Essence PART II

STARAHS!!!

Essence draws a huge crowd of regular folks and stars!  So the first sighting I see is lil Raheem DeVaughn on the Southwest plane to New Orleans.  He is wearing a hoodie and has on sun glasses and his big beat by Dre headphones.  It’s funny cause when I used to hang out in DC he was at many of the shows and parties but I never actually met him.  Hmmm…  Anyways people were looking at him, like I KNOW I KNOW this dude but who is he!?

Friday we went to the convention center which was a big overwhelming place with tons of people.  I didn’t really see anyone up close but Steve Harvey, (the right) Rev. Al Sharpton, Michael Baisden (who didn’t really answer the question about why he was fired… cause that’s in the past is what he said), Pooch Hall was at the Mickey Dee’s stage,  Lance Gross and Trey Songz were all there.  I’m sure there were more OH wait there was a panel with Shaunie O’Neal, Chante Moore, Monifa, Kenya Moore (who didn’t get booed, but she might as well have), Trina Braxton, and Andrea Kelly on the reality of reality TV.  Everyone has a reason for wanting to be on a reality show but it has gotten so nasty and confrontational that I don’t think I would want to be on one now.  Back when the 1^st Real World came on in New York with Kevin and Heather B (LOL) was about the onliest time I thought I would want to be on a show like that… but I was 18 so you know, that’s what 18 year olds think.  But NOW 48 year olds still want to capture 15 minutes of fame. 

We went to The Intercontinental Hotel which was across the street from the 1^st Hilton we stayed… cause when they announce Beyonce’s show was on Sunday the schedule got rearranged and the hotel got booked up.  But there were a lot of people shuffling around Saturday and Sunday.  I met one guy who was at the Double Tree a few days, then the Hilton and then they had to move to yet another hotel.  The booking I know can get crazy.  I was hoping not to have to moved, but then I’m kinda glad we did.  Anyway we go to Intercontinental to see what their restaurant had (which wasn’t much) and see Nicole Ari Parker.  She was taking pics with the wait staff who were very happy to see her.  But she’s from Baltimore and is a cousin of on of my GGG’s friends and she’s a woman sooo, it was nice to see her but the HAPPY GRIN came when I saw Boris come up the escalator.  Keep in mind he is my fantasy masseur who I would gladly oblige a happy ending (LMBAO…. Whew!!).  And not only him but his equally fine ass brother was coming up the escalator as well.  It should be against the law to have 2 brothers look that good!  I didn’t get any pics of them L

So the move to The Hilton Riverside was a good one!!  The starahs were there!  So in the hallway Mint Condition is getting settled there.  I only got a picture with Larry Waddell (piano player AND CUTIE!!) because I was too nervous to as Jeffrey Allen (the other piano player).  It looked like Ricky Kinchen (the bass player) was having some room difficulty so I was scared to ask him either cause he looked pissed.  I did not see Stokley or O’Dell.  Shaunie O’Neal was standing right beside me and she is real regular looking.  NO shade!!  She is a pretty woman but seeing folks up close I’m just like OH oh… that’s what you look like?!  On the street in search of a drink which I ended up getting a big ass appletini, Blair Underwood (aka CASANEGRA!!!  LOL) passed by with his, well what I think was his child and a light skinded woman followed.  I have never thought he was as fine as some people do or did.  But Mr. Underwood is aging quite nicely!!  It might have helped that he had facial hair which is always a turn on for me (along with long walks and wine!! LOL)

At the actual show they camera folks would show the folks sitting in the floor seat and there were a few recognizable people there.  And that was it for the starahs! 

THE FOOD!!

I didn’t have one bad meal! 

Something Else Café - I had the shrimp burger.  I thought it was going to be like a whole shrimp on a bun BUT NO it was chopped up shrimps (yes shrimps) and this greenish sauce that was GREAT!!!  And some chips I think were local OH and a strawberry Abita beer which was local! And then the bread pudding!! HEAVEN!!

Luke – This was the restaurant at the 1^st Hilton which was on St. Charles St.  All I had was the burger but OH MY LAWD what a burger!!  I can’t remember what kinda cheese but it was just a good ass burger (well not ASS burger although it mighta coulda been ass meat?!?).  And then I had the steamed chocolate.  It was this chocolate patty (for lack of a better description) with salted caramel ice cream.  The ice cream could have used a little lest salt but it was truly a great dessert.

Convention Center – I totally forgot the name of the place because each booth had a separate restaurant or caterer that had various types of food.  So I got the red beans and rice with sausage which I think was gator sausage!  It was sooooo good, but heavy. So I was hella tired after.  Then we had to fight with a dude at a table of empty chairs so his wife and her friend could have a place to sit.  Yeah I’ma go ahead and sit down until she comes!! Chivalrous much? And in true black folks ‘we are family’ fashion some random ladies sit down (well when more seats open up) we are all chatting and one of the ladies said I need for you to go ahead and be done so I can taste your food.  LMAO!!! So that’s what she did!  I pushed my plate over and she had some red beans and rice!!

Luke –(again for brunch)-  So the goal was to go someplace different but this place proved to already be a winner and the wait at the Ruby Slipper was an 1 ½ hours so we went back to Luke.  I got eggs in a jar! And it was… well EGGS IN A JAR! With grits and shrimp and I think and English muffin was on the bottom.   I never thought I would be a big poached egg fan and there is a certain art to getting it hard enough and soft enough without being disgusting.  They got it right!

Grand Isle Grille – I made the mistake of asking if they had wings and the server looked at me like I spit in her face.  She was like NO MA’AM!  We do NOT have wings.  I wanted to say calm down lady!!  So what I got was the shrimp and grits and the sangria and a cup of seafood chowder.  ALL of it was good!! And then I sashayed back to the hotel and made a mad dash to the airport!!

 

This trip was definitely needed and I had a blast.  Although I needed a few days to recoup the next time I go to Essence I will not make rookie mistakes and be prepared!!

 

 

 

Essence PART I

There is already a blog and Twitter and at one point a TV show called ‘Shit my dad says!’ so I can’t take that title.  But I will tell you the stuff my new 70 year old roommate says I have to shake my head sometimes.  I attempted to watch ‘Falling Skies’ on demand last night because I just can’t keep my eyes open when it comes on regularly.  SO I fed the 70 yr old and she plopped down on the couch for her usual after meal nap.  Well no sooner than I started watching she decided to NOT take a nap and chime in on what was going on.  So I had to do her like she did me a kid and told her she could only ask questions during commercials.  When the alien came on screen she sat up and was like that dude is really ugly.  I said well it’s an alien and then she got philosophical.  She said she believed that we are all egocentric to think God didn’t create other universes and life forms and that aliens probably were not humanoid.  And I said well I believe that too. 

 ESSENCE!!!

For the first time I went to Essence Music Festival in New Orleans.  This was not my first time to NO, but it was my first Essence.  I don’t know why after all these years this was the year because for so many years July 4^th would come and go and I would say I’ll go next year.  So this was the year!  And even though I really enjoyed myself it was very taxing on my body.  The streets of NO are very uneven and I really should have just worn my sneakers no matter what the outfit (which is exactly what I did the last night).  My back, legs and feet hurt on the Monday after like they have never hurt before.  This is not to discourage anyone from going, this is just my assessment.  I also should add that I went to ALL 3 nights.  A lot of folks come for just one night and do the other things NO has to offer.  I was insistent that I needed to see everyone on every night so my butt paid for it!!

Thursday – We arrived (oh we is me and my girlfriend CL… who I’m sure has a different version of things, but hey my blog, my version!) pretty early in the day but because CL is a frequent traveler with a bazillion points, they check us in and we can get out day started.  First on the itinerary were massages!! She called around to a few places, but the one place we ended up going was booked up so all I got was a manicure and champagne!!  We had lunch at a little place near the Spa Aria called Something Else café.  Here’s the thing about NO, I have always enjoyed eating at these little spots.  There are a lot of touristy places like Mother’s (which had a perpetual line out the door) and Bubba Gump, which is a chain.  We also made it to the convention center which was a bit overwhelming with all of the people.  Oh and Riverwalk for the 4^th festivities, but left because it was just a lot of people and it was hot!!

Friday – First day of concerts! I’m sure Brandy did a great job, but I didn’t see her.  I did see LL Cool J and then I left him to go see Anthony David in one of the Superlounges.  He always does a good job to me, but he seemed a bit somber that night.  Like maybe it was sinking in that he was at Essence?!? I don’t know.  I sang along!  And then left him to go see Jill Scott!  Now Jill always ALWAYS puts on a good show, but I need for someone to help her with styling.  She had on the light green jumpsuit and this come to Africa sweater thing that really distracted me cause I was sitting there the whole time like da hell does she have on?!?!? And then that sexy son of a biscuit Maxwell came on.  His voice at first sounded a little weird to me, but that’s his voice.  And I sang along!!  The concert tour with him and Jill got cancelled before it got to Baltimore, so I was really excited to see him! He said his album is coming just not sure when. 

Saturday – MASSAGE!! This is always a good way to start off the day.  I had a ½ hour massage and ½ hour reflexology.  My tech or masseur (not sure what is PC these days) worked on my feet and said she ridded my liver of all the alcohol!  She was an absolute HOOT!!  That was the hotel that LL Cool J stayed at and she said she LITERALLY ran into him and that he was such a handsome man and very nice and then she added that he was really a handsome man… did I hear her HE WAS HANDSOME!!!  I didn’t get to bump into him unfortunately.  Concert night I saw just about everybody.  I was solo this night which is ok with me, I can talk to whomever and make friends.  So I get there as Solange is onstage.  She has braids past her waist and although she has a few cd’s I honestly don’t know how she made it to the main stage.  She only has one song that I really like.  I then went to the Superlounge to see Avery*Sunshine.  She was amazing!!  I didn’t realize she played the Rhodes (which is an organ) and she sat for most of her performance.  I only caught the last part of it but she is definitely on my list of people I need to see a full concert for and SOON!!!  I got her cd.  I like it very much but it is a real mellow cd.  Not what I need in the AM trying to get pumped for work but rather sitting at home sipping on chardonnay or cabernet!! 

I went out back to my seat (or maybe I sat in someone else’s seat for a minute) to watch Keyshia Cole.  Now say what you will about her, she does have quite a few cd’s and I have at least 3 of them.  She had made a comment about Michelle’s performance at the Superbowl with Beyonce AND said something about the ‘Bow Down Bitches’ song on the twitter.  I listen to a few podcasts and follow a few people via the youTube and the stans went pretty cray cray!! Like How dare she say ANYTHING against Beyonce!!  Well… everyone is entitled to their opinion.  But in then B-Hive went BALLISTIC.  ANYWAYS.  She tried real hard and had a good performance at Essence.   But then just like Jill, I need for someone to help that child with her dressing.  She had on this cute little dress and then changes into this thing that went up her neck and then jean shorts… Uhhh NO MA’AM!!! What saved her for me were those shirtless dancers.  Uhhh YES MA’AM!!!!  That put a nice happy grin on my face! I then went to yet another Superlounge (at this point I had on my flip flops) to see Leela James.  Another amazing performance!! She is rather little but she stomped and sang like she was a big girl!!  And I don’t know how many bundles of hair she had on top of her little head but it was ALOT and I KNOW it was hot. But I think that is part of her signature look.  She also had on black sequence leggings…  **PAUSE FOR RANDOM THOUGHT** so last year at my cousins wedding his aunt had on the sequence pants and I commented on how I liked them.  She said I could have them but she is about a size 2 and I am well into double digits as far as pant size goes so I had to pass.  ANYWAY… I am not a huge fan of Leela James but she did a GREAT job.  I then got ready for Jody Watley.  Now back in the day I was a HUGE Jody fan.  I had to beg and plead for one of the grandmothers (probably both) to buy me her tape LOL  I remember going to Sugar to see her a few years back although that was a horrible night.  She sang 2 songs and left.  They probably only paid her to sing 1 WHO KNOWS.  But this night she was (checking thesaurus for a good word) SPECTACULAR!!!  She came out with here 2 cute lil male dancers singing a new song and then just never slowed down from there.  What shocked me is not only did I know every word to every song but the WHOLE lil crew that stood near me knew EVERY WORD TO EVERY SONG and we sang along loud and off key!! As she was wrapping up I headed back to the main stage to see New Edition and caught the last part of Charlie Wilson.  He puts on a GREAT show!!  I’m actually sorry I missed it or maybe if they could had him on at another time I don’t know… Ok NE needs a new paragraph

When I saw that New Edition was playing at Essence I got hella excited!!  My inner tween and teen came out like OMG NEW EDITION!!!! The last time I saw them was at the (the now defunct and I think torn down) Civic Arena.  I wanna say it was NE and BBD, and Al B. Sure and Hammer and Heavy D (with BOTH dancers)…. Some combination of those LOL And I know they have been touring but I just haven’t caught them when they were in town.  I actually saw Michael Bivens at The Boston airport several years ago, but of course I was too scared to say anything to him!  They came out with these grey suit and are singing IF IT ISN’T LOVE!!!  And I’m sitting there singing AND doing the choreography to the whole song!!  At one point Bobby Brown comes onstage and the crowd erupts.  What’s funny to me is I AM A BOBBY BROWN FAN!  I bought all his tapes and had the posters (of him AND NE) but it was a false enthusiasm for him.  He is known as the bad boy but he is a good performer (not really singer) too.  And they all look good to me!! ESPECIALLY Ronnie Devoe who TO THIS DAY (him married and all) could get it!!  **sigh** SO needless to say they did an OUTSTANDING job!!

Sunday – it rained and I fell L But I also got a big ass drink and some candy so it was a good afternoon!!  It wasn’t just candy it was hand dipped chocolate and pralines that were BETTER than Aunt Sally’s and a salted caramel patty that probably is the reason I fell because I was trying to get another bite LOL.   I do like Beyonce, but she was not the main draw for me BUT I did rearrange my schedule to see the show so I’m only a part-time stan LOL.  By the time the concerts rolled around I was TIRED!!!  My back hurt, my legs hurt, my feet hurt.  So I put my real cute sun dress on AND sneakers!!  There was no faking da funk.  I could not be in cute shoes at no point this night!  I think I headed for the superlounge first to see Rachelle Farrel.  There is NO word over there in my lil online thesaurus that can describe her.  She is jazz perfection!! The way she can manipulate her voice, she can play,  and she’s funny as hell.  So funny that she said they needed to make better arrangements for the artist to use the bathroom.  She came on late so I only heard a little of her.  Oh wait let me back up… so on the main stage was TGT.  I don’t know who thought to put all this sexual chocolate together, but they did.  I missed Tank, but I saw Ginuwine and that SEXY TY!!!  He….uuuhh uuuhh UUHHHH…  I am totally convinced if I lick him he would taste like chocolate!!! **HAPPY GRIN** ok so I saw them THEN Rachelle THEN had to beat my way through the crowd to go see Mint Condition.  I don’t know what the holdup was, but it was like a dead locked traffic.  One little line was getting through but my side was not.  I don’t how, but I pushed me and the girls through to get to the other side which was no easy feat!!  Mint Condition… looky here if you have never seen them live in person you have already done yourself a disservice!  And I know you THINK you know about them from UnSung on TvOne (or BET one of them channels) BUT if you don’t know then YOU JUST DON’T KNOW!!!  This group is ASTOUNDING!!  They take the stage like HOLD UP DA HELL IS GETTING RET TO HAPPEN HERE!!! They ALL can play and sing so don’t be fooled by the front man who is also a drummer, and the piano player who ALSO can play the sax…. I mean the shear instrumentality of this group NO OTHER group save for Prince and his cronies (The Time and Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis don’t laugh IT’S TRUE!!) in Minneapolis can touch.  Whew… so yeah they were phenomenal.  At one point I sat in the back because I just got tired of fighting the crowd and sure enough as 10 approached people were clearing out for Beyonce.  I did not leave until each one of them left the stage… and it was worth every second.  The Mrs. Carter tour is in full swing and it didn’t even occur to me to want to get tickets because after 20 minutes them shits were sold out.  So even at Essence I was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY up top looking down at little ant like Bey!! But I aint even gonna front, she puts on a great show!  She changes a bit too much for me, but if that’s her thing then whatever.  And even though I’m only a part-time stan, I had already seen the new music Grown Woman (on the youTube), that she did in Paris, so I knew what to expect.  I will say that I freaking LOVE Les Twins!!  They are great dancers.  Well along with ALL of her dancers!  It was a good show!!

 

And then I left the Super Dome sneakers already on, tired as… I aint neva been that tired!!!  So CL said she was walking and I just couldn’t do it.  I got to some seats at a bus stop and sat for a good 10 minutes before I found the energy to make it to Canal street.  I asked the Police officers that were standing nearby if the trolley already came and they were like that thing is real sketchy and that it would be better if I got a bike cab.  Miraculously 2 came by.  I saw couple who thought they were gonna get the one I had decided I WAS gonna get.  I crossed the street and flagged the man down.  That thing was the best ride on the back of a bike I EVERY had!!  I was so happy to be sitting and NOT walking that if that dude said it was 50 bucks I would gave it to him!  It was only 6!! I still shoved 10 in his hand and was thanking LBJ that he ‘drove’ by!

Monday – Everyone was packing up and leaving early, but Southwest only had one direct flight and that left late.  I decided that I needed another massage!   For some reason even though the lady at the desk said I am going to call Johnny for you I still thought that it was going to be a woman.  So after my non-nap I go and see this older gentleman walk down the hall.  SURELY this is not Johnny!!!  But he says to one of the guys in the lounge area, I have to go see about my client.  ME?!?!  Is he talking about ME?!?!  SO I disrobe and lay there and conjure up Boris in my mind because that was the onliest thing that was gonna get me through this service.   The sound of the massage oil sounded so like big slurps and suction cups… but this is Boris so it’s all good!  It wasn’t the worst massage I ever had, but it certainly wasn’t the best!  Now time for some lunch.  I went to some Grill Café up the street and had this amazing shrimp and grits and sangria and lost all track of time!  I was ready to go but I had not allotted myself enough time.  It was 5 and my flight was 6:25.  I was talking to some woman and we shared a cab and when I say she talked NONSTOP the entire ride I am not exaggerating.  She married an African guy who paid all her bills because she got fired from her nursing job because they accused her of something but then didn’t tell her what or why, then her grandmother who NOW doesn’t speak to her came to live with her and her gay uncle doesn’t approve of her marriage to this guy even though his partner is a younger white guy, the sister and the mother don’t speak to her and she lost 30pounds due to ALL the stress, but at one point her nephew called her a fat bitch via text and she Is getting ready to move to Africa to be with her husband.  MEANWHILE… I am stressing out because I need to get to the airtport, check my bags and get on the plane.  Now if this were BWI I would have been SOL!! Miss Arlene said why you worrying baby I’ma getchu there on time!!  And that she did.   I forced my way to curbside checkin gave the guy $10 and then asked for change (I’m still not sure if this is rude or not LOL).  Get through TSA EVEN THOUGH I had a full can of Dr. Pepper and water… I was really acting like I aint never been nowhere.  These TSA dude were the best!!  Sometimes they can be really snarky but they were like no worries and threw my drinks away.   I rush to the gate and the plan has not started boarding so I sat did a quick exhale and got myself together!!!

There needs to be a part II cause there is more!!!

NOLA bound!!

I am going to the Essence Festival this year in New Orleans.  It is the Wednesday before the 4^th of July and pretty much the only thing keeping me here is the fact that I have a meeting at 2.  I really need to run to the Dollar Store for stuff I probably don’t need, but I DO need it so that is my justification.  I just popped 2 sudafed, the REAL Sudafed, because the case of wine I bought last month had a lot of cheap-ish wine and sometimes when wine doesn’t agree with me I get a sinus headache which really sucks.  BUT I will be using that wine for something for my shindig next week!!  Someone will like it!

So I have taken on the task of caring for my mom.  Most days its fine, but last night after she already got in the bed, she heard me laughing or maybe she saw the light on and came back out.  It was close to 11 and wanted to chat.  I was like Lady I am done talking for the day, I’m going to bed!  She was like OH you don’t wanna talk to me!?!  And I said NO I’m going to bed!  The thing is we have a great relationship AND she has dementia, so even if her feelings were hurt (which they were not) she’ll forget by the morning.  I KNOW that sounds horrible, but it’s the truth.  I thought it might be a good idea to find a support group for adults caring for their elderly parents.  I read one article where the lady took over her mother’s finances because the mom got caught up in a lottery scam and it was so sad.  And then I went to a forum where folks had discussion boards.  Well I went into a few of the ‘rooms’ and they were talking about how the father fell and had to get a hip replaced and then the other was about the mom who fell over a bag of cat food even though that same bag had been in the same spot for months.  SOOOO it got real depressing REAL FAST!!  And I was thinking, where is the lighter side of this?!?  I know it can be a struggle and a strain and it could be depressing but I can’t wallow in that!  I need humor!  Right now the most annoying thing is when I come home my mom asks me how my day was about 5 times.  I can say something different each time and she wouldn’t know.  One day I said I’m not telling you!  And she was like ooh ok… and then 10minutes later asked me again!  Her dementia is moderate but some days are much better than others.  She has to constantly remind herself of why she is in Baltimore living with me.  When the news comes and they do a local story she literally says out loud oh yeah I’m in Baltimore.  And then she says James Lee (her cousin/brother raised by my grandmother and was the 1^st to come to this area) wanted me to come to Baltimore, but I finally made it here!

Ok I just downloaded Adele and I really feel sorry for whoever can hear me trying to sing!!  LOL

I’m trying to decide if I’m hungry, if I leaving right after my meeting, and if I should go get my toes done now or wait until after the meeting.  Decisions decisions…  I missed my window of it not raining.  I actually thought the sun was coming out and it did for a good 15 minutes. 

This is the 1^st time I’m going to Essence and I am so excited!!  New Orleans is already (or at least was prior to Katrina) one of my favorite cities.  The vibe and atmosphere is just so chill!  I am really curious to see how having that many black folks is going to change or enhance it for me.  And then there are the clothes.  In my head and on paper I know what I’m going to pack, but  I’m wondering if it will be the big fashion show that I think it might be which means absolutely NOTHING because comfort trumps fashion for me any day.  I have my little pillow Adidas flip flops and I will be rocking those if they match the outfit or not LOL I just downloaded an deleted everything from my camcorder and I need to get some batteries (OH YEAH THAT’S WHAT I NEEDED) for the camera.  I printed my boarding pass and I’m good!!  I am so looking forward to Beyonce, Jill Scott, Mint Condition, New Edition, Anthony David, Big Daddy Kane, PJ Morton and believe it or not Keysha Coles (LOL).  MAXWELL, how could I foget that sexy son of a biscuit!! Lord that new video with him and Alicia Keys is HOT HOT HOOOOOOOOOTTTTT!!!  I am looking forward to the parties!!  And drinking in the streets!! That is always a draw for me :)  And bumping into celebrities and MEN!!  I need to look at and flirt with men!! Short men, tall men, light men, dark men, young men, old men... MEN!!!  Dag I sound real... something not sure what LOL  I got my all white actually I think I need to pack 2 white outfits just in case. now I'm just rambling because I really am hungry and I really am ready to go!!

 

thursday random 177...

So I’m sitting on the couch with my newly acquired roommate (does that sound better than my mom lives with me?) and we are watching Family Tools, a new show on ABC, and since I like it, it will be cancelled soon.  So Carrie (From King of Queens) is the sister and she is teaching her 16 year old how to drive, which ends up being her showing him where to adjust the mirrors and putting the car in reverse.  And I don’t know why but I always empathized with kids learning how to drive.  So I turn to Barb and ask her if she remembered teaching me how to drive and she said ‘OH yes.  I had to do it before you father tried to teach you’ me, very curious, ‘why was that’, and then she turns to me and say all matter of factly ‘well because I was the better driver!’ This my friends is a small glimpse into why I am how I am!!  OF COURSE she thinks she is/was the better driver.  I ALWAYS think I can drive better than pretty much everybody so now I know it’s HER fault!!!  LOL

I know you love you kid(s) but I have a cat so going on and on about what they do and their quirks is really lost on me.  I just told my little cuz when she said she needed to cook dinner to let the kids feed theyself!!  Her kids are 9, 3, and 1.  The 9 year old (who might actually be 8 or 10??!?) might be aiight.  But the 3 and 1 year old would be SOL!!  So I’m listening now to my frantic co-worker try and figure out if she is going to go home or get someone to get her 9 year old because she doesn’t’ like one of the camp counselors.  This is the last week of camp.  My advice is always to let me talk to her kids to straighten them out because I have such good children skills!! In fact I have an idea for kids aged 10 – 13.  It would be Auntie Boot Camp… The shit your mama won’t do which is beat that ass if you get outta line.  Shaking is permissible.  The motto of the camp: YOU GONNA LEARN TONIGHT!!!   I say this in jest but these kids today are a different breed.  I wish I would have called my mom at work to tell her I’m not going to camp cause I don’t like the counselor!!  I wish I would have NOT eaten something she put on my plate for any meal.  The only exception was liver.  I mean I wasn’t a picky kid but liver made me gag.  I wish I would have talked back and thought I wasn’t gonna get hit telling either parent what I was and wasn’t gonna do.  It just galls me to see the interaction of the youths today!!

Things I want to say but it’s a good idea that I don’t:

Dude I don’t know where you pulled that dashiki out from but you need to put it back… 

OOH OOHH… the 70’s called and they want their dashiki back

Oh my key chain?  It’s says 1908… for my sorority.  You know, because I went to college!!  (no shade to my friends who didn’t go to college, this was actually for one of my managers who said such crass things as OMG they speak Mexican!!  Really lady PC should be something you learn not now but RIGHT NOW!!)

It is sandal season lady; get to a nail salon STAT!!  Ain’t nobody got time to look at your crusty feet!

**shouting to all the chicks in the ladies room** COURTESY FLUSHING IS YOUR FRIEND!!!

yes lady you just stunk up the WHOLE BATHROOM don’t look at me like I didn’t just smell what I KNOW I smelled.

a whole lotta random...

Why is it when I wear my flip flops folks want to congregate in the hallways and silently judged me!?!  #paranoid

Why do I feel silently judged on just about EVERY aspect of my life?!?  Maybe because I silently judge everyone else ON everything!!  LOL to the English dude whose pants are just a hair away from being too tight who flirts with the lady on 4… yeah buddy WE all know! To all the married men whose shirts are winkled as hell, you clearly don’t have a 1940’s wife cause she wouldn’t let you leave the house looking as you do!! Judge not lest ye be judge is in the Bible.  But sometimes it’s so hard to not see the flaws in others.  This is something I am working on

Just leave my papers on the printer.  No really!!!  DON’T TOUCH THEM!! I remembered what I printed and I will get up and get them when I need them.  This fool all the way on the other end of the floor picked up my stuff yesterday and I’m standing at the printer like I know I printed it, well wait did I hit print? Maybe I didn’t hit print.  So I schlep back to my desk print it AGAIN and he comes up like OOOOH is this yours?!?  Yes mofo IT IS!! So now you made me kill yet another tree!! And then I find out I only needed 5 of the 42 pages that I printed.  Thank LBJ for front and back printing!

If I’ve said it once I’ve said it 1000… courtesy flushing is your friend         

Someone made a roast beef sandwich that looked so good last week.  It’s still in the frig at work now.  I KNEW I shoulda stole it last week!! (It’s still in there, this is week 3) Incidentally someone stole my orange juice!  It had my name on it and err thang!!!

You gotta love customer service.  So last week I was on the phone and on hold for about 45 minutes with the good people of Comcast trying to get my service upgraded and more importantly get a phone line for the house.  So after I’m told all the costs associated and that I will need to do a self -install because having a tech come out would be an extra $40 bucks, I call this morning and they say OH no, you don’t need any additional equipment just plug in your phone O_O !!! You’re kidding right?!?  I busted out laughing like WAIT WHAT?!?!  SO I’m now on hold again because the lady is trying to get me squared away… her words not mine even though I do use that term often!!

The reason for me getting a phone line is that my mom is coming to live with me!  This is actually a very good thing.  She is getting older and her being all the way in Pittsburgh has been a bit stressful for me and the sibs.  SO because my house has a 1^st floor bedroom and bathroom, it just works out.  Plus, my brother who has a much bigger house has a much bigger family.  All of the activity of his family and community is just a bit too much for my mom.  And my sister has too many steps in her house, so it just works out for her to come with me.  Plus I’m kinda excited!!  I have a great relationship with my mom, always have.  It makes me so sad to hear people say they don’t speak to their mom, or they don’t really fool with their mother’s.  It just doesn’t compute. 

…I’m still on hold.  Apparently, Customer service Rep David jacked up my account so Cust service rep Charlee is helping me out!  I’m thinking a few months of free service will do the trick!!

Ok so I should have posted this last week right after that line.  So I call Comcast Monday only to be told that I do in fact need to modem that the first guy told me I needed.  This is actually via the live agent chat, because when I called they disconnected me and I was on my lil prepaid phone so I just opted for the chat.  Long story short, I called Verizon, they turned the phone on yesterday.  It really was that simple although the whole modem nonsense with Comcast was a bit too much on top of just EVERYTHING else that is going on now.

So I went to Pittsburgh, picked up my mom, and she is happily living with me.  Well I hope she’s happy!!  Sunday my sister and I… oh wait this needs a new paragraph.

Let me start by saying there is no shame in my game trying to meet that special someone online.  A lot of people look down on it and there is still somewhat of a stigma attached to it.  To me it’s just another resource.  If I don’t go anywhere or do anything outside of work, how really am I supposed to meet Mr. Right (or right now for that matter)?  So I had ‘met’ this guy who after the 2^nd call I knew Yeah this just aint gonna work buddy!! So we are talking and he decided to brush his teeth… BRUSH HIS TEETH while on the phone with me and then proceeded to ask me if I thought it was rude.  I said Yes that was rude.  I mean just call me back later.  Oh wait let me back up, his first call was at 11:55 PM, uuuhhh  that’s booty call time and you aint getting no booty so why do you think it’s ok to call me for the first time that late?  And then he called at about noon the next day.  Buddy I’m at work, let me call you back in about an hour when I’m free.  So I call him back and shenanigans ensued.  I don’t know what I said or what made him jump to the conclusion that I was hurt in the past and that I needed to give a brotha a chance OH and that I’m uptight and some other really kinda mean things, and if I was a chick lacking in self-esteem I might have thought he was a godsend. BUT NO!!  I know myself very well and you talking to me for 10 minutes does not mean you know me so… just lose my number we don’t really have to do this.  Go ahead and get the hint when I reject your calls and don’t call back! Fast forward to this past Sunday…  I am shopping with my sister at the supermarket trying to get stuff for the house for me and my mom.  I see this guy sorta talking to himself, but it’s the store and don’t make much of it and go on my way.  I went down and aisle and he follows me and says HEY BEAUTIFUL!  And I’m like what da hell do you want?!?!  But then I get a good look at him and he’s kinda cute so OKAY… HEY!! So he says something and I’m like yeah ok Sure!  Why not, online aint working so why not?! This is the traditional way to meet people, right?  We exchange numbers, he tells me his name, a flicker of recognition but I’m like hmmm… He texts me later and attached his picture which I always think is odd, I just met you I know what you look like, but whatever that’s what folks do in this day and age.  I look at the pic and I’m like OH SHIT that’s the teeth brushing dude!!  REALLY why couldn’t this be some other guy?  Why did he have to attach his silly looking pic, OF which he does not look the same in person (thankfully).  Why does shit like this only seem to happen to me?!?  It’s a curse that my little baby cousin whom shall remain nameless put on me!!  I’m sure of it!!  So I text him back and say you don’t remember meeting me online and then brushing your teeth in my ear?  He calls and it’s that same voice that I recalled was on the other end.  So when I told him about the teeth incident he was like, WELL is that all?!? He said he had a really bad memory, and for maybe about a minute I was going to give him a chance, start fresh.  So t next day he texts me again, calls me again, asks for me to send him a pic, I say I’m at work and it would be later.  So what does this fool do? He texts yet again, and calls and then texts saying oh you must not be interested all within the span of a few hours.  O_O I know I have dodged a bullet.  He seemed a little too… what’s the word CRAZY!!  And aint nobody got time for that!!  Yeah only me… **smh**

This whole older parent living with me thing is taking some getting used to.  Monday I was dead tired so tired that I couldn’t even get a quick lil nap.  I just laid in the bed.  I did eventually go to sleep at 9:30.  Tuesday was much better! Today is Wednesday and there was no lunch meat, why? because that chick ate it all in 2 days (LOL) so what to fix for lunch, cause you gotta have lunch.  Oh wait the chicken and a salad and some fruit.  I’ll just cut up this cantaloupe real quick, apparently TOO quick because I almost sliced my thumb off **LOUD SIGH**  These injuries to my left hand are taking it’s toll.  I wrapped the dish towel around it (cause I couldn’t find the duct tape!!). Came into work, it was still bleeding. Thank LBJ for the first aid kit at work!!

i don't have a title...

It’s not that I dislike my job or the people that work her it’s just that it is very corporate and white washed.   It’s cliquey and it would be VERY lonely here if I didn’t already know some folks that I used to work with before.  I know this is why I faltered, fell, and failed at the job I had in VA.  Again it was a case of me not necessarily disliking the place or the people (the commute is another story LOL), but the only other person I knew there I felt as if he had a knife waiting to stab me in the back even though he often claimed he was looking out for me.  Yeah buddy I can look out for myself if all you gonna do is throw me under the bus!!  So yeah here…

My new TV motto is, If I like it then the show WILL get cancelled!  So far Smash, How to Live with your parents, Private Practice, Bunheads (wait I think I have to google that one) are all canned. So I refuse to start liking any new shows because they will just cancel it. 

So this weekend was the Great Grapes Wine Festival at Oregon Ridge.  I usually don’t mind paying for events like this, but I missed the GroupOn for $15 so paying $35 just didn’t sound like something I wanted to do.  So I had the bright idea to volunteer.  I contacted the lady who was handling it she said I could, so me and one of my girls went on Saturday to volunteer for 3 ½ hours.  Let’s just say I will NOT be doing that again!  It wasn’t that it was bad and I’m not exactly sure what I was expecting, but yeah NO.  So we get there bright eyed and bushy tailed on one of the hottest days so far this year and our names are not on the list.  The chick in charge was just wrote out names down and was like well just help me now and then later you guys can do the GroupOn table.  Let me back up and say the dress code was all black!  I had on a tee shirt, some capris and flip flops which were all black. We initially signed everyone up who got to the festival prior to noon waiting in line.  And then they had the table in the middle of the field NOT under a tent and NO chairs and did I already mention we had on ALL BLACK?!?  I stole one chair and my girlfriend ‘found’ another one, but we were still kinda out in the open.   I always try to make the best of things but it really was hot and I didn’t realize I got sun burned until that night when I was lying on my back and didn’t know why I was in pain.  At various point we took turns carding and putting the pink wrist bands on people.  For some reason the 2 dudes and 1 dudette just took forever to do this and the lines got backed-up.  It was at this point in the day when I was looking at these people who were in my same age group and they were not aging very well.  And then I was like WELL DAMN, so I look like these folks?  I kept seeing 1979, 1976, 1977 and then I would look at these folks and be like you’re only 33?!?! Da hell have you been doing?  And it’s not that I think I look all that great but I just hope I don’t look all that bad!!  Someone recently asked if I was in my 20’s and while that can be complimentary, I really hope I look like I’m 39, not any younger and CERTAINLY not any older.  A good day was had by all.  This was definitely a little more tamer than the Caribbean Festival a week prior at Liganore where folks were literally drinking right out the bottle.   

A spiky haired man just passed my desk… he had on a suit.  I need to pass the office he just went in to get a better look. Yeah his ass is too old for that. I had to do the fake-like-I’m-faxing-something maneuver to go get another look. 

I need a new section of my blog that is titled ‘Shit I really wish I made up… BUT NO IT’S TRUE!!’  because well just because…

As all of my faithful readers know I have taken up hot yoga.  And right now since it is getting hotter outside, it gets hotter inside and more and more people don’t push through they just sit down and take a sip of water and rejoin when they can.  I even find myself not pushing it because I don’t want to pass out.  So in class last Wed we are doing our floor exercises and I notice the little girl (she is a 20 something so they are all little girls to me) lying face down and not really following what we supposed to be doing.  It wasn’t weird, but then she looked really still and for a moment it looked like she was turning blue.  So I’m thinking OH SHIT please don’t let the little girl be dead to the floor in yoga class!!  But then she moved and I was ok.  But then she again got really still and it WAS weird, but then one of the goals of yoga is to focus on yourself and make sure you are doing what you need to do to achieve maximum benefit so I stopped (or at least I tried) looking at her.   When class was over I was sitting on the floor trying to get myself together and I see her and I say ‘are you ok, you looked really still and I was wondering if you were ok’ She said ‘Oh yeah I’m fine I have narcolepsy so sometimes I just fall asleep and forget where I am.  Most of the teachers know so they just leave me alone.’  I look at her and say OOOH OK!!  But then I am ready to just die laughing!!  I know it’s not funny I KNOW THIS!!!  BUT DAMMIT IT’S FUNNY!!! So I’m sitting there stifling a laugh because I really don’t want to laugh at this little girl. 

 And here’s the other thing…

So I’m in line at the festival and 3 women come up and ask me about the purchases I just made which were 3 of the 4 fruity sweet wines from St Michael’s.  So I’m like well just go over there and sample them.  They had ALL lost their wine glass O_O Now how you gon go to a wine festival where you are supposed to sample the wines and you lose you glass!?!?  I told the one girl OH this is most definitely going in my blog!!

henry thoreau misquote and other shenanigans...

If this woman say just ONE MO GIN how she doesn’t understand what I don’t understand I am going to pull every tacky dyed red hair out of her tacky head!!  We both can’t be clueless and you’re the team leas and you LOVE to make sure everyone know you know so much so yeah I’ma need for you to work that out.

I know the little loud woman can talk low so why can’t she just do that ALL the time?!  I need to not hear here when I’m trying to think.  Or when I’m on the phone. 

Sometimes I be stalking so hard I forget why I went on their FB page in the first place.  What was dudes name with the red shirt who did the knee massage?!?!  I am checking every Kappa’s page LOL

I was in line behind someone at the dollar store a few weeks ago and they got a decal that said “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams”.  Actually the lady before me at one job had that very decal on the wall and I looked at it for a year cause she left it on the wall in the office I took over.   So why out of the blue it just freaking hit me!!!  I AM NOT GOING IN THE DIRECTION OF MY DREAMS!!  Was it yesterday a question was posed if you had no fear what would you do?  Without much thought I said (well to myself) quit my job and move to the Bahamas!   The big PowerBall for almost $600million was up for grabs on last Saturday.  It got reset back to $40million. I would totally be happy with whatever annuitized amount I would get from that.  Top of the list would be get my brother’s house completely finished, move my sister someplace new altogether.  Make sure my mom was good and settled.  And then pay off all the debts for the nephews and set up funds for all the other nieces and nephew AND THEN for me move somewhere where I don’t have neighbors ghetto fabulous or otherwise… and this just turned into a money thing and a lottery thing which neither are part of my dreams per se, but it would be nice to win… I’m just saying.  When I was little and I watched my grandmothers and my mother and my aunt run things at church I decided that that was what I wanted to do, be a boss!! And that’s what I said ‘when I grow up I want to be the boss’  Not like these silly ass rappers and 12 year olds who say they are a BOSS, but I wanted to run things.  They were in control and I wanted to be in control.  Fast Forward to the Ally McBeal years, YES the TV show.  So the premise was a law firm where everyone was young and hip and the length of a suit for all the women was just under the crack of their ass.  One of the characters who started the firm was Richard Fish, he was going through some legal troubles of his own and the culture of the firm was changing.  He said he wanted to start a law firm to have fun and make money!  That is so not the culture of most places.  Where I am now, the people seem so miserable.  Hell they won’t even speak in the halls.   And I am watching a fellow bartender just do the damn thing as he is growing his business.  I have 2 friends that are picking up and just moving!  One to another country WELL ACTUALLY 2 are moving out of country… And the other to another state.  I have nothing NOT A THING holding me in Baltimore but yet I stay.  Back to Ally McBeal, another character was the secretary and she would come up with these off the wall inventions like a face bra!  When Ally questioned her, she said she would rather be known for her off the wall inventions than a tired secretary that never accomplished anything.  I am in self -reflection mode!  I am 39 and I have said a few times that 40 is when stuff was supposed to happen or have already happened.  I now I have to edit that because I know (well I hope… pray) that I won’t kill over and drop dead on January 14, 2014 and I can do things once I turn 40.  I mean I’m a homeowner, some people can’t say that at any point in their lives.  I’m a college graduate.  And I have a cat!! AND A BLOG that my faithful 5-10 people read!!

It is almost 5:30 and I am still sitting at work because I needed to get all (well not all but a lot) of my thoughts out AND because I really didn’t want to go to yoga even though I really needed to but now it’s too late.  I want to hit up a likka sto, get some Golly Wobbler (summertime in a bottle baby!!) get some hotdogs and throw them on the grill.