I am having a lot of feels today! A regular emotional basket case!! My birthday is tomorrow and I don't have much planned except I think the spa and going to drink somewhere with some friends if they decide to come out. I'm also having an Eeyore moment "thanks for noticing me"
ANYWAY... Here's why I'm feeling old. I was 13 when Dirty Dancing came out, one of my most favorite movies. Picture it Summer 1987... I think I was spending a week or weekend with my older sister and brother. This was the summer before I went to high school. My sister's boyfriend was staying or came for a visit but he was like ew... that movie sounds dumb. I was like how can anything with singing and dancing be dumb but I am a musical kinda chick I guess I always have been. My brother was like well, lets go see the movie anyway. So I had a date at a theater somewhere in Silver Springs with my big brother! I FELL IN ABSOLUTE LOVE WITH THAT MOVIE!! I loved Patrick Swayze, I loved Baby I wanted to learn how to do the Pechanga and rumba and salsa and any other dance that was in the movie, I loved the hating ass hating sister, I even loved Jerry Orbach!! I still want to do a summer at a resort which probably doesn't exist like it did in that movie. it just was a feel good movie with a happy ending and at 13 I was there for it! Now fast forward 30 years YES 30 YEARS and the movie is having a viewing I think next month for the anniversary THIRTY YEARS!!!! I remember when I was younger and I wanted to be able to say 5 years ago, or 15 years ago or whatever. I grew up with grandparents and older people who would always say stuff like back in 1966 (or whatever random year)... blah blah blah. NOW tomorrow is will be 43 and I can say 30 ( 3 and a zero) years ago I saw Dirty Dancing in the theater!! SO yeah I'm feeling a little old. Not that it's a bad thing, I thank LBJ everyday for allowing me to see a new day. I having been doing a lot of self evaluating and while I know I have accomplished a lot, I still feel like I haven't done a damn thing. I keep thinking this is going to be my year!! And it very well may be but most I have a lot of doubt. I don't know what that one thing or series of things need to happen to make me feel complete but once I do, I'll let you know!
Today I went and picked up my moms (aka the roommates) fur coats. Before I got to the shop I made a pit stop at Fresh Market. I love this store! I really is a gourmet. Sampled some coffee and chicken salad and the little boy at the bakery counter even gave me a lil strawberry cupcake. Life is good!! I think I had more on this...
I had a whole thought process of a whole lot of random, but what I really want to do is lay on the couch ride out the last few days of my Netflix and just chill!!
Thursday, January 12, 2017
Thursday, January 5, 2017
Happy New Year 2017!!!
Happy New Year!! It is the year of our Lord 2017. I didn't do a year in review mainly because I can't seem to get myself together enough to get anything done. Although I must admit yesterday I had 5 calls to make, I wrote everything down, and I made all the calls. This is not the norm for me. I am so scatter brained most days it's not even funny. Today I did the 2 things oh no wait 4 things... I got 4 things done that was on my mental list of things to do.
This new year is going to be a good one!! I have to stay positive and hopeful because that is truly alls I got right now. The job search is going nowhere fast. Let's just say this is probably the crux of my angst. It is both humiliating and humbling to apply for jobs I know I am way over qualified for and then try to rationalize other jobs that I might have transferrable skills but don't fit the exact requirements. I often wonder how anyone gets any job ever. LOL It just seems like a random pit of despair especially when I'm not working. I know mortgage is due and all the other 50eleven bills and commitments but how in the world did I get here and not have a plan b? That's a lie, I have a plan A, B AND C but at the moment none are working like I need for them to. SO I need to craft plans D through at least J. I feel lazy and at the same time like I am doing everything I can do.
No is a complete thought and sentence. It felt WONDERFUL to text it, mean it, and move on!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar said something recently about how the Bachelor (yes the TV show) gives a false sense of hold up let me look it up... OH he said it's killing romance. Read the article here. SO this is what happens when you don't hit save and walk away... shit gets lost!!! WHAT I HAD TYPED was... If I were to believe what I saw I would have to be 20 something and white, preferably blond hair and a size nothing to fall in love. So forget about me being black and over 40 and natural hair with an ample amount of curves. But I am a hopeful romantic! I still think it's in the cards for me. I still believe my king will come and sweep me off my feet!! I deserve to be swept up. I have kissed enough frogs!! What prompted this is a whole lot of random things. Like an ex telling me (a while ago which is why he's an ex) that this aint a fairy tale and we got adult shit to do... WELL yes but what I asked of you wasn't even all that much so!? Then a cousin I have who posts eye rolling things about her family, but why not her?!? Why shouldn't she get what we all want? To the commercial of the princess trying to be rescued by the prince but after the kiss she just wants him to go away. Plus a whole lot of other things. I had a train of thought but I think I got off before it was completed. OH YEAH LOVE... I love love!! The idea of it, the actuality of it but it seems to keep passing me by. Maybe it will happen this year that I go on successful dates AND have some meaningful love, from the opposite sex (oh and good sex cause that's important too) not just the unconditional cat love LOL
My mother (aka the roommate) is a retired teacher. Sometimes she wakes up mid lesson I guess from the dream she was having to teaching the non-existent classroom and proceeds to teach. Most of the time it's pretty comical. Today she was telling 'us' that we needed to complete the gleaners and return them to the chairperson. She couldn't remember who that person was (I was SURE she was gonna say Deacon Yuille who has been dead for a few years now but he did make it to 100) but we should complete them with our pennies and turn them in. One day she was very adamant about the use of the TH in words like the, those, them. 'We' needed to practice because 'we' have to be sure to use words correctly. Keep in mind she taught Social Studies (world history, civics, African American history etc) she was not an English teacher so I was very perplexed as to why we needed this lesson. That would be until one of my caregivers came in talking about her muva and bruva. Keep in mind I love my caregivers!! They are the blessings I didn't even know I needed, but this one in particular can kill the king's English. I cringe sometimes because she'll say strimp and prestription and other just wrong as hell stuff. I guess my mom got tired of it and decided to teach her how to speak correctly. Only problem was she dreamed it and when she woke up I was the onliest person there for the lesson.
My mind has been put at ease but yet I'm still stressed. It's a good stress though, so we'll see how it all works out!!
This new year is going to be a good one!! I have to stay positive and hopeful because that is truly alls I got right now. The job search is going nowhere fast. Let's just say this is probably the crux of my angst. It is both humiliating and humbling to apply for jobs I know I am way over qualified for and then try to rationalize other jobs that I might have transferrable skills but don't fit the exact requirements. I often wonder how anyone gets any job ever. LOL It just seems like a random pit of despair especially when I'm not working. I know mortgage is due and all the other 50eleven bills and commitments but how in the world did I get here and not have a plan b? That's a lie, I have a plan A, B AND C but at the moment none are working like I need for them to. SO I need to craft plans D through at least J. I feel lazy and at the same time like I am doing everything I can do.
No is a complete thought and sentence. It felt WONDERFUL to text it, mean it, and move on!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar said something recently about how the Bachelor (yes the TV show) gives a false sense of hold up let me look it up... OH he said it's killing romance. Read the article here. SO this is what happens when you don't hit save and walk away... shit gets lost!!! WHAT I HAD TYPED was... If I were to believe what I saw I would have to be 20 something and white, preferably blond hair and a size nothing to fall in love. So forget about me being black and over 40 and natural hair with an ample amount of curves. But I am a hopeful romantic! I still think it's in the cards for me. I still believe my king will come and sweep me off my feet!! I deserve to be swept up. I have kissed enough frogs!! What prompted this is a whole lot of random things. Like an ex telling me (a while ago which is why he's an ex) that this aint a fairy tale and we got adult shit to do... WELL yes but what I asked of you wasn't even all that much so!? Then a cousin I have who posts eye rolling things about her family, but why not her?!? Why shouldn't she get what we all want? To the commercial of the princess trying to be rescued by the prince but after the kiss she just wants him to go away. Plus a whole lot of other things. I had a train of thought but I think I got off before it was completed. OH YEAH LOVE... I love love!! The idea of it, the actuality of it but it seems to keep passing me by. Maybe it will happen this year that I go on successful dates AND have some meaningful love, from the opposite sex (oh and good sex cause that's important too) not just the unconditional cat love LOL
My mother (aka the roommate) is a retired teacher. Sometimes she wakes up mid lesson I guess from the dream she was having to teaching the non-existent classroom and proceeds to teach. Most of the time it's pretty comical. Today she was telling 'us' that we needed to complete the gleaners and return them to the chairperson. She couldn't remember who that person was (I was SURE she was gonna say Deacon Yuille who has been dead for a few years now but he did make it to 100) but we should complete them with our pennies and turn them in. One day she was very adamant about the use of the TH in words like the, those, them. 'We' needed to practice because 'we' have to be sure to use words correctly. Keep in mind she taught Social Studies (world history, civics, African American history etc) she was not an English teacher so I was very perplexed as to why we needed this lesson. That would be until one of my caregivers came in talking about her muva and bruva. Keep in mind I love my caregivers!! They are the blessings I didn't even know I needed, but this one in particular can kill the king's English. I cringe sometimes because she'll say strimp and prestription and other just wrong as hell stuff. I guess my mom got tired of it and decided to teach her how to speak correctly. Only problem was she dreamed it and when she woke up I was the onliest person there for the lesson.
My mind has been put at ease but yet I'm still stressed. It's a good stress though, so we'll see how it all works out!!
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
surfin on my own wave...
instead of doing inventory I am blogging cause I am a self proclaimed chronic procrastinator!! Actually I finished most of the inventory... and now 2 days later I POST!!
Yesterday I went to see Moonlight! It was a good movie but I had to do a whole lot of digesting because it was good for so many reasons, but I still have a few questions and I really do need someone to talk to about it. And I won't spoil it; there are enough trailers out there that you should have at least seen that, but I still was not prepared for the movie. What I will say is that less dialogue seems to be what Hollywood likes. At the end, when it flashed the name of the movie we all EVERYONE sat in their seat like 'huh... well OK'. Folks started to get up an leave but there were like 7 of us who still sat there after the credits were over. I was by myself but the 2 older white ladies to my right started to talk about what they thought it meant. Then there were the 4 people, 2 white guys, and Asian guy and white woman, who just sat there like UH... So go see it before it leaves the theaters, make of it what you will, and if you have something to say about it, call me!
The theater I went to was The Charles Theater in the city and it is in the middle of the block in the middle of a neighborhood and has some really interesting characters. I am standing behind what I thought was a homeless guy, and maybe he was, but he wanted a ticket to a show that didn't have a matinee showing and he was a lil pissed. The ticket chick explains that there was a misprint and apologizes and he eventually walks away. Then when he does, what he left was either spit or snot that started rolling down the window. I stood there like OH HELL NO... You need to open the other window because if any part of whatever touches me we gon have a problem!! The ticket chick sees it and it like OHHH... hold on a sec. She goes to get wipes or cleaner or something and I am standing there paralyzed. The popcorn chick then says (which is a different line) you can get your ticket here, which is what I do. I get into the theater and there is a smell... I try real hard to ignore it because I have paid my lil money and I want to see this movie. The crowd is a good mix of races, couples and singles. And then once we are good into the movie I drop my Pepsi bottle at a very silent part cause that's what I do LOL
And then I left and went to the Shoppers (grocery store) that is very much in the hood. The main sign that you in da hood is when there is a sign that says NO HACKS (that's a jitney for my Pittsburgh folks... and Uber for my everyone else LOL). I usually never shop without a cart but this way if I don't have one I can stick to what I came for, butter, chips, and fruit cups (cause I had a coupon) and get in and out. I end up getting a hand cart. I also got steak, eggs, and a sprite. I get in line behind a woman in one of those motorized chairs. She has a WHOLE basket full of food and I know this is the month of food and that she is using an Independence Card (that would be the good food stamps which I will need soon so no judgement on my part... although I always wondered WHY people who got food stamps shop like the store is not going to be there the next week? It's always SO MUCH FOOD (I digress)). I stay in this line because there is no self serve (I done already told you I'm in the hood) and even though William (the cashier) was a lil slow, this is the shortest line, so I deal. A lady with a reusable bag and a dollar gets in line behind me. I had a thought for 2 seconds to let her get in front of me, but William was not to swift and she was getting aggravated like it was MY fault he was moving slow. So then she goes around and tries to give the woman's nephew the dollar to pay for the bag but the woman was like NO GO OVER THERE (pointing to the customer service line) OR SOMETHING!! I chuckle like then she says My nephew knows I don't like stuff like that SHE GOTTA WAIT!! Then I chime in with Yeah cause we got a good flow here and she's messing it up!! William finally gets to me and I hand him one reusable bag. Why was he acting like he never saw a cloth bag? Dude this is your job. You do this ERR DAY!! Take my bag please! The stuff I have you only need one! He bags my food and then I'm fiddling with my bank card and he is insisting I take the receipt JUST THROW IT IN THE BAG!! I was watching you like a hawk so I know that everything is good.
It is December so I'm not sue why I'm shocked it's so cold, but it IS COLD! And... you know what I'll take cold to snow and ice any day!!
Yesterday I went to see Moonlight! It was a good movie but I had to do a whole lot of digesting because it was good for so many reasons, but I still have a few questions and I really do need someone to talk to about it. And I won't spoil it; there are enough trailers out there that you should have at least seen that, but I still was not prepared for the movie. What I will say is that less dialogue seems to be what Hollywood likes. At the end, when it flashed the name of the movie we all EVERYONE sat in their seat like 'huh... well OK'. Folks started to get up an leave but there were like 7 of us who still sat there after the credits were over. I was by myself but the 2 older white ladies to my right started to talk about what they thought it meant. Then there were the 4 people, 2 white guys, and Asian guy and white woman, who just sat there like UH... So go see it before it leaves the theaters, make of it what you will, and if you have something to say about it, call me!
The theater I went to was The Charles Theater in the city and it is in the middle of the block in the middle of a neighborhood and has some really interesting characters. I am standing behind what I thought was a homeless guy, and maybe he was, but he wanted a ticket to a show that didn't have a matinee showing and he was a lil pissed. The ticket chick explains that there was a misprint and apologizes and he eventually walks away. Then when he does, what he left was either spit or snot that started rolling down the window. I stood there like OH HELL NO... You need to open the other window because if any part of whatever touches me we gon have a problem!! The ticket chick sees it and it like OHHH... hold on a sec. She goes to get wipes or cleaner or something and I am standing there paralyzed. The popcorn chick then says (which is a different line) you can get your ticket here, which is what I do. I get into the theater and there is a smell... I try real hard to ignore it because I have paid my lil money and I want to see this movie. The crowd is a good mix of races, couples and singles. And then once we are good into the movie I drop my Pepsi bottle at a very silent part cause that's what I do LOL
And then I left and went to the Shoppers (grocery store) that is very much in the hood. The main sign that you in da hood is when there is a sign that says NO HACKS (that's a jitney for my Pittsburgh folks... and Uber for my everyone else LOL). I usually never shop without a cart but this way if I don't have one I can stick to what I came for, butter, chips, and fruit cups (cause I had a coupon) and get in and out. I end up getting a hand cart. I also got steak, eggs, and a sprite. I get in line behind a woman in one of those motorized chairs. She has a WHOLE basket full of food and I know this is the month of food and that she is using an Independence Card (that would be the good food stamps which I will need soon so no judgement on my part... although I always wondered WHY people who got food stamps shop like the store is not going to be there the next week? It's always SO MUCH FOOD (I digress)). I stay in this line because there is no self serve (I done already told you I'm in the hood) and even though William (the cashier) was a lil slow, this is the shortest line, so I deal. A lady with a reusable bag and a dollar gets in line behind me. I had a thought for 2 seconds to let her get in front of me, but William was not to swift and she was getting aggravated like it was MY fault he was moving slow. So then she goes around and tries to give the woman's nephew the dollar to pay for the bag but the woman was like NO GO OVER THERE (pointing to the customer service line) OR SOMETHING!! I chuckle like then she says My nephew knows I don't like stuff like that SHE GOTTA WAIT!! Then I chime in with Yeah cause we got a good flow here and she's messing it up!! William finally gets to me and I hand him one reusable bag. Why was he acting like he never saw a cloth bag? Dude this is your job. You do this ERR DAY!! Take my bag please! The stuff I have you only need one! He bags my food and then I'm fiddling with my bank card and he is insisting I take the receipt JUST THROW IT IN THE BAG!! I was watching you like a hawk so I know that everything is good.
It is December so I'm not sue why I'm shocked it's so cold, but it IS COLD! And... you know what I'll take cold to snow and ice any day!!
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
random dumb shit
This is about a few of the dumb things I did today... So I sit in the car at the Wal-Mart trying to collect my thoughts and what not. I decide that even though I have on sweats and a hat to cover up my pinned curled hair (A HAT... not one of the satin bonnets... ijs) I needed a lil lipstick. I put on some and then head out thinking I look a hot mess but the lipstick has redeemed me. The cute (random) bread dude that I have seen around delivering well BREAD is getting out of his truck and I'm glad I did that lil extra something. I shop, then leave, look down at my bright green sweet shirt and the big ass red stain. SO DAMN... Here I am knowing I look a hot mess but then see this big ass stain and just start to laugh #becausewhynot !!!
Tonight I am doing some major putzying in the basement. I step on something wet and think it was water from the laundry. I look down and nope NOT WATER but a freaking cricket. I don't know where these bitches come from but ever few years or so I have ALOT and then they die out and then they come back. I was doing a load and threw 1 sock in the washer. JUST ONE!! Like who does that!?!?! And I've been walking around the house with one sock. Yes my left foot is cold! Yes I have many socks in my sock basket. Why am I doing this to myself?
Back to the good Wal-Mart, some of the cashiers are a little off to me. I thought the dude who is checking me out was talking to himself, but then he says "this time last year I didn't have wheels." Maybe I'm the off one here cause I said you mean a car? He said yes! I said well that is definitely a good thing!! He said it sure is! People just want to be heard no matter how minimal or major the thing is. I want to be heard sometimes too. Unfortunately I'm feeling really unheard. I hear myself talking and then I feel ignored. I might just stop talking all together.
Tonight I am doing some major putzying in the basement. I step on something wet and think it was water from the laundry. I look down and nope NOT WATER but a freaking cricket. I don't know where these bitches come from but ever few years or so I have ALOT and then they die out and then they come back. I was doing a load and threw 1 sock in the washer. JUST ONE!! Like who does that!?!?! And I've been walking around the house with one sock. Yes my left foot is cold! Yes I have many socks in my sock basket. Why am I doing this to myself?
Back to the good Wal-Mart, some of the cashiers are a little off to me. I thought the dude who is checking me out was talking to himself, but then he says "this time last year I didn't have wheels." Maybe I'm the off one here cause I said you mean a car? He said yes! I said well that is definitely a good thing!! He said it sure is! People just want to be heard no matter how minimal or major the thing is. I want to be heard sometimes too. Unfortunately I'm feeling really unheard. I hear myself talking and then I feel ignored. I might just stop talking all together.
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
pre-thanksgiving 2016
I ran into the Royal farms to get a few wings after a meeting the other day. It always annoys me when the cashier and the cooks and whoever else works there always seem to be having this conversation and not really too concerned with the customer. And that was the case this night. The lil cashier looked like it was too much for her to touch my money like she had just gotten her nails done but in reality she needed a fill in (yes I am petty). She is talking to one of the cook guys and that are basically yelling back and forth to each other. There really weren't many people in the store so it wasn't too much of a big deal, but then you also had the dude at the other cash register who couldn't figure out something for the dude who wanted to get gas at one of the pumps. my number was called pretty fast, I got my wings and was putting my card into my purse when the lil boy who called my number and is now finished with me say "yeah cause all my relationships are like (the movie) Baby Boy" I look up, catch his eye, and I say "OH I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!!!!" They laugh and then I leave. BUT I HAZ QUESTIONS!!! What the heck did he mean? Does he live with his mother? Does he have multiple baby mamas? Does he do his main baby mama bad? He at least has a job at the good RoFo so maybe he doesn't drop his baby mama off and take the car. I just had and still have questions about the whole thing.
Yes ma'am with the bad teeth and even worse hairdo I AM looking at your man cause he is fine as hell. Yes I see you both in the spice aisle, the bread aisle and now YEP I'm standing behind you in line cause I want to continue to look at him. In these cases I always thing that's not really her man, it's probably her brother or cousin or something. I was being so blatant it's a shame!!! And then I think well maybe if I knock a few teeth out I too could have a man who looks like that!!! I was so busy looking at her teeth though I didn't get a chance (even though I was looking pretty hard) to check out his teeth situation. So you know maybe that's why they are together.
It feels like I have been to the store 50 times in 3 days. Thanksgiving is on Thursday and it is Tuesday. I stood at the fresh turkey bin and had a discussion with a woman about the difference between fresh and frozen. I concluded that it is already Tuesday you really don't have enough time to thaw it out. Well unless you do it in the sink or something but 'they' say that is not the safest way. I'm sure people have died over the years I just don't know any personally who thawed out a turkey or chicken and then got salmonella. Anyway so as not to drive myself crazy, I got a fresh turkey.
I'm doing a challenge that I really hope I can stick to, and that's the 'eat what I have' challenge. The thought is that I should have enough food in the house to eat without having to go out to eat. I have cleaned out my freezer pretty good so good that I didn't have any frozen veggies so I got a few the other day. I tend not to buy so much meat because, well the roommate is so dang particular!!! I have several bags of frozen fruit from back when I was all in with the green smoothie challenge. And I have a lot of cans of food. I shop like there is going to be a zombie apocalypse sometimes. It's easy to just run out and grab something and forget (or ignore) that I have food in the house! McDonald's and Taco Bell are right around the corner. The McPick is $2.50 and a sweet tea is a buck so for just under 4 bucks I can have something that resembles a meal. But I need to do better and that is the goal for the rest of the year. I know I will need some exceptions, like milk, bread, and bananas, but I think this is doable!
and post...
Yes ma'am with the bad teeth and even worse hairdo I AM looking at your man cause he is fine as hell. Yes I see you both in the spice aisle, the bread aisle and now YEP I'm standing behind you in line cause I want to continue to look at him. In these cases I always thing that's not really her man, it's probably her brother or cousin or something. I was being so blatant it's a shame!!! And then I think well maybe if I knock a few teeth out I too could have a man who looks like that!!! I was so busy looking at her teeth though I didn't get a chance (even though I was looking pretty hard) to check out his teeth situation. So you know maybe that's why they are together.
It feels like I have been to the store 50 times in 3 days. Thanksgiving is on Thursday and it is Tuesday. I stood at the fresh turkey bin and had a discussion with a woman about the difference between fresh and frozen. I concluded that it is already Tuesday you really don't have enough time to thaw it out. Well unless you do it in the sink or something but 'they' say that is not the safest way. I'm sure people have died over the years I just don't know any personally who thawed out a turkey or chicken and then got salmonella. Anyway so as not to drive myself crazy, I got a fresh turkey.
I'm doing a challenge that I really hope I can stick to, and that's the 'eat what I have' challenge. The thought is that I should have enough food in the house to eat without having to go out to eat. I have cleaned out my freezer pretty good so good that I didn't have any frozen veggies so I got a few the other day. I tend not to buy so much meat because, well the roommate is so dang particular!!! I have several bags of frozen fruit from back when I was all in with the green smoothie challenge. And I have a lot of cans of food. I shop like there is going to be a zombie apocalypse sometimes. It's easy to just run out and grab something and forget (or ignore) that I have food in the house! McDonald's and Taco Bell are right around the corner. The McPick is $2.50 and a sweet tea is a buck so for just under 4 bucks I can have something that resembles a meal. But I need to do better and that is the goal for the rest of the year. I know I will need some exceptions, like milk, bread, and bananas, but I think this is doable!
and post...
Friday, October 21, 2016
a twofer... 10.21.16
I just posted a blog I wrote last week, but I have more stuff in me!
I had been reading some old posts from this date 10/21. My goal in 2013 was to post more blogs, 3 a week to be precise. WE all know how that one worked out LOL. In 2015 I rehashed my experience with all the critters squirrels and mice that seemed to want to live in the house with me, Paisley, and the roommate which would be a great title of a book!!! LOL
I had a really vivid dream last night or more like right before I woke up which is probably why I remembered it. So all of my family was around this island in this kitchen. The specific people I remember were my nieces and my brother but the house was full so I know there were others there. And then there was this little light skinded baby who I think was mine (?) then this light skin man with a red beard (he was black but he had red hair) who I think was also mine, but then I kept flashing forward and back so at one point I was pregnant and then the baby was there. It was weird and I have no idea what it means and NO there no way I'm pregnant not no way!! SO yeah I have no idea what this means. My mother... err I mean roommate had a pretty vivid dream the other day. She was running down some steep steps to get to the blue Dodge car, she needed to get it in the garage. This issue with her dreams is that she usually thinks they are real. When I say to her well it was a dream sometimes she gets really belligerent and other days she can accept that yep it was a dream. This particular day she spent most of the day trying to convince the caregiver that she needed to get out of the bed and move the car into the garage. The caregiver indulged her for the most part and even as she left she was trying to comfort her by saying she would take care of the car. Now me being the daughter and also caregiver, I have to bring her to present day reality. Lady you have not driven a car in at least 7 years, your son has your car, the house with the garage is in Pittsburgh has been sold, my car is a blue car which she kept telling me NO IT WAS A DODGE... so yeah ALL OF THAT!!
I am a YouTube chick! I watch shows on it and then start following the people (content creators and actors) on the Instagram and Twitter. One station in particular (Black & Sexy TV) took their content to VHX and has a yearly subscription. Another Issa Rae just created a show on HBO called Insecure and the tagline is "She's trying hard AF!!" It has gotten rave reviews! But it took for FREAKING ever and I was able to watch the process. SO go RIGHT NOW to HBO and watch. I actually had to stop and think about black people in general being on the TV and this year has not been too bad. I mean it always could be better. Actually it seems network TV is more inclined to putting black men on than black women. This show celebrates black women who don't have it all but that's ok cause we all DON'T have it all, nor are we all sassy, and angry and loud and secure. We are not a monolith! And we like to see that there are other types of black women other than the sassy sidekick.
There was a man that said or rather typed something rather crude about how my mind could change based on the time of month. I actually let it go, I didn't even cuss him the fuck out even though it will happen sooner or later. Let me explain to ALL who read this, I am tired of having to explain myself as not being angry or mad when my opinion differs from yours. I'm tired feeling like I have to lower my voice to make you feel comfortable because GOD FORBID if I raise it I am clearly on my period and emotional and/or trying to take on wifely duties because I'm telling you what to do. Trust me I don't want to be your wife! Nor am I trying to tell you what to do. I'm tired of having to put a smile on my face because again, I feel the need to pacify. I have had conversations with other black women where we say well we gotta be the ABC (angry black chick) today or try not being the ABC because no matter how 'nice' we are, folks will see us as angry and it is so exhausting. I give up! I'm done trying to make you feel ok! ALSO I am going to say what I want when I want which is what I usually do, but there are a few folks who I still tend to censor myself but NO MAS!! (which is Spanish for no more LOL)
I have a cousin (our grandmothers were sisters) who I never met but who I was friends with on Facebook and Pinterest. She passed away a few weeks ago. It is very sad because she has a ton of 1st cousins and I think they are in the same boat as me as never having met her. Her birthday is today and it is popping up on Facebook and it is just sad. She has young kids and no one seems to be saying anything or at least the family that I am close with don't seem to know anything.
Someone needs to give me their Netflix code so I can watch Luke Cage. There is NO shame in my game!!!
This man has decided to hack up all of his lung and I must now go!!
And now I want chicken...
I had been reading some old posts from this date 10/21. My goal in 2013 was to post more blogs, 3 a week to be precise. WE all know how that one worked out LOL. In 2015 I rehashed my experience with all the critters squirrels and mice that seemed to want to live in the house with me, Paisley, and the roommate which would be a great title of a book!!! LOL
I had a really vivid dream last night or more like right before I woke up which is probably why I remembered it. So all of my family was around this island in this kitchen. The specific people I remember were my nieces and my brother but the house was full so I know there were others there. And then there was this little light skinded baby who I think was mine (?) then this light skin man with a red beard (he was black but he had red hair) who I think was also mine, but then I kept flashing forward and back so at one point I was pregnant and then the baby was there. It was weird and I have no idea what it means and NO there no way I'm pregnant not no way!! SO yeah I have no idea what this means. My mother... err I mean roommate had a pretty vivid dream the other day. She was running down some steep steps to get to the blue Dodge car, she needed to get it in the garage. This issue with her dreams is that she usually thinks they are real. When I say to her well it was a dream sometimes she gets really belligerent and other days she can accept that yep it was a dream. This particular day she spent most of the day trying to convince the caregiver that she needed to get out of the bed and move the car into the garage. The caregiver indulged her for the most part and even as she left she was trying to comfort her by saying she would take care of the car. Now me being the daughter and also caregiver, I have to bring her to present day reality. Lady you have not driven a car in at least 7 years, your son has your car, the house with the garage is in Pittsburgh has been sold, my car is a blue car which she kept telling me NO IT WAS A DODGE... so yeah ALL OF THAT!!
I am a YouTube chick! I watch shows on it and then start following the people (content creators and actors) on the Instagram and Twitter. One station in particular (Black & Sexy TV) took their content to VHX and has a yearly subscription. Another Issa Rae just created a show on HBO called Insecure and the tagline is "She's trying hard AF!!" It has gotten rave reviews! But it took for FREAKING ever and I was able to watch the process. SO go RIGHT NOW to HBO and watch. I actually had to stop and think about black people in general being on the TV and this year has not been too bad. I mean it always could be better. Actually it seems network TV is more inclined to putting black men on than black women. This show celebrates black women who don't have it all but that's ok cause we all DON'T have it all, nor are we all sassy, and angry and loud and secure. We are not a monolith! And we like to see that there are other types of black women other than the sassy sidekick.
There was a man that said or rather typed something rather crude about how my mind could change based on the time of month. I actually let it go, I didn't even cuss him the fuck out even though it will happen sooner or later. Let me explain to ALL who read this, I am tired of having to explain myself as not being angry or mad when my opinion differs from yours. I'm tired feeling like I have to lower my voice to make you feel comfortable because GOD FORBID if I raise it I am clearly on my period and emotional and/or trying to take on wifely duties because I'm telling you what to do. Trust me I don't want to be your wife! Nor am I trying to tell you what to do. I'm tired of having to put a smile on my face because again, I feel the need to pacify. I have had conversations with other black women where we say well we gotta be the ABC (angry black chick) today or try not being the ABC because no matter how 'nice' we are, folks will see us as angry and it is so exhausting. I give up! I'm done trying to make you feel ok! ALSO I am going to say what I want when I want which is what I usually do, but there are a few folks who I still tend to censor myself but NO MAS!! (which is Spanish for no more LOL)
I have a cousin (our grandmothers were sisters) who I never met but who I was friends with on Facebook and Pinterest. She passed away a few weeks ago. It is very sad because she has a ton of 1st cousins and I think they are in the same boat as me as never having met her. Her birthday is today and it is popping up on Facebook and it is just sad. She has young kids and no one seems to be saying anything or at least the family that I am close with don't seem to know anything.
Someone needs to give me their Netflix code so I can watch Luke Cage. There is NO shame in my game!!!
This man has decided to hack up all of his lung and I must now go!!
And now I want chicken...
10.21.16
Sometimes I work really hard at doing nothing! It occurred to me that I do care what some people think of me. NOT ALL people but some, and not even all the time, and that drives me to look busy and do stuff even when alls I want to do is stay in bed and watch TV.
I was really close to going inside of the bank and cussing the teller out who gave me a crazy look. Ok let me back up a bit.. About a year ago (maybe more maybe less) one of my banks (cause we all know I'm balling and have so much money and so many account (well I do have more accounts than I care to share, the amount of money is not so much)) Susquehanna got bought out by BB&T. I opened my account at Susquehanna when the now defunct Provident bank decided it was k to keep nickel and diming me for dumb shit. So I was a happy customer at the now defunct Susquehanna. I knew the change was coming and even my account # changed which I guess makes sense but I still can remember my old # and clearly I don't do well with change. I had a whole $50 and the bank person was like OH did you want to close your account? What I didn't know at the time is that my old account which everything was free was grandfathered in, so now BB&T is not making any money from my account. A few months passed and I deposited $200 into the account and the cashier told me that I shouldn't make any changes because I was getting free everything and that they didn't offer that with any new accounts coming on. Huh, really? Thank you sir for that info!! Recently I started selling jewelry and I decided to use this account as my 'business' account. I am not familiar with this bank. Today I go to the ATM and attempt to make a deposit. Well you need an envelope. EVERY other account I have you can just put the cash or the check right in without an envelope so then I just decide to do the drive thru. I still needed to fill out a deposit slip. The young lady give me a pen and a slip, it literally take me 2 seconds to fill out but then she start counting ALL of the money in the bank and does NOT check on me. So I tap on the window... nothing. I push the little call button twice... still nothing. SO I beep my horn. The other cashier turned around like I had wrecked her complete day. I say to the other little girl WHY IS SHE LOOKING AT ME CRAZY? You didn't even check on me!! It only took 2 seconds to fill out the slip. So then attitude girl I guess does the deposit and tells me that I should have just pushed the button. What I wanted to say was BITCH I DID!! What I said was...I did TWICE and neither one of you responded. Stuff like this can piss me off but i'm not gon let it mess up my good day!
I had just came from Duesenberg's and had the Marilyn Muenster which was brisket, caramelized onions and muenster cheese. LORD it was good!! I usually get breakfast food and specifically French toast when I go there but it was lunch time and everyone had sandwiches that looked awesome, so that's what I got. When I was finished this elderly fellow came and sat at the table next to me. He was flirting a bit and we both said how beautiful the day was. I threw on a big sweatshirt because I thought it was a little chillier. His wife finally came out and she commented too how nice it was and how they both wore jackets because they thought it was going to be cooler. I looked at both of them and they were not a bad looking couple. I would love to see their wedding picture because I'm convinced they were both very attractive in their day.
I'm sitting on a bench outside of the library. Mainly because it's a little too chilly inside and the sun keeps peeking through the clouds. It is a BEA-U-TI-FUL day. That's how my grandmother would say the word, emphasizing ALL of the syllables. Usually when I come to the library I have on my headphones but since I'm outside I'm doing a little people watching. So a man walks out with his long ponytail and I chuckle because he is bald in the center. I guess he is holding out as long as he possibly can. When I was inside one guy with headphones was watching what looked like The Voice or one of those kind of shows sand was getting his ever loving life!!! Then I looked up and one couple with about 5 teeth between them were researching something (I couldn't see y'all know I was looking LOL). Then another couple decided they needed to have a conversation even though he was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY down on the 1st computer and she was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY up near the printer. Folks don't adhere to the silence rule I remember it used to being back in the day. OH so the other day I went to the one near my house and this was a few hours before school let out so it wasn't buzzing with kids just yet. One guy at the back table had 2 computers set up and tablet but my dude was sleep. And I don't just mean his eyes were closed, this fool was snoring like he was at home in his own bed. I sat at the back tables because it was in front of the window but then as I was unpacking my stuff I was really trying to decide if my earbuds were going to drown out his snoring. One of the librarians finally came over to see if he was ok. He was apologetic but then I think went back to sleep. So then the security guard came over and said sir, maybe you need to walk around a bit and this is when the man got indignant. The whole thing was funny. He was just trying to do his lil job! About 10 minutes later the man started packing up all his stuff and then left.
My neighbors are all horrible, but I really think what's going on is I'm ready to move. Not necessarily because of them but more because this has been the longest I have lived anywhere (well on my own). I don't want neighbors. I want a long driveway that I don't have to share with anyone and not have to be bothered with who's car is in front of my house at any given time. I'm sitting across from 2 houses that have nice driveways. This neighborhood is really nice. And you can tell they are all owned as opposed to rented and people keep up their homes very nicely. That has been one of my issues is that even though the houses are owned in my neighborhood, the kids and grandkids that are living there, probably rent free, are renters. They just do dumb and inconsiderate shit. I'm not in any position to move any time soon and I need to get a few more things fixed in the house before I can think real hard about it.
A chick just passed me with a shirt on that she is tryna pass off as a dress. REALLY GIRL? That shit is too short and I know it's a shirt!! You know what I'm truly sick of, grown ass folks leaving their house with pajamas on. It is BEYOND ridiculous! Like really cookie monster bitch? REALLY? I saw this real grown man coming out of Taco Bell once with pajamas on and I looked at him and just shook my head. You look FOOLISH!!
and now more rants...
I'm in the supermarket yesterday and the girl parked her cart right in the center and proceeded to look for whatever thee hell. EXCUSE ME MA'AM if you and your too tight scrub wearing ass don't get the hell outta my way I'ma know something!! And then she moved but then didn't say excuse me or anything, she was just being rude. You had a hard day ok fine, just get outta my way!!
Then I see a cutie looking in the meat section, but when I circled back and he was gone :( #mylife. I was trying to have my 'black people meet' moment, but alas, it was not meant to be.
WHY do people have to constantly be on their phone and specifically their blue too (LOL). I'm at the deli and the dude is having a full on convo but it's his turn. I signal for to him to go, he gets some cheese. The lil deli dude had a question but he too busy on the phone so I said SIR!!! and he's like OH ok... And I then I start mumbling you need to PAY ATTENTION!!!
At certain stores I know who's line to get in and who's line NOT to get in. Yesterday's cashier was a NOT line. She moved so very slowly and for truly no good reason. It's not like I was in a rush but she didn't know that and there was no sense of urgency. At the Giant on 40 it's the older white lady with yellow hair who has to take a sip of whatever thee hell and talk to me while she is ringing up my items. I'm all for mindless banter, but let's get me out of this store as quickly as possible. Then there is the black lady at the Shopper's also on 40 who reminds me of an old lunch lady. She will get you OUT of the store real fast so I tend to look for her when I'm in that store. There is a lady with koolaid red hair at the Price Rite but they never have enough cashier on at any given time so even though she is a NOT line, sometimes she's the only one.
OH my Lord why did that man smell so good who just passed me... COME BACK SIR!!!
I was really close to going inside of the bank and cussing the teller out who gave me a crazy look. Ok let me back up a bit.. About a year ago (maybe more maybe less) one of my banks (cause we all know I'm balling and have so much money and so many account (well I do have more accounts than I care to share, the amount of money is not so much)) Susquehanna got bought out by BB&T. I opened my account at Susquehanna when the now defunct Provident bank decided it was k to keep nickel and diming me for dumb shit. So I was a happy customer at the now defunct Susquehanna. I knew the change was coming and even my account # changed which I guess makes sense but I still can remember my old # and clearly I don't do well with change. I had a whole $50 and the bank person was like OH did you want to close your account? What I didn't know at the time is that my old account which everything was free was grandfathered in, so now BB&T is not making any money from my account. A few months passed and I deposited $200 into the account and the cashier told me that I shouldn't make any changes because I was getting free everything and that they didn't offer that with any new accounts coming on. Huh, really? Thank you sir for that info!! Recently I started selling jewelry and I decided to use this account as my 'business' account. I am not familiar with this bank. Today I go to the ATM and attempt to make a deposit. Well you need an envelope. EVERY other account I have you can just put the cash or the check right in without an envelope so then I just decide to do the drive thru. I still needed to fill out a deposit slip. The young lady give me a pen and a slip, it literally take me 2 seconds to fill out but then she start counting ALL of the money in the bank and does NOT check on me. So I tap on the window... nothing. I push the little call button twice... still nothing. SO I beep my horn. The other cashier turned around like I had wrecked her complete day. I say to the other little girl WHY IS SHE LOOKING AT ME CRAZY? You didn't even check on me!! It only took 2 seconds to fill out the slip. So then attitude girl I guess does the deposit and tells me that I should have just pushed the button. What I wanted to say was BITCH I DID!! What I said was...I did TWICE and neither one of you responded. Stuff like this can piss me off but i'm not gon let it mess up my good day!
I had just came from Duesenberg's and had the Marilyn Muenster which was brisket, caramelized onions and muenster cheese. LORD it was good!! I usually get breakfast food and specifically French toast when I go there but it was lunch time and everyone had sandwiches that looked awesome, so that's what I got. When I was finished this elderly fellow came and sat at the table next to me. He was flirting a bit and we both said how beautiful the day was. I threw on a big sweatshirt because I thought it was a little chillier. His wife finally came out and she commented too how nice it was and how they both wore jackets because they thought it was going to be cooler. I looked at both of them and they were not a bad looking couple. I would love to see their wedding picture because I'm convinced they were both very attractive in their day.
I'm sitting on a bench outside of the library. Mainly because it's a little too chilly inside and the sun keeps peeking through the clouds. It is a BEA-U-TI-FUL day. That's how my grandmother would say the word, emphasizing ALL of the syllables. Usually when I come to the library I have on my headphones but since I'm outside I'm doing a little people watching. So a man walks out with his long ponytail and I chuckle because he is bald in the center. I guess he is holding out as long as he possibly can. When I was inside one guy with headphones was watching what looked like The Voice or one of those kind of shows sand was getting his ever loving life!!! Then I looked up and one couple with about 5 teeth between them were researching something (I couldn't see y'all know I was looking LOL). Then another couple decided they needed to have a conversation even though he was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY down on the 1st computer and she was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY up near the printer. Folks don't adhere to the silence rule I remember it used to being back in the day. OH so the other day I went to the one near my house and this was a few hours before school let out so it wasn't buzzing with kids just yet. One guy at the back table had 2 computers set up and tablet but my dude was sleep. And I don't just mean his eyes were closed, this fool was snoring like he was at home in his own bed. I sat at the back tables because it was in front of the window but then as I was unpacking my stuff I was really trying to decide if my earbuds were going to drown out his snoring. One of the librarians finally came over to see if he was ok. He was apologetic but then I think went back to sleep. So then the security guard came over and said sir, maybe you need to walk around a bit and this is when the man got indignant. The whole thing was funny. He was just trying to do his lil job! About 10 minutes later the man started packing up all his stuff and then left.
My neighbors are all horrible, but I really think what's going on is I'm ready to move. Not necessarily because of them but more because this has been the longest I have lived anywhere (well on my own). I don't want neighbors. I want a long driveway that I don't have to share with anyone and not have to be bothered with who's car is in front of my house at any given time. I'm sitting across from 2 houses that have nice driveways. This neighborhood is really nice. And you can tell they are all owned as opposed to rented and people keep up their homes very nicely. That has been one of my issues is that even though the houses are owned in my neighborhood, the kids and grandkids that are living there, probably rent free, are renters. They just do dumb and inconsiderate shit. I'm not in any position to move any time soon and I need to get a few more things fixed in the house before I can think real hard about it.
A chick just passed me with a shirt on that she is tryna pass off as a dress. REALLY GIRL? That shit is too short and I know it's a shirt!! You know what I'm truly sick of, grown ass folks leaving their house with pajamas on. It is BEYOND ridiculous! Like really cookie monster bitch? REALLY? I saw this real grown man coming out of Taco Bell once with pajamas on and I looked at him and just shook my head. You look FOOLISH!!
and now more rants...
I'm in the supermarket yesterday and the girl parked her cart right in the center and proceeded to look for whatever thee hell. EXCUSE ME MA'AM if you and your too tight scrub wearing ass don't get the hell outta my way I'ma know something!! And then she moved but then didn't say excuse me or anything, she was just being rude. You had a hard day ok fine, just get outta my way!!
Then I see a cutie looking in the meat section, but when I circled back and he was gone :( #mylife. I was trying to have my 'black people meet' moment, but alas, it was not meant to be.
WHY do people have to constantly be on their phone and specifically their blue too (LOL). I'm at the deli and the dude is having a full on convo but it's his turn. I signal for to him to go, he gets some cheese. The lil deli dude had a question but he too busy on the phone so I said SIR!!! and he's like OH ok... And I then I start mumbling you need to PAY ATTENTION!!!
At certain stores I know who's line to get in and who's line NOT to get in. Yesterday's cashier was a NOT line. She moved so very slowly and for truly no good reason. It's not like I was in a rush but she didn't know that and there was no sense of urgency. At the Giant on 40 it's the older white lady with yellow hair who has to take a sip of whatever thee hell and talk to me while she is ringing up my items. I'm all for mindless banter, but let's get me out of this store as quickly as possible. Then there is the black lady at the Shopper's also on 40 who reminds me of an old lunch lady. She will get you OUT of the store real fast so I tend to look for her when I'm in that store. There is a lady with koolaid red hair at the Price Rite but they never have enough cashier on at any given time so even though she is a NOT line, sometimes she's the only one.
OH my Lord why did that man smell so good who just passed me... COME BACK SIR!!!
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