I was driving in my car when I came up with this title…
The Good the Bad and the Random and was so pleased with myself at coming up
with a title of my unwritten blog post that I was going to write about my
vacation in the Abu Dhabi. And then as
the days have gone by I’m like I really do need to start writing some shit down
because I’m going to forget. My mom gave
me a travel journal about 10-15 years ago and my last entry was 2011 so I have
a little catching up to do. I do need to segment my trip out because I heard
myself talking about it to people and it sounded hella negative when I talked
about the actual travel experience even though I had an awesome time once I
finally got there. Wanna hear it? Here it go…
The GOOD!!
Spending time with my BFF and my god kids! In the past it
has usually been just the 2 (or 3) of us so having the kids there was an
interesting dynamic. I went to visit
them while they were on spring break so really where else would they be? But it was for the most part good. When I finally got there we went to a poetry
slam. Now I can probably count on one
hand how many poetry slams I’d been to including the 2 I went to there… I’ve
been to 2!! What amazed me the most, was
the amount of American Black folks that were there. There was even a chick from my plane. The only reason she remembered me is because
I’m pretty sure I stepped on her foot but then again I am me. And me and the girls are always memorable LOL
So we did the slam thing and then went home where I slept for most of the next
day. I only woke up long enough to eat
some pancakes and turkey sausage which were actually pretty good and then went
back to sleep. My body was all kinds of
outta whack. The next day was Easter and
we went to this fabulous brunch at the Hyatt.
I never feel like I get my money’s worth at buffets. In addition there was all you can drink
wine. When we told our waiter we wanted
mimosas he said we have sparkling wine and red and white wine only. BFF kept tryna explain that all you need to
do was add oj but he was pretty insistent that they didn’t have what we were
asking for. So we ordered oj and
sparkling wine separately and made our own mimosa. He came back and was like OOOOHHHH is that
what that is?!? It all worked out and the food was great. The next day we went to Dubai. I really thought it was a lot further away
but it was only about an hour and a half.
We stayed at this wonderful hotel that had this horrible egg sculpture
in the lobby. I kept trying to get a
good angle on it but never could. OH and
there was a Caribou coffee shop right up the street walking distance (although
I never made it there) which both excited and pissed me off. So you close ALL my Caribou’s in Baltimore
but you leave it open in Dubai and Abu Dhabi?!?! You sons of bitches… I digress. The next day
we went on a Safari. I don’t know why I
thought this meant we were going to see elephants in the middle of the desert
but what it actually was was sand dune bashing.
What THAT is, is going very fast over the ever shifting sand dunes in
the middle of the desert. In our truck
was a family from Canada with a little 4 year old named Zara who was very cute
but she talked NON STOP!!!! I sat in the
front passenger seat and the bff and the kids sat in the last row. The little girl at one point tugs on my braid
and said IT’S SO CURLY I REALLY LIKE IT!!!
Her mother was like please don’t do that Zara the lady doesn’t like
that. The nephew was not really feeing
the speed and the angles of the truck and he basically was freaking out as his
mom and sister tried to reassure him that we weren’t going to flip over nor
die. At one point we stopped and took
pictures and he calmed down. There was
sand everywhere! as far as the eye could see.
After that we went to a desert camp where they had the camel rides and
vendors and a woman doing henna. I’ve
done the camel ride in Egypt and that is all I ever need to do in my
lifetime. SO I had a pic with the camel. We then got henna done and sat at these
tables to watch some of the most unenthused belly dancers and traditional
dancers. Can I just say that walking in
that much sand which was every freaking where wore a sister O U T!!! Sand will
work you out even if that is not your intention. We got back to the hotel and we all had to shower
before getting in bed. The next day we
went back to Abu Dhabi and slept. Like I
said that sand wore us all out!! The
next day we went to the spa. I LOVED
THAT PLACE!! The main thing it was a
women only spa. Because we were in a
Muslim country many things are women only men only and I am SO ok with
that. Men throw the balance off for
me. When I am tryna get a little mani
pedi and a man with his big ole hairy feet next to me never sits well with
me. So anyway my massage was wonderful
and they had this lavender sitting room.
OH and I forgot about the brow threading. THE BEST!
Sometimes it can be painful even though I’m used to it but this was the
best threading experience I’ve had. I’m
getting a little fuzzy on the days. I
think we went to a lady’s night at Catch…. No I’m missing a lot. At one point we went to Catch for a ladies
night and I totally drank too much and danced and flirted with the DJ whose
wife I met at another event (there is no shame in my GAME when I’m a lil (or a
lot) drunk). But then we also ate at
Catch twice (no 3 times) and the food there was AMAZING! I think maybe went
there after the spa? Also there was Asia de Cuba and I had this seafood thing
with saffron rice that was so good and someone I won’t name no names threw away
the rest of my rice LOL. And then we
went to Saadiyat Beach which was a public beach and the water was COLD! I still enjoyed it but I was told that the
water in the middle of the summer was hot.
Then we went back to the Saadiyat Beach club… wait we went there 2
times…. Getting fuzzy!!! 1 night was a
lounge singer and the other was a party.
Had a great time both nights!! OH and Kevin Hart… LAWD how could I
forget that?!?! I think Kevin Hart is hilarious and the funniest stuff were the
jokes about his family. We went to the
restaurant/bar he and his entire entourage went to afterward. I didn’t see him, but honestly I was tryna
get a chicken wing. I think I saw his fiancé and she was tiny with a big butt,
pretty girl though LOL And this is why I
need to write everything I do on a daily basis because I am drawing a blank…
I’ll move onto the Bad and maybe come back.
Emirate Palace we went there for tea. The place was opulent; beautiful with gold
and shimmery tile and walls, just wonderful.
I got some good pics of the inside and outside and all the architecture
of the buildings surrounding, which as an almost architect major was
stunning. The architecture was very
symmetrical.
The other spa where we had a Moroccan bath… everything is
out in the open and I was scrubbed down with a loofah. It felt wonderful. I’m
lying… it hurt a little because that little Pilipino woman was earning all of
her pay that day. Skin and dirt was was
everywhere. Actually it was pretty gross.
LOL
The BAD!!!
My travel days were the worse. **loud sigh** Let’s start with the Uber. All the rage is Uber… take an Uber. UBER UBER
UBER. I downloaded the app and sent for
an Uber. It came to my house, the car
was nice, the driver was nice, smelled good had a good deep voice. My estimate for the ride was 18-24 bucks so I
was thinking at worse even if it was $30 I was still saving money. So I told the guy this was my first time, I
was an Uber virgin (LOL). I get out of
the car get into the airport on my way to the gate and get the receipt. My car ride was $64.53. I’m standing there like WTF is this?!?! And then I need to sit cause I have to digest
why my ride was almost 3 times more than my estimate. I sent a note back to the driver and then just
try to calm myself down and not worry because fuck it, I’m on vacation. I get to the gate, get on the plane. The plane is a little ass puddle jumper and
my carry-on won’t fit in the above cabinet so I’m pissed and my long legs
cannot stretch out. Then we taxi and
then the pilot comes on; NEVER a good sign.
We are only on the tarmac for about 15-20 minutes which is good because
it could have been hours. We get back to
the gate and they tell us to get off the plane.
I am sitting next to a woman who speaks NO English so when I asked her a
question she looked at me and said ‘I Nepali’.
Ok lady. We get off the plane
they take our boarding passes and then the snippy gate agent is pretty rude to
everyone. At this point no one knows
anything, and that was pretty much what they should have said because we all
are needing to get to JFK to get a connecting flight. After 20 minutes they say wait another 45
minutes before we get an update. Then
after another hour or so they cancel our flight. And I don’t know how this works. I need to get to New York… my flight to Abu
Dhabi is out of New York. At this point
I am trying to get service because the line to talk to the agents is long and
the people are rude. The one woman
jumped in front of me not once but twice and you know kicking her in the ass
would not have been nice. I sat on the
floor trying to get through to Etihad airways.
After 45 minutes and several dropped calls and several agents whose
English was questionable I get an agent who says I need to book through
American because this is not their fault **blank stare** Most of the people
have been rebooked or whatever and I am sitting there like SO YOU MEAN TO TELL
ME I JUST WASTED 45 MINUTES TRYING TO GET THROUGH TO AN AGENT ONLY TO BE TOLD I
NEED TO TALK TO AMERICAN? I was pissed (a common theme LOL) and almost in
tears. So I get the American number and
the agent was very helpful. She wanted
to put me on a flight the next day, but I was like there is NOTHING today and
it turned out there was a 10:30 flight out of freaking Dulles, the airport I
was avoiding like the plague. I go get
my luggage and talk to the little old man at the information booth. I need to be sure to save my duckets and
prepare for the future because I do not want to be an 85 yr old person trying
to give directions from the information booth at the airport. Initially I thought to do the metro, but that
was way too cumbersome. I had to take a
shuttle to get to the green line, then to the silver line and then another
shuttle. No ma’am sir! I then went to the shuttle place that was a
direct ride to the airport for $72. Now
you know I get pissed again at the thought of my $65 Uber ride but I try to put
that out my mind. I get to Dulles and left my favorite (well and only) travel
pillow in the van. I get to the gate and
the line is not tremendously long but it’s not moving. So what these mofos are doing is weighing the
carry-on before we got to the gate agent.
Like really!?! Let me fast forward
to my middle seat that was actually not so bad because it was the middle middle
and only one person on each side. I
didn’t really rest too well but every time I tried to watch something on the
little screen my eyes would close LOL That was going. Coming back I fly to Chicago ORD. The flight wasn’t bad but the plan was
definitely tighter. I had a window seat
which when and if I do this flight again I will get an aisle seat. My row mates didn’t mind (or if they did I
didn’t much care) when I had to get up.
The people in front however had their seat fully reclined so me getting
in and out was a chore. My legs, ankles
and feet got mega swollen which was not good, so I would do compression socks
next time. We get to ORD and the
instruction was that if we had a connecting domestic flight, take the 2nd
escalator and go to Terminal 3. We were
in terminal 5. So that is what I
do. I take the correct escalator get on
the train and go to Terminal 3. The
American gate is right there. Now I
should have known something was amiss because ya girl was the first one in line
and I sat way back on the plane so yeah.
I get to the agent she give me my boarding pass and I say to her
soooooo… my luggage is downstairs? She
said didn’t you pick it up? I said now what now?!? Pick it up where? Oh ma’am you have to go
back to terminal 5. Its 10:30 at this
point and she said you have until 11. My
flight is at 11:45 so I have a ½ hour to get my luggage and be back here. It’s doable but I think I might have to
run. Thankfully I never had to run. I get back to terminal 5 and the little black
woman who saw me before said Why are you back over here? I started fussing at her saying I speak
English but you didn’t tell me I had to get my luggage? She is dying laughing
and I am too! So I get my luggage and
I’m doing a quick walk because we all know I can sashay. Get back on the train and chat with a little
cutie who is rounding up the wheelchairs.
He was saying he needed to go somewhere warm and I am in total
agreement. There is snow on the ground
by the way. I get back to terminal 3 and
I saw the a random gate woman about to fix her lips to say I need to go to the
OTHER gate but I stood there and said NO she said (as I am standing there point
at the woman who said I could come back to her) I need to be here before
11. I get my bags checked and then look
over at the TSA line. The gate agent is
like that line is nothing, which does not pacify me but I think ok… it is
doable. OH and then after I get through
the line my actual gate is ALLLLLLLL the way down to the left. I get to the TSA checkpoint which has closed
literally 2 minutes before I get there and the man say oh you can go to the one
down there (pointing to the right) I said but my gate is DOWN THERE (pointing
to the left) so he sends me to checkpoint 9. The line at checkpoint 9 is
considerably shorter but there is only 1 TSA agent. It is now 10:55 I need to get through the
line, go potty, get water and then sit for a minute. They will start boarding at 11:15. I’m standing there like ok this is fine BUT
THEN all the 1st class people and crew and wheelchair people start
coming in the ‘fast’ line. So one
wheelchair lady attempted to come through but then she had to find her ID. Her 2 daughters are looking at her like ARE
YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! She fumbled for a good while. I watched her fumble and I said to myself, as
soon as it is my turn, this fool is going to find her ID. SURE ENOUGH… the moment it was my turn she
finds her id AND then another TSA agent comes up. And I’m like of course you come now!! Anyway I get with the line 5 minutes to
spare. The flight was actually good. It was a small plane but it was bigger than
the other small plane (if that makes any sense). The plane was not completely full and the
seats were nice.
More bad…
I have gotten used to all of the non-smoking everywhere. I grew up in a house where people smoked and
I hated it. Over the years legislation
changed that made it harder and harder for people to smoke inside. I was very happy when it was banned in
restaurants and bars. So it throws me
off when I still see and smell people smoke.
People smoked sooooo much where I was in Abu Dhabi. At one place it was so small and enclosed I
had to leave. I watched people chain
smoke like if they didn’t keep a cigarette lit, they might die. I just couldn’t take it. I just do not enjoy inhaling smoky air. I have braids and I had to wash them a few
times and spray them often just to get the smoky smell out. It didn’t seem to bother anyone as much as it
bothered me, like everyone is just used to it.
The RANDOM!!!
·
One morning after a back and forth with Uber
customer service, I got $44 back as a refund.
I had really worked myself up, because it truly was ridiculous that I
paid that much for a ride to BWI which on a given day is 20 minutes. The issue was that they said I selected Uber
Black. I let them know I did not have an
option. I sent for the car and the car
came.
·
Justin Beiber has at least 2 songs that I can
say that I like. I know that R&B
exist in other parts of the world but what I listened to in the car of BFF as
the kids (but mainly the nephew) gave me a concert was pop music. And the one song where the Beibs says my mom
likes everyone but she don’t like you had me DYING laughing!!!
·
Traffic circles are the devil all over the
world!!!
·
Caribou AND Krsipy Kreme are in UAE… I feel a
way : /
·
I didn’t know there was a vulgarity law… so
after I nicely cussed out that one man I really could have been shipped off to
jail. Thank you LBJ for not letting that
happen. WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS… so there
were 4 of us. 2 had already passed and then there were 2 that had to pass the
hotel entrance this man in slow motion mind you saw us coming and kept
driving. Like I know he saw us and all
he had to do was wait a few seconds. SO
he cut us off and then parked! I said…
(LOLLOLOL) I don’t know if you understand English but you are a rude mother
fucker!! And then I kept walking. BFF
told me about the law after that.
·
I did try shisha (aka hookah…. Pass me the
hookah!!) not my thing but I can now say I’ve tried it.
·
I really did miss pork even though I had had
just done a cleanse that had no meat. I
know it was mental.
·
There is more…
