I wanted to celebrate myself on this day because a year ago on 6/15/22 I had my last menstrual cycle, my period, Aunt Flo’s last hurrah!! And… Oh hole up I also meant to do a disclaimer!
**WARNING** This blog post is about lady parts and lady
things. If you are not a lady KEEP
READING because it might have already affected the lady in your life or its
coming! And if you are a lady also KEEP
READING because all of our experiences are valid and similar in some why OR
maybe not at all. And we don’t talk
enough about the good the bad and the ugly of this time in our lives. We have to mentally prepare we are physically
changing and it can be a whole damn lot. So here is my story…
Since about 43 my cycle decided to stop being regular. I would miss one here and there and then be
real heavy and it was the pits. Then I
noticed it getting lighter and I was ALL for that. I mentioned to my doctors because one thing
about me is I’m gonna see my doctors and make sure everything is working the
way it’s supposed to work. My primary
care sort of dismissed the notion that I could or should be in perimenopause so
early and my gyn, who was a midwife also was like well you won’t know for sure
until it completely stops. Nothing was out of the ordinary so I kept on doing
what I was doing. And then the hot
flashes. A hot flash is never quite
properly described. Some women say it’s
an internal heat that swells within. You
get hot, you may sweat; it may last for a few minutes to a whole lot
longer. And even though that is the
actual feeling is just, not really that.
For a while when I started getting the flashes around 45, I would stop,
ask people around me if they were also hot and just tell myself this surely isn’t
what I think it is!?! Right?? Nah, cause
my mom would sweat profusely!! That was
a HOT FLASH to me. That is what I grew
up thinking, they were massive events that required dress shields to avoid the
pit stains, and rolling the window down in the winter to get a little air, me
running around the church getting my mother paper towel because she was
drenched within minutes and her being mad at me because I didn’t move fast
enough. A HOT FLASH was a terrible
time!! It was not something I wanted nor
looked forward to. My mother ended up
having a full hysterectomy because she just had a whole lot of things going on
with her lady parts. And I was so very happy because that meant no more HOT
FLASHES!! I remember one of her teacher
friends also had hot flashes, but hers were like nothing. She just announced she was having a flash and
a few seconds later it passed. I was
confused because NO MA’AM that was not the HOT FLASH I was used to so you must
be a fibbing ass fibber because I KNOW what a HOT FLASH is! Fast forward to my
sister going through it. She was again nothing like my mother with the sweat,
but shirts came off more often than I care to mention and she would sit
directly under a fan. So while she didn’t
have a HOT FLASH, she did have hot flashes! And then went back to being cold
all the time. This was all I thought perimenopause was going to be. But, it’s
that and more. First of all the mental preparation
of my body being done with being able to have a baby when I never had a baby
weighed heavy on me. It’s such a rude
and personal question to ask any woman why she either doesn’t have or never had
kids. It could be so many reasons from
not wanting kids to not being able to conceive.
And I am not less than a woman because it never happened for me. I never went out of my way to have a kid and
maybe the men I dealt with in the past were bad swimmers!! I mean because it’s
not always us… I digress LOL So, yeah that part of my life is over. It is final.
And I have so many more years left to live, but carrying a baby is not
ever going to be part of my life and I’m ok with that. Secondly, the hormonal shift. My hormones can sometimes be all over the
place!! I’m mad then happy, then
aggravated and this could all be in the span of an hour. And MY hot
flashes. So as previously mentioned, I
thought I was preparing for HOT FLASHES and instead I got ho flas… So this
caused me great vexation because for about 3 years I went around doubting that
I was in fact having hot flashes AND that I was pre-menopausal. And then I got HOT flashes! And I knew what was going on and that my body
was doing what it do! I got to the point
of DON’T TOUCH ME!! I AM HOT!! Then to WHY IS IT SO DAMN HOT!!! Then I had
the night sweats and the one leg out, fan on water by my bedside because this
is some real bullshit!! I even had nerve
to tell my manager (more than once) to turn off his heat if we are having the
meeting in his office cause I’M HOT!!! And I work with men, any mention of lady
troubles and they fall right in line because they all have mothers, wives,
and/or daughters. Somewhere along the way I started following Oh Hello Perry
and Black Girls Guide to Menopause on Instagram. These site gave some good
information, because sometimes I really did think I was crazy. The Black girls guide is extremely useful because
we do experience menopause differently. I have been talking to women who have
gotten the pellet under their skin to help with the flashes. I wanted the pellet which was some form of
estrogen, but instead I went the natural route.
I tried black cohosh, menopause support which had a lot of different
things in it and finally bee pollen. NONE of those things did anything. I just kept taking them trying to feel the no
hot flashes and wondering why it was taking so long, but nothing. Also, my primary care prescribes something
but it interfered with my current meds and what I was not willing to do is
shift what I was already taking for hot flash relief. I took it for maybe a
week. I was pretty miserable for almost
2 years. Just recently I changed gyn
doctors and she prescribed me progesterone which did nothing. I don’t
understand why it takes several weeks/months for these meds to work. I called my new doctor and she prescribed an
estrogen patch a very low dose patch. It
started working within 2 weeks!! And life was good UNTIL… The fucking side
effects! The first night I felt
woozy. Like a little dizzy and not
myself. I slept really hard that night
but things leveled out after a few days. I always felt a little sleepy. The next thing is a big overshare, but hey, it
is what it is. My nipples were MAJORLY
sensitive I mean to the point of I couldn’t even touch myself. And not in a sexual way, I mean, when my bra
was off as I often like for it to be, whatever shirt or gown would rub against
them, it was painful. And in a sexual way the ta tas were off limits!! Like sir you can’t put those there and NO I’m
not gonna do THAT!! I’m a stomach sleeper and I could barely lay on my stomach
and no shifting of the girls worked or helped.
For many nights I tossed and turned because of the sensitivity. Then I had a shooting pain in my left breast
and 2 breakthrough cycles. I took the
patch off and stopped taking the progesterone.
So we’ll see… I ‘m not sure when or if the flashes will come back but
that along with general sluggishness was not a good thing.
Even though I sorta had a cycle, I’m still celebrating the
end of an era! Being a woman is not always easy. Any slight sign of emotion and
we are swiftly told to calm down when we weren’t fucking riled up in the first
place. I have to measure out my words on a constant
bases because in addition to being an emotional woman, I don’t want to also be
the angry Black chick. My body has gone
through some changes. I have gained
weight, lost weight, I have rolls and cellulite a couple chins (and hair on the
1st one), skin discoloration, eczema, dry skin, brittle nails, my hair
not quite as thick in some spots, I’m gassy some days and bloated on others, my
eyes are bad but I don’t have glaucoma or cataract like my grandmothers (nothing
is ripe), but I do need my progressives to see, and there is probably so much
more. I would change a few things (I was
about to lie and say I wouldn’t change a thing… I mean I ain’t going to go get
no BBL (cause women really be out here getting BBL’s like REGULAR women)) but I
am comfortable in my skin! It was a journey to get here! I didn’t always love
the skin I was in. I try to not do
negative self talk and when I do, I get myself together!
