Happy Premise #2 - the is no giant foot trying to squash me

So here’s the deal.  I had the bright idea to color my already red colored hair honey blond.  I’m not sure why I thought it was a good idea… I mean I REALLY don’t know why I thought that it was a good idea.  I saw the box in the store and I was like OH yeah!  That’ll be cute!  But what had happened is the turnout was HORRIBLE!!  I have some video and I’ll attach it as soon as I edit it so you too can see the fuckery that is now my hair.  The good thing is that I have an appointment this afternoon to correctify this mess! 

I always forget how people are here, and maybe everywhere.  I mean there are always the few nice folks who are just nice to everyone and then there is everyone else.  So there is a white chick that just refuses to look my way in the hallway.  I’m making it real easy on her.  I just look away too when she walks by.  It is silly, catty, and childish but sometimes that’s what you gotta do.  There is a black chick that is attempting to do the same thing but she looks me up and down so maybe her attempt is just to be rude, who knows.  What I do know is she needs to go get her toes done cause while you looking me up and down chick I’m looking you up and down too and your shit aint right!!

Deep breathe… and onto non mean girl things!!

Breath of fresh air

Breathe of fresh air

Hmmm…. I got some auto correction going on **smh**

I don’t have a whole lot to say today.  It is getting chilly and I am not prepared for it.  I need to pull out my tote of fall/winter clothes so I can dress a little better for the weather.  And I need to bring in my heater which I know is contraband, but my knees be chilly so who gon check me boo? Amidst my current hair issue I have the nerve to look like Jackie Moon today.  It’s just BAD all the way around LOL.  And on the note of vanity I need for there to be more mirrors in this building.  I am in a new building and the old building had mirrors on the elevator doors so you know you could check yourself before you got much further in the building. I mean you might have a boog, or your pants might be unzipped or just whatever.  I have 2 mirrors at my desk, well 3 (LOL).  One to check for boogies, the other to make sure no one sneaks up on me.  It falls often, but it’s in a good position today.  The other is to also check for boogies and tooth crud.  The struggle is REAL!!  I don’t know why that term is so popular alla sudden.  Hasn’t whatever struggle always been real?  At least it’s real to whoever is going through it.  And are we really in struggle mode all the time?  I have questions, but who has the answers?!?

I had to remind myself the other day that zombies are not my lane.  So there is a tv show starring Harold Perrineau from Best Man movies and I like to remember him from Lost tv show.  So I’m like ok it might be good.  AND THEN a zombie bit something or someone or jumped out and I was like OH HELL NO!!  This is not my show!!  I tried it!! I did watch World War Z with Brad Pit and after I got over it being a zombie movie it was pretty funny.  I mean even though I know zombies are not real, IF they were I would not survive a zombie attack.  I would die, and I’m ok with that!!  I would not be the gun toting hero black chick; that is not my story!! I really don’t like too much scary, but the preview for Sleepy Hollow came on and I am so looking forward to it. It has a definite scary vibe, but I like for some reason.  I am looking forward to many of the new shows coming on this fall which I hope can make it past only one season.  Thanks Fox for cancelling every damn new show except Brooklyn 99 which I STILL don’t get why it is so popular.  I mean I watch and I like the characters, but it’s not THAT freaking funny.  I have learned not to get to attached to any show.

Happy Premise #1 - There are no aliens!

Wrote this a few days after Labor Day…

The other day I think my cousin thought I was joking when I said I needed a break after working for 2 weeks for the good Labor Day.  But NO it’s true!  I had a nice 2 ½ month vacation this summer.  I highly recommend it if you can afford it!  I’m not really sure how I did… well yes I do, but that’s none of your business!!  It is good to be back to work.  And for the meetings I manage to stay awake, I am productive.  Yesterday I know my team lead saw me sleeping!!  And I could not keep my eyes open for nothing.  But then they popped open and I said my important few words LOL  I had to fight to get included to most of these meetings so now I have to act like I care and have something meaningful to say.  The last go round I had such a myopic view of what was going on, so it is nice to have a big picture view of the project.  I got a nice compliment yesterday also. My manager (I think… I honestly don’t have a person that I report to) says that she is so glad I’m here and that I was requested to be on this portion of the project!  I looked at her like NO REALLY?!?!  It’s always nice when folks recognize you work.  And then it’s hilarious that they actually think I know what I’m doing!  I mean I do but some days (like today) my answer is Yes sure I can do that but then I gotta read everything to make sure I know what I just said yes to.

Spending time at an assisted living can be interesting.  It’s assisted because for the most part these people just need a little extra help, but not so much that it’s a nursing home and not so little that it’s independent living. The conversations are hilarious!  Often things get repeated because either the person asking forgot or they can’t hear you.  But these people have lived pretty long lives and they still have stuff to say!

And then this is more recent...

My refurbished iPod I bought a few years ago has decided to stop syncing and I now I have to go to the apple store to see what the heck is wrong.  If I had known almost 3 years ago that I would have been getting a better job in just a matter of months I may have sprung for a NEW iPod with all the bells and whistles but instead I got it from Game Stop and honestly it has been fine.  Before that I had the Sony Walkman MP3 player which I still do have and may have to break it out again.  So I get to Columbia mall a mere minutes before the clouds open and torrential rain comes down.  I have to get to the appointment because it took me almost a week to get it.  Two bags on my arm, I took my flip flop off and waded through the water with an umbrella I had in the car.  I get to the store sit down, legs and butt wet and bag a little wet and check in with Josh, or Chad… or Ian they all looked the same even the girl and even the black guy.  Sam comes out and I tell him my issue and he says well did you uninstall ALL Apple products?  My face was like uuuuhhhh… what do you mean? What I didn’t know because I am not an ‘Apple’ person is that along with iTunes, Apple slaps some other programs on your computer that you may not know are there.  It’s nothing harmful they mostly hang out in the back ground, but if you don’t know they are there you don’t know to uninstall them.  I’m sitting there and I ask Sam, is it ok if I pull out my computer?  It’s a Dell.  He says of course!!  I need to see what’s going on with your computer so I can help your iPod. I’m like oooookay.  So I pull out my pink Dell (yes it had to be pink) and instantly I felt all eyes on me. And then Sam clicks a few things and says he’ll be back.  He did whatever he needed to do, reinstalled everything and it synced (sank?) right away!  I was so happy!!  I really was because I really didn’t want to plop 200 plus bucks down on another iPod.

My thoughts on the NFL…            

1.      Ray Rice – As much as I don’t want to have an opinion of course I do so here goes.  DON’T DO SHIT IN ELEVATORS!!!  There are cameras everywhere!  And that wasn’t the first time he hit that girl and probably won’t be the last.  I don’t think he meant to hit her that hard but he did and we all have seen it and they are making an example outta him.  His life is not over; this is just a blip that everyone is weighing in on.  As for his wife, I wish folks would stop calling her stupid.  That is the decision she made, to stay with Lil Ray.  I might be love it might be money but whatever it is women have made decisions to stay with men for reasons that are their own.  I’m not defending or sympathizing but it is a bad situation all the way around.

2.      Michael Sam – I think I am the onliest person who in the midst of this being a great victory for the gays all over the world thought ‘Can he play football?!?’  He was chosen next to last in the draft and I know people can have closed minds about people living the life they want to live but he wasn’t a 1^st round draft pick for a reason.  THEN he gets an EPSY award for courage… Not 1 game has been played so I’m still thinking ‘CAN HE PLAY FOOTBALL?!?’ Then he gets cut and then my thought was OH he CAN’T play football!!  He got signed to somebodies practice team and I wish him luck but I mean come on… I knew the accolades were a bit much.

3.      Lesean McCoy – This fool right here left a 20 CENT tip at a burger joint in Philly.  I’m not shocked or surprised, but I am pissed at some of the comments made by folks who have never been run back and forth by entitled people only to want more and then they leave a bad tip.  I remember many (many many) years ago serving the radio DJ’s from a radio station here in Baltimore.  It was about 7 or more of them so I could have added the tip in but I think my co-worker/trainer said well don’t add it in because they will probably leave a good tip.  SO I didn’t and they left maybe $5 on a ridiculously high bill.  But then one of them did leave more because he was embarrassed (as he should have been) by his co-workers.  If you can’t afford, or don’t want to tip, then don’t go to places that have servers.  One commenter asked how much would have been enough?  In this case the bill was like $61 so at very least 9 bucks.  I mean it’s great when you get a tip that is huge, but that’s not the norm. Celebrities or athletes probably get better service because of who they are and tips are not mandatory but COME ON!!  What he did was just mean and I think everyone should send him a tip card so this foolishness can end.

4.      Go Steelers!!!

summer days driftin away...

I was just reading some old blogs and laughing to myself how I have not become any less random than I always have been.  This summer has been pretty good.  I started a blog about my wonderful cruise and then I got side tracked (imagine that) and just didn’t finish it.  The quick and dirty (my new way of say short and sweet… but then why would it be dirty?!?! Hmmm gotta look that one up.  It has its base in programming hmmm) of my cruise was it was freaking AWESOME!! And I spent it with 2 wonderful friends.  I had a great spa treatment, I went to some great beaches, drank some good likka, danced to some great music and... yeah it was GREAT!! I had a family fun weekend in Rehoboth Beach where they had a nightly wine and cheese so you know I liked that.  And then I putzied around the house for the remainder of the summer.  I did get some things done but to the naked eye I did just about nothing!  So the week before I was to go back to work I intended to cram everything into it that I hadn’t done.  One of those things was I went to DC to visit the Martin Luther tha King Memorial.  First off, taking the metro and then walking to the actual memorial showed me just how out of shape I really am.  They had these little bikes that I could have rented, but somewhere in my crazy brain I thought it would be better to walk.  I stopped and rested more times than I care to admit and I also stopped at the World War II Memorial as well.  There is so much rich history that people from other states and countries come to absorb.  I’m only 45 minutes away and I still don’t visit and enjoy these sites like I should or could. Because I went on a random Monday, it really wasn’t busy and I got a few pics that I need to post.  In addition to that I went to see ‘Finding Fela’ which was a limited release documentary on the like of Fela Kuti.  I had seen the play a few years ago, so this kinda supplemented that play, but it still left me wanting more and throughout the movie they kept teasing with the music but they never really played much.  But it was good.  After all of that walking and metro taking I was good and ret to come home.  So I’m on the metro, I took the green line from Greenbelt and I had my music blasting.  A woman with her family, I think it was her and 2 kids maybe like 9 and 11 gets up as the train is about to stop and says ‘I need to get to Branch Ave’.  The man who got on with the suit case said ‘You went the wrong way, Branch Ave is the complete other end of the line’.  She proceeds to get hysterical and the man who is some random man says ‘Miss it’s really ok, just get off this train and get on the other side and it will take you to Branch Ave’.  By this point I have pulled off my headphones because I’m like well can I help?  And really no I couldn’t she just needed to go the other direction.  She says to the man about 3 times ‘SO I NEED TO GET OFF AND GET ON THE OTHER SIDE?!?!’  He says yes all three times. But then… I started to say, she might not have to get off, but she did because this was a ‘you aint gotta go home but you gotta get the heck off this train’ moment.  And I didn’t want to confuse her.  I get off and get on the elevator with suitcase man and a random Indian lady and I start laughing!!  WHO DOES THIS?!?!  Well me!  That’s who, but I wouldn’t have waited until the last possible stop to discover my ass was going the wrong way.  And I get it. The DC Metro is not for the faint of heart.  They arm you with that little map and you think you can conquer the world but you are from Iowa so really you and your fanny pack need to ask questions as often as possible.  The man and the woman start laughing too because we all know it could have been us.

So that was Monday. Tuesday it rained like God was about to send Noah and the arc back to earth so I didn’t leave the house.  Wednesday I was chilling in my room and I hear a loud thud.  I rush downstairs to see the roommate on the bathroom floor and the little CNA trying to lift her up.  The floor was wet; I’m pissed because I just want to chill that day but no, not in the cards for me.  So what had happened is the little girl went to the bathroom (she took a dump), sprayed Febreeze fabric spray (which means the liquid not the mist) as an air freshner. My mom (aka the roommate) went in in a rush (because even though she moves about as fast as a snail, she had to use the bathroom right that second) slipped and fell and landed on her right foot and was in a lot of pain.  We finally get her up and into my office chair which rolls, she can’t put any weight on her foot and I’m standing there like WELL SHIT!!! NOW WHAT AM I GONNA DO?!?!? I wait for about a ½ hour to let the Tylenol kick in and my mom is still in pain, I mean I have never seen her in pain like this.  SO I call 911.  While I’m on the phone I’m saying my mom fell and I can’t pick her up to get in the car; she is commentating in the background THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!! I say yes I know but can you please let me finish this call?  About 3 minutes later I hear the ambulance and the roommate goes into a straight pitiful mode.  Is that siren for ME!?!?  She definitely has a flair for the dramatic and I know she is in pain but I was like Really lady!?!?!? The EMT’s hop out and WHY are they both women?  I’m like I know we fought for equal rights and to do what the men do, but I really would have preferred a big beefy man right then.  They get her situated on the bed and then inside the truck and I follow them in my car.  Long story short, after waiting for freaking ever, it’s a sprained ankle and they put an air cast on her and a low dose of Oxy followed by the regular dose of Oxy and she was still yelling herself silly! The doctor says she can walk on it immediately and she looks at him and we (my sister and I) look at him like he has 2 heads.  Oh no sir you don’t understand, she is not just gonna walk outta here!!  Her pain is excruciating, she’s  has MS and dementia and even if she isn’t in as much pain as you think she is, SHE thinks she is in too much pain to cope with anything, so go ahead and send the social worker in here so we can figure out what to do with her.  We put her in an assisted living facility short term so she can get her pain under control and will be doing some OT and PT and have round the clock care.  If she went back home with me at 2 in the morning, what was I gonna do with her?  I still can’t lift her.  So this is the best course of action. A few days later on a 3 way call with the sibs, a woman knocks on my sister’s door and says Hello my name is whatever it is and I do home care and I’m licensed.  We were stunned at the timing of this!  She has already been out to see my mom and will be able to help with her shoulder and her foot.  So even though this has been a very VERY trying week, things are falling into place and this chick can breathe a few sighs of relief!!

I just started back to work and I have a sweet little cube in the corner.  The onliest problem is I can’t see behind me and my music is usually blasting in my headphones.  I just bought a mirror from the good ole Dollar Store, but it’s from the Dollar Store so the suction doesn’t seem to want to work. There really isn’t anyone who will be sneaking up on me but I do seem a little paranoid.  My ‘team’ is in a whole different building and because of how these building are arranged you can’t really find folks unless you know the exact quadrant they sit and even then, you will get lost. So it really is all good.  The chick is hella tired though.  I need to be going to bed at 9 instead of 11-ish.  I need to break up with Conan! 

I need to try to NOT notice things!!

Sometimes it just gets to be to much and I am overloaded with rants.  Last night I thought the vino smoothed things over BUT NO!!!  Here goes:

• If there is a DO NOT ENTER sign that means everyone.  NOT everyone BUT you!! So ma'am the little traffic jam you done caused at the post office could have been avoided if you just did not enter where you shouldn't have.
• It really is ok to wear the size you are supposed to wear.  Now you may be in denial but your size 20 butt really should not be rocking size 12 jeans
• If my appointment is at 5 then at 5:20 I don't expect for the nurse to just be taking the blood pressure and then you mosey on in at 6:10!!  My time is just as valuable as yours DOCTOR and the appointment has been on the books for months, I didn't just call the morning of and ask for you to squeeze me in.  NO MA'AM!!
• I need to be clued in on when the apocalypse is going to happen because I swear for GAWD it seems like when I only got 3 or 4 items folks have food to wait out whatever storm is acoming
• I really don't like self checkout.  But if I have to because only 2 lines are open and folks got cart FULL of food then make sure it has register tape.
• They (and they know who they are) only open a new line once ALL MY SHIT is on the belt!!! It never fails!!  I want it to fail!  I would like to be the chick getting out of line to be taken care of immediately, but that's not my story, that's not my song!!
• I am always a little slow, and I'm okay with that.  I think I was adult before I realized Madonna was talking about teen pregnancy in 'Papa don't preach'.  My mom heard me singing my heart out one day and wanted me to explain what the song meant, WELL I told her that her Papa was  preacher and she just wanted for him to leave her alone because she's in trouble.  I had no idea what 'trouble' was... ALL this is to say I really want to maintain my naiveté when it comes to Usher's new song.  Can it just be about kissing?!  Can I just believe that is all he's talking about even though he SOOOOOOOO isn't?!?
• Can the people across the street either stop buying cars or allowing people to live there??  I still can't figure out what really going on over there, but just don't park in front of my house EVERYDAY!!
• I thought the people walking up and down the street (same people) were kids.  Everyday without fail there is a group of loud ass people who walk up and then back down about a half hour later.  I opened the door one morning and caught sight of these fools... OLD FOOLS!!!  To old to be that loud so early in the morning disturbing my good sleep!!

That was last Wednesday!  Today I carried my happy ass to the IHOP in Randallstown.  WHY must it be such and adventure when I go out?  Why can't I just read my little book and NOT notice things?!?!?

• I don't know why you think OR who told you blue hair looked good, but sis it really doesn't.  NOR does the funky attitude you seem to have!!  NOR does the flower short short that cover your very big dimply ass!! Listen to people when they talk to you.  Wear your correct size... well wait that doesn't apply here it was her size (not sure wear she got them but hey)... Wear things the compliment your size
• So your barely 1 month old throws right on up on the already nasty carpet, but you and your other small child pose for a selfie?!?! Are you going to clean it up?!?
• It was clearly baby day at the IHOP.. no one told me.
• What you will do is LEAVE when you are done.  you are holding up 2 tables and the dos 2 year olds you brought with you are running everywhere and that is not cute.  I always cringe when kids do this because it is so dangerous in a restaurant.  Anything can drop on them or someone can knock them down and then you gonna be the first in line to sue someone
• the host was rocking a really nice body.  Thank you sir for spending many  hours in the gym (or jail)!!  I could not figure out his deal, but just like Shaun T,  I enjoy looking even when it aint for me!!

peachy keen jelly bean!

This week has been one for the books!  SO I went to church Sunday and that was good!  Came home threw some wings on the grill cooked some greens.  My sister stopped by to visit with me and my mom.  Monday I laid in bed with the full expectation to get up, clean up my room which always seems to be in a state of dishelvelment (hmmm that's not a word, but lets push on) and as I attempted to get up, I just couldn't!  I am still not sure why but my bed said STAY HERE and that is what I pretty much did.  I ate a few tums and that really never helped.  All I ate all day was a yogurt, some watermelon and popcorn not nearly enough but that's all I could do.  I wanted a glass of wine but my stomach said JUST TRY ME AND SEE HOW THAT WORKS OUT!!! So I didn't.  Tuesday I wanted to do all the things I had intended to do Monday but the roommate seemed to require a level of care ALL DAY that I did not anticipate so my day was basically shot.  Tuesday night I hopped in the shower and turned it to my normal spot and it didn't warm up.  I mean it was 90 degrees so a cool shower was really ok.  Wednesday, I wake up a little after 6AM and today FINALLY I am rearing to go.  I cleaned and threw away so much from my bathroom.  I got products OFF my counter and under the sink in an organized manor.  I didn't realize how many feminine, hair care, cleaning products and just shit in general I had. Not sure what I did next probably just turned on the shower for my mom and it was COLD.  HOLE UP!!!  Why is this not heating up??!? I don't hear it boiling the water (or you know whatever it does). I run downstairs to check the heater because maybe I can just light the pilot.  And then yeah uuummm me lighting the pilot probably not a good idea.  Can I even light the pilot?  So then I do a calling frenzy to everyone who has a house to see who they knew that wouldn't rip a sista off.  I hate being in the vulnerable state of being a woman.  Let's face it if it is a yellow pages company they get one whiff that I have no idea what I'm doing and the price goes up.  Oh yeah and thanks GGG for getting back to me... OH WAIT she didn't (yep I just called you out!!!  LOL).  I called the guy that redid my 1st floor bathroom and he came within an hour.  He tells me all I needed was a part!  Oh great a part!! No new heater which is good cause a chick is not employed at the current moment so yeah that would not be in the budget.  I call the 800 number and wouldn't you know it the parts depart closed a 1/2 hour before!  But Mandy or Susie or whatever here name was still was able to help me out I got the part ordered.  I had wanted Miss Shirley's but it was already to late so Coldstone it was!!  I get to the store and see 2 ladies killing their waffle cone bowls and me being me I had to ask what they had.  I prematurely did a happy dance because there were only 2 people in line and I coulda swore the man said 'yeah because Obama texted me' and I'm trying to not be in the convo even though I totally am, but hey WHERE are all the little Coldstone kids?!?  So the little girl comes from the back.  She goes to my church so I kinda expect a greeting, yep that was asking for to much!  I finally say after she is putzing around, Where are all the people?  She said the manager was in the back talking to the other people.  So people are consistently coming in and she is still the onliest one.  Finally a little dude comes out cleans his spot and is ready for me.  I place some ridiculous order in the biggest size also with the waffle cone bowl, cause hell, why not?!?! I give him a 20 for my evil $6.66 ice cream treat and he says, so you wanted change back?!!?  LITTLE BOY **smh** YOU TRIED IT!!  And your cute, but NO!!  Give me my damn change.  Literally 2 seconds after I walk outside the heavens opened and the rain cometh and with great force and wind.  I'm not sure how I thought I was going to manage a bowl full of drippy ice cream AND a stick shift and I honestly did not do a great job.  Ice cream was everywhere!!  On my hands, on my shirt, on my steering wheel, on my feet... wait how did it get on my feet?  I navigate home slurping and trying to enjoy but I really didn't cause I was being hella greedy and after trying to not keep getting messy I didn't want any more. I get home thinking SURELY the roommate would want some but she was like NOPE  she didn't want any, so to the freezer it went.  I must say though day 2 Coldstone is just as good and I did enjoy it Thursday night.  Thursday morning I jump up and plan on not leaving the house because I need my part and I need my hot water.  UPS came at 9:15 I call my dude at about 9:30 and around 3 he calls to tell me he forgot all about me.  Yeah THANKS I feel so special now.  As we are on the phone he is asking me if I have pliers?  Wait HOLE UP you are coming to my house to install a part and you aint coming with tools?!?!  How does that even work?? I mean I know I do, but I am stereotypical chick when it comes to tools.  I have the basics but having an actual tool box, yeah not so much.  So I scramble around still pissed that he even bothered coming to my house ill prepared.  I find needle nose plier, which I actually need for a project I'm about to do, which also are not the type of pliers he needs and he says oh well I guess I need to go home and get my tools.  YOU THINK!!??!!  Don't get me wrong I really like this guy and I would absolutely use him again and recommend him, but let's not be so cool that you treat me any kinda way.  You're  not doing this for free!  This is business, so come prepared!  So he comes back fiddles around LEAVES midway to go get his wife (I wish I was making this up) comes back and fixes it!  I hear the water boiling and after about 20 minutes I had hot water!! FRIDAY!  So I finally find a fabric store that I think is the same store that used to be around the corner from my house.  I am still needing to reupholster the chair I bought a few months ago and this project has taken on a life of it's own because I just can't seem to find what I want.  I go to this really high end store where the 'cheap' fabric is 44 AMERICAN dollars per yard.  Yeah I only wanted to spend about 50 bucks so I ask a few questions and exit stage left.  I spot a Dollar Store.  I have a weakness for this store because well everything is a DOLLAR!!  I get all the things I need  along with a few snacks and head to the front.  Can I mention that this particular shopping center had an overabundance of geriatrics driving and all through out the stores.  I side step one older lady who seemed to stop to look at everything.  I mean hey, a good buy is a good buy!!  I get to the front and this is when I knew my Dollar Store experience was going to shift into overdrive.  So the cashier had a look of getting over an addiction.  I'm about 85% it was something hard.  So she looks at the 3 ladies in front of me while she is checking out a little boy and says 'I'm gonna get you guys outta here real fast!' Just do your job!! Is what I immediately think and then she proceeds to sell the little boy highlighters for military families.  The lady behind me literally has 2 items and she is saying OH THIS IS TO MUCH!!! I am still trying to put on a happy face because I'm not in a rush, but I do need to get outta there.  The 1st of 3 ladies in front of me must have bought several of the highlighters and/or supplies so this throw Jala (here name was Jala) into a tizzy of gratefulness.  'OH THANK YOU!!  Our Country thanks you!! So do you want to put your name on the supplies because some people like to be recognized but you know others don't so you know it's your call.'  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?  The lady is like NO.  She is trying to get outta there!!  The next lady buys supplies and the woman again goes into OH THANK YOU!!  YOU GUYS ARE GREAT!!  At this point the crazy haired chick from the back silently opens a new line and starts getting folks out and I'm like WHEN did that just happen??  The lady behind me jumps in that line but my stuff of course is on the belt and I am pissed.  My turn FINALLY!!  So the cashier proceeds to say 'OH I'm gonna get everything in one bag! These envelopes you are buying must be important to you but even though I'm folding it, it won't hurt them.'  OK FINE!! 'Here, you can take the candy bar, I know you probably want that haa haa haaa?!?!' NO JUST PUT IT IN THE BAG! 'See I got everything in the bag OH WAIT do you wan the Pepsi, it's hot out there.  OH YOU WANNA BUY HIGHLIGHTERS TOO!??  OH THANK YOU!! you can just put them in the box behind you.' OK THANKS! and then she squirts some hand sanitizer, rubs it on her hands AND THEN her face!!!  DA HELL?!?!?  So as she is doing alla this the receipt pops up.  I grab it and my bag and high tail it outta there!!!  The lady who jumped line was leaving at the same time and we were both like Yeah that was WAY to much at the Dollar store!!! We both chuckle. 
That was my week!!

My other exciting adventure was riding the Orange Circulator on the 4th of July.  So I have a friend who has a friend with a sweet condo in the Inner Harbor. We went there to watch the fireworks.  It made sense to park and take the free bus that Baltimore City has, 'The Circulator.'  So after parking the '03 Corolla on Baltimore Street making sure to not leave anything of interest in sight except for my Bible I hop out and wait for the bus.  I thought for a good 2 seconds if I needed to pay Pookie an nem to watch my car, but it is an '03 AND a stick shift so who really is gonna steal that?!?!  And I'm really not that fearful that someone will steal my car.  The man standing there is fussing about his bus not coming and I say well did the circulator come?  He said OH the free bus come every 10 minutes so you good! He had about 5 teeth which is GOOD for the city!! the bus does come and I wish the man well and say your bus is coming soon!  I have a little cooler thing that has the evening libations.  I plop down right before the steps in a 2 seater  and the bus pulls off.  The first stop... oh that would be right outside the methadone clinic near St Clair Junction!!  **SMH** Everyone seemed to be coupled up.  A white couple who either just got their dose or maybe just shot up the real thing get on and sit near the front.  A black couple who look extra clean (he had on his ALL white outfit, she had on some dumb shirt but her weave was tight!) get on.  And then an interracial couple gets on.  Now I am all for love who you love no matter the color and it doesn't really bother me (I mean let's be honest some times it does bother me, but not often and not in this case), but in this case they just didn't look like they were 'together'.  She looked real put together.  She had her little designer shades and designer handbag until upon closer inspection I noticed they were knock offs, but hey NO SHADE!!  She still looked good and put together.  He didn't look bad, but he was tatted up and didn't seem like he was with her; and then he opened his mouth and had fronts and bottoms.  But he sat on her hand and she says 'You can sit on my hand any time baby' LAWD!!  Sometimes I wish I made this up because it would truly make more sense! It just would.  Meanwhile Addict couple are doing some hard core nodding, but in true heroine fashion neither one of them fell!!  That is so amazing to me!!  White outfit dude says HEY to the put together white lady.  They are sitting across from each other diagonally.  Fronts dude says nothing, and Weave chick says nothing, but the other 2 are carrying on a real familiar conversation.  Not familiar like they dated but familiar like they know each others family and then my brain goes into overdrive.  WHY is white lady so comfortable on this bus around so many black folk?!?  It still perplexes me. All I got is that she was a bartender probably somewhere in the hood.  OHHHHH  I failed to mention at the Methadone clinic, the driver got off the bus for a few minutes.  just as he got back on the bus the weed head from across the street ran onto the bus and his lingering odor followed.  WHEW was it strong!  So put together lady is talking about her daughter who was gonna go to York to go to school and then she decided to stay in Bawlmer but the mama wanted her to experience the world.  In YORK?!?!  Yeah ok whatever.  At this point the addicts have been nodding back and forth and then the woman decides it's time to get off.  An entire family of Asian people get on the bus.  We're talking mother, father, kids, aunts, grandmother teenagers... A BIG ASS FAMILY!! After that a black family get on not nearly as big as the Asian family, it was only a mother and about 4 kids.  The one with the short fro decided to sit next to me.  The one with the red weave who combed her hair profusely and the curly weave sister sat in the front.  I get it you want long hair, but just  make it a little more believable or just better... I don't know.  Next are 2 black oh wait I'm not being PC African American ladies get one clearly annoyed by the amount of people of the little bus.  Weed dude gets off.  Scent STILL lingering.  They both do a double take and a whiff and look at each other.  Then it's getting close to my stop, but what do I do!?!?  OH I STAY ON THE BUS!!! Cause I thought it was gonna get closer to the Whole Food yet it never did.  So by the time I get off Bebe's kids who were loud and all kinds of wrong and I don't even remember when they got on got off too.  I chuckled at the fact that ONLY ME could screw up the free bus and have to walk 5 miles to my destination (ok 5 blocks but same difference!!).

Incidentally... one of the snacks I bought Hot Tamales are now the roommates favorite!!  She kept reaching out her hand saying 'just 2 more!'  I never  know with her!!  The ice cream I thought she would like she wanted no part.  the Hot Tamales that I bought FOR ME she has informed me that the next time I go tot he Dollar store, she needs her own box!!

tell me about it STUD!!

my day was actually going pretty ok!  I got up, cooked breakfast, got the roommate up fed her some of the cooked breakfast, I knew I needed to go to Wal-Mart because my fan done died and I had to do some other running around and even though it was hitting 90 by 8 AM I was good.  So I did my running around, bought the fan at the Wal-Mart headed to Staples to buy ink for my printer that took about an hour to update the driver OF WHICH it still isn't recognizing the color ink but it printed what I needed to print so I'll tackle the color in a bit, had the little tech dude help me, get to the cash register my wallet is not in my purse.  No problem I 'm sure it's in the car.  Go to car and it is NOT there.  Wait, lemme look in the back because I'm sure it's with all the bags.  Yep not so much.  Ok so I run back to Wal-Mart ask the less than empathetic cashier if she saw it, but she said she hadn't.  Went back to my car checked (ass all in the air with my denim skirt because naturally it was under the seat) the cart and the area where I was and it was just no where to be found. OH SHIT!!! NO THIS IS NOT HAPPENING TO ME TODAY!!! I go back into the Wal-Mart because surely some kind soul turned it into the wallet, the one with my bank card, my mama's bank card and my otha bank card and my license OH HELL I gotta go to the DMV aint nobody got time for that!!! So I freaked for a good 5 minutes collected my thoughts and took myself home.  It is WAY over 90 at this point and sweat is dripping from every conceivable orifice.  I call all the card people, grab my passport,  and then went to the Bank of America near my house.  Now WHY did I do that?!?  **smh** I'm in a race with the slow paint old guy with the white overalls which upon closer inspection should throw those things in the wash more often than he probably does.  I sign the sheet and then he signs after me.  I really should have taken the seat to the far left but no, I sit  near the woman with all the kids.  I have a problem with dirty kids!!  To many times the kids are lacking some basic attention and the mom looks like she just left the salon.  So in this case the woman brought all 6 of her charges under 7.  no wait she had 5 but then another lady came in with 1 who wanted to be part of the 6 and it got a little rowdy for a few minutes.  So there were many stains on shirts and the little boy had his flannel pj bottoms on (flannel?!?!  REALLY girl in this damn heat??) with some mismatched shirt.  his hair hadn't been combed he looked a hot mess.  THEN I look at the woman **SMDH** IN addition to the bonnet she had on, here jeans were a few sizes to small and the shirt just looked dirty.  And then the dude she was sitting next too didn't look much better but I didn't get a real good look at him before I decided this was too much for my frazzled state and I got up and exited stage left.  I go to the Bank of America in Catonsville where the clientele was not much better but there were not babies acting a pure fool.  There were 2 men sitting on opposite sides of an empty chair but when I heard one of them cough up a lung I decided that was NOT the seat I wanted to sit in.  SO I wait finally got the 'personal banker' with the star tats on both his neck and hands.  He was actually very nice.  I didn't want to get the lady in the severe white suit and pony tail because she looked mean, or the dude who just got back from lunch because he looked like his breath was going to offend me.  So star tats dude worked well.  It seemed like it took forever and he said thank you for being patient to which I replied 'what choice did I have really?'  I go to the subway to get food for myself and the roommate because I KNOW she's hungry and even in all this heat I need to eat as well.  So I'm behind 3 Indian men.  The one was probably my mom's age and just as ornery!!  The younger one tried to help him order his sub and he kept said HUH?!?!  She knows what I want!  The little girl looked like NO DUDE I DON'T!! So I ordered my food an got otta there.  In all of the chaos of the day I still need to get my hair braided so I call the place only to be told that Nah I can't come tonight, I can come tomorrow at 8 AND I have to buy the hair.  WELL shit, just one more thing I need to do.  At this point I smell less than fresh, but I know once I'm in the house I'm IN, so back out into the heat I go to get hair.  I went to the one hair place because I needed a specific brand of hair and it was close to the likka sto.  The little girl didn't want to tell me that I would look crazy if I got one color over the other but she was pushing me in that direction.  Then I got WINE because one of my favorite likka sto's in the same shopping center has 10% off wine Wednesdays' so really this is a good thing!!  I get 2 magnums (that is the big ass bottles) and then go to the frig and get a 4 pack of the same exact chardonnay because it's cold because while I am not above putting ice cubes in wine, (don't judge me!!) having cold wine is even better! So I get home, crack open one ask the roommate if she wants some OF COURSE she does, but I just looked over and there is still wine in that glass... we about to correctify that right quick... drank about 1/2 a glass and then hopped my stinky butt in the shower!! I talked to my girlfriend about cancelling everything and she reminded me that identity theft is rampant and I should file a police report.  THANK YOU for scaring the beejeeezus outta me by the way... but I just drank mo wine so It's alllllllll good!!

I have had all of my lady part checked last week and I'm good.  I have an ample bosom so I was really curious how the whole mammogram was gonna go. This was my first time so I was both concerned about pain and just curious in general.  So for some reason I got the giggles.  The tech was like ooohhh uuuhh... I think I need to take MORE pics, I underestimated.  Yes ma'am you DID. Having her arrange the girls just made me laugh.  And then after the machine clamps my breast down she does this extra manual twist and I was like UUUHHH NO they don't need and extra flattening!!  It only really hurt 1 time for the most part it's just uncomfortable.  But I got my report back and I have clean bill of health!

On my way to one stop today a little old man decided to jaywalk.  UH sir I will not hit because you are old and have a cane, but what you won't do is stop midway and just slow down!!  You knew the consequences of crossing in the middle of the block!! Get your old ass across the street!!
Old lady at the bank, if you put money in the bank and yet you have overdrawn, YES someone did hack you account and/or using it without your knowledge.  ijs
The gold toothed fellow with what I know where compression socks but they looked like panty hose, go easy on the cologne!!  A little splash is always better than the entire bottle.  That whiff turned the entire contents of my stomach!
And speaking on turning my stomach I started an oil pull this week.  What that is is swishing oil (either coconut, sesame or another 'organic' type oil) in your mouth to pull out the toxins.  A friend of mine mentioned I should try it a while ago but seeing HeyFranHey talk about it on the youtube made it make more sense.  I have coconut oil that I use on my hair but she suggested sesame oil so to Whole Foods I go to get the organic almost $11 sesame oil.  So here's the thing, you swish you do NOT gargle!!  I swished for a good 5 minutes (you should do it for 15-20 minutes for maximum benefit) and then the oil hit the back of my mouth and all of the contents of my empty stomach decided that was just to much!! It's not a bad taste but the texture of the oil takes a bit to get real used to.  I've only done it for 2 days so I am by no means an expert.  It is supposed to aid in sinus and migraine headaches and is a good detox.  I knew I needed to detox so this I thought would be a good method.  Oh and it whitens your teeth which is a good side effect.  SO the jury is still out.  I'll report back later.

I am ready for vacation!!!

that is all!!

Have you been listening? I'm gonna tell you the point...

I always feel so thoroughly violated when I go the ob/gyn.  It really helps that I go to a midwife who I have been seeing since 1996 so she knows me and I know her and it really is all good EXCEPT when she gets to poking and prodding.  I suspect that most women feel the same way but it's such a necessary step in our overall health.  One thing she said in regard to the size of the speculum she used on me was that 'tall women like you'... I thought OH YEAH I AM a tall chick and she knows!!!  That was all the validation I needed.  I've been calling myself a tall chick for a real long time and now the midwife concurs!!
This blog is gonna be all over the place because sometimes I want to say things to folks but I know it's better not to.  So here goes...

What I've learned in Hampden - 1) MEGGINS!!!  this is where I saw the young man with the zig zag man leggings and whose hair was also braided... he was a white guy so everything was a little extra about him.  2) you can buy shorts already cut off with stars and stripes on the pockets the show through ala Britney Spears.  I don't why this senior citizen woman had them on as she went into the sebenelben (figure it out) but she totally did and that's what I learned in Hampden.

I wore these platform sandals that made me look like an Amazon (you know cause I already am a tall chick) to church this week.  My biggest fear is that I am going to fall either walking down or up the aisle during offering. This week I was particularly self conscious because of my big ass shoes! So I didn't fall but I did drop my envelope. I picked it up quickly THANKFULLY my dress was long enough but I think if I had fallen I would have just laid there and let them throw one of those white modesty cloths on me until the end of service!! I am pre-embarrassed for when it hopefully doesn't happen.

This political ads are the worse.  You never really know who to vote for based on the attack ads, so I will be happy when this season is over.  I got a call the other day asking if I was going to vote for Anthony Brown who is the current LT Governor.  I told the little boy (because he sounded young) that I honestly didn't know.  I have a friend who posts pretty much everything Heather Mizuer puts on facebook, so I know who she is for.  And Dough Gansler, I just don't know.  They all sound like idiots but I guess I have to do my civic duty so we'll see.  There is an ad for state's attorney general Greg Bernstein who since I don't live in the city this is not something I can vote for but he has looked like a crook to me.  He, or his team, has this ad of 'regular folk' saying how good of a job he has done.  EVERYTIME I see it I want both the black chick and the white chick to tighten up their weaves and put a little lipstick on.  When I see fresh faced people on TV on there on purpose I always think, you did know they were gonna put you on TV right!??!  I'm not saying you have to have a beat face but a lil lipstick and mascara aint never hurt no one!! Well you know except the folks who are allergic. 

Speaking of beat faces, I swear I be doing something with my lil make-up until I see someone WHO really knows what the heck they doing.  And then I have to reassess my skill!

I just did a quick break to look up Lil Kim plastic surgery and her new baby.  I don't know why but that's how random I be sometimes!!

I need to get a shredder.  I'm not sure why Capital One wants to give me a credit card so bad when I have been doing just fine without any major cards for years now!  In fact I only really have my little Kohl's card (and I DO mean little since they have decreased my limit to $100), My Avenue card which I haven't used in years, and Care Credit (they too reduced me, but I need this one cause dental work is expensive and I just got my Obama Care!!). 

I have a feeling if I go upstairs the FedEx dude is going to come to deliver my wine, and the roommate may not hear the door cause she will be taking one of her multiple naps and I will be pissed because I have been home and he will slap a notice on my door too quick.  Oh yeah I'm home because my contract ended last month and even though I had a phone interview I have not gotten another job.  I really do need a break!  It's a lot of everything and I need a minute to chill.  Last week I did stuff pretty much everyday and I was tired most days.  It was a good week but I didn't really enjoy it like I wanted to.  Yesterday I was committed to not doing anything.  I had a bit of a sinus headache that was determined to not go away but it finally did.  My goal in general is to clean my house.  I am a serial pile maker.  I make a pile for things that need to get filed, a pile for things that need immediate attention, a pile for stuff I just can't throw away right this second MAYBE next week but not today, and just piles and piles of STUFF!! I have gotten rid of most of the paper but even as I look down now I have a pile that needs shredding, a tax pile, and a pile of CD's.  I bought a shoe bench thing to be able to take my shoes on and off when I enter my house and on top of that is the pile of magazines that I haven't gotten around to reading.  Piles of shoes are in the cubby holes.  I'm thinking about how I need to go clean my bathroom that has a massive amount of product (don't even get me started).  I have made some progress in the kitchen and I have about 3 big black bags of trash waiting to be pulled to the curb.  I know what have to do so thanks in advance for any suggestions.  I saw a blog where they said 'fake clean' which meant put everything in a basket until you get a chance to go through it.  The problem with that is you NEVER get a chance and stuff gets missed so that's good for temporary measures but I honestly have piles from last year when the lady came to help me organize my life and now I'm getting stressed out just thinking about those piles **sigh**.   I joked on FB that I needed Zoila from Devious Maids to come clean my house but I can't even hire someone until I get it to a point where someone can actually clean.  I am about to attack the pile of paper on the floor before Paisley my cat decides that is the exact spot she needs to lay.  She always seems a little pissed when I shoe her away and she always decides the moment I need to go through it.  And then the roommate will see the pile and then decide she needs to step right on it... REALLY LADY?!?!  We have been doing well!  I been trying not to disturb her routine to much and at the same time not get so used to just sleeping the day away because that can be so easy sometimes. 

So yeah that's what's going on with me!