blog confessional... (that is a good ass title!! I like using the word ass..)

I start a lot of blog that never see the light of day.  Sometimes I get so off topic and digress so much I just stop writing and just save it and forget about it.  And then there are the times it gets really dark.  Sometimes too dark for me to keep rereading, so those ones get deleted, or saved just for me.  And then sometimes I am just plan mean, and even though I never really use anyone’s name, except in the speed dating blog, I know that who I’m writing about are some faithful readers and why be mean just for means sake.  Which is why I miss my co-worker who just abandoned me for the bright lights and more money (but hella worse commute) for DC.  I said one day that we were the mean girls and she took a little offense.  But we were!!  We could find something about anybody to talk about.  She started calling this one lady who just got an office the old lady with the slacks! And don’t let a man walk by, well 2 in particular, 1 who lost a lot of weight and 1 who needed to start dieting because he was getting really wide and the way his suit jacket hung showed off his big booty (which I like because who doesn’t like a nice booty!?!).  And as I digress yet again because what I wanted to say is that I wanted to start doing a blog a day for like a month.  But every time I think to do it I just don’t.  I can be real lazy like that.  And then some days I have nothing to write about.  I mean how much can I write about my cat before someone thinks I’m a cat lady.  And since my mom… err I mean roommate moved in with me, how sad is it to go on and on about our escapades even though she really does say some funny shit! Like when she asked me if WE had Facebook.  Now understand that one of the top reasons this woman retired was because she didn’t want to use the computer.  The school system gave a test or something to the teachers (she was a teacher) and they said it wasn’t mandatory, so this fool walked out.  Who does that?!?  And people wonder why I act like I do, it’s because of her!! I’m just saying.  So yeah WE have Facebook, but you don’t use the computer so how exactly is that supposed to work lady?  And then the other day she asked about twitter and I almost fell off my chair.  HOW do you know about twitter, I asked.  IT was on some random commercial she just saw.  So then she follows up with Well I’m not gonna be doing any twittering! Yeah I was never worried about that! And then last night she says to my 8 year old niece, your aunt is doing something on the typewriter.  SO I grab the phone and ask this little girl if she even knew what a typewriter was.  She giggled and said she kinda did but not really.  Typewriter!!?? WOW which made me think when my grandmother was alive her asking what exactly was e-mail.  She was funny too and now that I think about it the meanness comes from her side and I gotta balance it with the niceness of my other dearly departed grandmother.  And see this is how the digression goes because now I am sitting here missing both of them and there cooking cause I’m kinda hungry and I know I need to get to the little lunch room before noon today because I am NOT waiting in no damn line today even though the greasy pizza was pretty good yesterday and I forgot to leave a little tip for the cashier because she was very helpful as I stood there bewildered for a minute and LORD thank you to the people you put in my life because being bewildered is often a continuous state for me like the day I left my coffee in the car and who can start a day without coffee? NOT Me that’s for sure so when she said go to your desk and get it later I DID because I needed a minute to regroup which again a constant state for me bewilderment and then regrouping and WHY did this fool wear a side ponytail her ass is way too old to rock that, but then I guess it detracts from the tacky ass outfit she has on, but not really, how does one dress so tacky every single freaking day?? But she has donuts so I guess I can be nice for a minute…

randomization 10.14

To the little girl (she was about 2) who was getting ready to stare me down in church and then I started coughing, not to dissuade her but because I really had to cough, thank you to her older sister who turned her around to not get germs from the strange lady!

How big of a rush are you to get out of the bathroom that you leave the toilet seat liner right there in place on the seat?  I mean I have tried to get up quickly and dash out, but I always do a quick turn to make sure everything is GONE.  You are one trifling bleeped bleep bleep bleep!!!

I get it, you have an office, but if I have to listen to your iPad, then you have to listen to my random singing.  That’s just the deal!!

So after chuckling to the sign that read ‘Free At Last Bail Bonds’ because REALLY what  better name to have for that type of service? A minivan pulls up next to me as I’m eating my little Delight Jimmy Dean sandwich and the Asian woman sitting in the passenger seat  lifts her hand as if to say where is mine sent me right over the laughter edge!!

What you WON’T do man who I KNOW English is not your first language is try to out talk me on the customer service line.  What you WILL do is repeat what you just said so I can say NO again!!

I don’t normally like scary stuff but Sleepy Hollow is kinda good! I hope it makes it.  And speaking of new show I am really liking The Goldbergs, the comedy based in the 80’s, and Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D. actually I was really nerding out last week when they had Nick Fury on.   I only saw 1 episode of Ironside, but Blair Underwood is really giving me what I need right now.  And I KNOW the new show with Michael Ealy will give me more!!

Pandora is giving me a nice mixed bag.  I forget my iPod so I’m listening on the Kindle.  I finally like this thing, which is good because I just finished my little flex pays on HSN LOL

Speaking of QVC (well ok not really but work with me) I bought the wrong Kind bars.  I meant to get the ones with nuts, but I got the Healthy Grains ones which are just OK, but of course I’m gonna eat them because they are already paid for and they actually do well to tide me over until the next meal.

So reading the status on the facebook, do you live with your dad?  Or does your dad live with you?  And really what is the difference?  OH yeah ummm… anyway

I was hitting the YouTube real hard last week.  This one group that I am now subscribed to, Dormtainment, did this hilarious series of those white board drawing called Porn Stories!  I am convinced guys and girls do porn so differently.  These stories consisted of them being early teens and trying to get it in before their parents caught them.  The 2^nd one was so funny I was literally in tears!!  My co-worker thought I was crying because something had happened and she was offering comfort.  When she realized I was laughing, I couldn’t even tell her why I was laughing LITERALLY out loud so hard that brought me to tears!! I don’t think I have such a story.  Oh no wait I do... LMBAO!!  Mine was a slightly more innocent.  I mean we had HBO when I was a kid.  So yeah maybe I could do one of those drawings!! 

Monday 9.30.13 random

Wrote this part last week…

I know I can’t be the only person who has that one co-worker that when you see them you instantly think ‘what the fuck do you have on?!?’  so this one person I have in mind actually has many nice things that if worn separately might actually look good.  BUT NO!!  This chick has to wear everything all at the same time and you just be blinded by the tackiness so I try not to look directly at her when I don’t have to. 

I have only worked 2 days this week but you would have thought I just did 3 doubles and triple shifts!!  I am so glad its Friday!! Actually yesterday after I read the menu for the cafeteria I marched to building 4 all ready for a chicken teriyaki sandwich, but that’s what they had on Monday; I misread, so I got lasagna instead.

On Wednesday I got my hair braided. Mainly because the fro is just getting completely out of order and I need more help than the little hair care products that I have currently at my disposal.  It’s not that bad, but I just don’t feel like doing it. I need to get it cut and maybe have some shape to it.  So now I have 50 pounds of hair on top of my head.  Well ok that is a bit of an exaggeration, but it is heavy compared to what was previously on there.  Getting your hair braided at the African shop is always an adventure.  First off I can never understand why they all have to talk so loud and at the same time.  Usually I have my lil iPod ready to go and stick in my headphones in and I’m good to go.  But for some reason the iPod was basically dead and the kindle had just a little bit of life. So I was NOT prepared!!  I was the only client for a while and they just seemed to talk nonstop.  I always wonder what people are saying in their language.  There is only so much they can say about me.  I mean, all I’m doing is sitting there, not really giving them too much material to talk about, well at least I think.  And then they always have their kids coming in.  There were 2 little girls, a baby boy and then the owner’s son who need to be enrolled in my boot camp immediately because he has a horrible attitude.  So the 1 little girl was 2 and she basically ignored me that is until I pulled out the candy and she was instantly my best friend.  Now if you know anything about me, I’m not the world’s best sharer even with small kids but how can you NOT offer some candy corn to a little African baby whose eyes are so big and cute.  Thankfully her mother said no because she was eating grapes and that was enough.  I put my little candy away and was good.  The other little girl was about 7 or 8 and she is in the third grade.  I know this because she said a few times ‘THIRD GRADE IS STRESSING ME OUT!!’ Every time she said it I had to look at her and be like da hell is so stressful about third grade!?!?  She went on to say she had reading group AND spelling AND math.  Well that does stress you out when you’re 8… I guess.  Third grade for me was Ms. Kendrick who I loved so I guess I wasn’t stressed out.  Now the owner’s son is a special kind of horrible.  He talks to his mother any kinda way and I always have to do a double take like HOLE UP you gon let this lil fool talk to you like that?!?  I have to refrain from giving him 2 chops to the throat because he is not my nephew or family but give me the opportunity and I would straighten his narrow behind out REAL FAST!!  He is a little spoiled suburban kid.  OH and he hums while he plays his Gameboy or whatever you call it these days.  I’m almost 40 I can’t keep up nor do I want to!!  Another reason the headphones were sorely missed.  The baby boy was the 2 year old’s little brother so every so often she would wave at him which was so cute.  He was a little butterball with a big head that I’m sure he will grow into.  If my oldest nephew who almost toppled over because his head was so big thankfully grew into his head, this little boy can too!

Wrote this TODAY…              

I like the braids but they are making my head HURT!!  I have been popping ibruprofen all weekend.  And they are so freaking long and I don’t know how to do the bun thing that all the chicks seem to do.  Maybe I should watch a youtube video on it.

It is not helping that Party up just came on on the iPod… DMX Y’ALL GON MAKE ME LOSE MY MIND UP IN HERE UP IN HERE!!! This is how I feel today.  I got a case of the Mondays and the really-don’t-F***-with-me!!!

Some people don’t realize just how random they are.  I mean I KNOW I am but so are you!! ijs

My feet are jacked up… I mean JACK the hell up.  So basically whatever this is that coursed its way through my body left me with patchy skin on my hands and feet.  My hands are not so bad because I’m already addicted to lotion and Vaseline.  But my feet… LAWD LAWD LAWD!!!  I was really waiting for them to heal a bit more, but I am in need for a high end pedicure, not the little $20 number they give you at any local salon.  I need for the person to GO IN!! You know like Shanene on Martin did with Velma (was her name Velma?!?) nope it was Myra…Thank you GOOGLE!! I could mess with my feet more when I was at my other desk, but now that where I sit is a thruway for everybody I can’t have my feet all hiked up.  It’s kinda not a good look.  And I’m already paranoid sitting right outside of my manager’s office who is working at another office today praise LBJ.  I just don’t need the extra stress on a Monday although now that means I need to get here on time tomorrow.  WHEW.  These dark mornings just don’t make it easy on a sista.  It is already hard to get up as it is and now the sun don’t want to come up until almost 9. 

I’ve been hitting QVC real hard lately.  I need a 12 step program for real!! I have been a little disappointed with the colors though.  So I order get it and then I’m like aww man I thought it was more brown, or more yellow… or whatever.

I made corn zucchini chowder yesterday!!  I KNOW RIGHT?!?!  So I have had an overabundance of squash this year and honestly it’s not even that it was that much, they were just big as hell!! This is my first year doing my own little garden so you know I’m still in my learning curve.  The squash has been sitting on my table for about a week or so.  I gave a few to my co-worker who I wasn’t convince ate it until she just said that they (her and her husband) did last week.   So 2 of my new favorite shows on FoodTV are The Pioneer Woman and Trisha Yearwood.   Now I am a horrible recipe cook.  I just need for someone to point me in the right direction and then I can work it out.  Ummm can I just say that my digressions are crazy today?  SO I just looked up Trisha Yearwood because I know she is married to Garth Brooks who I know cheated on his wife back in the day and I was trying to figure out what his 1^st wife’s name was.  SO I Wikipedia her and learn she has been married 3 times!!  WOW ok do you girl!  Then I Wikipedia Garth.  WHY is this fools real name Troyal?? TROYAL!!!!  That is some real country mess right there!! I mean Garth is already pretty bad… Whew ok so anyway so… The pioneer woman made this corn and cheese chowder on her show and I was like ewww I can do that with the zucchini!!  Maybe not the chesse and bacon but I can work it out.  I actually made a list and went to the supermarket.  The main thing I needed was corn and cream but I ended up getting ½ and ½ and I had chicken stock in my ‘pantry’.  I sautéed an onion, added in big chunks of red pepper, cut the corn off the 3 cobs, which I choose to use instead of can corn to give it a fresher taste, cut the big green zucchini (I had a yellow one too but it was too hard), and dumped it all into the pot is usually use to make greens.  So it was way chunkier than I thought it should be so I let it all cook down and used the immersion blender that I acquired when a friend just moved out of her house!  I added some black pepper which I didn’t get to heavy handed with the pepper like I normally tend to, garlic powder, red pepper flakes (not to many just enough for a lil kick) and I think that was it. The only thing I would change would be to scoop out the seeds from the zucchini because they are a little chewy and a lot of them did not blend well.  OH and it is still chunky I didn’t blend until smooth I just blended until less chunky.  See right here is why I know I could never write a cook book LOL I must say I have made several variations on her recipes than anyone else. Like last week I made one of her 16 minute meals, stir fry beef and broccoli instead of beef and snow peas.  FoodTV has changed so much.  There are all these competition shows and I just need a regular old ‘This is what I’m cooking and I’ll show you how’ types shows.  The same for HGTV, I miss all the design shows that used to be on.  And then the main competition show they have, they only keep the winners show on for one season which really sucks.  I forgot what I was talking about…

xls break for random...

I am about to poke both of my eyes out I have been looking at this spreadsheet all day.  But it’s what I do!  If it’s not one xls it’s another.  Or documentation and procedures which I actually like doing. 

And then my sinuses are wreaking pure havoc on my face. 

So I returned the other drawer at the Ikea yesterday.  The guy asked me if I had opened the box which I hadn’t but it was puffy because it had been in my backseat for over a week.  So he asked why I was returning it and I said it was just too hard!  He chuckled because he knows that shit is hard a lot of the times.  I said he probably had many a story of people returning stuff and he said he did and his own stories too.  I just don’t know why I thought it wouldn’t be so bad….WELL yes I do everything I used to get from there really were not that bad.  And they used to give you that little tool to put stuff together and you were good.  Now you need a freaking PhD just to figure out all the parts and where they go.  It was madness.  Now that it is all put together and in my roommates room I can say with great surety that is THE LAST TIME I do that!!

It occurred to me yesterday that I am really not a salon chick.  I have only gotten my hair done once since I have started my whole natural hair journey, and braids don’t count because you have to go into the shop with clean hair.  I just can’t get into going to someone to get my hair done.  I used to though. I was an every other week faithful chick for quite some years.  But when I lost my job and/or didn’t make nearly as much as I used to, priorities change!  So now I just don’t trust anyone and I don’t want to try folks out.  I am done with having my hair jacked up because you don’t know what you doing.  I did see someone on the facebook that I might try but it will probably take me another few months before I actually try them.  Of course I think I can do what the chicks on the youtube do and I just can’t, yet.  I can’t flat twist or braid to save my life and most of the styles are based on.  And then my length, not quite a TWA but not quite long either.

The weather changing is does not make me a happy camper.  The blanket that I bought from the good QVC does not cover my whole body like the preview said it would.  Or wait was that the other one that I didn’t get!?  Hmmm I don’t know.  What I do know is that I needed and used the little heater to warm up the room.  I keep saying I’m going to get one of those eden pure which is the infrared heater that warms your bones!

I don’t know what it is…well yeah I do… but I am freaking obsessed (ok maybe not obsessed but really really REALLY interested) with make-up.  I used to be a lipstick and go kinda chick and maybe a few strokes of the eye shadow and some mascara.  But now I watch videos on it, I analyze what people wear and I buy so much stuff.  Mostly drugstore stuff, but I throw in some MAC and Sephora every so often… oh and Mally (from QVC) because she has a lot of good colors for a milk chocolate chick like me.   I think hair and make-up go hand in hand.  So over the years when my hair is off, I put on more make-up.  Now as I am getting a little older it feels like my skin is a little dull so make-up (and my 60oz+ of water daily) evens out my skin

WHY is one tooth deciding to be sensitive?  Have you ever heard of such fuckery!?? Just one.  The left vampire one close to the tooth that I had my first root canal which is freaking me ALL out because now I’m thinking I might need another one and this will be unlucky #4 and I aint got time for no root canal dammit!!! So now I have to chew real hot food on the right side.  **smh** as I let my food cool off.

 

This is not my favorite time of year.  I much rather prefer coming from cold to warm and not warm to cold.  But so many people are saying how they love getting a nice little chill in the air.  NOT ME!  In fact, the only thing I like about this time of year is that it's pumpkin season.  So I can get my nice pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin lattes, and let's not forget pumpkins are orange, and orange is one of my favorite colors.  So I like to get the random housewares that don't have Halloween or Thanksgiving themes.  I have banned myself from buying any more orange clothing although I did just get a little orange jacket from QVC. BUT I really needed it.  The little denim jacket I have has 2 buttons missing and that's kinda not a good look well and it's denim...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blog day 9-9-13

As suspected today will be a BLOG day!!  It has been a good minute since I haven’t written shit down and shared it in a long format.  I’ve only done a few random status updates and they have truly been random.

Let’s start with today shall we?!? So my alarm goes off at 6:15 but I did not drag myself out of bed to hop in the shower until 7:30.  I usually at very least make coffee and then scrounge to find some food.  But this morning I didn’t even have energy to do that so I think well I can hit the McDonald’s and hop on 695.  I get my usual (which really shouldn’t be usual but hey IT IS!) #2 sausage egg and cheese and a large black coffee.  NO BLACK… no sugar no cream… yes lady I’m sure!  Get to the window pay the 1^st little girl says Have a delightful day!  I say You TOO!! Next window… and see THIS is where all the franckenackle BS happens.  Usually there is an older Hispanic lady with the gold side tooth who is so happy just to be working.  She is so pleasant and so nice so I know there is an issue when the younger Hispanic girl with way heavier eye make-up comes to the window.  She is distracted by the next order or whatever folds up my bag hands it to me.  NOW I KNOW BETTER!!!  I have had issues with this Mickey Dee’s which is the ‘new’ one on Security with the 2 lanes and I always always ALWAYS check before I leave the window.  Of course I didn’t this time so I drive away get almost to the light and it’s a freaking chicken biscuit.  I almost had an instant melt down.  THIS IS NOT WHAT I FUCKING ORDERED!!!! Swung around in the gas station and doubled back to go inside.  I’m always pissed when I have to go inside because the reason I went through the drive though is cause I didn’t want to get out of the car.  I nearly knocked the lady down waiting for her food because I AM NOT waiting in no more lines and you WILL wait on me not now BUT RIGHT NOW!! So the first little boy looks at my receipt and said oh so you didn’t get what you ordered and that’s what you wanted right? It took a lot for me to not reach out and yank his so fresh and so clean braids cause they were long and in danger.  The manager then grabs the receipt and makes sure that the correct order is in the bag along with an apple pie.  Now that was a nice gesture but how about just get the order right the first time?!?

Saturday after a long day of just shopping and stuff, on the same strip of road near the McDonald’s above, I am driving, see a low flying pigeon and I hit it O_O  I was traumatized because I would have expected blood but there was just some clear ooze that was on my windshield.  What was really crazy is I didn’t see the bird on the road nor was there a crack in my windshield which is a GREAT thing cause there are no extra funds for the hooptie.  So that was just weird

On the same Saturday prior to the bird incident I decided to go out to White Marsh Ikea and get my mom 2 dressers.  I have been shopping around online, but dressers are expensive so it was my bright idea to go there and get them which I did for under $250.  So I’m shopping around the store wrote down the numbers for the aisle, get a few things for the bathroom, and then get to the aisle and it occurs to me literally right there OH SHIT, I HAVE TO PUT IT TOGETHER!!  I just don’t know why this did not occur to me until right then.  I went online the day before and decided that I would have them deliver it for $59 and then everything would be great.  So then as this epiphany comes to me it doesn’t make sense to have them deliver boxes and then I still have to put it together.  Of course my trunk is full of crap but the little guy says he can get it in my back seat and he does!!  It’s inexpensive because you have to put it together D’OH!! **slapping my head** and then sliding the little boy some money for helping my crazy self!

I’ve been trying to refrain from doing a whole lot of work talk.  Every so often there is a report about how employers check your online presence to see what you are up to.  At 39 2/3 (read two thirds... yes I am that anal)  I’m thinking this is more for younger people.  Does the HR dept really have time to see what I’m up to and then NOT hire me because I said something crazy on Facebook or twitter?!  Maybe they do?! So yeah maybe saying my manager is crazy is NOT a good idea (I mean she totally is not… other place YES! but her nah, I’m good) OR saying I haven’t done a damn thing today is just not a good look.  What I will say is that I am moving and even though I am thanking LBJ constantly for this 3 month gig turning into a 1 ½ plus stint because He knows I could not take not a month where I was, so moving is really the least of my worries.  I just don’t deal with change as well as I could.  It takes me a few days for things to sink in and be ok with it.  So I kinda am okay with it. 

I have on the worst earphones today.  There is no bass I might have to go to the Wal-Mart and get some different ones.

I am not good at reporting on pop culture things mainly because I just don’t care.  I still do not know any song that One Direction sings because every time a YouTube randomly comes up, 2 seconds into it I turn it off.  I do know a few Bieber songs not really on purpose, but I do.  And then the whole VMA twerk debacle, we get it Miley you don’t want to be associated with being Hannah Montana, but I really think Billy Ray and Tish (I just googled that) just did not give her enough hugs.  Things like that make it seem like it’s ok to just seek attention that way and it just isn’t.  I still don’t get what the hype is with Drake, he just doesn’t do it for me.  I mean in general I don’t like hip hop today because they are just not saying anything except for booty and bling.   And then Kendrick Lamar (whoever da hell he is) did this verse on a Big Sean song (he is dating Santana from Glee) and everyone was all up in arms.  He named names and basically said F*** YOU to his ‘friends’ in the game.  I listened to the song and I was like OH ok… So now I am watching the Justin Timberlake segment on the VMA’s a show I couldn’t even remember was on.  And I watched the Lady Gaga segment also.  They both did a great job.  It was a pseudo N’Sync reunion.  Joey Fatone was my dude from that group!

Someone posted an article about billionaires choosing Black women as spouses.  And I was like OOOOHHH so that’s the demographic I need to go after!!

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this is only a test.  Please stayed tuned for your regularly scheduled content...

kindle skin church hair

Even though I am not a apple person per se, in fact I was quite anti-apple for a good while which is how I ended up with a sony mp3 player which I have to admit there are a few things that I miss about that functionality but I just got my Kindle Fired HD and this long ass run-on sentence is to say  I don’t think I like it.  I really really REALLY want to like it.  But it is taking more than I think is reasonable for me to get used to it.  SO I saved the box and I’m gonna give it a few more days before I decide if it needs to go back to HSN. DAMN YOU TODAY’S SPECIAL VALUE!!!  I haven’t had this much buyer’s remorse since… hmm I don’t know when.  OH I know… those damned orange shoes I bought!  Who needs orange shoes?!?!  NO ONE… EVER!!  I wore them one day and actually got a compliment and I looked at the person like You’re kidding RIGHT!?!  What makes me mad about the shoes is I read the reviews and still felt the need to purchase those shits.  So the Kindle Fire has GREAT reviews but it’s the small stuff like,   How do you delete icons?  And if you but the app from Amazon store where does it go? Where do they hide all the free books?  And WHY can’t any of the new electronics come with instructions?!  That is the biggest freaking pet peeve I have.  These things are NOT user friendly and I am not a dumb chick, but figuring this stuff out sometimes does require an advanced degree that I just don’t have!  And then when you read stuff from all the forums and blogs or watch a video on YouTube it’s like OOOHHH ok well that is pretty easy.  And then sometimes it’s not.  I just now remember that I hated Windows 8 which is what my new Dell laptop came with, but somehow I figured stuff out on that.  Some stuff is still really annoying like that screen the pops out of the right side when I don’t need it but can’t seem to be found when I do.  And the pictures and music has its own mind.  I have no idea where that stuff is and it is really quite funny when I am able to sync stuff.   But like I said I will give the Kindle a few more days.  I want to be one of the cool chicks at book club!  Actually I am the last hold out on the electronic reader LOL

I am having a helluva eczema break-out right now.  I don’t know why all of a sudden this has come about, but I know it hasn’t been this bad since I was a kid.  I can’t really pinpoint what I have done differently.  Soap changes usually don’t affect me too much.  But it could be stress.  I am rolling with the punches and I’m not really stressed out but my life has indeed changed caring for my mom.   I bought this eczema lotion and I think it’s working.  It is totally a vanity thing more than anything.  It’s really weird where they (the splotches) have decided to congregate.   These red splotchy crusty bumps on my hands, feet and booty (yeah the booty too LOL) are really gross.  Hopefully this flare up will be over soon.

While in church yesterday (yep I’m not a complete wretch undone) a few really random things occurred to me… such as: church is a really bad place to get a wedgie. You can’t play it off but so much when you stand up.  The woman who claps really loud (who I manage to sit behind all the time) ALSO sings very loud.  I know that is her testimony but really lady… you interrupted my thought process singing all loud I had to remember what I was praying about.  And speaking of singing, if you are on the choir stand and you missed the rehearsal that taught the song you don’t know, don’t try and pretend like you know the words!!  That tickles me all the time.  And I can always spot the dude or dudette that is faking the funk!! It was a dude yesterday!! And speaking of the choir stand, well let’s just say spanx ARE your friend or maybe let’s try not to wear very form fitting outfits in the first place.  I think we have all but forgotten about modesty.  And don’t get me wrong Jesus will take you as you are but the tight skirt the hits right below the crack of your booty may not be the praise and worship outfit you need to wear.  I’m trying not to judge but I know I do all the time and me and the Lord are working that out!! 

It’s been a little over a year since I had my last relaxer.  And as I have stated before, going natural was not necessarily a goal, it just kinda happened.  And to that end I watch a lot of youTube videos.  I have about the same reaction to most of the videos. These chicks use sooooooooooo many products!!!  And the process is sooooooooooooo long!!!  Sometimes I feel like I am doing something wrong, but my hair (in my humble opinion) looks pretty good!  It can get overwhelming and there are so many products to try.  But this chick right here is really rather cheap.  I know you can get the Shea Moisture stuff at Target, but it is expensive.  I’m not spending more than 5 bucks on something I’m not too sure about.  And the Miss Jessie’s stuff fagetaboudit…  I bought a sampler from Oyin Handmade a few months ago and 2 products have a funny smell!  OH yeah that’s another thing, it has to smell good to me.   I did just buy the 7-in- leave in conditioner ($7.99) from the Crème of Nature Argan oil line and that too had a weird smell, not bad weird though so I think I can get used to it.  I was intending on buying the whole line but I think I will hold off for now.    Someone recently asked me what I used and I said a little of this and a little of that.  But that is about the dumbest answer anyone can give so I had to recant what I said.  I like Wen and I still think it works for my natural hair, but I don’t think I will be purchasing anymore any time soon.  So thanks to my girlfriend who just gave me a new bottle because she said it wasn’t working for her.   I just purchased the Nourish Spa from Trader Joes.  At $2.99 you can’t go wrong.  The shampoo was nice, but the conditioner was GREAT!!  For the deep conditioning (which I do only about once a month) I use the WEN deep conditioning hair mask. Sometimes I use a leave-in sometimes I don’t .  If I do it’s the WEN or OYIN conditioner.  I use ECO ($2.99 which I guess is my price point LOL) with olive oil gel to do my two strand twist and coils.  Some people say it makes their hair crunchy but it doesn’t for me.  My hair is pretty springy when I use it.  And I use the Hawaiian Silky gel (about 5 bucks) curl activator for wash-n-go’s.  Daily I use either my olive oil/jojoba blend or Alikay shea butter pomade (which is not every day because it’s kinda heavy… but it smells SOOO good) or the Oyin greg juice (which has a patchouli-esque smell which in great quantities to me can be off putting).  SO as I type this it does seem like I use a ton of products to, but it is really spread out.  I’m not using 8 different things on my hair in one sitting.  I keep watching the videos and there is so much stuff to be tried, but I don’t want my bathroom to look like the hair care section at Wal-Mart.  I did get some coconut oil from Whole foods, but I need to put it in a smaller container and maybe even use it on my skin.  Everyone who uses it says you can use it for EVERYTHING!!  Hair, skin, smoothies… I always give them the side-eye like yeah OK!!  So I do need to try that soon.  My hair is getting a little longer which I think is better suited for two strand twists which stretches it a bit.  OH and that is a whole other thing.  People have so many versions of stretching without heat.  They blow dry holding the blow dryer a foot away from the hair.  The use little twisters stacked upon each other.  I did buy some little twisters from the $ store (of course) and I intend on trying but it is a whole lot of effort.  And plus I wash my hair pretty much every week so it seems like a lot of effort for a few days worth of payoff.   Only when my hair is in braids can I seem to go for a longer period of time.  When I initially got it cut back in February the woman who did it told me it would last 4 weeks.  It only ended up lasting about 2 weeks, plus I wanted to color my hair.