do not know how you get caught up in mess like that unless you just want to.   He must have been spitting and/or slanging some high end shiznit to have that many women.  I mean who dates their friend’s man?  AND has a kid with him!??  And then you still stay with him and have a few kids with him.  And that’s only 2 of them!!  I would have loved if she had ALL of them and as many kids as she could fit in like an auditorium or something.  And I get why the older kids were like just forget it! We don’t need you now!!  It’s a bad situation all the way around.  And them damn baby dolls!!!!  That was thee most hilarious thing Iyanla has done.

I am having a rough morning as I laugh at myself.  So I left my coffee in the cafeteria and got a side eye glance from the dude in the bagel line as I walk right to the front to grab my mug.  I get to my desk proceed to drink and wonder why my dress is wet, OH that would be from the hole in the insulated mug/cup thing.  Why a hole, well that would be because I did  a horrible packing job when I attempted to pack them in the bag I just purchased on the cruise to carry all the crap I bought on the various islands.  SO it had a handle which broke and I tried to repair it, but I stuck it in the dishwasher and the glue melted off (imagine that).  Now it’s just a hole.  And I keep sticking it in the dishwasher and that part keeps getting filled with water which is why my dress is now wet!  Thankfully it is of a polyester variety so it will dry quickly.  And of course I now also have a coffee scented keyboard!! Oh the joys of being me…

Happy Premise #2 - the is no giant foot trying to squash me

So here’s the deal.  I had the bright idea to color my already red colored hair honey blond.  I’m not sure why I thought it was a good idea… I mean I REALLY don’t know why I thought that it was a good idea.  I saw the box in the store and I was like OH yeah!  That’ll be cute!  But what had happened is the turnout was HORRIBLE!!  I have some video and I’ll attach it as soon as I edit it so you too can see the fuckery that is now my hair.  The good thing is that I have an appointment this afternoon to correctify this mess! 

I always forget how people are here, and maybe everywhere.  I mean there are always the few nice folks who are just nice to everyone and then there is everyone else.  So there is a white chick that just refuses to look my way in the hallway.  I’m making it real easy on her.  I just look away too when she walks by.  It is silly, catty, and childish but sometimes that’s what you gotta do.  There is a black chick that is attempting to do the same thing but she looks me up and down so maybe her attempt is just to be rude, who knows.  What I do know is she needs to go get her toes done cause while you looking me up and down chick I’m looking you up and down too and your shit aint right!!

Deep breathe… and onto non mean girl things!!

Breath of fresh air

Breathe of fresh air

Hmmm…. I got some auto correction going on **smh**

I don’t have a whole lot to say today.  It is getting chilly and I am not prepared for it.  I need to pull out my tote of fall/winter clothes so I can dress a little better for the weather.  And I need to bring in my heater which I know is contraband, but my knees be chilly so who gon check me boo? Amidst my current hair issue I have the nerve to look like Jackie Moon today.  It’s just BAD all the way around LOL.  And on the note of vanity I need for there to be more mirrors in this building.  I am in a new building and the old building had mirrors on the elevator doors so you know you could check yourself before you got much further in the building. I mean you might have a boog, or your pants might be unzipped or just whatever.  I have 2 mirrors at my desk, well 3 (LOL).  One to check for boogies, the other to make sure no one sneaks up on me.  It falls often, but it’s in a good position today.  The other is to also check for boogies and tooth crud.  The struggle is REAL!!  I don’t know why that term is so popular alla sudden.  Hasn’t whatever struggle always been real?  At least it’s real to whoever is going through it.  And are we really in struggle mode all the time?  I have questions, but who has the answers?!?

I had to remind myself the other day that zombies are not my lane.  So there is a tv show starring Harold Perrineau from Best Man movies and I like to remember him from Lost tv show.  So I’m like ok it might be good.  AND THEN a zombie bit something or someone or jumped out and I was like OH HELL NO!!  This is not my show!!  I tried it!! I did watch World War Z with Brad Pit and after I got over it being a zombie movie it was pretty funny.  I mean even though I know zombies are not real, IF they were I would not survive a zombie attack.  I would die, and I’m ok with that!!  I would not be the gun toting hero black chick; that is not my story!! I really don’t like too much scary, but the preview for Sleepy Hollow came on and I am so looking forward to it. It has a definite scary vibe, but I like for some reason.  I am looking forward to many of the new shows coming on this fall which I hope can make it past only one season.  Thanks Fox for cancelling every damn new show except Brooklyn 99 which I STILL don’t get why it is so popular.  I mean I watch and I like the characters, but it’s not THAT freaking funny.  I have learned not to get to attached to any show.

Happy Premise #1 - There are no aliens!

Wrote this a few days after Labor Day…

The other day I think my cousin thought I was joking when I said I needed a break after working for 2 weeks for the good Labor Day.  But NO it’s true!  I had a nice 2 ½ month vacation this summer.  I highly recommend it if you can afford it!  I’m not really sure how I did… well yes I do, but that’s none of your business!!  It is good to be back to work.  And for the meetings I manage to stay awake, I am productive.  Yesterday I know my team lead saw me sleeping!!  And I could not keep my eyes open for nothing.  But then they popped open and I said my important few words LOL  I had to fight to get included to most of these meetings so now I have to act like I care and have something meaningful to say.  The last go round I had such a myopic view of what was going on, so it is nice to have a big picture view of the project.  I got a nice compliment yesterday also. My manager (I think… I honestly don’t have a person that I report to) says that she is so glad I’m here and that I was requested to be on this portion of the project!  I looked at her like NO REALLY?!?!  It’s always nice when folks recognize you work.  And then it’s hilarious that they actually think I know what I’m doing!  I mean I do but some days (like today) my answer is Yes sure I can do that but then I gotta read everything to make sure I know what I just said yes to.

Spending time at an assisted living can be interesting.  It’s assisted because for the most part these people just need a little extra help, but not so much that it’s a nursing home and not so little that it’s independent living. The conversations are hilarious!  Often things get repeated because either the person asking forgot or they can’t hear you.  But these people have lived pretty long lives and they still have stuff to say!

And then this is more recent...

My refurbished iPod I bought a few years ago has decided to stop syncing and I now I have to go to the apple store to see what the heck is wrong.  If I had known almost 3 years ago that I would have been getting a better job in just a matter of months I may have sprung for a NEW iPod with all the bells and whistles but instead I got it from Game Stop and honestly it has been fine.  Before that I had the Sony Walkman MP3 player which I still do have and may have to break it out again.  So I get to Columbia mall a mere minutes before the clouds open and torrential rain comes down.  I have to get to the appointment because it took me almost a week to get it.  Two bags on my arm, I took my flip flop off and waded through the water with an umbrella I had in the car.  I get to the store sit down, legs and butt wet and bag a little wet and check in with Josh, or Chad… or Ian they all looked the same even the girl and even the black guy.  Sam comes out and I tell him my issue and he says well did you uninstall ALL Apple products?  My face was like uuuuhhhh… what do you mean? What I didn’t know because I am not an ‘Apple’ person is that along with iTunes, Apple slaps some other programs on your computer that you may not know are there.  It’s nothing harmful they mostly hang out in the back ground, but if you don’t know they are there you don’t know to uninstall them.  I’m sitting there and I ask Sam, is it ok if I pull out my computer?  It’s a Dell.  He says of course!!  I need to see what’s going on with your computer so I can help your iPod. I’m like oooookay.  So I pull out my pink Dell (yes it had to be pink) and instantly I felt all eyes on me. And then Sam clicks a few things and says he’ll be back.  He did whatever he needed to do, reinstalled everything and it synced (sank?) right away!  I was so happy!!  I really was because I really didn’t want to plop 200 plus bucks down on another iPod.

My thoughts on the NFL…            

1.      Ray Rice – As much as I don’t want to have an opinion of course I do so here goes.  DON’T DO SHIT IN ELEVATORS!!!  There are cameras everywhere!  And that wasn’t the first time he hit that girl and probably won’t be the last.  I don’t think he meant to hit her that hard but he did and we all have seen it and they are making an example outta him.  His life is not over; this is just a blip that everyone is weighing in on.  As for his wife, I wish folks would stop calling her stupid.  That is the decision she made, to stay with Lil Ray.  I might be love it might be money but whatever it is women have made decisions to stay with men for reasons that are their own.  I’m not defending or sympathizing but it is a bad situation all the way around.

2.      Michael Sam – I think I am the onliest person who in the midst of this being a great victory for the gays all over the world thought ‘Can he play football?!?’  He was chosen next to last in the draft and I know people can have closed minds about people living the life they want to live but he wasn’t a 1^st round draft pick for a reason.  THEN he gets an EPSY award for courage… Not 1 game has been played so I’m still thinking ‘CAN HE PLAY FOOTBALL?!?’ Then he gets cut and then my thought was OH he CAN’T play football!!  He got signed to somebodies practice team and I wish him luck but I mean come on… I knew the accolades were a bit much.

3.      Lesean McCoy – This fool right here left a 20 CENT tip at a burger joint in Philly.  I’m not shocked or surprised, but I am pissed at some of the comments made by folks who have never been run back and forth by entitled people only to want more and then they leave a bad tip.  I remember many (many many) years ago serving the radio DJ’s from a radio station here in Baltimore.  It was about 7 or more of them so I could have added the tip in but I think my co-worker/trainer said well don’t add it in because they will probably leave a good tip.  SO I didn’t and they left maybe $5 on a ridiculously high bill.  But then one of them did leave more because he was embarrassed (as he should have been) by his co-workers.  If you can’t afford, or don’t want to tip, then don’t go to places that have servers.  One commenter asked how much would have been enough?  In this case the bill was like $61 so at very least 9 bucks.  I mean it’s great when you get a tip that is huge, but that’s not the norm. Celebrities or athletes probably get better service because of who they are and tips are not mandatory but COME ON!!  What he did was just mean and I think everyone should send him a tip card so this foolishness can end.

4.      Go Steelers!!!

summer days driftin away...

I was just reading some old blogs and laughing to myself how I have not become any less random than I always have been.  This summer has been pretty good.  I started a blog about my wonderful cruise and then I got side tracked (imagine that) and just didn’t finish it.  The quick and dirty (my new way of say short and sweet… but then why would it be dirty?!?! Hmmm gotta look that one up.  It has its base in programming hmmm) of my cruise was it was freaking AWESOME!! And I spent it with 2 wonderful friends.  I had a great spa treatment, I went to some great beaches, drank some good likka, danced to some great music and... yeah it was GREAT!! I had a family fun weekend in Rehoboth Beach where they had a nightly wine and cheese so you know I liked that.  And then I putzied around the house for the remainder of the summer.  I did get some things done but to the naked eye I did just about nothing!  So the week before I was to go back to work I intended to cram everything into it that I hadn’t done.  One of those things was I went to DC to visit the Martin Luther tha King Memorial.  First off, taking the metro and then walking to the actual memorial showed me just how out of shape I really am.  They had these little bikes that I could have rented, but somewhere in my crazy brain I thought it would be better to walk.  I stopped and rested more times than I care to admit and I also stopped at the World War II Memorial as well.  There is so much rich history that people from other states and countries come to absorb.  I’m only 45 minutes away and I still don’t visit and enjoy these sites like I should or could. Because I went on a random Monday, it really wasn’t busy and I got a few pics that I need to post.  In addition to that I went to see ‘Finding Fela’ which was a limited release documentary on the like of Fela Kuti.  I had seen the play a few years ago, so this kinda supplemented that play, but it still left me wanting more and throughout the movie they kept teasing with the music but they never really played much.  But it was good.  After all of that walking and metro taking I was good and ret to come home.  So I’m on the metro, I took the green line from Greenbelt and I had my music blasting.  A woman with her family, I think it was her and 2 kids maybe like 9 and 11 gets up as the train is about to stop and says ‘I need to get to Branch Ave’.  The man who got on with the suit case said ‘You went the wrong way, Branch Ave is the complete other end of the line’.  She proceeds to get hysterical and the man who is some random man says ‘Miss it’s really ok, just get off this train and get on the other side and it will take you to Branch Ave’.  By this point I have pulled off my headphones because I’m like well can I help?  And really no I couldn’t she just needed to go the other direction.  She says to the man about 3 times ‘SO I NEED TO GET OFF AND GET ON THE OTHER SIDE?!?!’  He says yes all three times. But then… I started to say, she might not have to get off, but she did because this was a ‘you aint gotta go home but you gotta get the heck off this train’ moment.  And I didn’t want to confuse her.  I get off and get on the elevator with suitcase man and a random Indian lady and I start laughing!!  WHO DOES THIS?!?!  Well me!  That’s who, but I wouldn’t have waited until the last possible stop to discover my ass was going the wrong way.  And I get it. The DC Metro is not for the faint of heart.  They arm you with that little map and you think you can conquer the world but you are from Iowa so really you and your fanny pack need to ask questions as often as possible.  The man and the woman start laughing too because we all know it could have been us.

So that was Monday. Tuesday it rained like God was about to send Noah and the arc back to earth so I didn’t leave the house.  Wednesday I was chilling in my room and I hear a loud thud.  I rush downstairs to see the roommate on the bathroom floor and the little CNA trying to lift her up.  The floor was wet; I’m pissed because I just want to chill that day but no, not in the cards for me.  So what had happened is the little girl went to the bathroom (she took a dump), sprayed Febreeze fabric spray (which means the liquid not the mist) as an air freshner. My mom (aka the roommate) went in in a rush (because even though she moves about as fast as a snail, she had to use the bathroom right that second) slipped and fell and landed on her right foot and was in a lot of pain.  We finally get her up and into my office chair which rolls, she can’t put any weight on her foot and I’m standing there like WELL SHIT!!! NOW WHAT AM I GONNA DO?!?!? I wait for about a ½ hour to let the Tylenol kick in and my mom is still in pain, I mean I have never seen her in pain like this.  SO I call 911.  While I’m on the phone I’m saying my mom fell and I can’t pick her up to get in the car; she is commentating in the background THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!! I say yes I know but can you please let me finish this call?  About 3 minutes later I hear the ambulance and the roommate goes into a straight pitiful mode.  Is that siren for ME!?!?  She definitely has a flair for the dramatic and I know she is in pain but I was like Really lady!?!?!? The EMT’s hop out and WHY are they both women?  I’m like I know we fought for equal rights and to do what the men do, but I really would have preferred a big beefy man right then.  They get her situated on the bed and then inside the truck and I follow them in my car.  Long story short, after waiting for freaking ever, it’s a sprained ankle and they put an air cast on her and a low dose of Oxy followed by the regular dose of Oxy and she was still yelling herself silly! The doctor says she can walk on it immediately and she looks at him and we (my sister and I) look at him like he has 2 heads.  Oh no sir you don’t understand, she is not just gonna walk outta here!!  Her pain is excruciating, she’s  has MS and dementia and even if she isn’t in as much pain as you think she is, SHE thinks she is in too much pain to cope with anything, so go ahead and send the social worker in here so we can figure out what to do with her.  We put her in an assisted living facility short term so she can get her pain under control and will be doing some OT and PT and have round the clock care.  If she went back home with me at 2 in the morning, what was I gonna do with her?  I still can’t lift her.  So this is the best course of action. A few days later on a 3 way call with the sibs, a woman knocks on my sister’s door and says Hello my name is whatever it is and I do home care and I’m licensed.  We were stunned at the timing of this!  She has already been out to see my mom and will be able to help with her shoulder and her foot.  So even though this has been a very VERY trying week, things are falling into place and this chick can breathe a few sighs of relief!!

I just started back to work and I have a sweet little cube in the corner.  The onliest problem is I can’t see behind me and my music is usually blasting in my headphones.  I just bought a mirror from the good ole Dollar Store, but it’s from the Dollar Store so the suction doesn’t seem to want to work. There really isn’t anyone who will be sneaking up on me but I do seem a little paranoid.  My ‘team’ is in a whole different building and because of how these building are arranged you can’t really find folks unless you know the exact quadrant they sit and even then, you will get lost. So it really is all good.  The chick is hella tired though.  I need to be going to bed at 9 instead of 11-ish.  I need to break up with Conan! 

I need to try to NOT notice things!!

Sometimes it just gets to be to much and I am overloaded with rants.  Last night I thought the vino smoothed things over BUT NO!!!  Here goes:

• If there is a DO NOT ENTER sign that means everyone.  NOT everyone BUT you!! So ma'am the little traffic jam you done caused at the post office could have been avoided if you just did not enter where you shouldn't have.
• It really is ok to wear the size you are supposed to wear.  Now you may be in denial but your size 20 butt really should not be rocking size 12 jeans
• If my appointment is at 5 then at 5:20 I don't expect for the nurse to just be taking the blood pressure and then you mosey on in at 6:10!!  My time is just as valuable as yours DOCTOR and the appointment has been on the books for months, I didn't just call the morning of and ask for you to squeeze me in.  NO MA'AM!!
• I need to be clued in on when the apocalypse is going to happen because I swear for GAWD it seems like when I only got 3 or 4 items folks have food to wait out whatever storm is acoming
• I really don't like self checkout.  But if I have to because only 2 lines are open and folks got cart FULL of food then make sure it has register tape.
• They (and they know who they are) only open a new line once ALL MY SHIT is on the belt!!! It never fails!!  I want it to fail!  I would like to be the chick getting out of line to be taken care of immediately, but that's not my story, that's not my song!!
• I am always a little slow, and I'm okay with that.  I think I was adult before I realized Madonna was talking about teen pregnancy in 'Papa don't preach'.  My mom heard me singing my heart out one day and wanted me to explain what the song meant, WELL I told her that her Papa was  preacher and she just wanted for him to leave her alone because she's in trouble.  I had no idea what 'trouble' was... ALL this is to say I really want to maintain my naiveté when it comes to Usher's new song.  Can it just be about kissing?!  Can I just believe that is all he's talking about even though he SOOOOOOOO isn't?!?
• Can the people across the street either stop buying cars or allowing people to live there??  I still can't figure out what really going on over there, but just don't park in front of my house EVERYDAY!!
• I thought the people walking up and down the street (same people) were kids.  Everyday without fail there is a group of loud ass people who walk up and then back down about a half hour later.  I opened the door one morning and caught sight of these fools... OLD FOOLS!!!  To old to be that loud so early in the morning disturbing my good sleep!!

That was last Wednesday!  Today I carried my happy ass to the IHOP in Randallstown.  WHY must it be such and adventure when I go out?  Why can't I just read my little book and NOT notice things?!?!?

• I don't know why you think OR who told you blue hair looked good, but sis it really doesn't.  NOR does the funky attitude you seem to have!!  NOR does the flower short short that cover your very big dimply ass!! Listen to people when they talk to you.  Wear your correct size... well wait that doesn't apply here it was her size (not sure wear she got them but hey)... Wear things the compliment your size
• So your barely 1 month old throws right on up on the already nasty carpet, but you and your other small child pose for a selfie?!?! Are you going to clean it up?!?
• It was clearly baby day at the IHOP.. no one told me.
• What you will do is LEAVE when you are done.  you are holding up 2 tables and the dos 2 year olds you brought with you are running everywhere and that is not cute.  I always cringe when kids do this because it is so dangerous in a restaurant.  Anything can drop on them or someone can knock them down and then you gonna be the first in line to sue someone
• the host was rocking a really nice body.  Thank you sir for spending many  hours in the gym (or jail)!!  I could not figure out his deal, but just like Shaun T,  I enjoy looking even when it aint for me!!

peachy keen jelly bean!

This week has been one for the books!  SO I went to church Sunday and that was good!  Came home threw some wings on the grill cooked some greens.  My sister stopped by to visit with me and my mom.  Monday I laid in bed with the full expectation to get up, clean up my room which always seems to be in a state of dishelvelment (hmmm that's not a word, but lets push on) and as I attempted to get up, I just couldn't!  I am still not sure why but my bed said STAY HERE and that is what I pretty much did.  I ate a few tums and that really never helped.  All I ate all day was a yogurt, some watermelon and popcorn not nearly enough but that's all I could do.  I wanted a glass of wine but my stomach said JUST TRY ME AND SEE HOW THAT WORKS OUT!!! So I didn't.  Tuesday I wanted to do all the things I had intended to do Monday but the roommate seemed to require a level of care ALL DAY that I did not anticipate so my day was basically shot.  Tuesday night I hopped in the shower and turned it to my normal spot and it didn't warm up.  I mean it was 90 degrees so a cool shower was really ok.  Wednesday, I wake up a little after 6AM and today FINALLY I am rearing to go.  I cleaned and threw away so much from my bathroom.  I got products OFF my counter and under the sink in an organized manor.  I didn't realize how many feminine, hair care, cleaning products and just shit in general I had. Not sure what I did next probably just turned on the shower for my mom and it was COLD.  HOLE UP!!!  Why is this not heating up??!? I don't hear it boiling the water (or you know whatever it does). I run downstairs to check the heater because maybe I can just light the pilot.  And then yeah uuummm me lighting the pilot probably not a good idea.  Can I even light the pilot?  So then I do a calling frenzy to everyone who has a house to see who they knew that wouldn't rip a sista off.  I hate being in the vulnerable state of being a woman.  Let's face it if it is a yellow pages company they get one whiff that I have no idea what I'm doing and the price goes up.  Oh yeah and thanks GGG for getting back to me... OH WAIT she didn't (yep I just called you out!!!  LOL).  I called the guy that redid my 1st floor bathroom and he came within an hour.  He tells me all I needed was a part!  Oh great a part!! No new heater which is good cause a chick is not employed at the current moment so yeah that would not be in the budget.  I call the 800 number and wouldn't you know it the parts depart closed a 1/2 hour before!  But Mandy or Susie or whatever here name was still was able to help me out I got the part ordered.  I had wanted Miss Shirley's but it was already to late so Coldstone it was!!  I get to the store and see 2 ladies killing their waffle cone bowls and me being me I had to ask what they had.  I prematurely did a happy dance because there were only 2 people in line and I coulda swore the man said 'yeah because Obama texted me' and I'm trying to not be in the convo even though I totally am, but hey WHERE are all the little Coldstone kids?!?  So the little girl comes from the back.  She goes to my church so I kinda expect a greeting, yep that was asking for to much!  I finally say after she is putzing around, Where are all the people?  She said the manager was in the back talking to the other people.  So people are consistently coming in and she is still the onliest one.  Finally a little dude comes out cleans his spot and is ready for me.  I place some ridiculous order in the biggest size also with the waffle cone bowl, cause hell, why not?!?! I give him a 20 for my evil $6.66 ice cream treat and he says, so you wanted change back?!!?  LITTLE BOY **smh** YOU TRIED IT!!  And your cute, but NO!!  Give me my damn change.  Literally 2 seconds after I walk outside the heavens opened and the rain cometh and with great force and wind.  I'm not sure how I thought I was going to manage a bowl full of drippy ice cream AND a stick shift and I honestly did not do a great job.  Ice cream was everywhere!!  On my hands, on my shirt, on my steering wheel, on my feet... wait how did it get on my feet?  I navigate home slurping and trying to enjoy but I really didn't cause I was being hella greedy and after trying to not keep getting messy I didn't want any more. I get home thinking SURELY the roommate would want some but she was like NOPE  she didn't want any, so to the freezer it went.  I must say though day 2 Coldstone is just as good and I did enjoy it Thursday night.  Thursday morning I jump up and plan on not leaving the house because I need my part and I need my hot water.  UPS came at 9:15 I call my dude at about 9:30 and around 3 he calls to tell me he forgot all about me.  Yeah THANKS I feel so special now.  As we are on the phone he is asking me if I have pliers?  Wait HOLE UP you are coming to my house to install a part and you aint coming with tools?!?!  How does that even work?? I mean I know I do, but I am stereotypical chick when it comes to tools.  I have the basics but having an actual tool box, yeah not so much.  So I scramble around still pissed that he even bothered coming to my house ill prepared.  I find needle nose plier, which I actually need for a project I'm about to do, which also are not the type of pliers he needs and he says oh well I guess I need to go home and get my tools.  YOU THINK!!??!!  Don't get me wrong I really like this guy and I would absolutely use him again and recommend him, but let's not be so cool that you treat me any kinda way.  You're  not doing this for free!  This is business, so come prepared!  So he comes back fiddles around LEAVES midway to go get his wife (I wish I was making this up) comes back and fixes it!  I hear the water boiling and after about 20 minutes I had hot water!! FRIDAY!  So I finally find a fabric store that I think is the same store that used to be around the corner from my house.  I am still needing to reupholster the chair I bought a few months ago and this project has taken on a life of it's own because I just can't seem to find what I want.  I go to this really high end store where the 'cheap' fabric is 44 AMERICAN dollars per yard.  Yeah I only wanted to spend about 50 bucks so I ask a few questions and exit stage left.  I spot a Dollar Store.  I have a weakness for this store because well everything is a DOLLAR!!  I get all the things I need  along with a few snacks and head to the front.  Can I mention that this particular shopping center had an overabundance of geriatrics driving and all through out the stores.  I side step one older lady who seemed to stop to look at everything.  I mean hey, a good buy is a good buy!!  I get to the front and this is when I knew my Dollar Store experience was going to shift into overdrive.  So the cashier had a look of getting over an addiction.  I'm about 85% it was something hard.  So she looks at the 3 ladies in front of me while she is checking out a little boy and says 'I'm gonna get you guys outta here real fast!' Just do your job!! Is what I immediately think and then she proceeds to sell the little boy highlighters for military families.  The lady behind me literally has 2 items and she is saying OH THIS IS TO MUCH!!! I am still trying to put on a happy face because I'm not in a rush, but I do need to get outta there.  The 1st of 3 ladies in front of me must have bought several of the highlighters and/or supplies so this throw Jala (here name was Jala) into a tizzy of gratefulness.  'OH THANK YOU!!  Our Country thanks you!! So do you want to put your name on the supplies because some people like to be recognized but you know others don't so you know it's your call.'  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?  The lady is like NO.  She is trying to get outta there!!  The next lady buys supplies and the woman again goes into OH THANK YOU!!  YOU GUYS ARE GREAT!!  At this point the crazy haired chick from the back silently opens a new line and starts getting folks out and I'm like WHEN did that just happen??  The lady behind me jumps in that line but my stuff of course is on the belt and I am pissed.  My turn FINALLY!!  So the cashier proceeds to say 'OH I'm gonna get everything in one bag! These envelopes you are buying must be important to you but even though I'm folding it, it won't hurt them.'  OK FINE!! 'Here, you can take the candy bar, I know you probably want that haa haa haaa?!?!' NO JUST PUT IT IN THE BAG! 'See I got everything in the bag OH WAIT do you wan the Pepsi, it's hot out there.  OH YOU WANNA BUY HIGHLIGHTERS TOO!??  OH THANK YOU!! you can just put them in the box behind you.' OK THANKS! and then she squirts some hand sanitizer, rubs it on her hands AND THEN her face!!!  DA HELL?!?!?  So as she is doing alla this the receipt pops up.  I grab it and my bag and high tail it outta there!!!  The lady who jumped line was leaving at the same time and we were both like Yeah that was WAY to much at the Dollar store!!! We both chuckle. 
That was my week!!

My other exciting adventure was riding the Orange Circulator on the 4th of July.  So I have a friend who has a friend with a sweet condo in the Inner Harbor. We went there to watch the fireworks.  It made sense to park and take the free bus that Baltimore City has, 'The Circulator.'  So after parking the '03 Corolla on Baltimore Street making sure to not leave anything of interest in sight except for my Bible I hop out and wait for the bus.  I thought for a good 2 seconds if I needed to pay Pookie an nem to watch my car, but it is an '03 AND a stick shift so who really is gonna steal that?!?!  And I'm really not that fearful that someone will steal my car.  The man standing there is fussing about his bus not coming and I say well did the circulator come?  He said OH the free bus come every 10 minutes so you good! He had about 5 teeth which is GOOD for the city!! the bus does come and I wish the man well and say your bus is coming soon!  I have a little cooler thing that has the evening libations.  I plop down right before the steps in a 2 seater  and the bus pulls off.  The first stop... oh that would be right outside the methadone clinic near St Clair Junction!!  **SMH** Everyone seemed to be coupled up.  A white couple who either just got their dose or maybe just shot up the real thing get on and sit near the front.  A black couple who look extra clean (he had on his ALL white outfit, she had on some dumb shirt but her weave was tight!) get on.  And then an interracial couple gets on.  Now I am all for love who you love no matter the color and it doesn't really bother me (I mean let's be honest some times it does bother me, but not often and not in this case), but in this case they just didn't look like they were 'together'.  She looked real put together.  She had her little designer shades and designer handbag until upon closer inspection I noticed they were knock offs, but hey NO SHADE!!  She still looked good and put together.  He didn't look bad, but he was tatted up and didn't seem like he was with her; and then he opened his mouth and had fronts and bottoms.  But he sat on her hand and she says 'You can sit on my hand any time baby' LAWD!!  Sometimes I wish I made this up because it would truly make more sense! It just would.  Meanwhile Addict couple are doing some hard core nodding, but in true heroine fashion neither one of them fell!!  That is so amazing to me!!  White outfit dude says HEY to the put together white lady.  They are sitting across from each other diagonally.  Fronts dude says nothing, and Weave chick says nothing, but the other 2 are carrying on a real familiar conversation.  Not familiar like they dated but familiar like they know each others family and then my brain goes into overdrive.  WHY is white lady so comfortable on this bus around so many black folk?!?  It still perplexes me. All I got is that she was a bartender probably somewhere in the hood.  OHHHHH  I failed to mention at the Methadone clinic, the driver got off the bus for a few minutes.  just as he got back on the bus the weed head from across the street ran onto the bus and his lingering odor followed.  WHEW was it strong!  So put together lady is talking about her daughter who was gonna go to York to go to school and then she decided to stay in Bawlmer but the mama wanted her to experience the world.  In YORK?!?!  Yeah ok whatever.  At this point the addicts have been nodding back and forth and then the woman decides it's time to get off.  An entire family of Asian people get on the bus.  We're talking mother, father, kids, aunts, grandmother teenagers... A BIG ASS FAMILY!! After that a black family get on not nearly as big as the Asian family, it was only a mother and about 4 kids.  The one with the short fro decided to sit next to me.  The one with the red weave who combed her hair profusely and the curly weave sister sat in the front.  I get it you want long hair, but just  make it a little more believable or just better... I don't know.  Next are 2 black oh wait I'm not being PC African American ladies get one clearly annoyed by the amount of people of the little bus.  Weed dude gets off.  Scent STILL lingering.  They both do a double take and a whiff and look at each other.  Then it's getting close to my stop, but what do I do!?!?  OH I STAY ON THE BUS!!! Cause I thought it was gonna get closer to the Whole Food yet it never did.  So by the time I get off Bebe's kids who were loud and all kinds of wrong and I don't even remember when they got on got off too.  I chuckled at the fact that ONLY ME could screw up the free bus and have to walk 5 miles to my destination (ok 5 blocks but same difference!!).

Incidentally... one of the snacks I bought Hot Tamales are now the roommates favorite!!  She kept reaching out her hand saying 'just 2 more!'  I never  know with her!!  The ice cream I thought she would like she wanted no part.  the Hot Tamales that I bought FOR ME she has informed me that the next time I go tot he Dollar store, she needs her own box!!