random blog #11374

I really need to vent but I think if I say everything I need to get off my chest I might start crying.  Actually there is no guarantee that I won’t be sitting here crying messing up my cute make-up today.  But here goes… First I really am questioning my choices in the men I keep trying to be with.  Nothing is wrong with them (well that’s not true but, like you know whatever) the ones here lately just don’t seem to be right for me AT ALL!!  And then I look at folks and wonder if I made a big mistake somewhere along the way.  And then I want to be like Peggy Sue got married (that was a movie) and go back in time and if time really is relative, maybe there is an alternate universe that I made the right ok maybe not right but OTHER decisions and living a different life.  Who knows? I just need for someone to take my needs into consideration.  Like ask me how I’m doing and feeling and what I want!  I don’t live my life on a whim.  I plan EVERYTHING so planning shit by ear doesn’t work for me.  It just doesn’t.  Nor am I going to wait for you to have a few minutes to give me attention NOR am I going to be all excited because you finally thought about me.  So yeah I might forever single and I am so ok with that. THEN there’s all this death.  I know death is a part of life… it’s gonna happen.  But it feels like so many people are just leaving this earth.  A Soror who I didn’t even realize was a sick as she was when I saw her back in December passed away this morning.  She was truly one of those people that I know my life is better for having known her. I always gravitated toward her.  She was a good spirit.  For the most part I am not a hugger but I always gave her a hug and I will truly miss that.  And then there was one of my friend’s mom who suddenly passed away a few Saturday’s ago.  Things had to be rearranged for her viewing because of the blizzard we had.  She was the last of a class of women who when you went into her house, she asked if you wanted a plate... Because she cooked and had food waiting!  I mean women today just don’t have food on the ready at all times.  I mean I DO cause I have a roommate that needs to eat, but I digress.  I had been thinking about her because her house was not far from mine and is on the way to my job. But we are not really in a drop in kinda era.  These days we have to call, text, or tweet if you want to come by. I feel bad that I just didn’t stop by and say hey! SO I’m feeling sad and almost want to hold my breath cause there has been so much bad news.

I really need to stop assuming people have my best interest LOL

What I am doing for myself this fine Valentine weekend is giving myself a staycation. I don’t relax when I am home because something always needs to get done, and then I don’t do it so feel stress about not doing it and never truly relax or just go pour a glass of wine and ignore whatever the thing is.  SO I’m going to a hotel!  I’m just going to enjoy not having to worry about anything AND I’m getting room service and not doing a damn thing.  I probably need to work it into my schedule to do it quarterly and just take time for me. 

What you won’t do is ask me a question and then tell me I’m wrong when you are the one that needs the information from ME!!  I am so sick of people doing that to me.  I’m not sure how I come across to folks.  I mean do I come across as vapid? It’s ok for me to know stuff it doesn’t take anything from you if I know what I know, and you know what you know!

I am so sleepy right now… I need a nap and I need it NOW!!

It’s Friday and I’m off Monday.  Life is good!!!